Back to You

by Lauren Dane

  “I stopped by Chameleon and learned you were home today. So when I knocked and you weren’t around but your car was here, I figured you were either out here or having sexytimes with Vaughan.”

  Kelly laughed, feeling better already. “Thanks for worrying.” She sucked in a breath. “Sometimes I have like, I don’t know, a flashback, maybe? Like I’ll be with him, laughing about something, happy, and then a flash of what it felt to see his eyes that night. It wasn’t the hand in his pants. I mean, I was angry and hurt about it, but what killed my marriage was that flash in his eyes. It was satisfaction. He wanted me to see it. Wanted me to be pushed away. He wanted that empty hand job in a hallway with some random person he didn’t even bother to respect enough to get to know. More than me or our kids. And I saw it and knew it right to my very soul. There’s never, ever been a moment in my life that hurt as much as that glimpse.”

  Kelly unbound the French knot at the base of her skull and then twisted her hair up into a loose ponytail. Stacey leaned against the trunk of the tree at her back. Listening.

  “I’m happy. I have this life I’d written off as never happening with him. I could have had it with someone else, but it’s him. It has always been him. And sometimes that terrifies me.”

  “When the ex got all bitchy and used something you’d trusted Ross with to hurt you, it underlined how much you’re risking.”

  Kelly flipped Stacey off. “I wasted a few days of getting all emo and I really should have just called you instead.”

  “Ha. It’s not so hard to see. You love him. And I tell you with total honesty that he loves you. You divorced a shitty, passive-aggressive boy. You’re sharing your house with a man.”

  “But Ross is a man.”

  Stacey waved that away. “Apples and oranges. You were not in love with Ross. His telling the ex hurt you because you cared about him enough to trust him. Betrayal by a trusted confidant. Not the same as Vaughan not loving you the way you loved him.”

  “Ouch.”

  Chagrined, Stacey’s features softened. “I’m sorry.”

  “Comes with the best friend being a divorce attorney. You disclosed up front,” Kelly deadpanned as Stacey snickered. “Anyway, you get a weirdo who keeps track of how many squares of chocolate she eats per day. I think I got the better deal.”

  “You’re a total weirdo but not because you exercise religiously and count your chocolate. The fact that you want a Doctor Who tattoo makes you weird. That and your unfortunate love of dance movies,” Stacey said.

  Kelly loved musicals and dance movies of all types and kinds. “Your sad, sad refusal to find the joy in all the Step Ups is a continual disappointment to me.”

  “I find joy in all those shiny abs. That’s all you get. I even let you listen to the soundtracks when we’re in the car. Those things fall in the realm of normal weirdness.”

  “Like when you yell at the television when people confess things on the stand in movies?” Kelly teased.

  “Don’t get me started by pushing my rage buttons, missy. You were abused. That you have managed to build the life you have is about you, not her.”

  It was an argument they’d had a few times since Kelly had originally disclosed the details of her life with Rebecca in charge. “She was a bad mother, but I wasn’t abused. I had a place to live. Food on the table. Other kids didn’t. She never hit me.”

  “You know very well there’s more than one kind of scar. Does Vaughan know all of it?”

  No one knew all of it. Only Kelly and that’s how she planned to keep some of the very worst times. Those were buried under concrete. Far beneath the life she had now.

  “He knows some. Back then, when we first met I self-medicated. Amphetamines are fantastic for keeping your appetite low and your energy high. And then I got pregnant and shaped my act up. The chocolate thing started then.” Her midwife had casually suggested a therapist. Just to have someone to talk to because Kelly had been not only newly pregnant, but newly married, too, and stress was natural.

  In retrospect, Kelly knew her midwife could see Kelly’s panic at each pound she gained. Could see Kelly was on the edge and could use some help.

  It had been that doctor who’d given Kelly the tools to deal with a lot of the problems Kelly had solved more destructively before. “I work really hard to be a good mother. To never be like her.”

