Forever More

by Rachel De Lune

  I’m right on the edge and I want to beg, to let go, but Seb’s approval keeps me in check. I’ve disappointed him so many times by not being able to do what he’s asked of me.

  My breath is burning in my chest and my heartbeat echoes in my head. I hold my breath, trying to abate my mounting climax. “Please… please… please, Sebastian.” His tongue stops its assault and I welcome the moment of reprieve while he grabs for a condom. His heavy cock thrusts into me until he’s buried all the way inside me.

  He pulls out and crashes back into me. “Come.” He grinds into me so hard I feel winded. All my nerves go off at once. My pussy clenches around him, my body shaking and my chest heaving as my orgasm peaks and pulls Seb along with it.

  “Yes, Isabel. Take me. Take all of me.”

  My hips are sore and my sex feels numb but attuned to every movement. I can’t move.

  Seb pulls out and releases me to collapse on the bed. “God, you’re perfect. Well done.” His praise only adds to the warm glow that’s rooted deep in my chest. He rolls me towards him and hovers over me. “So, how did you feel about that?” His question mirrors his earlier one.

  “I liked it.” I grin at the humour in my identical response.

  “Izzy, I let it go earlier. I need you to tell me how you feel.” I inwardly sigh. I know this is what he does. It’s part of his control, but it’s still hard for me to vocalise my feelings. When I used to sit at his feet, it was less intimate, but just as special. It was easier. “You’re going to have to get used to talking to me face to face. You can’t hide from me.”

  I count to ten in my head. I can do this! I can do this!

  “I loved the spanking. It made me feel helpless and sexy, and the way you did it, it didn’t register as pain. I find it hard telling you what I want. I want to… I can in my head but I need to be absolutely desperate first.” I don’t look at him, but at least we’re talking. He doesn’t interrupt, so I muster my courage to continue. “I was worried that I’d come when you were licking me. I didn’t want to disappoint you again.” I close my eyes and try to snuggle into him.

  “Izzy, please look at me.” I crack my lids and I’m confronted with a radiant smile on Seb’s face. “Baby, I’m so pleased with you. You can’t begin to know how much you wanting and needing what I do to you means to me. Know that I’ll only take you as far as I believe you can go. There is so much that is new to you, and I want us to play, explore and find the right balance for us. But you must communicate with me.”

  “What do you do?” We started to get to know each other over Christmas, but I want to know all about him. I can now. I’m not crossing a line that I’ve drawn in the sand about our relationship. I got a little bit at dinner, and after all the sex and the dozing in each other’s arms, now seems like a great opportunity.

  “I work for Phoenix Consulting. I’ve told you that.”

  “Yes, but what does that mean? What do you actually do?”

  “Well, I work with companies who need help getting their projects and programmes done. They don’t always have the right strategy. I help. I often go in and help ‘on the ground’, so to speak. Otherwise, I manage it remotely from the office. Sometimes the company can’t work things out. Their financials or the board have other ideas and we have to step in to wrap things up and shut the company down. That’s the worst-case scenario, though.”

  “Do you enjoy it?”

  “Twenty questions, is it?” He squeezes me closer and I rest my head on his naked chest. I can talk to him when we’re like this—close, but not as intimate.

  “I’m trying to get to know the man I’ve just moved in with. I’m curious.”

  “Okay. Well, yes. I do enjoy it. I’m very good at what I do and get paid well.”

  “You wouldn’t work for yourself?”

  “Sometimes I’d like to, but I’d probably work myself to death. This is a happy compromise.”

  “Okay.” I tuck this newfound knowledge away, happy that he’s open and talking to me. Some of the old familiarity of our friendship is creeping back.

  “I travel a lot for work. I’m in London and Manchester regularly and am often away. Not always for long periods, but overnight and long days. You’ll have to get used to that.” Seb adds a harder tone to this bit of information. I think about what it will mean for me. Phil was always working and used it to hide his affairs. Christmas taught me that I still have a lot of trust issues that I need to work on. Will I be able to trust Seb completely?

