DEMON DAYS: Love, sex, death, and dark humor. This book has it all. Plus robots.

by Carl S. Plumer

  “There,” she said. “I do believe we have finished it off.”

  “You think?” Zach said, his eyes wide open and his eyebrows up almost to his chrome hairline. “Do we all feel better now?”

  A few seconds of silence followed as the group took in Zachary’s comment. Then, all together, they shot a fist or two into the air and said: “HELL, YEAH!”

  With one last smashing of his boot, Zachary made sure the beast would never rise again.

  INTO THE SUNSET

  “So, seriously, how are you guys?” Mallory asked.

  “How are we? The real question is, how are you?” Helena said.

  The women hugged, and the group made their way to the ramp and back up to the street. In the distance, sirens wailed. The sun set, spearing beams of light through spectacular orange clouds in a pink sky. Jets in formation were silhouetted in the twilight like black paper cutouts.

  “Have any of you seen Dani? Or Bryan?” Zach asked.

  Silence fell on the scene like a thick, uncomfortable fog.

  “Dani’s gone,” Helena said. After a long pause: “She died with honor, trying to save the others.”

  For a moment, Zach said nothing. Then: “That’s so like Dani to want to be the center of attention.” He smiled, and the group smiled with him. “And Bryan?”

  “We don’t know,” Helena said. “But we assume—”

  They continued walking in silence up on the sidewalk, heading in the general direction of Zach’s place.

  “So here we are,” he said. “A robot man on one side. A kind of she-demon on the other.”

  “I prefer ‘fallen angel,’ if you don’t mind,” Mallory said.

  “Yeah, fallen angel. I like it,” Helena said.

  “As I was saying,” Zachary went on. “We have a robot, an angel, a bandaged beauty, a brave big girl, and a dude in a wheelchair—”

  “That’s the best you can do for me?” Timmy Jimmy said.

  “What do you suggest?”

  Timmy Jimmy thought for a second. “Uh, well, dude in a wheelchair works, I guess.”

  “Speaking of which, you stuck in that thing?” Zach asked. “What happened?”

  “Got my ass kicked by outer space demons,” Timmy Jimmy said. “Tortured, beat up, dropped from great heights—the usual. Turns out, the whole undertaking really screwed up my spine.”

  “Damn, nothing the doctors can do?”

  “Not these doctors. But maybe if I had access to your billion dollar team . . . Yeah, we heard all about what happened to you while we watched you battle the demons today.”

  “Trust me, man, you don’t want those guys,” Zach said. “They’d just weld that wheelchair to your ass and connect it up your spine to your brain so you could control it with a little bug stuck in the side of your head.”

  “Yeah, but I could fly and shoot bombs out my butt.”

  “Ha! Hey, speaking of bugs stuck in your head . . . ” Zach slapped at the metal material above his ear. “Borgy! Borgy, you okay?”

  “Um, what are you doing?” Timmy Jimmy said.

  “What? Oh. I’m talking to the robot wasp embedded in my skull.”

  “Ri-i-ight. . ..”

  “No, really. It’s there. Or at least, it used to be there. In my skull.”

  “Okay. . ..”

  “I’m just glad we were able to survive,” said Mallory as the group came to a stop at an intersection. Even though there were no cars moving in any direction, they still did a quick safety check before moving on. “I’m so happy to be back with you guys.”

  “Yeah,” said Helena. “We did it. We made it through.”

  “Yeah,” Zach said. “We can be pretty sure nothing as bad as that will ever happen again in our lifetime.”

  The group laughed.

  “No way,” Timmy Jimmy said. “Has to be as bad as it gets on this or any other planet. Crazy-ass giant demons from outer space. I mean, what’s up with that?”

  The group chuckled again, and behind them, they heard cheering.

  They turned around and stared at the scene. The Presidents of the United States stood on a podium among a large assembly of observers, giving them a standing ovation. In the crowd were generals, majors, colonels, who were cheering, as well. The doctors and scientists from Columbia University Medical Center and New York-slash-Presbyterian Hospital sat behind all the POTUSes, beaming with pride. Dr. Takahashi from the Yamanashi prefecture near Tokyo gave Zach two thumbs up and his widest grin.

