Jolt!

by Phil Cooke

  So get your goals down first. Anything, everything, whatever you can think of or want to accomplish.

  NARROW YOUR FOCUS

  The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.

  —DENIS WAITLEY, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER AND AUTHOR

  After a few of these blue-sky sessions, you should have a list of interesting possibilities about where you want to go with your life and issues you want to change. Keep these notes because you’ll find yourself coming back to the list from time to time.

  Start by exploring the possibilities from the list and begin focusing on the goals that match your personality, gifts, and passion.

  » FIRST, LOOK THROUGH THE LIST AND TOSS OUT GOALS OR CHANGES THAT SIMPLY CAN’T HAPPEN.

  For instance, if you’re fifty years old, chances are you’ve missed your chance for an Olympic gold medal. It was a good dream, but that one’s out of reach. Perhaps you can get a job working with the U.S. Olympic Committee or help mentor or train a local athlete, but short of a miracle, your competing is pretty much out of the question.

  Other goals might be unattainable for a variety of reasons, such as geography, finances, or education. Don’t toss those out yet, because you never know what can be achieved with a little creativity and someone determined to change. (Remember Booker T. Washington.)

  » THE NEXT STEP IS TO SPEND TIME THINKING ABOUT YOUR GOALS IN TERMS OF YOUR PERSONAL GIFTS, TALENTS, PASSION, AND WILLINGNESS TO SACRIFICE.

  Nearly every week, I meet people who spend enormous amounts of money and time dreaming of a career they simply don’t have the talent or ability to do well. All the passion and desire in the world will not make me a successful NBA walk-on or Super Bowl MVP. At some point, we have to realize the limitations of our abilities and not continue wasting our lives in the pursuit of an impossible goal.

  On the other hand, there are millions of people with lofty goals who have simply not made the commitment it takes to achieve them. Being in the entertainment business, I am constantly meeting people who have written screenplays, and I usually have a stack of scripts on the edge of my desk. To be honest, 90 percent of the scripts are simply awful pieces of writing. Many producers and studio executives use the “ten-page rule” in reading these screenplays: if it doesn’t capture our attention or impress us with compelling writing within ten pages, it hits the trash.

  Many of these writers have great passion for their work and have sometimes put years into the process. I often get very emotional and passionate cover letters from writers who believe very strongly in their potential. Some believe they have an almost divine purpose in writing and desperately cling to the hope that a producer will eventually see the brilliance in their scripts and give them a shot.

  While passion and desire are important, so are training, education, and preparation. Far too often I find writers who tell me they just don’t have time to take classes or work with a writing teacher. They’re convinced passion is all they need to become successful.

  » WOULD YOU HAVE BRAIN SURGERY BY A DOCTOR WHO HAD GREAT PASSION FOR HIS WORK BUT WHO DIDN’T HAVE THE TIME TO ATTEND MEDICAL SCHOOL?

  I doubt it. In the same way, we have to realize the importance of laying the groundwork and building the right foundation to make our goals and dreams happen.

  Perhaps that’s a change you need to make right now. Maybe your dreams have been frustrated because you haven’t made the commitment of preparation. Want to be a pastor? Enroll in seminary. Want to be a doctor? Head to medical school. Want to be an architect? Get the training. Find an internship, volunteer, or develop a mentor relationship with someone with expertise in the area you want to pursue.

  We’ll discuss this in a later chapter on personal growth, but for now, I urge you to put in the preparation it will take to achieve your goal. Penicillin wasn’t the culmination of a vast research project, it was the result of an accidental discovery. But it never would have happened had those scientists not had very definite goals in mind.

  Chance favors only the prepared mind.

  —LOUIS PASTEUR

  You are different from every other person on the earth, and there are abilities and talents you were born with that will help determine your ultimate career, goal, or calling.

  I’ll use the word calling from time to time, which means “a sense of destiny and spiritual purpose.” In the Christian sense, it means that God has called you for a specific purpose and that divine purpose is your reason for being. People of different faith perspectives have similar feelings about this area, and it’s something I recommend you explore further. Some people have a calling to help inner-city children, some feel called to expand medical care to needy countries, and others feel called into the ministry.

  A calling is the highest form of life purpose because it transcends the need for fame, financial success, or status. Calling drove Mother Teresa into the slums of Calcutta, compelled writer and Harvard professor Henri Nouwen to spend his life with the mentally handicapped and physically disabled, and persuaded Dr. Paul Brand to give up a prosperous medical practice to spend his life caring for lepers.

  In a world absorbed in the reckless pursuit of riches and fame, you could do no better than experience a calling that would cause you to make a genuine difference in the world.

  MOVING FROM THE GENERAL TO THE SPECIFIC

  Now that you have a list of possibilities and are starting to narrow down those possibilities, it’s time to focus on specific destinations. Start matching your goals to your own personal gifts and talents. Take a serious look where the match is the strongest.

