by Talty, Jen
Well, that would backfire on him because she was about to give JD a piece of her mind. He could hold on to his survivor’s guilt and self-blame, but she wasn’t going to let him do so without fight.
She flipped through the channels of the television, doing her best to be as patient as she could. Tony never went down without fussing a bit, so she expected it could be a few minutes before JD made his way downstairs. That was if he didn’t jump out the window to avoid talking with her since he’d mentioned five times after dinner how exhausted he was and how he’d probably go straight to bed.
Fifteen minutes passed and still no JD.
She snagged her cane and hobbled up the stairs. He could yell at her all he wanted about putting weight on her foot, but they were going to finish that conversation. As soon as she turned the corner and peeked into Tony’s bedroom, she covered her mouth.
JD sat in the rocking chair with his eyes closed and a sleeping Tony sprawled out across his chest. Both of them looked so peaceful she couldn’t bring herself to disturb them. Careful not to squeak the floorboards, she hobbled down the hallway and slipped into the bathroom. Everyone dealt with grief differently, and she had no right to judge him; however, it had been ten years since he lost his family. While the pain would never go away, she knew from her own shitty experiences, life was still worth living and sitting behind a desk crunching numbers all day with the occasional booty call from the likes of Ellie wasn’t living.
She finished changing into her pajamas, even though it wasn’t even nine. Thankfully, JD had carried a stack of files up to her room. She could sit in bed and go through those. Thus far, they hadn’t found anything that stuck out as odd with the horses, except for Patch. He was still a mystery, and no one seemed to know who Bella had been dating during that time period.
It had even been rumored she wasn’t dating anyone, which JD said was impossible. Luke agreed, stating Bella didn’t go five minutes without a man in her life.
Annette flicked off the bathroom light. She groaned as she put a little too much weight on her ankle.
“Are you ever going to wait for me to help you?”
“Shit,” she mumbled, grabbing ahold of his shoulders as he came up behind her, scooping her into his arms. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry.” He hip checked her bedroom door and gently laid her on the mattress.
And then he did the unthinkable and propped up a couple of pillows and joined her. He stretched out his legs and crossed his ankles all while holding her hand in the air, and he appeared to study it. “How long were you watching me in with your son?”
“You saw me?”
“I heard you and then peeked one eye open and saw you turn and leave,” he said.
“Only a couple of minutes, why?” she asked.
“After I lost Susanne, I never left Zannie’s side. For three days, I was in the NICU. Two and half of those days I sat in a chair with my hand stuck in a tiny little hole so I could touch my little girl. They said that would help. But it was too late for her too. The infection had gotten into her blood. When they took her off the machines and placed her in my arms, that’s where she stayed until she took her last breath. When Tony fell asleep in my arms, I had my hand on his back, feeling him breathe. I was afraid if I moved, he’d stop.”
“Do you want to hear something really crazy?” she asked.
“Sure.” He dropped their hands to the comforter and turned his gaze.
“When I found out I was pregnant, I really hoped it wasn’t a girl because if it was, I knew I’d never be able to take her to the park, or let her out of my sight for a single second in fear a predator like my father would be lurking in some dark corner waiting to… to…” She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. The thought still terrified her to this day. Realistically, she knew it didn’t matter what sex her child was; the world could be an unsafe place. But that didn’t change her fears.
He cupped her cheek, fanning his thumb over her skin. “That’s not crazy at all.”
“And I worried…sometimes still worry that my sweet little boy has double whammy bad genes between my father and his father.”
“You know what I want to say to that, right?”
She laughed. “Luke and I’ve had this conversation a million times. Of course, the very same thing scares the shit out of him, but if Georgia Moon said she wanted a kid yesterday, he’d give her one because she’s all that’s good in this world. So, he figures it would counteract anything bad that our side of the family tossed into the mix. I just hope that bringing Tony up in a positive environment is enough to balance out the bad genes.”
“You’re a really good mom.” JD leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Tony’s going to be a great man someday, and he’ll always have a home here at Whiskey Ranch.”
“Thank you for that.” She took one of the pillows and placed it under her throbbing ankle. “I want to talk to you about earlier. I want you to know that I wasn’t trying to take away or belittle your feelings. I only wanted you to see that by not dealing with them, you’re barely existing.”
“I deal with them every day.”
She shook her head. “You let them torture you on a daily basis. You bring them to the surface for the sole purpose of making sure you live with the guilt. You think you’re protecting yourself from getting hurt like that again, but all you’re really doing is slowly emotionally killing yourself until one day, not so far off into the future, you’re going to be sitting somewhere on a front porch, by yourself, and you’re going to realize that life passed you by.”
“That is about the best psychobabble I’ve ever heard,” he said. “I almost believe you.”
“Do you know why you stick with Ellie?”
“Because she’s easy?” He let out a puff of air and rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Yeah, you did.” Annette smiled. “But she’s mostly maintenance-free. She’s not looking for love, money, or a baby daddy.”