  “You never have to defend yourself to me. I see you. I know what you do. I know how far you’ve come,” Stacey said, her tone so fervent all Kelly could do was throw her arms around her best friend as she cried.

  Over her life, Kelly had developed a thick skin to general criticism and commentary on her appearance. Kelly’s first job had been a department-store children’s-line catalog and marketing shoot. She’d been four. As they moved from base to base, country to country, her mother still managed to send her out on auditions and calls until they moved to New York so Kelly could pursue modeling and acting.

  She’d been tossed into a very complicated economic, social and emotional hierarchy at an age she should have been doing algebra and going to dances. It toughened her up. Being judged usually didn’t bother her because she had enough of a sense of value. She’d earned that much.

  But she had her rage buttons, as Stacey called them. And being judged and found wanting when it came to her intelligence or her parenting really got to her.

  Looks faded. What mattered was the true heart of a person and she considered her children her heart.

  When she sat back, Stacey handed her a tissue and a smile. “If you apologize I’m going to be mad. You’re a fantastic mom and the ex attacked that. I get it. I would kick her shin so hard and pretend it was an accident for you any day.”

  “You totally would. It’s why I love you.”

  “Just think about it. Okay? Let him in a little. If he knows more, he can take more care.”

  Kelly knew Stacey was right. But she had no idea really how to go about sharing with him. “I’ll wait until it comes up naturally. Or until like another week or two because it’s not usually something that comes up naturally.”

  “Only if you’re in hell.”

  “Yeah, well. You’ve met Rebecca.”

  “Only once. And I’d like to keep it that way. In any case, I have reservations for two at a superswank restaurant on Wednesday night. But my date has been sent to Rome for work and I no longer need them. So, I propose to come over here, hang out with my girls while you and Vaughan go and use that table and have an actual date-type thing.”

  Kelly really was lucky to have Stacey in her life. “Yeah? You’re the best. I’m sorry about the cancellation. Is he the magazine writer?”

  “No. This one is an international contracts attorney. I’m only using him for a penis that knows my every desire. I’m trying to keep it casual and shallow so I don’t have to learn anything truly horrible about him until I’m ready to bolt.”

  With a snort, Kelly rolled her eyes. “So romantic.”

  “Pragmatic. Until the dude who makes me as goofy as Vaughan makes you shows up, a girl still has needs.”

  Laughing, Stacey lured Kelly from her tree house and they headed inside.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  IT WASN’T THAT Vaughan disliked Stacey. She had an easy, genuine affection for his daughters, which he approved of mightily. She and Kelly were close, like sisters. And, as Vaughan knew the power of that sort of connection, he approved of that, too.

  But Stacey knew all his dirty laundry. And it was hard not to feel embarrassed about it every time he saw her. She’d sat across from him and his attorney during their divorce and as the ugliness of the entire situation got worse and more of what he’d done came out, his attorney had gone on the attack and things had been said that Vaughan very much regretted.

  That it happened in full view of Kelly’s
best friend, that the knowledge of his smallest moments was in her gaze sometimes, was hard to get past.

  But she was part of this family, a family he was also working to be part of, so it meant trying to get to know this person who was so important to his kids and to Kelly.

  And she’d given him a chance to romance Kelly and came over to babysit the kids while he did it.

  “I really appreciate your doing this,” he said to Stacey as they got ready to leave.

  “It’s never a chore to hang out with Miss Madness and her partner in crime, Master K.”

  Kensey and Maddie thought this hilarious as they hugged Stacey.

  “What movie are we going to watch?” Maddie asked.

  “First there’s homework to check, I hear. Then we watch movies. None of them will be Frozen.”

  “Aww, why not?” Kensey asked.

  “Because I’ve seen it with you guys about eight thousand times already. I’m good with Elsa and Anna for like, the next forty years or so.”

  “Or until you have kids,” Kelly said as she entered the room. “There’ll always be a Frozen of some sort.”