  First, a word about skills, gifts, and talents. People often have enormous difficulty determining what they are really good at doing. It should be quite easy, but many people spend their lives without thinking about their talents and therefore lose touch with their greatest strengths.

  What do you find easy? Are you an exceptional leader? Do you make friends easily? Do you love numbers? What about financial advice, networking, decision-making skills, or managing in a crisis?

  Draw two columns on your paper. List your goals on one side and your skills on the other. Don’t be shy—this is the time to focus on your strengths, not to be modest.

  There are formal evaluations that indicate personality types as well as strengths and weaknesses, such as the Myers-Briggs evaluation and the DISC profile. Some resources are low-cost or even free on the Internet—an example is Tom Rath’s Strengths Finder. But if you don’t have access to a professional evaluation, talk to some friends you respect and ask their advice. Show them the list of skills and talents you feel you possess, and get their feedback. Sometimes others see things you can’t see, and might point out additional areas of strength.

  Then, begin connecting potential dreams and goals to the appropriate skills and talents you possess.

  Karen was raised in an environment where people told her she would never achieve anything significant. She was never encouraged or allowed to excel in anything and grew up believing she was worthless. She was an excellent math student in school, but her parents never paid any attention to it. It never crossed her mind that math was something that would help her beyond high school. Right out of school, she married a man who was no different from her parents, and she spent the next seven years being berated, criticized, and humiliated. When he unexpectedly died of an undiagnosed heart problem, she was forced into the job market, having no idea which direction to go or what career to pursue.

  She tried a series of jobs—housekeeping, retail clerk, and factory worker—but was miserable at each position. One day at the factory, she was having lunch with an assistant bookkeeper who mentioned how far behind she was with the latest sales figures. Karen offered to help after work, and the minute she started adding up the figures, a light came on. She sudde
nly remembered her gift for math and plunged into the task with an excitement that amazed her friend. Karen finished in half the time it took her bookkeeper friend and so impressed the factory manager that he offered Karen a job in the accounting department.

  Today the company is paying Karen to take night classes toward an accounting degree. For the first time in her life she feels as if she has a purpose. She loves her job and can’t wait to get to work each day. The possibilities are wide-open for Karen. Because she decided to make the necessary changes in her life to go back to school and finish her degree, she will have the credentials to move into accounting, engineering, or anywhere else her passion for numbers can take her.

  It’s about connecting the dots, so stop dreaming and start connecting. Take your list of skills, gifts, and talents, and start connecting them to your dreams and goals.

  The next step is to decide what really matters.

  REVIEW

  Jolt Your Direction

  The time to change is now. List anything that is stopping you from making changes in your life today. Then answer the following questions.

  1. What changes in my life need to be made?

  2. Are there areas in my past I need to leave behind?

  3. Do I need to forgive anyone in order to move forward with my life?

  4. What is my destination?

  5. At the end of the change process, what type of person will I be?

  6. As a result of this book, what three major goals do I want to set for my life, and/or what three major changes do I want to make?

  JOLT

  WHAT

  MATTERS

  » Jolt #6

  JOLT YOUR PRIORITIES

  Taking Control of What Is Important

  We do not have a money problem in America. We have a values and priorities problem.

  —MARIAN WRIGHT EDELMAN, FOUNDER OF THE CHILDREN’S DEFENSE FUND

  If your agenda is set by someone else and it doesn’t lead you where you want to go, why is it your agenda?

  —SETH GODIN, LYNCHPIN

  Today we live in an oddly conflicted world, with a confused moral map. On the positive side, I bought a cup of coffee this morning from a national coffee chain that donates a portion of every sale to help the rain forest. My wife buys groceries at a store that only sells food produced in ways that help the environment. Office supply stores feature recycled paper, printer companies recondition print cartridges, and even mechanics now dispose of oil and grease in ways friendly to the environment.

  All is well in the world.

  On the other hand, in the age of Bernard Madoff, corporate corruption seems to be at an all-time high, the public trust of religious, media, and political leaders at an all-time low, and cheating on university campuses is almost becoming commonplace.

  Even Martha Stewart did hard time.

  OUR INTEGRITY NEEDS A JOLT

  For an earlier generation, criteria for morality and behavior were pretty standard. There was a common moral framework in America, and it wasn’t difficult to see where people stood. My dad was a pastor, and even people who never darkened the door of a church respected him and what he represented. In those days we didn’t need movie ratings, we never had to view sex or profanity on television, and parents rarely worried about the safety of their children at school.

  Certainly, there were distortions. Ricky and Lucy Ricardo slept in separate beds, even though they were married, and June Cleaver always cleaned house in high heels and a dress.

