Heartsong (Garden Falls, TN Book 3)

by Allie Kay

  The huge grin on Sean’s face told me that I was in for some hell now. “Ha. Mr. I’m Never Getting Married is asking this? Thought you said women were too much trouble. Who the hell is she and when do I get to fucking meet her?”

  I grunted. “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “About thirty seconds after I met her.” Sean poured a beer for a customer and looked over his shoulder at me while he did. “Seriously. I met her right there at the end of this bar.” He pointed toward the other side. “Not a minute later, I had to pry that little asshat she used to date off her and she was crying on my shoulder. I was a goner right then.”

  “That fast, huh?” Maybe my reaction to Joy wasn’t completely crazy then. If Sean had felt the same way about Talia, then maybe there was hope for me yet. Sean was one of the best people I knew. And the love between my massive best friend and his tiny little wife was visible from across the room.

  Sean shook his head, a big grin lighting up his face. “Oh, I tried to fight it. I tried to tell her we could just be friends. Well, fuck if that worked. But I knew it was just a matter of time even as I argued with her that I wasn’t good enough for her.”

  “Okay.” I stared down into my drink, swirling it on occasion, just to have something to do with my hands. It seemed like my relationship, for lack of a better word, with Joy held a similar dynamic, if backward. I wanted her, but she was the one pushing me away.

  “So, who is she?” Sean leaned down and forced eye contact. “I didn’t put my book down to talk to myself.”

  “Nobody.” I lifted one shoulder, not willing to get into it just yet. I’d seen Joy a total of about an hour and wasn’t quite ready to share many details. Hell, I didn’t have many details to share.

  “Mmmhmm. Well, tell me about Ms. Nobody.”

  “No. Look, I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I stood and tossed a few bucks on the bar. “Thanks, man.”

  Sean shrugged. “What you thanking me for? I didn’t say shit.”

  “No, I guess you didn’t. It helped anyway.” I laughed. I stepped away from the bar and gave a little wave. “See you tomorrow.”

  “Hey, Jack.”

  I stopped walking and turned back to face Sean. “Yeah?”

  “If you think she’s the one after just a quick meet, there’s a good chance you’re right. Guys like you and me… well, it’s hard for us to let our guard down enough to fall in love. Don’t fuck it up.”

  “You are a wealth of advice, you know that?”

  “Hey, which one of us is the one who is happily married with a kid on the way?”

  “She’s got a kid.”

  Sean raised a brow. “And?”

  “Just saying...” I shrugged.

  “Taking care of another guy’s kid weird you out?”

  “Nah.” It didn’t bother me as much as I’d thought it would. My first thought when she’d gotten out of the car with a kid was nope. But the more time I spent with Mateo, the less the thought of being a major part in the kid’s life worried me.

  “Then shut up about it. Unless the kid’s an asshole. I can’t have some asshole kid teaching my innocent baby bad shit.”

  “I don’t think her kid is what you have to worry about.” I snorted. “You got the bad language covered already. Talia’s going to beat you when that baby’s first words are ‘fuck you’.”

  “Probably.” Sean grinned. “But I’m rubbing off on her. She called her brother a ‘stupid crazy fucker’ the other day.”

  “You have corrupted that naive young woman.” I shook my head. “Her brother has been pretty fucked up here lately though.”

  “I know, but you better watch it. She’ll kick you if she hears you say that.”

  I sighed. Corrupting Joy and Mateo was something I worried about though, if we ever did start a relationship. My past would never really go away. And the time in prison had changed me. Hardened me. They had been through some shit and maybe I couldn’t be the guy to bring them out of it.

  “Stop that. Don’t get lost in your own damn head,” Sean growled. “I did that shit too. Let her decide if you’re good enough or not. Don’t reject yourself for her.”

  “I’m trying.” I waved again.

  I left the club and went by the AA meeting on campus before heading to my lonely house. Joy’s rust bucket sat at the back of the gravel driveway. I’d just hit the lock button on my key fob when she walked out.

  “Hey,” I called.

  She waved and opened the trunk, pulling out a big box.

  “Need any help?” I asked as I walked over.

