Jolt!

by Phil Cooke

  3. MAKE GOOD DECISIONS EVERY DAY.

  Start a habit of making strong decisions. Don’t begin ordering people around and become a jerk, but stop putting things off or avoiding. Start making good decisions today. You don’t have to start out making world-changing decisions about the war on terrorism or world hunger; just start with small things—that pile of papers on your desk, for instance. Just as an athlete trains his muscles for a sporting event, your decision-making muscles need to be trained, and the key is starting slow. When you see what can be accomplished in your life—even by small choices—you’ll experience what I call a “decision rush” that will give you the excitement and energy to move to the next level.

  Look around. What are the choices you’ve avoided in your life and the decisions you’ve been putting off? Nothing is too small or silly to begin with, because the small decisions start training you for the big ones.

  Honor isn’t about making the right choices. It’s about dealing with the consequences.

  —MIDORI KOTO, HIGHLAN DER CHARACTER

  4. MAKE TOUGH DECISIONS ON A REGULAR BASIS.

  As you grow in your decision-making skills, don’t avoid the big ones. Learn to face one difficult dilemma each day and make a decision on it. Making tough decisions is all about perspective. My daughters, Kelsey and Bailey, wrestle with choices that I wouldn’t think twice about because I’ve had far more experience. Work the decision-making muscle and expand your ability to handle the hardest decisions in life.

  5. BEGIN TO GROW IN THE CHOICES YOU MAKE.

  Making right choices comes from experience. Every time you make a choice— either wrong or right—learn from it. Start building a “decision data bank” that will help you the next time you’re faced with a challenge and need to make a choice. Every choice has a consequence, and we have to learn to live within those decisions. Many people refuse to make choices because of the potential consequences, but thank God for people who have the courage to see beyond potential failure and make the hard choices in life.

  Once decision making becomes a habit, you’ll begin to enjoy the freedom, accomplishment, and joy it will release in your life. Too many people sit around waiting for other people to make choices for them.

  » REAL FREEDOM LIES IN MAKING YOUR OWN DECISIONS, PLANNING YOUR OWN CHOICES, DEALING WITH THE CONSEQUENCES, AND DETERMINING YOUR OWN DESTINY.

  Like the rest of this journey of change, making right choices isn’t always easy. If you’ve lived a life of bad decisions, you’ll be carrying a lot of baggage that may be tough to lose. It might even shock you to discover that you’ll probably have friends who won’t like this new person who’s taking charge of his or her own life and making positive decisions. Many of your friends and family members will prefer to keep hanging out, blaming society, the government, or their parents for their problems. They won’t like someone who suddenly causes them to confront the real problems that are holding them back.

  My advice is to be sensitive and gracious to their frustrations, but don’t give in. Not for a moment. In fact, let this statement be your first choice:

  I’ll never go back to blaming others, waiting for others to make my decisions, or giving up my freedom of choice. Starting today, I realize it’s not the conditions or circumstances of my life that are holding me back, it’s the choices I make or don’t make. From now on, I’m getting the right information, spending time with good decision makers, making tough choices every day, and growing in those choices. I will never look back, and I choose to move forward into the future that awaits me.

  I can tell you, from living in earthquake country, the most powerful jolts are the ones that happen in contained spaces. Earthquakes have a lot more impact inside a building than in an open field. That’s why our next jolt is about boundaries and how drawing lines can increase the intensity and power of your life.

  » JOLT #8

  BORDERS

  The Map of Who You Are

  Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.

  —DR. HENRY CLOUD AND DR. JOHN TOWNSEND, BOUNDARIES

  In the age of social media, personal boundaries have become blurred to the point of being erased. People live their lives online and don’t think twice about sharing the most personal, intimate information with the world.

  As a new generation enters the workforce, they’re discovering that living online has its downside. Those pictures of getting drunk during spring break at Daytona Beach seemed cute when posted on their Facebook or MySpace pages. But now, as they start job interviews, they discover the first thing employers do is an online search. Suddenly, pictures of puking on the lawn half-naked don’t seem so cute anymore.

  While that may seem a comical example, many experts believe the age of privacy is over. I sat on a plane recently with a government analyst whose job is to profile potential terrorists for our military leadership. He explained the irony of privacy advocates getting upset over the Patriot Act, created after 9/11. He said not to worry about the Patriot Act. The existing databases are staggering, and if people knew how much personal information is already out there, they would be astonished.

  The owner of a data mining company I talked with agreed. His company researches information on consumers for the advertising and marketing industry, and he confirmed that in a connected, online world, there is no privacy anymore. There’s even an iPhone app that does online background searches of personal databases—including the criminal activity of anyone you type into the program. Anyone can find out just about anything on anybody.

  How do we come to terms with a world where the price of convenience is giving up our privacy?

  » WE CAN START TO TAKE OUR LIVES BACK WITH THE ABILITY TO SAY NO.

