Jolt!
Page 12
In M. Night Shyamalan’s movie Signs, a Pennsylvania minister has lost his faith and abandoned his calling because of the senseless death of his wife. But as the story unfolds, he discovers fragments of meaning in normally inconsequential events. Things others don’t notice begin to have enormous meaning for this former pastor. The Bible says in 1 Corinthinans 13:12 that now we see in part, and for him, the parts begin to make sense. Finally, as he is able to set aside his bitterness and anger, he begins to piece together the meaning and once again discover his faith.
So what can we make of this idea of ambiguity? How can we face a world without all the answers when we have deep questions and yearnings that we don’t understand?
Writer Peter Block suggests that we should stop looking for simple answers and start asking bigger questions. For things that really matter, you’ll find the real answer deep inside the question. It’s interesting that when the people of the New Testament asked Jesus questions, he turned right back to them with another question. Great teachers and philosophers throughout history have done the same thing.
These teachers understood the power of questions and how questions can be the key to real understanding. Life is complicated. Life is difficult. Life is not so neat. The obvious answers we’re looking for aren’t always in front of our noses.
» STOP WAITING TO FINISH.
Life is about the journey, not the destination. It sounds trite and clichéd, but its real meaning is more powerful than we can imagine. It’s written on cute motivational posters, but we ignore its real power. Stop waiting to arrive. As a young man, I spent most of my life “waiting to finish.” Driving in the car on summer vacation, I couldn’t wait to get there; in school, I couldn’t wait to get out of class; at work, I couldn’t wait to finish the project. Then one day I realized that I’ve spent most of my life waiting for something and never enjoying the process. I had missed most of life’s greatest moments in anticipation of something else.
Nothing reveals that frustration as much as watching your children grow. Our daughters are grown, and it’s amazing to realize that only yesterday they were sitting on my lap telling me what they wanted for Christmas. Kathleen and I watch home videos and wish we could go back, just for a day. They grew up so fast, and I wish I had been in the moment and relished those early days a little more.
My life is here and now. My family is here and now. My marriage is here and now. My career is here and now. The journey happens every day.
Dr. Larry Poland, founder of Mastermedia International in Hollywood, puts it this way: “Stop rowing and start sailing.” Dr. Poland describes most people as struggling against the wind, rowing, giving it their best but wearing themselves out in the process. They want to control their direction and force the boat to go a particular way.
Experienced sailors know that if they just relax a little, they can steer but let the wind do the real work. You might not go in the exact direction you prefer, and you might even wander off course a little. But knowing how to steer will still take you to the same place and allow you to enjoy the trip.
Sometimes, like a drowning man, we struggle against the very things that can save us.
Sit back, relax a little, and accept the mystery. Perhaps how you get there doesn’t matter quite so much. The writer of Ecclesiastes knew that we all end up at the same destination—dust. The only difference is how we enjoy the journey.
We can either celebrate the mystery and ambiguity of life or spend our years upset, frustrated, angry, and bitter because things don’t always go our way or finish like we wanted. Hospitals are filled with people who have allowed stress to break down their minds and bodies, and in a significant number of cases, it was stress over things that they had no control over.
I can’t change the weather, change other people’s behavior, or add a single day to my life. So I’m going to focus on things I can change and leave the rest to God.
As a believer in God I have to believe that God is in control, and for me to always demand answers is to assume his role. I’ve decided to sit back and let him be God and let me be me.
» JOLT #14
THE POWER OF GENEROSITY
Getting More Out of Life by Giving It Away
When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.
—NORMAN VINCENT PEALE
Generosity with strings is not generosity; it is a deal.
—MARYA MANNES, WRITER AND CRITIC
Early in my career, I produced an infomercial program for a client in Hollywood. In those days, infomercials were a new type of advertising and usually featured a thirty-minute program designed to sell products such as exercise machines, kitchen tools, or makeup. An old college friend recommended me, and since it was a new style of advertising, I was eager to be part of the project.
Until I met the client.
At first he seemed quite normal. His office was average, and he was located in a nice part of town. His secretary seemed nice enough, and everything about him appeared to indicate that he was a legitimate, effective producer.
But once we started working together, it didn’t take long to see that he held on to money with a vise-like grip. I was young and idealistic, so I ignored most of the warning signs, but as the project progressed, I saw that although he talked the talk, when it came to money, keeping it for himself was an obsession.
It’s one thing to negotiate better prices, but this guy would flatly refuse to pay any price he didn’t like. He would never pay for anything in advance, and once someone delivered, he would look for any reason to refuse to pay. In fact, when the entire project was over, he shortchanged me about five thousand dollars. When I asked for the money, he had his lawyers send a letter to intimidate me into walking away.
