Masked (The Divided Kingdom Book 1)

by Shari Cross

He takes a small step toward me. “Your father wants you to be with someone who can give you a better life than I can. And I don’t blame him for that. Part of me wishes I could let you go so that you could have a better life. And I think part of you wants that too.”

  “How could you say that? You make my life better. I don’t care about anything else. I don’t need anything else but you.”

  “Then why did you accept Charles’s jonquil?”

  “Because I didn’t think you were an option anymore. Holding on to you was nearly killing me. I wasn’t ready to move on, but I had to try.” I speak forcefully, wanting him to know how deeply I mean these words. But his face still holds doubt, his body still keeps distance. “Now you don’t believe me.”

  He runs his hands through his hair, tugging on it as he lets out a breath. “I believe you, Addalynne, because I can tell that you believe what you’re saying is true. Right now you want me. But how can I be sure it’s not just a momentary impulse?”

  I blanch, feeling stunned that he could actually believe that. “You think I’m that shallow?”

  “No, but you turned away from me before I left. We had a chance to finally be together and you refused it.”

  “I already explained that to you last night. I didn’t want to hold you back.”

  I wait for him to respond, but he remains silent, so I continue instead.

  “When I was sick, I remember fading in and out of consciousness, my mind trapped by the pain, by the hallucinations. But when you were there, my body knew. It responded to you: calming me in ways no one else’s touch could. I also remember having nightmares, nightmares in which I couldn’t find you, no matter how hard I searched. Nightmares in which others kept me from you. You consumed every thought I had, even when my thoughts were uncontrollable. All I wanted was you by my side. When I woke, you were the first person I thought of, the first person I needed. It destroyed me when I realized you had left.” I stare straight into his dark green eyes. “You have to believe me, Drake. I only accepted Charles’s jonquil because I thought you were never coming back to me.”

  Drake slowly crosses the distance between us, coming to a stop merely inches away from me. His breath blows lightly across my face and he lifts his hand. He gently brushes it across my cheek, wiping away a tear.

  “I’m so sorry I left.” His voice is saturated with pain and anger. “I should have never left you. I should have stayed and fought for you, taken care of you. I’ll never forgive myself for walking away.”

  “It’s not your fault, Drake. You needed a chance to find answers, and I’m the one that pushed you away. I’m the reason you were able to believe my father. I had given you no reason to believe that I . . .” My words falter.

  He searches my face. “That you what?”

  “That I loved you.”

  He pulls in a breath and holds it, sealing us in this moment. When he lets it out, I feel it brush along my skin, sending shivers across my spine. “You say you loved me then, but do you still love me now?”

  I can’t believe he’s asking me this. Can’t he tell by the way I’ve been behaving that I love him? The hint of excitement in his eyes tells me he can, but the desperation and fear in them tells me he needs to hear me say it.

  “You asked me in one of your letters if I ever dreamt of you. The answer is yes, I dream of you every day and every night. You were on my mind as much as I was on yours. Of course I love you, Drake. I will always love you.”

  Those words are all it takes. His face spreads into the most breathtaking smile I have ever seen. In this moment, all the fear, all the pain, all the doubt, completely washes away. He reaches his arm out, wraps it around my waist and pulls me firmly against his chest.

  “Now, I’ll kiss you,” he says, and his smile once again turns into my favorite crooked grin. He leans down toward me, and when his lips meet mine, they are soft and gentle. I wrap my arms around his waist and give in completely, letting every emotion and feeling take over. I no longer have to try to fight against it. He is here and he is mine.

  We stay until the sun has risen fully, but still it feels like it’s all too soon when he pulls away.

  “We need to get you home and get some more clothes on you,” he says, while gazing down the length of my body, taking in the thin chemise I have on under my cloak.

  “No, not yet. One more kiss,” I stand on my toes and try to reach his lips. He places his hands on my shoulders and presses me back down.

  “After you’ve changed.”

  “Why?”