  “You okay?”

  “Yes, just…”

  “Isabel, honesty, or this won’t work.”

  Crap! I don’t want to admit that I have doubts already. “I was just thinking back to all the times when Phil said he was working, and he wasn’t.”

  “I understand that it’s going to take some time, but you need to learn I’m not Phil. I don’t want you to even remember Phil exists.”

  I’m no longer content in Seb’s arms. I sit back on my legs and face him. I trusted Phil for a long time and he betrayed me. Seb and I hardly started under the best of circumstances. “Please don’t blame me for thinking the worst.”

  “I don’t blame you, but I want us to work on that.”

  Seb’s fingers nudge my chin up until I’m looking into his eyes. There’s no sign of anger on his face and I relax.

  “Don’t be insecure with me. You don’t need to be.” He curls my loose lock behind my ear and holds my face in his hand. I nuzzle into it, looking for the affection I crave from him.

  “I’ll try.” And I mean it. I will try to remember these times when the shadows creep in as I know they will.

  “I’m going to want to stay in contact with you when I’m away. Texts, calls—you’ll tell me where you are and where you’re going. You’re mine now, and I intend to keep you that way.”

  I triple checked the alarm last night before going to sleep. It had been a few days since I’d moved in and this was the first day when I was to follow his instruction and take my submission outside of the bedroom. There was no way I wanted to sleep in and forget to start the day the way Seb asked. I was too excited to sleep properly. I kept turning over all of the different scenarios I’d seen or read on the blogs I followed. Would he ask me to do something during the day, wear something new, not wear something, would he wait until the evening to play or would it start first thing as I wake him? It was like waiting for my birthday gift. I could see it already wrapped up. I just needed to rip the paper off. Turns out that I was awake when the alarm sounded anyway.

  I creep out of bed and make us both a coffee, a gentle hum thrumming through my veins as if I’ve already drunk too much caffeine. As I take the steaming drinks back to the bedroom, my nerves begin to shake the mugs in my hands.

  Waking him will start my day of total submission. I’m turned on thinking about it. My imagination and reality are two different things, though, and if I am being honest, I’m a little anxious about what will happen if I can’t follow through with Seb’s request of me.

  Life used to be simple. I would make a decision and follow through with it. I didn’t realise I had grown so reliant on the routine and order that went with that. I was comfortable there. Now that my actions aren’t always in my control, my anxiety creeps in, clouding my judgement. I desperately want to please Seb. He makes it so easy for me to let go of all of the worry and concerns that I carry and just feel.

  That’s what I want. Now, I’m taking another step forward. My gut is telling me this is right.

  I settle next to the bed and lean over to kiss him awake. He stirs and answers my lips with a swipe of his tongue.

  “Good morning, Isabel. Mmm, I certainly enjoy waking up like this.”

  “Your coffee, Sir.” I continue to kiss him, leisurely taking my fill of his lips. I’m waiting to see if Seb will take over and dictate the pace so early on in the day, but he’s happy to receive my affection.

  “As much… as I’d like… to stay here all day… you need to get d
ressed.” Seb tries to talk around our kiss, but I’ve somehow forgotten to stop kissing him. “Down, sweetheart. There will be plenty of time for that later. Now, dressed. Everything I want you to wear is on your bed in your room. Don’t cheat. Only the items I’ve selected.” The fact that Seb thinks that I’m going to cheat shrivels my building arousal. When Seb first gave me tasks to complete when I wasn’t with him it was exciting and seductive. “You will. I’m going to give you homework, Isabel. You must make yourself come every day this week, finishing Friday. Do you think you can do that?” But I failed at the homework so often that he already doubts me. I walk off to my room and try to hide my bruised ego. His doubt stiffens my desire to do better this time.

  After I moved in, we agreed that I’d still have my own room to have as my own space. Several garments are spread on the bed. I approach cautiously.

