by Anne Malcom
My fingers trailed around the edge of the red skin of his pec. Tears blurred my vision as I stared at the skin covering his heart. At the fresh tattoo. It was beautiful. A watercolor lily that dripped with every color of the rainbow, my name scrawled underneath it. I remember the words he had uttered in this very room, almost four years ago.
“Tattoos are for life, apart from the club, I’ve never loved anything that much to commit to a lifelong reminder of it on my body.”
I looked closer and the breath got caught in my lungs. I tore my gaze up from his chest.
“Is this?” I choked out.
Asher’s eyes softened. “Yeah, babe, saw it when I was in her studio,” he told me gently
A single tear trailed down my cheek, and I moved my attention back to his chest. To the flower that my mom had painted. The one that was mounted on a wall in her studio.
“You’re my muse, baby girl. My beautiful Lily. The thing that lights up my life,” Mom had told me when I was twelve, right after we moved to Amber. It was the first thing she painted.
“Do you like it?” he asked, a strange kind of uncertainty in his voice.
“Like it?” I repeated. My eyes met his once more. “There aren’t words to describe how much this means to me. How perfect this is,” I whispered. “This is the greatest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”
Asher smiled and wiped away my tear with his thumb. “Get used to this feeling, Lily. This is what you deserve. What I’m gonna give you,” he promised.
After today, I found myself believing him. Believing the worst might be behind me. And that we might ride away into the horizon to something better.
Hours later, we lay in bed in a beautiful room in “The Cottage.” It had been a surprise wedding gift from Mia and Bull. Mia, Bull’s wife managed it. I had the pleasure of meeting both her and her daughter Lexie a few months ago, and though they had been through drama that dwarfed mine, they were happy. Bull’s demons were gone and I was hopeful mine were going too.
We could hear the waves crashing through the French doors that opened onto a sea view balcony, the salt air clinging to our bodies. I didn’t even appreciate the beautiful surroundings. I was too busy being ravaged by my husband.
We had lain in beautiful silence, letting the sound of the waves wash over us. Asher’s hand trailed my back lazily.
“You got classes on Monday?” he asked quietly.
I didn’t move my head from his chest. “Yeah,” I sighed, not wanting to think about the work awaiting me.
“I don’t want to rush you, but have you thought about where you want to live?” he probed softly. “If you don’t want to be at your mom’s, we got options. Apart from shit for my bike, I don’t live an extravagant lifestyle, I’ve got a nest egg. A significant one. Enough to get us a house….” he paused. “I haven’t used it ‘cause I’ve never had a home, not since Benjamin. The place I grew up in was four walls that held pain, memories that were tainted with my father’s whiskey stained imprint.” He pushed the hair from my head. “The club was my home. I didn’t want four walls of my own until I was sure I wanted to share those walls with someone. Make memories with,” he stated.
I kissed his chest, his words making my heart soar and bleed at the same time. My neck craned so I could look at my husband.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “That you don’t have a place to remember him … Benjamin.”
He smiled a sad smile. “I do, babe,” he replied softly. He moved my hand and placed it lightly over the tattoo on his chest. “Right here, I got the memories I need.” He let that sink in a moment, the beauty of his sentiment, of his pain etching into my soul. “I don’t want to rush you, but you’re not going back to your apartment, and I’m not too crash hot on sharing our matrimonial bliss with my brothers,” he joked lightly.
He had already “talked” my landlord out of letting us out of our lease, and we were in the process of moving all of our things to Mom’s.
I regarded his tattoo, trailing my fingers around the red edges of healing skin. Asher was silent, giving me the time he knew I needed to think. I chewed over his words, what he said about Benjamin, about memories, about a home. When I thought of home, I thought of Mom’s little cottage by the sea. Of the heavily decorated rooms. The vibrancy that hit you the moment you walked through the door. The vibrancy that hit me when I walked in there for the first time since losing her. That’s what made it hard. Impossible. My house was missing the thing that made it a home. My mom.