  “I can get it.” She fumbled the box, nearly dropping it.

  I took the unwieldy, and oddly lightweight, box from her. “Here, let me take that.”

  “Thank you.” She grabbed another box, smaller than the one in my arms, and closed the now empty trunk. She moved around me to open the door. “I appreciate the help.”

  “No worries. Where you want me to put it?”

  “Living room is good. It’s just through here.” She led the way through the kitchen into the big living room.

  I’d almost kept this back unit for myself, just for the living room. Not that I really needed that much space, but the gorgeous woodwork back here always made me smile. I sat the box along the wall and looked around.

  The room was still completely empty. “Where’s your furniture?”

  Joy sank down on her knees and used her keys to bust the tape on the box I’d carried in. She began to pull out some blankets and an old sleeping bag that had seen better days.

  “I don’t have any.” The half-smile she flashed at me didn’t reach her eyes and held a hint of apology. “Not yet anyway.”

  “None?”

  “Nope.” She stood and faced me, a glint of determination hardening her gaze. “But I will. And we will be just fine until I can get what we need.”

  “Hey,” I whispered, holding a hand out to her. “I didn’t mean—Shit. Joy, I wasn’t trying to insult you.”

  I witnessed a moment where she nearly crumbled right in front of me. I watched a wave of emotion fill her eyes and she blinked back tears. She didn’t allow them to fall, she didn’t allow her feelings to overtake her, but that she felt those emotions was written all over her face. I’d never seen so many feelings cross one face in such a short span of time.

  “When I said I was just out of a bad relationship, I meant it. We left with our clothes, a few sentimental things, and not much else. I’m doing the best I can do. And you can either stand by my side, as a friend, to help me get through it or get the hell out of my way.”

  I took a step closer and took her hand in mine. “I would never get in your way.” I tugged her closer. “But we have to get you some furniture. Soon.”

  She sighed. “I know. But I also need to find a job, pay for daycare, and somehow do it all with a low profile. So, I’ve got to shop carefully. My funds are super limited.”

  “I hear that. I slept on my couch with a spring sticking right in my ass for almost three months. It was right in the middle of the couch. Hit me no matter which end I slept on.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. It was probably older than we are. My grandma had the same couch. With like a 1970s wagon print on it. Kinda a reddish brown. Had wood arms that I banged my face on damn near every night.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “Why would you buy something so ugly?”

  I shrugged. “It was ten bucks at a yard sale and I was tired of sleeping on the floor. But one day last month, I was conscripted into furniture shopping with Talia—she’s my best friend’s wife—and we did find a decent used furniture shop down just off the square. I could show you tomorrow, if you want?”

  “I’d really like that.” We stared at each other silently for a moment before Joy spoke again. “Why didn’t your best friend go shopping with her?”

  “Sean managed to conveniently screw up all the paperwork for a big order and had to spend the day untangling the mess. I g
ot voluntold I was going in his place to make sure she didn’t try to lift anything.”

  She raised an eyebrow at me.

  “She’s really pregnant. I think the baby’s due just after Christmas or something. Plus, she’s like an inch taller than Mateo and Sean would kill me if I let something happen to her, even though she’s as tough as iron and probably meaner than I am.”

  Joy’s laugh morphed into a yawn. “Maybe you can introduce me to her sometime. I could use a mom friend.” She yawned again. “You should go. I’m beat and about to make up a makeshift bed and crash.”

  “Okay.” I squeezed her hand. “They probably open about ten? I have to be at work at two, so I’ll come over about ten, if that’s not too early?”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Good night.” Reluctantly, I released her hand and went home alone.

  8

  Joy

  “Mama.”

  My eyes fluttered open. I listened for what woke me. Silence met my ears. I allowed my eyelids to drop closed. Pulling the blanket up to block the light streaming in through window, I rolled to face the wall.

  “Mama.”

