A Tale Of Two Witches: Magic and Mayhem Book Five
Page 10
“I know what would make him happier,” he said in a gruff tone that made my Virginia sing.
“So do I,” I squealed, hopping off the bed and tearing my clothes from my body. Magic would have been faster, but a strip show was all kinds of sexy. “I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna run out to the kitchen and grab the whipped cream and some chocolate sauce.”
“Are you trying to kill me?” Jeeves asked, grinning from ear to ear.
Goddess he was beautiful. Naked and sprawled out on the bed like a Greek god—pure muscle with a package that made me drool.
“I’m gonna kill you with love and a blow job that you will never forget in this lifetime,” I purred over my shoulder as I swung my hips suggestively making him growl with desire.
Jeeves loved my ass, my boobs, my legs, my face and the rest of what I was—the inside and the outside. Jeeves truly loved me. I was the luckiest witch alive.
“Be right back,” I promised as I sprinted away from his grabby hands. “Don’t start without me.”
Looking right and left to make sure the coast was clear, I hightailed it across the living room and into the kitchen. In my excitement, I didn’t notice that the kitchen light was burning bright and I certainly didn’t notice Cookie Witch… but she very much noticed me.
The clearing of her throat made me pull my witchy trigger finger. Son of a butthole, I hated it when I pulled my trigger finger. Without a thought in my mind, I accidentally blew up the fridge and put a sizeable hole in the wall above the sink.
“For the love of the Goddess, girlie. You have children and a house guest,” Marge gasped out, waving her hands and dressing me in a freakin’ fabu Chanel nightgown and matching robe.
“Motherhumper,” I hissed and looked at the mess I’d made. The homemade whipped cream lay in a goopy melting pile on the floor and the chocolate syrup had exploded and covered a good portion of the ceiling. “You are one shitty house guest, Marge. You’re supposed to be asleep. And I’m supposed to be making Jeeves lose brain cells and beg for mercy.”
“Yes, well,” she sighed and wiped something green-ish from her face and hair. “I’m a little out of practice with people. Sorry about that. And for the record, that was TMI.”
“What was?”
“The part about you and Jeeves.”
“Oh. My bad.”
“Maybe I should stay somewhere else,” Marge said quietly. “I don’t want to cramp your style. I know you’re newly mated.”
“It’s okay,” I said, wiggling my nose and cleaning up the table area where she sat. There was no way in hell I was going to sit in unidentifiable foodstuff in my expensive new nightie. “I want you here. I don’t know why, since you tricked me into taking your job and you’re a pretty major cock block, but I do.”
“Thank you. I think,” she replied with a small smile. Swishing her hand through the air, a shot of icy blue magic shot through the kitchen righting everything I’d just blown up.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Welcome.”
We sat at the table and stared at each other. She really was lovely and also very sad. Was it because the Goddess had basically locked her out of the only home she’d known in forever?
Somehow I didn’t think so.
She had to have been so lonely there. Maybe she needed to get laid. However, I didn’t think she’d appreciate me butting into her personal life.
But then again, she’d just seen me buck assed naked searching for whipped cream to give my man a BJ…
Having a filter wasn’t in my wheelhouse, so I decided not to grow one now.
“Have you ever been mated?” I asked a surprised Marge.
Her response was a laugh—uncomfortable and embarrassed. “No, not really.”
“Mmm… kay,” I said, giving her a look. “Some would say when the Goddess was giving out brains, I thought she said trains and decided not to take the ride, but not really seems to be a weird answer to my question.”
“Sassy girl, you need to stop putting yourself down. You may not have all the book smarts in the world, but you have heart, and your heart is true. There are beings with IQ’s through the roof that amount to nothing. You’re already something. You’re a mother, a friend, a mate and witch with a tremendous amount of power to do good. You’re slightly unstable and your spells are a bit on the violent side, but finesse comes with age and practice.”
“While that was nice and possibly accurate—though I’m not exactly sure because part of it was in French—but I am smart enough to know that you’re avoiding my question.”
“See?” Marge said, poking me in the side. “You are smart. You’re beautiful, obnoxious and smart.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” I said with a tiny eye roll.
“It was meant as one, girlie.”
“So you’ve either been mated or not. Which is it?”
“Not,” she replied vaguely. “But…”
When I was being uncertain about things, Jeeves always waited patiently until I figured stuff out. It worked like a dream. Would it work on Cookie Witch? Only one way to find out.
I clasped my hands together and placed them on the table. I put what I hoped was a concerned expression on my face and focused on Cookie Witch with all my might. Pressing my lips together so I didn’t blurt out something inappropriate, I sat quietly and looked at her.
“Are you all right?” she asked with an odd expression.
“I’m great,” I said through stiff lips.
“You look kind of strange.”
“Strange, how?” I inquired, barely moving my face.
“Like you’re constipated, girlie.”
“Seriously?” I asked, deflated. “I was trying to do the thing where I make you talk by not saying anything. Jeeves does it all the time to me.”
“And it works?” she asked, perplexed.
“Well, yes,” I told her, unclasping my hands and twisting my hair in my fingers. “But I wouldn’t say he looks like he has to take a dump. He looks all hot and sexy and caring.”