  Where should we create boundaries? Where do we draw the line in saying yes and no? When do others push us too far? How do we know when others are taking advantage of us?

  Two issues are at stake here:

  1. How much do we reveal about ourselves publicly?

  2. Whenever we begin to change, people will notice, and not everyone will be happy with it.

  I worked with a television soundman who came from a relatively poor background with little education or training. He had married young, and his wife was in the same situation—no real education, no ambition, and no clear future. Because they were both so much alike, they lived happily together for many years, until my friend attended a business conference that changed his life.

  For the first time he realized the potential in the television industry and his own personal possibilities for growth. He went home with a real commitment to change his life. He first decided to enroll in night school so he could get his credentials as an audio engineer. Then he began attending more conferences, spending time with experienced engineers, and expanding his knowledge of the business. It didn’t take long for his supervisors to notice. Before long he received a significant raise, was promoted to assistant engineer at the facility, and got a bigger office and more responsibility. He was thrilled. All the hard work, extra effort, and changes he was making were paying off.

  His life was fantastic—except for one area.

  His marriage.

  While my friend had spent the last year learning and growing, his wife had stayed exactly where she’d always been. She wasn’t interested in change. She liked life just the way it was and wasn’t the least bit interested in this new life her husband was enjoying. That’s when they began growing apart. First, they had less and less to talk about over dinner because the new things my friend was interested in didn’t interest his wife. When he wanted to travel to workshops and seminars, his wife never wanted to go because she preferred to stay at home. Slowly, their lives began moving in two different directions.

  As he grew in the industry, he began taking more care in how he dressed, but she preferred the “old husband,” who wore jeans and T-shirts. She began criticizing him
for pursuing new interests, new friends, and his new career.

  Then she played the guilt card: “You don’t care about our family anymore. It’s all about you these days. What happened to the way we used to be?” And the manipulation began to work. He loved her and wanted to stay married, but she gave him no options: “If you want to stay with me, then you’ve got to stop this nonsense with your career and spend more time with me.”

  To make a long story short, her plan worked. Little by little, he stopped learning, meeting new people, and taking on new responsibilities at work. As she manipulated him, he became more withdrawn on the job and stayed mostly in his office. He hung his new suits in the closet and began wearing his old clothes again. His supervisors noticed a change, but he refused to talk about it, and before long, he was his former self once again.

  The bright future, unlimited possibilities, and destiny that lay within his grasp had now become an illusion.

  Keeping a marriage intact is one of the greatest accomplishments anyone can pursue, but because my friend didn’t understand boundaries, he allowed his wife to manipulate and coerce him into becoming someone else. Because he refused to say no and clearly understand his boundaries, he allowed someone else to control and determine his future.

  As you make changes in your life, you will encounter many people like my friend’s wife. People who prefer their drinking buddy, people who like having someone to gossip with, or who want to keep things the way they’ve always been.

  Even at the highest levels of business, control and manipulation are commonplace. Boards can manipulate CEOs, senior executives can manipulate staff members, and managers can manipulate employees.

  That’s why you need to understand personal boundaries. We all have friends who tend to be domineering, overpowering, and sometimes obnoxious. It comes from a number of reasons—insecurity, powerlessness, a need to feel as if they’re in charge. Whatever the reason, you have to move ahead.

  There are some cases where serious psychological and even pathological issues are involved. This sometimes happens in the case of abuse victims, whose lives are manipulated by the abuser to keep them isolated and away from other people. In other cases, I’ve encountered unhealthy relationships between mothers and sons, where mothers tend to influence their sons to an amazing extent far into adulthood, as if their sons have some type of weird spell cast over them. Those are serious problems that require serious help. If someone is violating your boundaries to that extent or you’re experiencing intense manipulation, I would urge you to seek professional advice and counseling.

  Most people, on the other hand, just wrestle with people who refuse to honor their decisions and their individuality.

  Early in my career, I briefly worked for a television producer who liked to dominate and control his employees. He would carry a gun in his briefcase to intimidate people and would humiliate and embarrass them in front of others at the studio.

  I’ve seen others who used money and salaries to control workers, or used office perks to favor some and hurt others. Even in an age of political correctness, sexual manipulation still happens at the office.

  Realize that having strong boundaries helps other people understand who we are.

  When we learn to say no, we’re helping other people learn where to draw the line in dealing with us. How far they can go with jokes, social matters, romantic notions, appropriate behavior, and more. Although we’re often afraid we’ll hurt people’s feelings by drawing solid lines, we’re actually doing them a favor and saving them from embarrassment. It may be awkward and uncomfortable, but it’s nothing compared to the potential pain of having to confront them later. Just speak up. Let people know where your boundaries are and how to respect them.

  » Boundaries are a critical key to taking ownership of our lives.

  More than five hundred years before Christ, Greek philosopher Thales said, “Know thyself,” and his advice is just as important today. Knowing our strengths, weaknesses, gifts, talents, and abilities is an absolute in the journey of change.

  Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world.