  So much for going back to sleep. I’d had a hard time falling asleep last night. Every time my eyes closed, I pictured Jack. His panty-melting smile. That heartwarming laugh. The way my body tingled in response to the slightest touch of his hand. It had been well after midnight before I’d finally dozed off, half-wishing Jack would come through that locked door and into my lonely bedroom. Usually fear kept me up at night, not lust. My sleep had been filled with a dream so damn hot that I blushed just remembering it. But the sexy dreams and falling asleep thinking of Jack were a welcome change from the nightmares that Ricky had found us and the panic-inducing fear those caused, for sure.

  Little feet pattered across the hardwood and into my room. “Mama!”

  “Yeah, baby?” I sat up on my pallet of blankets, rubbing my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  Mateo let out an exaggerated sigh, his entire body dipping with the motion of it. “You put the pop-tarts on the way high shelf. I can’t reach them.” He huffed. “And I’m hungry. I tried to get them myself so you could sleep, but I’m too little. Why would you put them so high up?”

  I yawned, relaxing now that I knew Mateo was okay. I held my arms out to my sweet son. “Come here for a second and give me a cuddle.”

  He wrinkled his nose at me. “Okay, but I’m about to starve to death.”

  “Oh, you are?” I pulled my son into my arms, wrapping the blanket around us both. Mateo had discovered a love of exaggeration that I hadn’t known was in him. These sweet new traits never failed to catch me by surprise, even if this one in particular might have to be addressed in the future. “You wanna hear what we are going to do here in a little while?”

  “Uh... sure.” Mateo sounded unsure. His eyes filled with concern.

  “It’s nothing bad, you silly goose.” I squeezed him tight. My poor baby. Life had taught him surprises were a bad thing. One day I hoped to change that. One day I hoped he could go with a surprise without the worry that darkened his eyes now. “Mr. Jack is going to show us a neat store that sells furniture. We need all kinds of things, but we have to start with the basics.”

  “We get to hang out with Mr. Jack?” Mateo pulled away. He hopped up and bounced a few times. With an ear-to-ear grin, he grabbed my hand and tugged. “Come on, we have to eat so we can be ready.”

  “Okay, okay.” I hid a groan under a laugh. My back reminded me in no uncertain terms that I was no longer in my teens and that sleeping on the floor was a bad, bad idea. I half-waddled into the kitchen with one hand pressed against the small of my back.

  Mateo pulled me into the kitchen. He stopped in front of the pantry cabinet and fake jumped toward the box of toaster pastries. “What time is Mr. Jack coming?”

  “He said about ten.” I pulled the pop-tarts from the cabinet and handed Mateo a pack. I poured milk into a red Solo cup for him. After he was settled with his breakfast, I twisted and stretched, trying to loosen my stiff back. First, we needed beds, but cookware and proper dishes ranked high on the priority list. Paper and plastic were a temporary solution I could live with a bit longer. I couldn’t take many nights on the cold hardwood though.

  “What numbers is it now? I mean, what time is it now?” Mateo asked around a mouthful of chocolate pop-tart.

  “Don’t talk with your mouth full, please.” I glanced at my watch. “9:45. Shit. He’ll be here any minute!”

  “Shit. Do I have time to finish my pop-tart?” Mateo asked from the corner where he’d sat down with his food.

  I moved over to him. Crouching down in front of him, I lay a hand on his shoulder. “Baby, please don’t say shit. That’s a grownup word. You can’t use it until you’re an adult, okay?”

  “Am I in trouble?” Mateo shrank his small body even tinier as I gazed down at him. His eyes shone brighter with unshed tears.

  “Oh, no. Sweetie, the only one who was bad here was me.” I pulled him in for a hug. How long would it take for him to adjust to not being punished for the slightest misstep? “Mama shouldn’t use words you can’t.”

  Knock. Knock. Knock. Three loud thumps sounded on the kitchen door. I looked out the paned glass door to see Jack standing on the steps.

  Mateo pushed away from me, wiping his eyes quickly. “I wanna answer it! Look, Mama, Mr. Jack is here!” He fiddled with the locks for a second, but had the door flung open quickly. “Mr. Jack, Mr. Jack! Hi!”

  “Hey, kiddo. I’d ask if you were ready to go, but seeing as how you’re in your PJs, I’m gonna guess that’d be a silly question.”