  A noise from above, a kind of electric mower sound, caused the group to focus attention to their left. A small police bot, whose aluminum casing was shiny blue and new, hovered at about eye level. The bot was holding hands94 with a nurse bot.

  “Hello, Zach, I knew you’d be all right,” Borgy said.

  “Thanks, my man,” Zach said, giving a little wave. “I knew you would be, too,” he said, nodding toward the nurse bot.

  “Oh, this is Nurse Mariam,” Borgy said. “We are in love.”

  “Pleased to meet you,” Mariam beeped.

  “You, too. And best wishes for you both. Borgy?” Zach said.

  “What is it?”

  “Love the new you.”

  “Thanks. Latest edition. I am fully upgraded. Kind of like Zachary Zemeritus.”

  Zach laughs. “Same old Borgy on the inside, though. Am I right?”

  “You know it.”

  The two love-bots pirouetted and zoomed off, leaving the heroes alone together. The group continued moving cross-town, commenting as they went.

  “Glad it’s over. Good to be alive. Period.” They also muttered various “amens,” “halleluiahs,” and “damn rights.” Then they were all silent again. Worn out, both body and soul, with what they had experienced, what they had seen, what they have had to do. They traveled at a slower pace now, lost in their individual thoughts.

  Until Patty Patty broke the silence.

  “I’m hungry!” she yelled.

  Helena laughed out loud. “Well, that’s direct! Okay, big girl, I’m hungry, too, now that you’ve brought it up.”

  “Yeah, me too,” said Timmy Jimmy.

  Zachary and Mallory chimed in, in agreement.

  “It’s settled then,” Helena said, carefully lifting Patty Patty up into her arms and walking along with her. “This is New York City, the city that never sleeps. I don’t care what you hit us with, we will never stop. New Yorkers never give up hope.”

  “Hells yeah!” Timmy Jimmy said.

  “Look,” Helena said, pointing across and up the street about half a block. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

  They all focused on the deli up the street, lights on, door open.

  “Alien monster demons attack us, but our delis stay open,” Zach said.

  “Good,” Mallory said. “I could really use a coffee.”

  “Me, too,” Helena said.

  “And it will be good strong New York coffee,” Timmy Jimmy said. “A blue and white ‘Happy to Serve You’ cup.”

  The team marched on toward the shop as darkness fell and fireworks exploded in the sky above the East River.

  “You know. . .” Mallory said, taking Zach’s hand and leaning her head on his titanium shoulder.

  “What?”

  “From one literary agent to another—”

  “Yeah?” Zach said, gently stroking her snowy hair with his free hand.

  “This would make one hell of a story.”

  Acknowledgements

  I want to thank my personal “Mission Impossible” team once again. We make great books together! (Cue the cool background theme and the burning fuse across the bottom of the screen . . . )

  Thank you to my wonderful wife, Kristen Plumer (kristenlovesdesign.com), who was there at the beginning, helping me bounce ideas around, and again at the end, with her fine comments on the final edit.

  Thank you to all my beta readers, especially my friend Bruce Linthicum. Bruce, your scientific mind, attention to detail, and no b
ullshit attitude helped to make sure I didn’t completely embarrass myself with how little I actually understand about metallurgy and human anatomy.

  As with my first novel, without the insight, encouragement, and joy from my amazing editor, Becca Hamilton (beccahamiltonbooks.com), this book would be amateurish at best. Thank you, Becca, for the corrections and the laughs! Thank you to Beth Lynne (bzhercules.com) for helping to shape this book as well as edit out the nonsense.

  Thank you to Jesse at Gem City Comic Con (gemcitycomiccon.com), Lawrence at Blue Jacket Books (blue- jacketbooks.com), Sean at the Ministry of Zombies (ministryofzombies.com), Christina at My Seryniti (www.creating-serenity.com)—and to Scott, Neal, Mandi, and everyone out there on twitter, Facebook, email, and in “real life” who have given me feedback and words of encouragement as I follow this dream.