  —MIGUEL DE CERVANTES, NOVELIST

  I’m amazed at the number of people who fail in life because they haven’t examined their lives closely. They don’t know what makes them motivated, depressed, angry, or tired. They don’t know their limits or their stress points.

  It’s similar to the red line on the speedometer of your car. We all have days and sometimes weeks when we’re in overdrive. But people who know their boundaries recognize when they kick into the red line, and they adjust accordingly.

  They realize that within a short time, they must have a break or a vacation. But those who don’t understand their boundaries and limitations live in overdrive 24/7. They live in a perpetual state of stress, working too hard at the office, juggling too many activities with the kids, or overcommitting their time and resources. And before long, they begin to break down.

  Worse, they allow others to exert far too much control over their lives.

  Understand your boundaries. Know your limitations.

  Personal boundaries are invisible, and unless you point them out, you’ll become invisible as well.

  » JOLT #9

  THE POWER OF FOCUS

  Selective Thinking Is the Key to Breakthrough

  A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.

  —ARTHUR GOLDEN, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

  Focus 90% of your time on solutions

  and only 10% of your time on problems.

  —ANTHONY J. D’ANGELO, THE COLLEGE BLUE BOOK

  We can’t talk about disruption without mentioning the advertising industry. Right now, advertising and marketing are experiencing a very challenging time, and change is happening on a daily basis. I know because I’m a cofounder of a production company that produced two Super Bowl commercials in 2008. At the time, broadcasting thirty-second spots during the Super Bowl cost $2.2 million each. That doesn’t even count the cost of producing the commercials, which can be in the $1 million-plus range for high-profile spots.

  Why in the world do Super Bowl spots cost so much? The power of focus. When millions of people are focused with such intensity, thirty seconds is all you need to get your message across.

  Major advertisers have long understood the power of focus. As a media consultant, I meet people all the time who tell me, “Television doesn’t affect me. I can watch for hours and it doesn’t have any impact at all.” I read recently that the average American watches more than four hours of television a night, and my experience indicates that it’s not so unusual for people (especially young people) to view up to seven hours of television and computer entertainment on a daily basis!

  People may think it doesn’t have any impact, but most professionals like me beg to differ. Advertising agencies know that thirty-second commercials affect behavior, and they are willing to spend millions of dollars based on that belief. And if thirty seconds affects behavior, think of the impact four to seven hours a day can have.

  The point? In television as in life, focus matters.

  In the last ten years, “multitasking” has become all the rage. Doing multiple tasks at the same time has become the ultimate symbol of accomplishment. If you can write a book, make phone calls, keep your appointments, finalize the presentation, and solve an employee problem all at the same time, you’re considered a corporate genius in today’s economy.

  I know, because I’ve become a master at multitasking. I’m sure it’s connected to the fact that I’ve always been easily distracted, but believe me, I can juggle a lot and survive. Focusing was always a little difficult for me, so I made up for it by doing a ton of different things all at once. I could answer e-mail, make phone calls, finish a TV script, and organize my desk at the same time without even thinking about it. In fact, I could juggle at that pace for hours without a second thought.

  But then I noticed some interestin
g research that indicated multitasking wasn’t as productive as it seemed. In fact, balancing multiple tasks and juggling projects was far less successful than I thought. I learned that when people like me multitask, we make many more mistakes and often end up taking even longer to correct those mistakes.

  That’s when I started researching the power of focus—doing one task at a time and doing it really well. In a digital age, it doesn’t seem quite as fashionable, but the more I study it, the more I learn the benefits of this little-used skill.

  » FOCUS ALLOWS YOU TO TAKE CONTROL OF ALL YOUR SKILLS, INTELLIGENCE, AND RESOURCES AND PUT THEM TO WORK ON YOUR IMMEDIATE PROBLEM.

  Instead of doing five tasks relatively well, or with average skill, focus allows you to turn all that energy and effort into doing one thing at the peak of your abilities. And the results can be absolutely amazing.

  This very book was delayed because of my initial lack of focus. I’ve had this information inside me for years, but I continued to allow distractions to take me off course. Running two companies, consulting with numerous organizations, directing commercials and television programs—all pulled my attention away from the real dream of helping people through the power of change. As a result, for the longest time I would only work on the book in small snippets of time stolen away from other tasks and projects. I would either wake up early in the morning to write for a few hours, or grab a few minutes before bed. I actually wrote the last chapter on an airline flight between Atlanta and Los Angeles. As a result, I was writing as many as four different chapters at the same time. A few paragraphs here, a few there, and then I would shift to another section of the book when something else came to mind.

  In this culture, where multitasking is prized above all things, I should have probably won some award for juggling my normal routine and then finding fragments of time to write a book. But I finally realized that it wasn’t just my schedule that was becoming fragmented; the book was fragmented as well. As I read my rough drafts, I discovered that any sense of overall direction, theme, or sense of completeness was lacking. The book had snippets of good information but was lacking any real depth and wholeness.