But when I thought about home I also thought of Asher. He was my home.
“What do you want?” I asked finally. Asher hadn’t ever had a home, he deserved a choice.
His hands tightened around me. “I’ve got what I want, Lily, right here in my hands. I’ve got my wife. I’ve got my bike, my club, everything else is a bonus,” he declared.
I moved up on an elbow. “In that order?” I teased.
A grin tickled the corner of his attractive mouth. “You’re always first, Lily. It’s always you and me before anything out there.”
We stared at each other a moment. “Every memory I have of that house is full of happiness. Until three years ago. Then it all turned dark,” I spoke quietly, fighting the prickling of grief in my throat. “I don’t want it to end dark. I want our lives to color it again.”
Asher took me into his arms so I lay completely on top of him. He kissed my nose lightly.
“Then that’s what we’ll do, flower. Color your world so you don’t even want to remember what the darkness even looks like,” he promised.
And his promise held true. For a time.
Two Months Later
“You’ll do great,” Asher told me kissing me firmly.
I kissed him back distractedly trying to remember the correct terms and procedures for someone suffering a heart attack. My mind drew a blank. I was so screwed.
“I’m going to fail,” I whined dramatically. The pressure on my chest seemed to intensify with the building in front of me waiting, staring, holding my future within its walls.
Asher grasped my neck, forcing my gaze to move to something else. My attractive husband.
“You’re not going to fail,” he replied firmly.
His eyes, the certainty in them had me believing him.
Despite the fact I’d been on clinical placement for the past two months, that my life was constant motion once more, I was happy. I found joy in nursing that I thought would be lost with my mom. I wasn’t shy or anxious with my patients. I was confident, the only time I felt confident. I wasn’t running on empty, dragging myself out of bed every morning. I seemed to float out of bed, only after my husband woke me up in the most delightful way possible. I loved it. Loved him. Being married to Asher was like living a dream. Though news of a marriage wasn’t so well received everywhere.
I was hidden in my corner of the library once more, chewing on my pen with frustration. It was my day off from placement, but I realized how rusty I was, how much I needed to brush up on.
“Lily?” a familiar voice called my name,
I glanced up, and my body stiffened. “Aiden,” I greeted him coldly, mindful of our last conversation.
He pretended not to notice my chilly greeting and sat down. “I haven’t seen you around, I’ve tried calling you,” he said, putting his books down on the table.
“My phone ... broke,” I explained. “I haven’t been around. I’ve been on placement.”
Aiden glanced at my books. “You’re obviously working hard. I’m happy for you,” he told me quietly.
“Thanks,” I replied softening. I was about to ask him how law school was going, but his eyes focused on my finger. My left hand.
“Please tell me that isn’t what I think it is,” he said quietly.
I followed his gaze, lifting my hand slightly. “Well, if you think it’s an engagement ring, it is what you think it is,” I responded.
His face paled. “You’re engaged, to him?” he spat out.
“I’m married,” I corrected.
Aiden’s eyes bulged, and he sat back in his chair. “Married?” he repeated.
I nodded.
“Jesus,” he muttered to himself. “You barely know him,” he added.
I frowned. “I know him,” I said firmly.
Aiden shook his head. “You’ve changed, Lily, you’re not who I thought you were,” he stated with disappointment.
I sat up a little straighter. “I haven’t changed. I’ve just found someone who lets me be me. Who sees me,” I informed him, gathering up my books. I stood, looking at the person I had thought was my friend. He wasn’t, he just saw that I was someone he thought he could mold into someone he wanted.
“Goodbye, Aiden,” I said quietly, turning my back on him.
Aiden wasn’t the only person gone from my life. As soon as Lucky found out the truth about Bex, the night of my wedding, in fact, he’d spirited her away to some cabin in the middle of nowhere. I knew this because she’d called me to let me know she was okay. Pissed off with a certain alpha male, but okay.