“You’re going to need to work on that one,” she said, reaching over and tucking a stray curl behind my ear. “You need to get comfortable being you. You really are special.”
“So you were mated and he died?” I pressed on. I was receiving far too many compliments lately and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with them.
“In a sense, yes.”
“Vague much?”
“You’re speaking French now?” she inquired with a smirk.
“Apparently,” I shot back with a giggle. “I think it’s just rubbing off on me. So the dude died?”
She sighed and gave me a stern look. I gave it right back to her. I had four wild, gum smacking chipmunk sons. Stern looks were becoming very natural to me.
“Fine.” She gave up and ran her hands through her blonde hair. “He changed so much that it was like a death. He asked me to be his mate. I said yes. He never really loved me like I loved him. He just wanted the recipe to the substance that maintains the magical balance in the world.”
“The green shit that you want me to cook up and spread around in about a thousand years?”
Cookie Witch cackled and glanced up at the Heavens. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” she muttered to the sky.
“She doesn’t,” I whispered just in case the Goddess was listening. “You and I both know I’m gonna fuck it up. She picked the wrong witch.”
“There is no success without failure, young lady. Remember that.”
Damn that was good. “Can I use that one on my rodents?”
“Be my guest. Just remember it applies to all of us.”
“Soooo,” I said, getting back to Cookie Witch’s story about almost mating. “He screwed you over and broke your heart?”
She nodded and stared at me strangely. “You look so much like him, it takes my breath away at times.”
Wait. She was talking about my Sperm Donor? She’d been in love with the evil fucker th
at spawned me? How sad and gross and weird and gross. Totally gross.
“I’m really hoping you meant before the jackhole grew horns.”
“Yes, definitely before the jackhole grew horns. I don’t know what happened to him, but he chose darkness over me.”
“And there’s been no one else?”
She shook her head and stared at the table. She really did need to get laid. It had to have been hundreds of years ago that she loved my sperm donor.
“Do you know my mother?”
“I don’t. The only thing I know about her is that she’s a creator witch—like you and me and Baba Yaga. That’s why you can do my job—eventually.”
Marge didn’t know my mother… I didn’t know my mother either. Goddess, I wondered if my Sperm Donor even knew who my Egg Donor was.
Lovely. I was a complete blank as a person.
Taking all of that in, I tried to remember what my mother looked like and I found I couldn’t. Sadness gripped me when I realized I had no memories at all, and then I pushed it away and locked it up for good.
The past was the past and I was going to leave it there. I’d found my own happy place with people who cared what happened to me. While it might have been nice to have a mother, I realized I didn’t need one, and I didn’t need her to make me a good mother to my own children.
Even though she sucked, I was completely rockin’ motherhood with my rodents.
“She didn’t want me,” I told Marge, but for this first time I didn’t want to cry when I said the words.
“Her loss. She missed out on a truly amazing daughter,” Marge said softly.
At first my gut clenched at her words but then something warm and lovely settled in my stomach. A magic I hadn’t realized I possessed danced through my body making my fingers and toes tingle. Gasping, I grabbed the table so I didn’t float up and get stuck on the ceiling. Clear crystal sparks mixed with flecks of gold burst from my fingertips and danced around my kitchen like the magic that was dancing around inside me. What was going on here?
“Sassy, look at me,” Marge commanded. “Stay with me.”
“What’s happening to me?” I whispered, oddly not feeling scared—just strange.
“How do you feel?” she asked, placing her warm hand on my cheek and searching my eyes guiltily.
“I feel good,” I told her with a giggle. “Really weird and good.”
Cookie Witch’s concerned expression melted into a smile as she leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I think something very good might be happening here.”
“I think you’re right.”
“About?” Marge prompted.
“That my mother missed, out and you know what? My father did too. They both missed out on being loved by me. I would have loved them so hard if they had let me, but it’s okay,” I said all on one breath.
Jeeves entered the kitchen quietly, came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Can I join the party?” he asked, planting a kiss on my head.
“Are you still naked?” I inquired since he was standing behind me.
“Nope. Heard voices and got dressed.”
“Good,” I said. “No one but me is allowed to ogle your man junk for the rest of eternity.”
Marge’s eye roll and snort of laughter made me smile. Even though I was nuts, I knew she was happy to be with me… and she should be.
“I’m lovable,” I whispered, trying the words on for size.
“Are you?” Jeeves asked with a twinkle in his eye. “What makes you think so?”
Swatting at him playfully, I considered his question. “I’m loyal. I like that about myself. I’m a good mom and a good friend. I like that too.”
“And?” Marge pressed me for more.
“I’m funny and I mean well even if I use the wrong words. That’s a good thing. And I give a killer blow job.”
Marge groaned and let her head drop to the table. “TMI,” she muttered.
“My bad,” I agreed with a giggle. “I have no filter and probably never will, but I don’t lie. I love that about myself. I don’t use my magic for self-serving purposes anymore, or at least I try not to. That’s a good quality.”
“It most certainly is,” Jeeves agreed, seating himself beside me at the kitchen table and taking my hands in his.
