by Anna LaVerne
I shook my head. It doesn't matter when I tell the story I knew that it would effect me the same way. I also felt that if we had some plan in place things may feel more secure and real to me. Right now in this moment I didn't even feel like I was in my body. I looked like an exotic alien more than the other elves. I felt the sadness creep back into my bones. This will be a constant battle. Lost in my thoughts I didn't immediately notice that everyone was staring at me again.
Rose was the first to speak up. Today her hair was a deep chestnut brown. Not that different from mine although it was a little lighter than my dark locks. I always loved seeing what look Rose was going to wear each day.
“Princess, would you feel better talking to just Garrik. Then he may be able to repeat the message to us?” It was a pleasant thought, but no. I want it out at once so I am never forced to speak of it again. I pulled myself out of Garrik's arms and sat back down in my chair.
I can be brave. They are only words, just a story. My body may be thirty, barely making me an adult elf, but my soul is centuries old. Centuries. I know I am older than Garrik, Echo, and Tomilson combined. I know I am even older than Rose. I am not sure about the King and Queen because I didn't have a clue on their ages. I vaguely remember the King mentioning the same wars I know Rose was a part of. That puts him at five hundred at least. “You are Vera”
Echo and Toby had entered the room. Toby worked his way over to me giving me a brief hug letting me know he is happy to have me back. Everyone settled into a chair and waited for me to begin.
“I know you all want answers, and I want to give them to you. I know why I am both Dark and Light Elf. My original parents were not Dark and Light Elf. I do not remember them. I remember nothing prior to my torture in the Human Realm.”
I had no emotion in the words that followed. Everyone was on the edge of their seat. I think they had to know about the whipping.
“I was a Dark Elf. I remember seeing my arm being bound to a board where they tore into me. The whip went deeper than skin. It shredded my soul. Every time I tried to pass out they poured water in my face to wake me up. The last thing they did was rip my head backwards and cut off my ears. I do not know who I was other than I was also called Vera. I do not know who my captors were other than they hated me. Deeply.”
“I awoke in a mud pit. I was dying. I was still in the Human Realm. An Elf-man, Finley saved me. He couldn't save me from death. When I died my tattered soul exited my body and it began dissipating. There wasn't enough of my soul left to find another body to be reborn in. I called out to Finley and he saw me. He must have had soul magic. He pulled some of his blue soul and pushed it into me. Finley wasn't my spark. I know this, but we were lovers. He hadn't met his flame in that life yet either. His blue soul entered mine. Did you know that Dark Elves have colored flames as well? It's not reflected in their eyes. Mine was and is still primarily green. Like my eyes. His blue swirled through my green. Light Elves are white and whatever other color they possess. So, I became white, blue, gold, and green.
My soul was lost. I drifted for centuries looking for my Finley. Repeating 'I am Vera', over and over. It wasn't until I saw a pregnant woman crying in immense sadness that I came to. It was then that I remembered what I had to do. I connected to her because I was also very sad. I thought we could be sad together and we were. I spent most of my life living with that bit of sadness and never understanding why.”
Silence. The women had tears in their eyes. The men have stone expressions. No one said anything. Garrik came back around and pulled me into his arms and held me like he could never let go again. I breathed in the smell of fresh rain and rich dirt. The silence went on for a few minutes. I can feel it getting more and more awkward. No one wanted to be the first to speak. No one could say something like it will be alright. It is already more alright than it was, but at the same time I am going to carry that experience with me forever.
Rose spoke first. “Princess Vera, I may know who Finley is.” She could have said five hundred different things but at that moment she decided to get straight to the point. I loved that about Rose. I wanted to know. The old me wanted to know. The Vera before this Vera. My current Vera didn't need another man in my life. I don't know what his soul sharing meant, but if it meant I was to have another spark then nope. I don't want any part of it.
I shook my head, “I don't know if I want to know. Part of me does, but part of me is terrified it might mean I will have another spark. How did a man live without a piece of his soul for so long.”