  “Because kissing you while you’re wearing that is pushing the boundaries of my self-control.”

  “That’s fine. You don’t need self-control.” I trace my hands along the lines of his stomach, and feel his body tense beneath my touch. His hands slip from my shoulders and I rise up on my toes once more, smiling with my victory. This time I place a kiss on his neck. A grunt escapes his lips and he reaches his hands into my cloak and runs them along my waist. I press myself against him and trace my lips across his throat while his hands move down the sides of my hips, gathering the material of my chemise in his fists until he reaches my bare thighs. I stiffen at the feel of his hands on my legs, skin against skin, and in that moment of hesitation, he finds his self-control.

  His hands instantly drop from my thighs and he them pulls out of my cloak. “I’m sorry,” he says as he closes my cloak and wraps it firmly around me.

  “Sorry for what?”

  “I shouldn’t have done that. Touching you that way . . .” His face is feverish, his eyes dark with desire, but I know he won’t give in again. I hate self-control. He turns away from me and runs his hands through his hair.

  “Drake, look at me.” I can’t believe he’s apologizing. I wanted everything he gave me and more, so much more.

  He slowly drifts his gaze back over to my face, a look of shame clearly reflected in his eyes.

  “Do I look bothered by what you did?”

  “No, but . . .”

  “But nothing, Drake. I want you. I want all of you, and nothing you give me will ever be too much.” I watch some of the shame leave his face and am relieved when a ghost of his smile returns.

  “I won’t take advantage of you, Addy. No matter how badly I want to. So please let me be a gentleman and take you home. Besides, people are going to be waking up soon. Do you really want to have to explain to your family why you’ve been running around in your undergarments?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

  I look down at the ground, a frown weighting my lips. He’s right. I have no argument to use against his logic. He laughs and traces his fingers across my face.

  “Don’t look so sad. We have our whole lives ahead of us to be together.” He places his fingers under my chin and tilts my face up to look at him. “And I promise I’ll let you try to make me forget my self-control again very soon.”

  Chapter 16

  HER

  The rising sun creates a golden landscape across the sky. Drake’s lips are gentle against my own, his fingers twirling through my disheveled curls. I could spend my whole life kissing him and it wouldn’t be long enough. Much to my disappointment, he slowly pulls away.

  “Don’t leave,” I whisper and wrap my hands around his vest. He gives me a small smile, then places his hands on my waist. He lifts me up and sets me on the ledge of my windowsill. I let my legs dangle off the side and reach out and grab his face, successfully pulling him to me. I kiss him this time, enjoying the height advantage the window has given me. He leans into me, bracing his arms on either side of my body, his hands gripping the frame of the open window. After a few seconds, he again pulls away.

  “When I said I would let you try to make me forget my self-control again sometime soon, I didn’t mean today,” he says with a grin, his green eyes sparkling in the early morning light.

  “I’ll be trying to make you forget every day.” I try to put on a seductive smile, knowing I’m most likely failing completely. His eyes darken sligh
tly. Maybe I’m better at this than I thought.

  “Go inside, Addalynne.”

  “Only if you come inside with me.”

  His lips part with an exhale. “No,” he says, but the word has little conviction behind it. He runs his fingers through his hair. Then, he looks down at the ground and shakes his head. “I can’t,” he murmurs, but it’s clear he’s trying to convince himself, not me. He looks back up, his face flushed. “I want to . . . but I can’t.”

  I should give up and go inside, but I’m not ready to let him leave, and he’s so close to breaking.

  “Yes, you can. You have been in my chambers plenty of times. Besides, if we hear anyone coming down the hallway, you can just jump back out the window.” I fist my hands around the collar of his shirt and pull him to me once more. This time he doesn’t let me win. He plants his feet firmly into the ground, his forward motion completely stopping. He gives me a quick, disapproving look before removing my hands from his collar and placing them back on my own lap.

  “I promise I’ll come back later,” he says. “You need to rest, and I need to change and talk to my father.”