  I owe a tip of the hat to the great writing teachers from whose books I learned, and continue to learn, the craft of storytelling every day: Jerome Stern, James V. Smith, Alice La Plante, Dwight V. Swain, Nancy Kress, James Scott Bell, Rachel Ballon, David Madden, Robert J. Ray, Renee Brown, Sol Stein, and all the others—too many to mention in this space. Thank you all! And especially to Holly Lisle (hollylisle.com), my writing sensei, a true teacher, and my friend.

  Finally, a big thanks to everyone at Someday Press (somedaypress.com) for making dreams come true.

  Thank you, everyone! See you next time around. :)

  Did you enjoy DEMON DAYS? Then you might really like Carl S. Plumer’s other books...

  Give ‘em a try!

  And if you like any of Carl’s books, please leave the man a kindly review. It’s damn good karma for you!

  Notes

  1. Although the iPhone 12G18 had been available for over six months, Zachary still used the now-antiquated iPhone 12G14, which did not leverage even early-phase hologram technology. He had no intention to upgrade, unless this phone broke or was lost. It was just how it was with Zachary.

  2. “The consumer programs the candle to respond to the sound of his or her own voice. The candles—available in any color and in any scent imaginable (or even unscented, if preferred)—emit real flames, real heat, and promote real desire! Manufactured directly into the wax, these special computer chips melt down safely and completely. Nontoxic. Biodegradable. And very romantic!” (From the Microsoft Products for the Home product brochure.)

  3. Social media giants were merging during this period. FourSquaretwitter becomes FourSquaretwitterpinterest, then 4-twinterestspace before finally being absorbed into mySpacebook. mySpacebook would itself become a division of amazon.com in 2037.

  4. Beemer’s novels included Adam Splitter: Detective Finder of Hidden Secrets! (Book 1: Zombie Alert!, and Book 2: Monsters? Not on My Watch, Buddy!); The Man from S.H.R.I.M.P.: The Adventure of the Neutrino Detector Array; and Superfluidity & Superfly: A Disco-Scientific Mystery!

  5. It’s Not NaNo—It’s Na-YES!: Applying Nanoarchitectonics To Everyday Life.

  6. Older technology for making weak singers sound strong, off-tune singers warble as if in perfect key, and to add effects to a voice, such as tremolo. Replaced in 2021 by AutoToona, a vocal chord implant that corrects bad singing as it comes up the windpipe.

  7. Pronounced, AY-trocks MAN-zuhr. Roughly translated, it means “Horrible Bastard.” His friends get to call him, “Rocks.”

  8. An acronym well known to failed writers, a SASE (rhymes with “ace”)—for “Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope”—acted as a paper boomerang, guaranteeing that any manuscript sent to an agent or publisher automatically gets rejected. Rejections were handled not via the mail anymore, but via the Delete key.

  9. Legal highs at this time included Novartis-Pfizer’s XT-¡Sí!, RocheLillyAbbott’s CoCoCaine® patch, DrunkQuik™ alcohol injectables from GlaxoSmith, and Nature’s Meth, the “fast-acting, non-destructive” methamphetamine product from MerckKline (patent pending).

  10. Software popular with editors, agents, and publishers. BookRDR® (Read, Determine, Reject), pronounced ‘book reader,’ is capable of reading manuscripts aloud in a non-irritating voice. Users select from a number of different voices by gender and accent, as well as timbre. BookRDR provided a point-by-point critique or rejection (in most cases, the same thing) of any manuscript fed into the system.

  11. The ring was once Zachary’s birthfather’s wedding band. Embedded into the ring was the gemstone from Zachary’s birthmother’s engagement ring. The gemstone, called Alexandrite, could transform its color as the light changed. Blue, green, red, purple, black, and many colors in-between.

  12. No, it isn’t.

  13. Pronounced MAH-lum REJ-nuh-tour IN-fur-nuhs. Loosely translated, it means “the Evil Ruler of Hell.” He was known to his friends as, “Mal.” Pronounced, “maul.”

  14. The Demon Prophesies.

  15. The Worldwide Emergency Reaction Menu.

  16. Smart-ass Operating Procedure. Basically, step-by-step procedure for how things are done. With attitude, and far too often, ineptitude.

  17. The Googleplex International Network of Knowledge and Society, housed at, and maintained by, the Pentagon. Pronounced “jinx.”