  Damn.

  Vaughan couldn’t do more than stand there and stare at Kelly, who looked fantastic in a short dress in all sorts of blues. Long, long legs showed, ending with sparkling stilettos.

  It wasn’t as if he forgot what she looked like. But when she pulled out all the stops getting dressed up it could be like looking at the sun.

  “You look beautiful,” he said, trying not to appear as stunned as he was.

  She blushed. “Thanks. You, too. Always did clean up nice, Hurley.” Kelly winked and he offered his arm.

  “You two have fun. Yes, I’ll put them to bed at nine.” Stacey’s look made Kelly laugh.

  They kissed their daughters and headed out on their first date in a decade.

  Or, they would have if his mother hadn’t been on the front doorstep, her hand raised to knock.

  “Mom.” Vaughan hugged her. “What’s up? Is everything okay?”

  Sharon held up some bags. “A few things for the girls. I was out shopping for the baby.” Her smile went so deep and happy. Vaughan missed seeing her more often. “You don’t think I’d forget my girls, do you?”

  Kelly stepped aside, motioning his mother into the house. “Hi, Sharon. They’re in the living room with Stacey. They’ll love seeing you. Go on through.”

  “Oh. Are you going out? I figured that you’d be home because it was a school night.”

  Kelly stiffened and Vaughan sighed. “Yes, we’re going out to dinner.”

  “I gave them my dinner reservations at a lovely, dark, romantic restaurant. These two need time alone.” Stacey’s smile was pleasant enough as she came through to the entry where he and Kelly had been standing with Sharon.

  But she came to a halt next to Kelly, clearly there to defend. Things were tense and he hated it.

  “I like to spend all the time I can with my goddaughters. They just ran upstairs to put their homework away.” Stacey gave Kelly a little push out the door. “See you two later on. Don’t be late for dinner. Have fun, now. Sharon and I will be just fine with spaghetti.”

  Kelly shook her head. “It’s fine. You can take your reservation back. You have time. I have a closet full of clothes.”

  No way was he giving up dinner alone with Kelly. She’d taken time with her outfit. He wanted to look nice, too. Wanted to have this romantic few hours. She’d been a little withdrawn over the weekend after that scene at the carnival.

  “That would be totally silly.” Stacey pushed herself past Vaughan and Sharon and led Kelly out into the driveway. Vaughan took that opportunity to steer his mother farther into the house.

  “Why is she upset now?” Sharon turned on him, keeping her voice low.

  “Why are you so dead set on disliking her? What’s with the crack about school nights?”

  “How is that a crack? I asked a question.”

  “If your mother-in-law said something like that to you, how would you have taken it?”

  “I’m not her mother-in-law anymore. Unless you’ve done something stupid without telling anyone. Have you?”

  “Marrying Kelly again wouldn’t be stupid.”

  His mother’s right eyebrow slid up. He hadn’t seen that expression in years. “There’s a lot going on you haven’t talked to your family about. You want to correct that?” she asked.

  He heard the thunder of feet as the girls made their way across the second-floor gallery, heading to the stairs. “I can’t do this right now. Maddie and Kensey are coming back downstairs and if they had any idea of this situation between you and their mother they’d be really upset. We need to talk. I haven’t always...” He stopped himself. Now wasn’t the time to confess anything. He had a pissed off ex-wife in the driveway and his mother in his hall with two kids under twelve about to flip out with excitement that not only was Stacey there, but Nana was, too.

  Sharon sighed and patted his arm. “Come to the ranch next week. We’ll talk. I’m sorry if I upset anyone. I didn’t mean it as an attack.”

  “I love her, Mom. I need you to figure out how to be all right with that.”

  “You don’t know a damned thing, Vaughan. But we’ll talk later. Go, take her to dinner. Be a shame to waste all that dressing up. You two look nice.” With an annoyed sniff, she headed away, calling for the girls as she did.