  “Does he know you’re back?”

  “He knows. But I arrived in Faygrene just as the Ball was starting and only had time to change my clothes. He was completely shocked when he saw me barge through the door and run for my loft. I was in such a rush that I didn’t even try to explain anything to him”

  I laugh, picturing what my uncle’s face must have looked like.

  He reaches forward and gently cups my cheek with his hand. “My only thoughts were of getting to you.” I turn my face into his palm and place a kiss inside it.

  “You promise you’ll come back as soon as you can?” I hate that I’m giving in and letting him leave. But I have to. He needs to see my uncle, and we both need to change. I can’t spend the entire day in my chemise, though the thought does have its appeal. Besides, I need to talk to my father, too. I need to know why he lied.

  “I won’t waste any time getting back to you, I promise.” He leans in and places one last kiss on my lips.

  I stay on the ledge of the window as I watch him walk away. Once I can no longer see him, I pull myself into my chambers and throw myself down on the bed. I’m exhausted, but I’m too restless to sleep. Thoughts of the conversations that I need to have with my father and with Charles have my head spinning. My mind wants me to get dressed and deal with them now, but my body is trapping me in bed. I roll over onto my side and see Drake’s letters scattered on my table and floor. My father and Charles can wait. I reach down, pick up some of the letters and re-read them, letting Drake’s words lull me into the first truly peaceful sleep I’ve had in almost a year.

  * * *

  I jump up into a sitting position, my heart racing from the sound of someone pounding on my door. Letters are scattered across my bed, the ivory paper reflecting the light of the midday sun that’s trespassing through the window.

  “Addalynne, are you in there?!”

  So it’s my mother making that awful noise. I make my way over to my door and fling it open. Mother’s eyes graze over me.

  “Have you really been asleep this entire time?” she asks, her eyes widened with disbelief.

  “Yes. I didn’t sleep well last night. I finally fell asleep early this morning.” I don’t bother trying to mask the annoyance in my voice as I think longingly of the dream her abrasive knocking woke me from. I can still feel the brush of his lips gently working their way down my neck. The feel of his . . .

  “Addalynne, listen to me. I said you have a visitor.” It takes me a moment to understand what she’s saying. When I do, I instantly regret my sleep. Instead of getting dressed so I would be ready when Drake came, I let myself sleep, and now I’ll have to wait even longer to see him.

  “Tell Drake I’ll be right out.” I turn and search for a dress to wear. My hands land upon a green gown that has gold ribbon tying up the arms and neckline; that will help him forget his self control. I turn back around, eager to change, and am startled by my mother, who’s still standing in my doorway, staring at me curiously.

  “It’s not Drake. It’s Charles.” Her words sound like an apology.

  Disappointment and apprehension scatter through me. I pause, unsure of what to do. “Oh. . . Please tell him I might be a while. I need to bathe and change.” And think. “He can either wait or I’ll come visit him later.” Mother nods and closes my door.

  I’m tangled with anxiety as I dry myself off and begin to dress. I still don’t know what I’m going to say to Charles, and though I played out various conversations in my head while I bathed, nothing seemed right.

  After I’m fully dressed, I move toward the mirror and look at myself for the first time since last night. I look more alive than ever, despite the shadows under my eyes. My face is flushed, my eyes shining, and I can’t help but smile.

  My hair is still wet and dripping down my back, dampening the green dress. I decide to put it in a single, long braid, the only kind I can do myself.

  After I finish my hair, I run to Elizabeth’s chambers and rummage through her jewelry. Finally, I find a beautiful, triple-stringed, pearl necklace that will fit perfectly around my neck. I fasten it and make my way down the hall.

  “He decided to wait outside,” Mother says, her eyes on the quilt she’s knitting by the fire. “He’s still there now.”

  I nod and with a steading breath, I open the front door.