  As a result of those types of distortions, the disillusionment of the sixties, and a cultural drive to break free of restraint, we plunged headlong into a moral chasm with little knowledge of where we would land. Yes, perhaps things are more relaxed and tolerant now, but we’ve paid a high price for the journey. Today we live in a world where children can access hard-core pornography at the touch of a computer keyboard, schools are rife with violence, and saying a prayer in class can get you suspended from school.

  This book isn’t an exploration of our national morality, but we do need to recognize how much the culture has changed in the last fifty years and understand the importance of moral courage.

  I define moral courage as a set of personal principles you live by that are unchanging. Some people would call them moral absolutes, but however you choose to name them, they help create a life of moral purpose. Without moral purpose you will never reach your full potential.

  The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.

  —WILLIAM COWPER, POET AND HYMN WRITER

  In another generation, moral courage would be discussed only in religious terms, but today even secular corporations are embracing the concept. I believe it’s because after fifty years of moral drift in this country, we are just beginning to see the damage from the pursuit of unchecked sexual freedom, rampant cheating, and a culture of “me first.” Check out the self-help section of the average bookstore and note how many titles focus on me. What’s in it for me, what do I get out of it, and do unto others before they do unto me.

  Jonathan Last, in the Weekly Standard magazine, noted the impact of the Internet itself on the culture of narcissism when he described attempts to create video games for social change:

  The central conceit of the Internet: that you can change the world without having to actually do anything. Want to change America? Download the [President] Obama app. Want to fight the Iranian mullahs? Turn your Twitter icon green. Want to bring human rights to oppressed peoples? Play a video game about it. Because what matters isn’t fighting autocrats or feeding the hungry or improving the conditions of Haitian farmers. What matters is knowing that you care about such things.

  His point is that the Internet itself is “all about you.”

  Hopefully, that tide is changing. We’re witnessing a wave of business leaders who are truly making a difference. Blake Mycoskie founded Toms Shoes in 2006 with the purpose of giving away a pair of shoes to a child in need with every purchase. Father-and-son team Philip and Jordan Wagner founded Generosity Water and, in their first two years of operation, funded 108 water wells in sixteen countries serving more than fifty thousand people with clean, safe drinking water.

  Clearly these visionary leaders are resonating with millions of people across America. It’s time to realize that without moral courage and purpose, we’ll never live lives of significance, and we’ll never make a real difference.

  Set priorities for your goals. A major part of successful living lies in the ability to put first things first. Indeed, the reason most major goals are not achieved is that we spend our time doing second things first.

  —ROBERT J. MCKAIN, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER AND WRITER

  The issue of moral courage is critical. It’s the foundation for creating priorities. Simply put, priorities are what is important. But how do we know what our priorities should be?

  We start by deciding what is important to us.

  I’ll never forget when one of my wife’s best friends had a baby. She was a dedicated career woman who decided after a few nervous months at home that she would hire a nanny so she could go back to work and resume her career. Everything seemed fine for a while, until one day she came home from work to hear the excited nanny cry out in joy, “Guess what? Today the baby walked for the first time! You should have seen it!”

  At that moment, the mom froze in horror. For the first time since her baby’s birth, she realized that by going back to work, all the “firsts” in her child’s life would be experienced by someone else. That jolt was like an explosion. She dropped her briefcase, called her boss, immediately resigned from her job, and never looked back.

  At that moment she understood her priorities. She thought her career was number one in her life, but that day she realized her real priority was her family.

  Certainly not everyone can afford to stay at home with his or her children, and each situation is different. But the point is, once you realize your priorities, everything naturally finds its
proper position of importance in your life.

  Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes.

  —KENNETH HILDEBRAND, WRITER

  Take out a sheet of paper and write down all the things that are important to you. Perhaps it’s family life, personal integrity, your relationship with God, a new boyfriend or girlfriend, your reputation, or your career. Perhaps it’s being a caregiver to a loved one in need, personal health, staying in shape, or personal relationships.

  Don’t get your priorities confused with your goals. Goals are what you want to accomplish. Priorities are what is important on the way to achieving those goals. For your life to change and your goals to matter, your goals must exist within your priorities.

  For instance, if your goal is a career that requires a great deal of travel but your family life is a high priority, then the two might not be a good mix. If your goal is to be financially successful but your priorities are to spend most of your time hanging out with friends, then you need to reconsider one or the other. Or if a personal priority is honesty/integrity but your boss is trying to influence you to lie on a report or to “adjust” some numbers on the accounting statement, then you’re going to have a problem.

  What are your priorities? Let me show you a list to get you started. I’ve divided the list into two categories—personal priorities and business priorities. There are many more than these, but the list will help you understand what we’re talking about.

  PERSONAL PRIORITIES: BUSINESS PRIORITIES:

  honesty consideration of employees

  integrity responsibility

  trust leadership

  creativity innovation

  independence product quality

  spiritual commitment promptness

  financial security teamwork

  physical health ethics

  raising children attitude