  “Mama just waked up. She just told me we’s going with you. But I already ate my breakfast. I can get dressed super-fast.” Mateo grabbed his cup and finished his milk. He squinted up at Jack. “Mr. Jack, I need your help.”

  Jack arched a brow. “With what?”

  “Mama did a bad thing and she needs a spanking. Kids can’t spank mamas, so you has to do it.”

  I choked on the milk I’d just poured myself. Dear God, was it possible to die of embarrassment? Because if so, I might not make it much longer. My cheeks blazed hot and spontaneous combustion was surely only moments away.

  “I have to do it, huh?” Jack looked like he was about to burst trying to hold back his laughter. “Why me?”

  Mateo tilted his head to one side and stared up at Jack for a minute. “Because you don’t whoop people for no good reason. You can spank her and not make it a whooping. There’s a difference, you know?”

  “Right,” Jack agreed, but the confused look on his face didn’t confirm his words.

  “Yup.” Mateo nodded as if the matter was settled. He tossed the plastic cup in the sink and skipped toward his room singing the theme song to one of his favorite cartoons.

  Jack grunted. His eyes searched mine, seeking details. “What did you do?”

  I looked away from the heat in his gaze. “I said a bad word.”

  Stepping close, Jack ran a hand over my hair. “And do you think you deserve a spanking for that?”

  The gentle touch sent a shiver traversing down my spine. I ached to step closer. To feel that tenderness in more intimate places. His deep, low voice sent a rush of heat pooling between my thighs. I bit my lip, hard, to keep from begging him to turn me over his knee.

  He tugged at my hair, not harshly, just enough to get me to look up. “No answer?”

  I shook my head. My tongue was untrustworthy at the moment. And while I knew I should move away from him, my traitorous body refused to comply.

  His head dipped. With his lips just brushing my ear, he murmured, “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. And now, knowing you sleep in these”—he ran a finger along the hem of my boyshorts—“I may never sleep again. Knowing only a door separates us. Damn, woman, are you trying to kill me?”

  A noise of surprise, sounding almost like a squeak, came from me. Heat blazed up my cheeks again at
his words and the unintended sound I’d made.

  He cupped my ass and pulled me close. “You aren’t making it any better now that I know that blush of yours spreads so far.” Lifting me against him ever so gently, he bent his head toward mine.

  I couldn’t breathe. All the moisture in my body moved south leaving my mouth as dry as stale toast. My hands came up to rest on Jack’s firm chest and I let my eyes close. It had been so long since I’d been properly kissed. Where a kiss was a pleasure and not used to punish me. The anticipation of Jack’s lips on mine was too much. I clutched my fingers around the soft cotton of his t-shirt and leaned closer.

  “Are you guys ‘bout to kiss? You look like you’re ‘bout to kiss like those people on those girl movies Mama likes to watch. They get all close and their eyes get all squinty like there’s sun in their eyes, ‘cept they’re inside and there’s no sun. Why are your eyes all squinty?”

  Jack eased away, the moment lost. “Hey, little man, are you practicing to be a ninja? I didn’t even hear you come in.”

  “That’s because I know how to be super quiet.” Mateo beamed up at him. “And just so’s you know, I know you was about to kiss my mama.”

  Jack laughed. “Why don’t we let your mom get dressed so we can go?”

  Mateo shook his head. “Yeah, Mama. Um... you can’t go shopping without pants. Silly Mama.”

  Silly Mama, indeed. I hurried to my new bedroom and grabbed some clothes. I dressed quickly before hurrying in the bathroom to brush my hair and cool off a bit. Saved by the preschooler...

  I splashed a little water on my still flushed cheeks. Mateo’s tiny giggles and Jack’s deeper chuckles carried through the door.

  Hot, sexy, and good with my kid? Everything I’d ever dreamed of wrapped up in one all too available package. Spending much time with Jack could be hazardous to my libido.

  I was so far from ready for a relationship. And with Mateo, I could hardly jump right in and hope for the best. I had to cool things with Jack. I’d remind him later we could only be friends.

  Now if someone could just remind me.