“Thank God for small favors. Although, today, she seemed different. I can’t tell if she was jealous of you, or something else was going on. She never just shows up like that.”
She rolled to her side and got lost in his intense gaze. His blue eyes drew her in like the sun kissed the ocean.
He scooted down on the bed, propping his head up with his elbow.
“We’re doing it again,” she said.
“Doing what, exactly?”
“Letting conversation drift from the uncomfortable to things that aren’t as deep.”
“It’s been a long day, and I’m honestly tired of confessions and emotional baggage.” He rested his hand on her hip. “That said, I know you’re right about a couple of things, specifically the fact that the second things get too real with people, I push them away, and I did that with you earlier. I’m sorry for that.”
“Apology accepted,” she said with a smile. “I’m only trying to help.”
“I know. It’s just that the people I’ve loved the most, they’ve died. My parents. Chuck Holland. Susanne and Zannie. It’s hard enough worrying about my siblings and wondering if I’m going to lose them too. I can’t let anyone else get close.” He blinked. “Only I’ve fallen a little in love with your son.” He made an inch sign with his index finger and thumb. “He’s just too damn cute. When I was reading him a book tonight, he cupped my cheek.” JD reached out and touched her face. “And he thanked me. He just looked at me and said, ‘I phank you.’”
Annette buried her face in JD’s chest to hide the fact that behind her giggle were a couple of tears. “Sometimes I’m amazed by his sweetness.”
“And I’m amazed by yours.” JD tipped her chin. His warm lips covered her mouth like a fuzzy blanket. “Oh boy, am I in trouble,” he whispered.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t want to leave this room tonight, but if I stay, one of two things will happen.”
“I’m not going to die,” she said with an
exasperated sigh. “At least not today.”
“That’s not what I was going to say, but it did cross my mind.”
She cocked her head. “We need to work on your skewed thinking.”
“Well, if I stay, I’m either going to freak out on you in the morning and turn into an asshole because I can’t handle being with someone who’s more than a booty call.”
“Glad we’re clear that I’m not a one-night stand.” She bit down on her tongue. She knew she was taking a big risk with her own feelings by letting him stay in her bed because if he did decide tomorrow that being with her had been a mistake, it would crush her.
“I don’t ever want to treat you that way, but I can’t give you much more than a promise that when I’m with you, I won’t be with anyone else, so you can see why I might be concerned.”
“I’m not asking for a committed relationship. I’m only asking that you, for one moment, let your guard down and let someone in and that you remain honest with me, even if that means this never happens again.”
“I can live with that, can you?”
She nodded. “What’s the second thing that might happen?”
“That I lose my heart to you and that scares me more than getting on the backside of an angry bull.”
* * *
JD either needed to stop talking or stand up and leave the bedroom.
He chose to stop talking as he pressed his lips against Annette’s mouth, hard. He swirled his tongue around as if this were his last meal. His hands roamed her body, finding every curve and soft mound, but he was careful of her ankle and wrist. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, either physically or emotionally.
Deep down, he knew in the light of the morning, he’d have regrets. Not of being with her. No. He’d never regret that.
But of ending a relationship before it even started.
Of course, he wouldn’t do that tomorrow.
He’d pretend for a few days. Maybe a week. Or maybe as long as it took to figure out who shot at them and deal with the Ron situation. But eventually, sooner rather than later, he’d have to end this for both their sakes.
Mostly, though, because of Tony.
“Hey,” Annette whispered. “Where’d you go?” She cupped his face and stared at him with laden eyes and pouty lips.
“I’m right here.” He lifted his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side. There was no way he could get up and walk away from her now. The blood pumping through his heart burned hot with desire and need. No woman since Susanne made him spin out of control. “What the?” He hissed as she kissed and sucked his nipple.
Her hair cascaded over his bare chest. Her fingers worked gently at the button and zipper on his jeans. “What are you doing?” Gently, he fisted her hair and pooled it on the top of her head.
She glanced up with him, licking her rosy lips. “Do you need a play-by-play?”
He groaned. “No, but can we remove some of your clothing first?”
“Oh, I suppose.” She didn’t waste any time taking off her tank top, exposing the most exquisite round breasts with perfect, tight nipples. She also didn’t give him a chance to play with them before lowering her head and giving him a little treat.
He watched her shamelessly tease him with her hands and mouth, occasionally glancing up at him with her big blue eyes. Her thick lashes blinking wildly over the intoxicating orbs.
His breath came in short choppy pants. His vision blurred. He fisted the sheets in an attempt to remain in control for as long as he could. For the last ten years, sex had just been a physical act. It was something he did every once in a while to meet his manly needs and release some of the tension that had mounted inside him over the course of a few weeks to a few months, depending on his stress level at work.
Or how often the memories of Susanne and Zannie entered his mind and soul.
But with Annette, everything was different. This wasn’t a mindless romp in the hay that didn’t mean anything. This would change them both, and there would be no going back to the way things were before. He only hoped that he wouldn’t hurt her.