  It’s a work day, which means that Seb has control over how I look walking into my office. It’s a test of trust for me to allow him to do this. And it’s my test, to see how comfortable I am with this—the reality of submission versus what I agree to under Seb’s touch.

  I pick up the black dress first. It’s one of my nicer dresses, but I have no problem with his choice for work. The neckline is slightly lower than I’d normally choose, but thinking about Seb looking me over makes my skin tingle.

  He’s laid out my grey wool wrap coat, my short black blazer and my black boots. Black thigh highs are tucked under the clothes, and I breathe a sigh of relief that he’s included a bra and knickers. Scratch that! He’s picked my black push-up bra and the smallest thong in my possession. I’d never wear this to work. Tossing the clothes aside, I stalk into the bathroom and turn the shower on hot. The toiletries in Seb’s bathroom are duplicated in here as well. I try to let the water soothe my knee-jerk response. It helps, and I can see that Seb is having his fun. Wearing sexy underwear is something I am fast getting used to. Well, if Seb wants to have me wearing sexy, I’ll wear sexy.

  I finish my shower routine and blow-dry my hair. Dressing in the clothes set out, I walk back into our bedroom. Seb’s sitting in bed, reading on his iPad. He looks up at me, expectancy written across his face.

  “I see you found the clothes.” He leans back and smiles at me.

  “Yes. Thank you, Sir.” I crawl over the bed to kiss him. “I need to get going for work soon. Would you like another coffee?”

  “No, you get going.” He turns back to reading his screen and I’m deflated. I’d expected a bigger reaction from him. I’m doing what he’s asked. Why isn’t he happy? Putting the irrational thought aside, I finish getting ready for work.

  “Bye then,” I shout.

  “See you this evening.” I head out the door, waiting for something else to happen. I don’t know what, but I feel like something was missing. I had expected… something else.

  I send my text when I arrive at work and head for my desk. No one can see that I’m wearing different underwear, it’s all in my head, but I can’t help but feel self-conscious. Get a grip, Izzy. They aren’t going to say anything.

  The rest of the day is tedious and tiresome.

  I jump at each text that Seb sends, hoping for some naughty instruction or dirty thought. Instead, I get pleasantries and general conversation. ‘What would you like for dinner?’ was not the type of question I was hoping for. ‘Are you thinking of what will happen later?’ ‘Are you wet imagining everything I could do to you?’ That is what I was expecting, and I can’t prevent my disappointment that there isn’t more of that.

  When Seb and I were together, my submission always existed in a sexual context. Although I didn’t know what he had planned for us, I understood that it would be sexual in nature. Today, I’d assumed that would be the same. So far, nothing.

  I make it through the day and am home to make sure that the wine is poured and ready at seven. I feel like a kitten who’s been left all day and is trying to wait patiently to be played with.

  When I hear him walk through the door, I have to force myself not to run up and throw my arms around his neck. I do as instructed and wait for him. Then, I hand him his wine and kiss him his welcome.

  “Mmm, thank you, Isabel.” He smiles warmly as I linger with my kiss. “I’ll get the food started.” My heart drops when he moves to start preparing dinner. I suck my lip into my mouth to keep from protesting. The bar stool has my name written all over it, so I get comfy.

  Seb is proficient as ever with the preparations. The smell of the steak adds to the mouth-watering sight of Seb in the kitchen. It only causes my frustrations to grow.

  Previously, when I met Seb at his apartment, I expected to learn what submitting to someone felt like, making my yearnings previously locked away behind a computer screen a reality. Even in the beginning, we both knew why I was there. Now, there’s been nothing for me to focus on, nothing to occupy my mind or try to show that I want to do as Seb tells me. There is an air of uncertainty. It creates an anxiety that’s new. The anticipation bubbling through me like champagne falls flat.

  “Are you going to sit there and stew all evening, or will you share what’s on your mind?” Seb breaks through my thoughts, and I try to right my frowning face. I know what will happen if I try to hide that I am preoccupied.

  “I was just thinking about today, that’s all.”

  “And that has had you scowling at me for the last five minutes?” His brows rise in question.