  “I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want her in my house when I’m not here,” Kelly whispered as she and Stacey headed outside. “She clearly thinks I’m a terrible mother for going to dinner with Vaughan on a school night.”

  Stacey waved a careless hand. “Who cares if she does? Look, Shurley has issues. But Vaughan needs to deal with that. You will go to dinner. You will let Vaughan make this up to you with jewelry or a trip or whatever. I’ll be so pissed at you if you let this ruin your night. I’m here with the girls. Whatever her faults, she loves them to death.”

  Kelly’s biggest worry right then was that he wouldn’t deal with it. That he’d just let his mother get away with stuff rather than tell her to stop. Rather than reveal to her all his worst things.

  Stacey made an X over her heart. “I’m not going to poison her. Or make a thing. Especially in front of the girls. But she’s not all bad. There has to be a part of her who knows this is silly and wants to make things better.”

  “I can’t think about it anymore or I won’t go. If Vaughan doesn’t come out here in the next two minutes you and I are going out to dinner.” Kelly frowned.

  “Oh, so you’re mad now?”

  “Why does it feel like you wanted that?”

  “You’re better mad than sad.” Stacey shrugged.

  Vaughan came outside, a smile pasted on. “See you later, Stacey. Thanks again. If she gets... If it goes...”

  “I can handle this. Have a great dinner.” Stacey turned and went back inside, the sound of the locks being thrown an underline to her dismissal.

  Vaughan pointed to his car. “Ready to go?”

  “What the heck? Where did this one come from?”

  He opened the door of the sleek, black sports car. “I’ve had it a year or so. I don’t get to drive it as much as I want. Not a family car. But I figure, it’s a take-my-best-girl-to-dinner car.”

  Kelly made a noncommittal sound as she got in. He shut her door and went around to the driver’s side.

  They drove to the restaurant and he walked her inside, a hand at her elbow after giving the valet a look when he helped Kelly from the car. There was no mistaking the claim, the way he stood close, as if he dared anyone not to see he was with her.

  He used to be jealous, which considering his behavior was ridiculous. And he was blatantly holding himself out as her man as they approached the ho
stess. But it wasn’t scary or gross.

  It was nice.

  The hostess stared. Their server flirted with Kelly and after they’d ordered and were enjoying a drink, he took her hand. “Should we talk about the thing with my mom?”

  They’d avoided the topic in the car and she’d let him because she had some thinking of her own to do.

  Ugh. She’d rather avoid it and pretend it never happened. But years of that had gotten them where they were right then. So Kelly pulled up her big-girl panties and acted like a grown-up. “No. But let’s anyway.”

  He smiled and looked so handsome her heart stuttered just a beat or two. “She apologized, by the way. She didn’t mean anything by the school-night comment.”

  “Not to me.”

  He sucked in a breath. “Fair enough. To me, and I said it to you.”

  “It’s an apology to you to pass on to me. Not the same.”

  “You’re going to have to give a little, too.”

  She tried to pull her hand free but he kept it and she let him. “Oh, I am?” She knew her laugh had that slightly hysterical edge to it and she let him hear it. “Here’s the thing. I can accept that explanation. It didn’t have to be a negative comment. I don’t normally go out on school nights, as it happens. I can even be the bigger person and accept a half-assed apology given to a third party. But for you or anyone else to insinuate I haven’t given when it comes to the Hurleys infuriates me.”

  It really did. This was a big deal. Sharon was going to be showing up on the doorstep and if they stayed together there’d be holidays and gatherings and all that Hurley stuff.

  This situation with Shurley had to be handled or they’d never make it. Kelly realized that was a truth she had to face. Not long-term. They were a close family and did things together all the time. If Vaughan had to choose, Kelly realized he’d choose her and the girls. But part of him would wither and over time he’d resent her.

  “Even before we split it was clear I’d never be rugged enough or whatever it is everyone else has but I lack. For years I tried until it was just a relief I didn’t have to deal with any of you except for visitation.”