And that he’d survive in the long run.
“Time to stop,” he managed to ground out. As carefully as he could, he flipped her over on her back and pulled her pajama bottoms down her thighs and over her boot on her bad leg. He swallowed. Hard. “You’re beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like what you see.”
“Like is an understatement.” He knelt between her legs, uncertain of where to start. All he knew was that he wanted to take his sweet time with her, but he worried he’d be like a teenage boy and last all of a minute. He kissed her bad leg right above the boot the doctor had given her. From there, he made his way up her inner thigh.
A wave of dizziness washed over him. It was as if he were on a roller-coaster ride, and with every twist and turn, his heart rate accelerated. His mouth watered. His fingers itched to feel every inch of her tight body. She tasted like a sweet cantaloupe, and her soft moans filled the room, coating his body like a weighted blanket.
He’d always given great care to the few women he’d had sexual relationships with. Their satisfaction had been important to him.
But it hadn’t been the only thing that mattered.
With Annette, the only thing he cared about was pleasing her and bringing her the kind of pleasure she’d only fantasized about and would measure all experiences against in the future.
Quite an egotistical thought on his part, but it gave him something to concentrate on, because if he gave himself any thought at this point, he’d sure be a disappointment to her in the lovemaking department.
That, he couldn’t have.
He found every sensitive nook and cranny and gave them extra care, bringing her as close to climax as he could, only to slow things down, making her squirm and beg for more. He kissed her sweet nub, rolling his tongue over it, twisting and turning it while stroking her insides, knowing this time he needed to take her over the top.
She threaded her fingers through his hair, tugging, pulling, and pushing. Her knees clamped down around his head. “JD,” she managed in a breathy moan. “Yes, yes.” Her body quivered and jerked under his touch. “JD,” she called again and again.
He kissed his way up her taut stomach to her breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth, gently grazing it with his teeth. No way would he give her too much of a chance to catch her breath.
No. He wanted her climax to morph into the next one and never stop. Slowly, he pressed himself between her legs.
She arched her back and wrapped her legs around his waist, digging her boot into his ass.
He took her mouth in a hard kiss that had to have bruised her lips. His toes curled, and he fisted the sheets, thrusting into her without any control left. “Annette,” he whispered. He squeezed his eyes tight and buried his face in her neck while his climax slammed into her with the force of a category five hurricane, mixing with her orgasm and creating an intoxicating mixture that left him spent in her arms.
He figured it would take days before his heart rate returned to normal and he could take a breath without his lungs burning. It would also take a lifetime before he recovered from being with Annette. He’d never regret it. He couldn’t. She was the most amazing woman, but she deserved better than half a man.
And so did Tony.
The mistake had been him thinking he could possibly ever be whole again.
He rolled to the side and pulled the covers up over their bodies, snuggling in behind her.
“JD?”
“Yes?”
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“I’m wonderful.” It wasn’t a lie. Far from it. But it wasn’t the entire truth, either. He kissed her shoulder and settled in for the night. He wouldn’t leave her tonight. That would be rude, and he couldn’t do that to her. He cared more than he realized, and it squeezed his heart so tight blood wasn’t flowing to any part of his body. It was the kind of caring that turned to love, and t
hat was what he’d been avoiding most of his adult life.
* * *
JD hiked up his jeans and tiptoed out of the bedroom. He stopped at Tony’s room and peeked in. The little boy was curled up in the corner of his crib, snuggling with his new stuffed mustang that JD had bought him earlier that day. “I got it bad for you and your mama.” He tucked his cell in his back pocket and made his way down the stairs and out the front door where Luke waited on the front porch.
“Took you long enough.” Luke leaned against the railing with his arms folded across his chest. “Did I actually see you come from upstairs and not the back bedroom?”
“I was just checking on Tony.”
“Right,” Luke said. “It’s four in the morning. You’ve got no shirt on. The top button of your jeans is undone. You’re barefoot, and you’ve got bed hair.”
“What do you expect? You woke me from a deep sleep, and what the fuck are you checking out my jeans for?”
“Because you’re one sexy specimen of a man. I can see what my sister sees in you.”
“Oh, shut the fuck up and tell me why I’m standing here talking to your sorry ass when I could be waking up with a beautiful, naked woman in my arms and taking advantage of her seven different ways.” He waggled his brows for good measure.
Luke’s arms dropped to his sides, and his jaw slacked open.
“If you don’t want to know, don’t fuck with me like that, and I won’t toss it in your face.”
“Well, holy fuck.” Luke cleared his throat. “Georgia Moon gave this less than a week, and I told her it would take a lot longer than that for you to…to…well, shit. Just don’t break my sister’s heart.”
JD ran a hand through his unruly hair and let out a long breath. “That would not be my intention.”
“And I hear a but coming, and that’s not good enough.” Luke shook his head. “I didn’t come here to talk to you about your love life.”