  “I didn’t realise I was scowling. Sorry. I just… well…” Seb’s stance turns tense. He takes the pan from the heat and comes round to stand over me. His hands cup my face so I have nowhere to look but at him. His aqua eyes pierce mine, daring me to be anything but honest with him.

  “Today was different from what I was expecting.”

  “Go on.”

  “I thought that there would be more of a challenge, something that I would struggle with so I could show you how much I want to please you. Or something that was naughty or sexy that I could do for you.” I whisper my thoughts and search his eyes for his answer.

  “There isn’t always a challenge for you, Isabel. Before, I tested you and pushed the boundaries of your submission, sexually. It was the only avenue open to me given our circumstances. Now you’re mine. My options have expanded.” His lips draw back into a satisfied smile. “You made me so fucking happy this morning. The submission you show by dressing in the clothes I’d like you to wear, bringing me coffee in the morning, greeting me at night with a glass of wine—these small things all make up the days when you’re submissive outside of the bedroom. It indicates to me your desire to please me, just as much as something that you may struggle with.”

  “You like the simple stuff? Not just the sexual submission?”

  His hands slip from my face, no longer holding me to his gaze, and move to stroke my hair, soothing me as he answers.

  “Yes. For me, the control is part of who I am. I’ve not found a woman who could meet my… wants. You do. In every way. We’ll learn together. That will need communication. Do you understand?” He pulls my hair back, sending shivers of expectation down my spine.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good girl.” He crushes his lips onto mine, punishing them with his force. His grip on my hair is tight and adds to the edge of pain that mixes with the delicious pleasure of his tongue. Deep, sensual thrusts have me whimpering with need. He pulls back, and only his grip on my hair keeps me from sagging like a rag doll.

  “Tell me how you feel, Isabel. After talking to me, I want to know what you’re thinking.”

  Thinking? Don’t stop kissing me. I clear the lust that’s invaded and think back to the words he spoke to me.

  “I was… relieved that today wasn’t too hard. I didn’t want to disappoint you like I always managed to before. I can do this. I want to, but I expected more. It felt like something was missing. I was frustrated.”

  “Sexually?”

  “Mmmhmm.” Heat flashes to my cheeks, proving I can still blush fo
r Seb.

  “You associate submission with me dominating you in bed. I like that. It will certainly make my life easier when I want you wet and waiting for me all day. Having you follow my instructions, be mine to control, that soothes a part of me, and I’ll look forward to the next day that I can control you.” He inches my legs apart and runs his hand up my thigh to skim the damp fabric of my thong.

  “Sir…” My plea is past my lips before I can stop it.

  “Not quite yet. I’ve almost ruined the steaks but we still need to eat. I’m very pleased that you opened up and talked, eventually. Thank you, Isabel.” Seb releases me and steps back to the kitchen to rescue the abandoned steaks.

  “We’re just going to eat?” I can’t keep my disappointment from my voice.

  “Oh, sweetheart. We’re going to eat first, then I’m going to get you really comfortable in our bed. I’ve been thinking about you all day, and I have a few ideas that you might be more contented with than just wearing the clothes I’ve selected for you.” Seb’s sexy smile shows the promise to his words. The bubbles return, fizzing through me in excitement for what Seb will do to my body.

  “Ms. Fields, it’s Mr. Osbourn. Your husband has failed to acknowledge the divorce petition, so I’ll be seeking it to be served to him by a court bailiff.”

  “Can’t we simply proceed?”

  “Not without proof he’s received the petition.”

  “But he has. He came to my house and threatened me.”

  “I’m very sorry, Ms. Fields, but we need to be able to prove it. If he has threatened you, I can look at filing for an injunction against him.”

  “What would that do?”

  “Depending on what injunction you apply for, it can help protect you against harassment or threats. Especially if you think he might escalate to violence. If he breaches the injunction he can be arrested.” I think about what Mr. Osbourn says and remember the look on Phil’s face when he was about to hit me.