“Although, I do admit Baba Yobuttbomb gets the credit for making me less selfish. Nine months in the magical pokey gave me a lot of time to think.”
“This is true,” Marge pointed out. “But you had a choice. You could have gone dark. It’s within you to do so, but you didn’t.”
“You’re right,” I blurted out, delighted with myself. “I freakin’ rock. I’m awesome and I love myself because I’m great!”
“Humility is a lovely trait too,” Marge pointed out, dryly.
“Shitballs, you’re right again. I’m just not used to caring much for me—got a little carried away there.”
Smiling, I sat at the table and told myself inside my head how much I loved myself and how I deserved the good things in my life. I didn’t want to say it out loud too much because Marge was right—it sounded pretentious. However, it felt really, really good.
“Will it last?” I asked, cautiously. “Will I still be lovable tomorrow? I mean, I think what did it was the strange magic inside me. Maybe it will go away.”
“Light magic arrives and it stays,” Marge explained. “As long as I maintain the balance, the light will always burn bright.”
“You guys wanna know something bizarro?” I asked.
“Absolutely, my Sassy girl,” Jeeves said.
“I think I may have had all this inside me always. I just didn’t acknowledge it.”
“Why do you think you’ve let yourself feel it now?” Marge asked, truly interested.
Wrinkling my brow in thought, I tried to puzzle it out. Too much thinking was wearing my ass out. “Because it’s time? Because I’m growing up? I don’t know… Did you do some hocus pocus on me?” I asked Marge, recalling the guilty look on her face.
“I may have pushed it along,” she admitted with an unapologetic shrug. “But I couldn’t have put it there if it wasn’t already in you.”
“You’re a sneaky old heifer,” I told her with a wide smile.
“Thank you.”
“Nope. Thank you,” I told her and meant it. “It could have taken me centuries to figure my shit out. And thank you for spreading the green goop. I think it’s working.”
Marge chuckled and shook her blonde locks making her look young and carefree. “Works for me. Which reminds me… may I use your kitchen tomorrow?”
“Be my guest,” Jeeves said, patting Cookie Witch’s hand warmly. “May I watch?”
Marge’s grin practically split her face. “Funny you should ask, Jeeves. The Goddess is impressed with your cooking skills. Since you and Sassy are bonded for eternity, and Sassy is a disaster in the cooking department…”
“Jeeves can make the goop and I’ll spread it?” I asked, feeling completely at peace with the arrangement.
“Yep!”
“It would be my honor,” Jeeves said, bowing his head to Marge in respect.
Her smile warmed me and I realized I loved her. Marge had been alone for hundreds of years. I needed her to know that she was loved too.
“I want you to be a bridesmaid in my wedding,” I blurted out impulsively.
“You’re really going to have a human ceremony?” she asked, delighted. “I’ve only seen them in the movies and on TV. I’ve never attended one.”
“Yes I am—with square dancing and karaoke. I’m having the whole ten yards.”
“Nine yards,” Jeeves corrected.
“Nope, I want the whole ten,” I insisted, giggling at his grin.
Tilting her head to the side and examining me with childlike wonder, Marge sighed. “I’d be honored to stand up for you, girlie. You will be a beautiful bride.”
“Awesome. Can I keep this nightie for my wedding night?”
“Kangaroo.”
Marge stopped dead in her tracks and paled. She gaped at my mate in confusion. “But there are no more kangaroos.”
“There’s one,” he said quietly. “Only one.”
Crossing back over to the table as if in a trance, Marge stood in front of Jeeves and repeated the gesture he’d just bestowed upon her. She bowed her head in respect. “Are you aware of your gifts?”
“I am.” He nodded, but said no more.
Wait. What in the hey hey was going on here?
“The Goddess truly knows what she’s doing,” Marge said with wonder in her voice, bowing once more and leaving us alone in the kitchen.
“That got a little hinky there at the end,” I said, staring at my mate. “What gifts was she talking about?”
“Kangaroos have many, my love,” he said with a suggestive gleam in his gorgeous silver-blue eyes. “Shall I show them to you in the bedroom?”
I knew he was avoiding the question, but I’d get it out of him sooner or later. However, the challenge he’d just laid out sounded far too good to pass up.
“Yes. Yes, I believe I would like that.”
“Race you to the bedroom,” he said as he hopped up and got a head start.
I may have lost the race, but the consolation prize was all kinds of awesome. My man really did have some gifts. Some really big gifts.
Chapter Fourteen
“Sweet Goddess buck ass naked on a tight rope fifty feet in the air over a fire pit of goblins,” I shouted, sniffing the delicious aroma in my kitchen. Jeeves and Cookie Witch worked the kitchen like they’d been cooking together for ages. “It smells like what I hope the Next Adventure smells like in here.”
“Do not eat the goop,” Marge warned as she swiped the sweat off her brow with her forearm. “I’m burning a batch of oatmeal scotchies for you and I’m making a batch of double peanut-peanut butter crunch for the boys.”
“Have I told you how much I luuuurrrve you?” I sang as I danced Cookie Witch around the kitchen. “You can live with us forever!”