He was so tight, even his own partner called me later to apologize for his stingy and unprofessional behavior.
He has reaped what he sowed all those years ago. Not long ago, I heard that his clients had grown tired of being nickeled-and-dimed, film crews won’t work with him, and investors saw too much money going into his pocket and not enough going into the TV projects. His tight-fisted attitude toward money has finally cost him his career as a producer.
But I also noticed something else.
His stingy attitude toward money extended to everything else in his life. Because he refused to be generous with money, he wasn’t generous with his time, his relationships, or his business. As a result, he was a lonely man with few friends and a miserable life.
You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you.
—JOHN WOODEN, UCLA BASKETBAL COACH
The dictionary defines generosity as “liberality in giving” or a “willingness to give.” Most people think of generosity in terms of financial resources, such as giving to the poor or giving to church or charities. It is certainly that, but the most important thing you can learn about giving is that it’s a lifestyle.
» GIVERS ARE PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND THAT MONEY, TIME, LOVE, KNOWLEDGE, AND POSSESSIONS ONLY HAVE VALUE WHEN THEY CAN BE USED TO HELP OTHERS.
Thousands of years ago, teachers taught about giving and did so in terms of two possibilities. First, give to help others. Second, when you give, it comes back to you many times over.
But how can that be? How can giving something away benefit me?
I had a mentor early in my career who explained it this way: “When your fists are clenched holding something tight, you can’t keep them open to receive.”
Since working with that stingy producer many years ago, I’ve deliberately taken another approach. I’ve made generosity a vital part of our business and actively searched for ways we can help others through our limited financial and production resources. When we produce television programs or commercials— within the capability of our accoun
ting procedures—we try to pay people as quickly as possible. I want them to feel that we value their services and appreciate their commitment to our company. As a result, I’ve not only seen a rise in the quality of their work, but I’ve also had freelance crew members and vendors completely rearrange other projects in order to work with us.
We also work with numerous nonprofits, religious ministries, and social service agencies. We donate as much of our time and resources as we can to help them produce high-quality fund-raising and promotional video programming. Even when a client refuses to pay us, we still make a point to pay our employees, crew members, and vendors—even when it hurts.
That attitude and commitment have created tangible benefits for us. When we are in a financial or scheduling bind, our people or vendors don’t hesitate to take less money, change schedules, or give far more time and effort than is normally required. They’re happy to repay our generosity by giving of themselves and their resources.
Many times we’ll approach them with a project we’re doing for free for a nonprofit or ministry client, and they’re happy to participate without charging because they know we’re people of our word, who are generous whenever we can be.
Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy: true fulfillment.
—ANTHONY ROBBINS, MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER AND TELEVISION PERSONALITY
How can you become a giver?
First, understand it’s not about the amount of money. Lots of people will say, “Well, as soon as I get rich, I’ll become more generous.” But some of the greatest givers I’ve ever met have the least money. Grandmothers on meager pensions are sending a few dollars a month to help build orphanages. People barely making it are giving financially to help feed the hungry. Retired employees are mentoring younger workers. And single people with few financial resources are spending their evenings working with the homeless or families in need.
No matter where you are financially, you can begin a lifestyle of giving. After all, you have money for dining out, movie tickets, dating, other leisure activities, or a nice car. Chances are, you can find something to give.
Second, money is only the beginning of a lifestyle of giving. What other ways can you help someone in need? There’s probably a retired person in your neighborhood who needs help cleaning house, clearing out the gutters, painting, or getting to the doctor. One man was mowing his lawn and decided it would only take a few more minutes to mow his recently widowed neighbor’s yard, and that act of generosity has continued for years, saving her thousands of dollars.
What about at the office? Could you spend a few hours a week mentoring a younger employee? Could you give some time to organize a company outreach in the community? What about helping a coworker who’s going through a particularly difficult time?
No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
—CALVIN COOLIDGE, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
Third, take your generosity to a new level. Look around you. Want to make a real difference? Pick an area of interest and it’s not difficult to locate an organization working to change that particular area. Energy conservation, drug education and counseling, orphanages, arts programs, voter registration, church-based ministries, day care, literacy programs, youth outreaches, the environment, animal rescue, recycling programs, helping the elderly, global missions, feeding programs, mentoring, minority business consulting, and more. The list is pretty endless, and there are amazing organizations and ministries making a dramatic difference in the world.
But they need your help. Perhaps you can’t physically participate, but you can give financially. I know a young female executive who financially supports a charitable ministry building orphanages in Haiti. She’s never been to the island, but her monthly check is feeding hundreds of young children and providing them a place to live.
Others want a more hands-on approach. They want to do more than just give money, so they show up to work at soup kitchens, counsel troubled teens, build houses, or work in after-school programs.