“If Finley is who I think he is then he has lived quite well. In fact he is one of the oldest of our kind alive today.” Rose countered and wide eyes swept around the table.
“No, can't be. High Councilman Fin is bonded. There could have been multiple elves named Finley over the years, we don't even have a full account of all who died in the Fae wars.” King Rew ran his fingers through his gray hair which he had worn loose except for a single braid on the side. I felt relief from his words. If this High Councilman is bonded then maybe we wouldn't spark. I am intrigued.
“If it is him I owe him my existence, but wouldn't he have known I am the Vera he saved all those centuries ago?"
“That is why I think it is him.” Rose countered. “He ordered me to stay and watch over you even through the coma. I was told to send a pigeon as soon as you showed signs of waking. I sent the first one yesterday when you opened your eyes. I have yet to receive a response, but by now he will know.”
“So, we wait? Where is he right now?” I wondered out loud. Does the High Council have a super secret base where they conduct all of their business? Is there even a place that is neutral enough to have as a headquarters. All are legitimate questions. I really know nothing about the Elven High Council. I know he couldn't be too far if a bird would have already been able to reach him.
“He is in one of his personal homes he keeps in the area you would be familiar with as the Ozarks. He moved there shortly after your accident.” Rose finished.
“If he suspected who Princess Vera was then why didn't he bring the High Council to Tindril?” Sir Tomilson asked the room. Valid point I wondered the same thing
“Because we are on the verge of a possible war. The High Council can not be seen picking sides. Rose is the insider here, and Langly has gone south to King Talon.” Echo didn't even bother to call his father Father. I smelt some animosity there. It all made sense. Perfect sense. I guess there is a chance that this High Councilman Fin might be able to give me some more answers to my past.
“Should I travel to him so there are no direct signs of favor?”
“I think that is a pretty good idea.”
“Absolutely not!” Garrik slammed his hand down on the table. This is turning into Garrik's angry tick.
He continued, “If there was a chance to stop this war before it began, what would King Talon do?” He looked around the room when no one answered Echo spoke up.
“He would kidnap and kill the problem, Vera.”
“Spot on Prince Echo. You know as well as I taking her out of these walls is not safe.” Garrik always makes me smile when he uses human sayings. I secretly hope he will use them in the wrong context. Like a ringoism.
“I agree with Garrik. You will not leave these halls any time soon. You may go to training with Toby daily as long as you have an escort. If Fin had anything to do with you in your past life you were important. I am forced to wonder if you still are more important than we all know.” King Rew said with cryptic undertones.
“Now that everything is out on the table I would like to spend time with my Daughter. She needs to take it easy her first few days. She may tire easily. Sir Tomilson, I know you will want to come along as you are sworn to protect so you may. Garrik and Echo may not. It is girl time.” The Queen said pointing her finger at two of my Elf-men.
“Ooooo Tom Tom gets to spend girl time with us.” I sent him a teasing wink and watched him squirm. I love my Tomilson. He is my best fri
end here. I have no fear of saying anything in front of him. He would take any secret of mine to the grave. Not that I have any secrets. I keep having to bare my soul in front of my new family, it is exhausting. Everything about my life now is exhausting, but I love every single elf within it immensely.
Chapter Fifteen
We entered the Queen's solar, it was my first look outside since I awoke. I could see remnants of frozen plants poking up through the light snow that speckled the garden. The tree's had a little ice on them causing their limbs to bow. There was a fire in the fireplace. I sat down into the same chair that I sat in the night Prince Echo announced to all that he would be my protector.
I was lost in thought about all that has happened since I came here with Garrik. All of the struggles I have had, but also all of the beautiful moments with my handsome Elf-man. God I loved him. Every moment I start to fall into a pit of self pity I look at what I have with Garrik. I wouldn't trade it for any safe studio apartment in all the realms. I would much rather be laying in my bed cuddled up on Garrik right now than with his mother. Yet I know I owe her this time. She has welcomed me, loved me as her own, and accepts me regardless of all the changes I have made and brought.