  18. Beggars wore electronic “bracelets” and were “escorted” back to cells at the police station every night, to clear the streets. Beggars consisted of the insane, drug addicts, and the other discarded members of society. The temporarily homeless had no such restrictions but must display badges with a “house with no roof” icon.

  19. There were still a few washing machines left at this time that used water and not altered microwaves (ADs).

  20. Most sidewalks these days are constructed of two levels in each direction. Several streets have been upgraded to implement the new tri-level walkways. Despite this increased carrying capacity, there was little room to move on most days.

  21. International Police Force.

  22. Human Growth Hormone. In future days, people swallow HGH as they do a daily vitamin. In fact, BayerSchiffCentrum’s “One-A-Day ‘Happy Good & Healthy’ (HGH)” formula is the top-selling product during this period.

  23. Meaning, “is that not true?” For some reason, Borgy has thrown a French expression into the conversation at the worst possible time for a foreign phrase.

  24. Marvel Comics superhero created by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee in March of 1966. He is all silver. He flies around on a surfboard through outer space. Don’t ask.

  25. Not necessarily a reference to a classic Disney cartoon from a bygone era about a baby elephant. DUMBO is also an area in Brooklyn named for its adjacent infrastructure: Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass.

  26. Also known as “Princess Diana of Themyscira” and “Diana Prince,” Wonder Woman was a significant influence on Dani. Wonder Woman’s belt was made of pure, magic gold; Dani’s of a low-grade steel. Just the same, Dani felt fearless, invincible, and irresistible wearing her own “power belt.”

  27. Pronounced DAY-flay-groh SIN-uh-fak-TUHS. As best as can be translated from an ancient Latin dialect, this demon’s name means, roughly, “Reduced to Burning Ashes.” To his friends, he’s simply, “Def C.”

  28. It should be noted that plucking victims up by the neck was one of the favorite attack/intimidation technique of these freakish monsters from outer space. If you will recall, this same method was employed against Martin Beemer, and to good effect. You can be sure the procedure will be seen again in subsequent pages of this document.

  29. Among the long list of exotic and untested chemicals coursing through Zachary’s body were a couple of plant food mixes; a concoction of animal and human prenatal vitamins; a plethora of synthetic minerals and proteins; and a variety of experimental human growth-type hormones. All held together by a thick slurry of a hell of a whole lot of steroids.

  30. Body Mass Index, an old-fashioned method for determining fat levels and therefore overall health. It’s still used in the future, weighed against MMI (Muscle Mass Index). Another much more effective method utilizes eyeballs. If
your eyes identify stuff that jiggles and bulges, it indicates the first stage of obesity. So does a BMI number over 30.

  31. Artificial Intelligence and Lifelike Personality Software. Rhymes with “eye lids.”

  32. As Soon As Frakin’ Possible.

  33. Symptoms of, in this case, a bad hangover. Timothy James’ nose was not typically running, from what we can ascertain.

  34. Penis, member, John Thomas, pecker, peter, dick, shlong, willy, and so on.

  35. An all-encompassing message system that spans every form of e-communication. It improves chances of reaching someone even if they have stopped monitoring all other forms of social media. Think of it as “super” Twitter, which can popup on any device, including your toaster and refrigerator. ALARM stands for Always-Live Alerts in Response to Menace.

  36. Replaced Twitter in 2025 as the most popular quick message system. Ten-character limit; also, the message disappears six seconds after being read.

  37. A huge, computer-generated clock that could be seen from virtually any angle, it was projected into the sky day and night, similar to Batman’s “bat signal.”

  38. A “hangster”—a mash-up of “hipster” and “gangster”—was a member of a group of idle pretenders whose male participants wore beards on their heads and who shaved their faces to give the appearance of being “facially bald.” The fad was widespread but short-lived, apparently.

  39. A product co-developed by DOW Chemical and Crayola, Brain-Goo contained living bio-organisms as well as a variety of brain-friendly plastics. It is initially pliable, nearly a liquid, and pink. Once inserted into the brain cavity, it solidifies to the consistency of hard cheese while gradually turning gray.

  40. Which was hardly any at all. Most of the outside of Zachary had been fully “upgraded.” But what was still Zachary Zemeritus were his head, his heart, and his soul. And his sexual organs, which had survived unscathed.