Although I prefer personal involvement, it really doesn’t matter so much whether you let your money make a difference or give of yourself; the important thing is you’re giving back to the community and impacting the lives of people on a regular basis.
Fourth, think in terms of your expertise. I’m astonished at how few people think about using their personal skills and talents to help these organizations, when that approach may be the most significant impact you could possibly have. I recently met a man who had just retired from being the chief financial officer of a Fortune 500 company and was now volunteering at a faith-based organization working for peace in the Middle East. After more than thirty years of financial expertise at the highest levels of corporate America, he is now helping this organization make a major impact through fund-raising and strategic financial planning.
There is no greater joy nor greater reward than to make a fundamental difference in someone’s life.
—SISTER MARY ROSE MCGREADY
Perhaps you’re an advertising executive who could help a local social service agency promote its work or raise money. If you have experience as a builder, you could consider organizations that build low-income housing or help renovate homes for the poor or elderly. If you’re a graphic artist, you could design stationery, brochures, logos, and other print materials for charities, churches, or other nonprofit organizations.
A travel agent wanted to help a large charity that was actively involved in building water wells overseas, and he eagerly volunteered to dig wells in poverty-stricken countries. I made the following suggestion: “I’m sure they appreciate the help digging wells, but the fact is, you’re not very good at it. On the other hand, you’re a great travel agent. Have you ever offered to help book their travel to the various countries?” He thought about it and realized he had never mentioned what he actually did for a living to anyone at the charity. When he finally told the organization’s leadership, they were thrilled because travel planning was one of their greatest areas of need. He made the switch and has made a dramatic difference in their travel scheduling, booking, expenses, and the efficiency of their travel needs, saving them thousands of dollars in the process.
Jolt your wallet and your time, and when you do, remember that generosity is more than a onetime event—it’s a lifestyle. Build a reputation as a giver and see the incredible harvest that will result. Avenues of change will open to you as you reach out to help others. Never forget that you were born with great personal gifts and abilities. Find ways to use your skills to help those less fortunate, and your efforts will be multiplied.
» JOLT #15
THE KEY TO
PERSONAL CONFIDENCE
Overcoming Fear and Insecurity
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
—DALE CARNEGIE
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
—DOROTHY BERNARD, SILENT FILMSTAR
We had just taken off on a flight from Miami, headed to Heathrow Airport in London. We had been filming in Haiti, before the days that all foreign airports had computers, so just getting on an outbound f light had been a nightmare. We’d been up all night before leaving Haiti—hag gling with the airline—and after getting bumped from three flights, we spent most of the day in the Miami airport, having our tickets changed and plans rerouted.
About an hour into the flight, I noticed the flight attendants starting to get a little nervous. They seemed to be roaming up and down the aisles with more urgency than normal, with enough intensity to make me sit up and take notice.
That’s when the pilot’s halting voice came over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, we don’t want to alarm you, but Miami flight control has just relayed that they’ve received a message a bomb might be onboard this flight.”
The pilot spoke again, this time trying to be a little more encouraging. “Just to be sure, we’re going back to Miami because we always take these messages seriously. As a precaution, we’re going to dump our fuel over the ocean and then return to the airport.”
Interesting what you think about when you face possible death. Even more interesting was watching and listening to the other people on the plane.
Some quietly sobbed, others prayed out loud, but most sat deep in thought. I pulled out a small tape recorder and quietly turned it on, recording the sounds in the cabin. It was an almost mystical moment as people suddenly stopped laughing, reading, or talking, and began looking inward. Were they thinking about their families? Loved ones? Death? The hereafter?
Since that time, I’ve been detained and questioned while filming during military coups in foreign countries, been threatened on location by insurgents and rebels, crossed rivers filled with piranha, traveled with Bedouins in the deserts, and been so sick deep in the Amazon jungle I would have gladly considered death. But I’ve never quite experienced the feeling of fear as I did that day flying back to the Miami airport.
None but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear.
—FERDINAND FOCH, WWI FRENCH MILITARY GENERAL
Fear is a normal part of living. It keeps us out of trouble, warns us when we’re getting into risky situations, and makes us think twice when we get a little too bold for our own good. But excessive fear, like anything else, can hold us back. When fear gets out of control, it can paralyze and destroy.
For millions of people today, certain fears are simmering just below the surface. For most, you’d never know there was any problem at all. We keep them hidden away from public view, and we’ve mastered the art of disguise and concealment. In fact, some people spend their entire lives refusing to acknowledge these emotions. We spend an enormous amount of emotional effort keeping our insecurities, anxieties, and fears under control, but at a great toll on our emotional well-being.