“You are beautiful Vera. I am not sure you know that. Everything about you is fascinating with a hint of something deadly. It worries me. Makes my gut twist into knots. Something big is coming. I want you to know that we have made a choice and we choose you. The entire kingdom has because the King and I have so we will stand beside you and Garrik,” The Queen was rambling. I am not sure how to respond or what to say. My face must have looked perplexed because the Queen was quick to add, “Don't stress so much right now Vera. This is the calm before the storm. Let us relax in it and discuss things that are going to affect you day to day. Are you ready for people to see you?”
“No, I am terrified of what they will think. They were scared of me before my most recent change. People in fear can react harshly without thought. People who do not understand change are equally as dangerous. What will they say about me? What are they saying about me?” I ask the Queen hoping she will supply me with truth.
“I can't say, Vera. Our people are quick to tell their royalty what they want to hear. Whoever we talk to will most likely deny any discourse. Sir Tomilson will have more insight into it than I. However, I would like to point out your words are wise. You are right to be concerned about the thoughts and fears of our people. Before the incident in the training facility there were whispers of your mixed heritage. People are confused, are you human or elf? Then they find out that you are elf but are you Dark or Light? What I can for sure tell you is the people of Median are loyal. We are blessed with a very rich kingdom. No one goes without or wants for anything. We overflow with resources and we sell or trade them with other kingdoms Dark or Light at fair prices. We have strong allies and they will stand with us through anything.” I found the Queen's words comforting. Then she hit me with a verbal snowball.
“What are you going to do about Echo? Garrik seems to be accepting of his presence. He was forced into interacting with him during your coma and it seems you haven't pushed him away either.”
“I do not know my Queen. I spark with him like with Garrik, but I have known Garrik for years now. Garrik is my everything. Echo loves me. I am not sure I love him the same, but maybe it is because I haven't given him a chance. I don't understand how the spark works.”
“Simple, you can't deny a spark that is so near. Garrik knows it. He is trying to deny it, but he knows it. He also knows you will be safer if you bond to Echo as well. Your earth and shadow magic will become amplified with your connection. It is would be useful.”
“I can't enter the human realm looking like this.” I waved my hand down my body. “I glow in the light. I have never seen skin so shiny. I have shiny skin. I know I can blend in, but even those abilities may not be enough to hide this," I gestured toward my body, "unless I am covered from head to toe.”
She frowned at me. “More reason for you to bond with Echo. You will still have to hide when visiting that realm, but it wouldn't be as difficult.”
“So how does that talk happen. 'Hey Garrik I love you and all but I also kind of like Echo. Can you share?'” I rolled my eyes and released an exasperated sigh. “I felt how his heart cracked when he saw Echo and I spark at the dinner when I first arrived. I can't do that to him again.”
“I think you would find that losing you scares him more than sharing you.” his mother might have a point. He might want me to do what is safest for me. I wouldn't mind sleeping with Echo at all. He is tall, dark, strong, oh so strong. I blushed with the thought of Echo's body. I could love him. I am learning that my heart can hold more love then I ever imagined. “Vera has no sparks. I am Vera.” The words slipped into my mind again. Will that part of my soul will ever stop talking to itself?
“Is it possible for someone to not ever have a spark?” I asked, “My past life self had no sparks. The words keep shifting through my head and it brings a deep sadness and loneliness.”
“Everyone has a spark. It may take hundreds of years to find yours but everyone has one. You have two. That is a blessing. I know how much Rew loves me. I couldn't even imagine that much love times two.”
She is right. I am blessed, but I can't shake this feeling that this isn't the way things are meant to be. I was never meant to have a spark.
“Finley was my lover even though he wasn't my spark. I know that Taryn was with Echo as well. Is it normal to take a lover while you await your spark?”
“Yes, the elvish kind love to love and there is no shame in that. If a spark for one comes along the other partner might be sad but they move on. You need to talk to Fin. I am anxious to see if a pigeon comes in tomorrow from him. I agree with Rew it is not safe for you to travel yet. Practice realm walking with Toby please.” I nodded to the Queen. She then suggested that Sir Tomilson take me back to my rooms for some sustenance and sleep.