She arrived back a couple of weeks later, looking much better than when she had left. Though she and Lucky seemed to have some kind of arrangement, she was refusing to be labeled “his” or turn it into anything more. She also moved out of my mom’s, much to my dismay.
“You’re married now, Lil, you don’t need a roommate. Especially not an ex-junkie stripper,” she joked.
My eyes had narrowed. “You are never to refer to yourself in such a way ever again,” I commanded seriously. I clutched her shoulders. “You don’t have to leave. I don’t want you to leave.”
She smiled. “I know, but I’m not going far. Rosie’s got a spare room and has offered it to me. I’ll be five minutes’ drive,” she reassured me.
I felt my eyes water. “Five minutes is too long. I’ve spent three years having you two doors away,” I choked out. She’d been with me since freshmen year.
Her eyes turned sad. “It’s time, as much as I would love to live with you until you’re old and gray, you’re a married woman now, that’s your husband’s job. That’s the bad news, nothing lasts forever, not even our kick ass living situation.” Her kohl-rimmed eyes turned serious. “It’s the good news too, Lil. Nothing lasts forever,” she squeezed my hand.
I pulled up to the empty parking lot of the strip club owned by the Sons. I’d been in a couple of times since Bex started working there. It was a vast improvement on the last place. It had class. An oxymoron for some, a strip club with class owned by bikers. But they did it well. The bouncers were respectful, not that they said much, and most of the women who Bex worked with were friendly. It wasn’t seedy, she was treated well and she seemed happy.
I frowned down at my phone.
Bex: Pick me up from work. Then we’ll party! xxx
It didn’t look like there were any signs of life in the club, that being because it was a Monday afternoon and they weren’t opening for another few hours. I had questioned why Bex was even here, it wasn’t completely unusual as she came here to practice routines. I’d been with her a few times and gave her pointers. Not that I had much experience.
Me: I’m outside.
I texted, not wanting to go in. It might be broad daylight but it was in an industrial part of town, not much else was out here and I couldn’t see any signs of life. A glint of silver caught my eye and I recognized Lucky’s bike out front. How I had missed it before I didn’t know. I was relieved slightly, but I was also dubious to go in. I didn’t need to see ... that. Bex swore that whatever was between them was purely physical, but I knew different.
Bex: Come in. I’m not ready, need your help with something.
I rolled my eyes. Bex was never ready when she said she would be. I got out of my car just as my phone started ringing.
“Hello, hubby,” I greeted with a grin.
“Hey, baby,” his husky voice tickled my stomach. “How’d it go?”
I locked my door and strode across the empty lot, my heels echoing. “Good….” I paused. “I think. Or I could have bombed completely. It’s done. Out of my hands,” I declared.
“You would have aced it, flower. You’ve been studying like crazy over the past month, no one can produce that many flashcards without some of that knowledge sinking in,” he teased.
I grinned. He had dutifully tested me on everything from blood types to how to administer an IV without a compliant. He’d even insisted I practice my “procedures” on him. That always turned dirty within minutes.
“You on your way here?” he asked. There was a small party at the club, celebrating me finishing mid-terms. One that didn’t cause me to break out in hives. Over the past two months, whenever I wasn’t on placement or working at the store, I spent my time with Asher at the club. My shyness had quickly fallen away, and I felt comfortable around all of the rough men. They were family. They took my silence in their stride and grew used to the fact I wasn’t loud or sassy like Gwen and Amy.
“I’m picking Bex up from work and I’ll be there,” I told him, frowning at the front door, which was ajar.
“What’s Bex doing there now?” he pondered.
I walked through the dark foyer. “I don’t know, but Lucky’s here. I hope my eyes aren’t scarred for life when I go inside,” I joked.
Asher’s deep chuckle sounded at the end of the phone. “I hope so too, flower. Or else I’ll have to kick his ass for corrupting my sweet innocent wife.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’ve already well and truly corrupted me, Mr. Breslin,” I shot back, looking around the empty room gingerly, hoping not to encounter anything above G-rated.