  Charles and his black horse are standing outside the front wall, along the side of the stables. Charles’s dark blond hair shines above the navy blue cloak he has draped around his shoulders. My stomach turns. If only I hadn’t accepted his jonquil.

  He turns at the sound of my footsteps and a smile breaks across his face. “Addalynne! You’ve kept me waiting.”

  “I’m sorry, my Lord.” I’ve never referred to him this way before, but I figure a little flattery may help.

  “You’re forgiven. Your beauty is worth the wait.” His face still holds a smile, but there’s something in his voice that makes me wonder if he’s not as forgiving as he seems.

  I come to a stop several feet away from him and cross my arms over my chest, shielding myself from the cold breeze and the discomfort.

  He takes a step closer to me. “But I’m confused about what happened last night,” he says as he begins to walk around me. “If I remember correctly, I got our wine and tried to find you, but you were nowhere to be found.” His tone is measured and interrogative, and I’m left with an engrossing sense of unease.

  “I’m sorry. I became ill unexpectedly, so I left the Ball. I should have told you, but I had to leave as quickly as possible.” I speak as strongly as I can, forcing myself to keep my head up while he continues his slow circular dance. Finally, he stops directly in front of me and reaches out his hand, placing it on my neck. His fingers slip under my necklace. They glide underneath the pearls, pulling the strings uncomfortably tight around me.

  “This is a lovely necklace,” he says, his narrowed eyes locking onto mine. My pulse quickens. “Was it a gift?” The way his mouth curls into a snarl when he says “gift” sends apprehension crawling down my spine.

  “No. I borrowed it from my sister.”

  He releases it from his grasp and I take a welcome breath.

  “It’s lovely on you. Perhaps you’ll allow me to purchase you a necklace of your own.”

  “That won’t be necessary.”

  “Oh, I disagree. It’s not only necessary, but expected for my Lady to be properly adorned. And you are my Lady, Addalynne. Or did I imagine you accepting my jonquil last night?”

  “No. But I made a mistake. I wasn’t myself last night, and I shouldn’t have accepted your jonquil. I’m sorry, but your attention would be better directed elsewhere.” I try to put as much conviction into my words as I can, but the tremor in my voice is as distinct as the clouds in the sky.

  “I see,” he says quietly. The carefully masked a
nger is barely perceptible, but it’s there.

  I take a step back, wanting nothing more than to get away from him and his penetrating gaze. Finally, he turns on his heel and walks back to his horse. As he pulls himself atop it, he turns back to me. His face once again holds the meticulously crafted, charming smile. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way I had hoped, but I wish you well, Addalynne.”

  “You as well, my Lord,” I reply, my voice feeble with anxiety.

  As he rides away, I let out a breath and slowly make my way back into our home. I’m grateful to find the entry vacant, but when I step through the doorway of my chambers, my gaze immediately lands on Drake. He’s standing in the shadow next to the window, his back against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He has one leg bent, the bottom of his black boot flat against the wall. His hair is tousled and falling across his forehead and his eyes are narrowed as he stares at me.

  I smile and make my way toward him, but something in his expression stops me half way.

  “How was your meeting with Charles?” he questions coldly, making me feel exposed and guilty.

  “How did you know about that?” I ask without thinking. He raises both eyebrows and blows out a sharp breath of air. Those were the wrong words. I made it sound like I was trying to keep it from him.

  “I was on my way here when I saw you talking to him. Tell me please why you lied about your reason for leaving him last night?”

  “How . . . You were listening?”

  “I thought it would be best if I were nearby when you told him about me, in case he got angry. Clearly though, you have no intention of telling him anything about me. Once I realized that, I stopped listening and came here.” The anger and hurt in his voice and face make me feel incredibly guilty, but also defensive. I don’t appreciate the accusation I see in his eyes.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell him about you. I was afraid it would make things worse, and I assumed he would eventually find out on his own. Besides, if you had stayed a little longer you would have heard me tell him that I’m not interested in him and that it would be better for him to turn his attention elsewhere.”