I was scared of falling asleep and not waking again. I haven't told anyone of those fears yet. We walked the secret hallways back to the war room. We entered the sitting room and Tom began making coffee.
“Don't worry about that. I am tired and plan to sleep soon.” I began munching on shelled sunflower seeds that were left out on the table.
“Tom, can I ask you a question and have you answer it as honestly as possible?”
“I will always answer you as such Princess. I am grateful you value my opinion enough to ask for my advice.” He sat down across from me helping himself to some crackers and cheese.
“What do you think of Echo?”
He looked at me like that was exactly the question he was expecting. Unfortunately he kept his answer short and to the point, “I agree with our Queen.” Of course he agreed with his royalty.
“Do you think Garrik would be able to handle a bond like that?” I will get as much out of Tom Tom as I can.
“Yes, I think you felt his initial heartbreak and haven't taken the time to see how much the Prince loves you. He would do anything to keep you safe. If that means bonding with Prince Echo then he would support it even if he didn't like it.” Tom finished speaking and I knew in my heart of hearts he was right.
“One last question, Tom. Do you think the people are going to be able to accept me?”
“I can't say Princess because I don't know. They wouldn't talk to me about it if they didn't. Everyone knows I choose to give you my full loyalty.”
“Why though? Why did you vow yourself to me? You could have requested the position of either the Queen or the King.”
Tomilson didn't want to answer. I could tell by the way his face scowled a little and his violet eyes darkened to a more interesting deep purple.
“My family has all been knights. Centuries of protectors. We all have protection magic. I am not originally from Median. My family moves to where we are most needed. It is like a calling of sorts. When I was coming into my gifts as a boy my calling was t
o Median. My father argued with me. He said that Median didn't need protecting like the smaller kingdoms. I told him I had a dream. My dream was of a woman with gold eyes. He told me that is impossible. Only Dark Elves have gold eyes and that there will be no golden eyed royals in Median. He was right. There wasn't, and yet I stayed. I trained with Prince Garrik and made a life here.” Tomilson paused. He was such a dedicated man. He had a calling and he never wavered.
“Years went by with no wars, no conflicts, no one in particular needing extra protection. Yet I stayed. When Prince Garrik started spouting nonsense of seeing his flame and she was a human, I was intrigued. Everyone else thought he was crazy. When you arrived your eyes were green. I was hoping you were the one, but it was obvious to me that you weren't. Life went on. The night of the dinner that you bonded with the Prince I was there near the royal family as always. Throughout dinner your eyes kept changing. No one seemed to notice it the first few times, but I did, because I was meant to. The moment they flashed gold the first time I knew you were the one. I do not know how or why, but there you were a gold eyed elven Princess, and I am destined to protect you. It is my honor.” He stood and took a full bow continuing, “There is more at work here Princess than any one can comprehend.”
He is right there are too many coincidences lining up. I need to talk to Fin. I need to go practice but my body has no more energy. I am scared of sleep but I need to have it. I was still sitting in the sitting room when I rested my head on the table and drifted to sleep. I felt someone pick me up and put me in a soft bed, muttering thanks I drifted back to sleep.
“I am Vera. Vera,” The entire world was dark again. I was alone in a dark room.
“Your time is over,” I couldn't see anyone. I had no idea who was talking to me. I reached for my power and nothing was there. I couldn't see any light. I dropped to my hands and knees running my hands along cold stone walks looking for a door or crack or anything. Nothing. There is nothing. I could hear the echoing of water dripping, but couldn't find it. I am so thirsty. This was it, the end. I had never had a spark. I never had a flame. I never had children. My people were my children and now I can't even serve them. Everything has been taken from me. Finley promised he would always find me, but he is lost to me now as well. My lover, my friend, the only person I could trust. Gone. Like the rest of this world. I am alone.