“Well, hurry over here so I can corrupt you some more, Mrs. Breslin,” he commanded roughly.
My stomach dipped. “I’ll do that. Love you,” I replied throatily.
“Love you, flower,” he returned.
I rang off. “Bex,” I called.
I was met with silence and something crawled up my spine, a sixth sense of uneasiness.
“What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” a deep voice asked from the shadows.
I jumped and turned, my heart pounding in my chest. “Lucky! You scared the jeebus out of me,” I scolded him, putting my hand on my chest.
He stepped forward, grinning. “I’d hate to rob you of your jeebus,” he teased.
“What are you doing here?” I asked after scowling at him. Apart from Asher and Bex, Lucky was someone I felt like I could be my complete self with. He didn’t treat my shyness like the cripple it was. His gentle teasing and easy manner coaxed me out of my shell quickly. He was like a brother.
He crossed his arms. “Had to pick up some paperwork shit,” he explained with a grimace as if collecting paperwork was akin to shoveling horse manure.
“My heart bleeds for you,” I shot sarcastically.
He grinned. “Kitten’s got claws. What are you doing here? Practicing for your big debut? I think the only way your husband will let you on that stage is if he neuters every male within a hundred-mile radius,” he said, crossing his arms.
I shook my head at him. “I’m looking for Bex, she texted me and told me she needed to be picked up. Have you seen her?”
Lucky’s grin quickly disappeared. “No, she’s not here. When did she text you?” he asked, instantly alert.
That feeling of foreboding returned. “Just now,” I told him, looking down at my phone.
“I’m afraid Rebecca won’t be coming to the phone right now,” a voice declared from the shadows.
Lucky immediately stepped in front of me drawing his gun at the emerging figure. Carlos stepped into the light, not seeming to be bothered he was looking down the barrel of a gun. His fake tanned face looked overly smug in fact. He was limping, leaning heavily on a cane he hadn’t had the last time I saw him.
“What have you done with her, you piece of shit?” Lucky spat, his voice vibrating with fury.
Carlos smiled and stra
ightened his suit jacket casually. “Oh, I’ve taken her to where she belongs. A place where a girl such as her can serve her intended purpose,” he replied breezily.
My heart sank, and I felt a vice tightening around my lungs.
No.
Not Bex.
Lucky’s form turned to granite in front of me.
“Get out of here right now, call Asher the moment you’re in your car,” he instructed me tightly, not moving his gun.
“I’m afraid the new Mrs. Breslin will have to stay with us,” Carlos exclaimed. “She’s needed as a part of a message I’ll be sending to your club,” he finished the same moment I felt cold steel at my temple.
Lucky whirled around and pointed his gun at the man who yanked me into his body.
“Let her go motherfucker or I’ll spray your worthless brains all over this floor,” he clipped, voice shaking with fury.
The man behind me laughed. “Try it. Her head will be opened before you can even get your shot off,” he said, and I tasted bile.
Lucky glared as two more men appeared at either side of him. His jaw hardened.
I battled against the growing pressure on my chest, my breath coming in slow pants.
Lucky’s eyes softened as he focused on me. “Don’t worry, sugar, you’re gonna be fine,” he promised.
Carlos laughed lightly. “It’s not her you should be assuring of safety, you should be more worried about yourself,” he stated. He made a small nod of his head and a gunshot echoed inside the cavernous room.
I didn’t even realize I was screaming until the ringing in my ears stopped. My eyes widened in horror at Lucky’s still form on the floor. Blood started pooling underneath him and he didn’t move, didn’t portray any sign of life.
This can’t be happening.
“You bastard,” I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks.
Carlos stepped over Lucky’s prone body to stand in front of me. He tilted his head and trailed his hand along my cheek. I flinched back from his vile touch. He grinned and sucked on the finger that had trailed through my tears.