Back to You

by Lauren Dane

  Maddie began to sing it. Her voice was already strong. She had the same depth her uncle Ezra had.

  And as he listened to the lyrics, Vaughan realized it was a song about a woman loving a man and letting him go. Vain as it might be, he assumed it was about him.

  Once they’d gotten home, he was already formulating a plan.

  “I have an idea. Kensey, do you want to be part of this birthday present for Mommy?”

  “Heck yeah! I can dance. She likes my dancing.”

  “Course she does. I think that’s perfect. You two want to go to the ranch? I need to pick up a few things.” Now that his work space was coming together above the garage, he wanted to bring one of his smaller amps and some of his stands over.

  He texted Kelly to let her know he was going to take the girls over to see his parents and would be sure they got fed, did their homework and were home by nine. Then he called his parents to make sure they were around and up to company. They both sounded thrilled at the chance to see their granddaughters so he loaded everyone into the car and they headed off to Hood River.

  * * *

  “DO YOU MISS living here, Daddy?” Maddie asked as they waited for the big iron gate to open leading up the drive to Sweet Hollow Ranch.

  “I’ve been gone on tour longer than the time I’ve lived with you guys.” He rolled his window down, loving the smell of the fields, of clean air and green things. “I love this land. It’s part of me, and part of you two, as well. But it’s not too far so when I need to be here to help your uncle Ezra and Poppa work the land, that’s good, too.”

  “Mommy should be here, too. Will she now?” Kensey asked as they pulled into his parents’ driveway.

  “I’d like that, too, sweetie. It’s complicated adult stuff. But that’s the hope, yes.”

  Minnie—the dog that was technically his and the girls’ but who’d defected to his parents—ran out at his father’s side on her teeny little corgi legs.

  The girls had plenty of love for Grandpa and the dog and when Sharon came out, they ran over to hug her, as well.

  Vaughan hugged his parents, too, and they all headed into the large kitchen and dining room.

  “How about pizza? Poppa can go pick it up, along with some chocolate milk,” Sharon asked.

  “You two can do your homework while you wait and then it’ll be done so you can hang out with your grandparents and eat without that hanging over you.”

  They didn’t argue, but eyes were rolled. He let it pass because heaven knew he and homework didn’t have much of a relationship. They did well in school, which thrilled him. They could eye roll here and there as long as that kept up.

  “I need to grab a few things from my place,” Vaughan told them.

  “Your brothers are all over at Ezra’s,” his father called out. “Have dinner with them so we don’t have to share Maddie and Kensey with you.”

  “You can have the dog, though. She’s antsy and all the walking will tire her out,” his mother said.

  Vaughan loved how his mom pretended she wasn’t talking in baby voices to the dog and feeding her peanut butter sandwiches when he wasn’t around. “You want to go see Loopy and the pig?” Vaughan asked Minnie, who danced around, barking excitedly.

  “Okay, then.” He bent to kiss the girls. “Behave for your grandparents. I’ll be back in a bit.”

  Normally they’d have asked to come along, or at the very least gotten up to walk him out. This time they just nodded and said they’d see him later and that was all the thought they gave him.

  It wasn’t until he was standing in his studio at home that he had an epiphany. He was no longer an unusual quantity for his children. They took him for granted the way they did Kelly. Their assumption was that he would be back and get them home by nine. Their assumption was that even though they’d just seen their grandmother the day before, she was still a rarer sight than Vaughan.

  “What do you know, Minnie? I think I’ve unlocked a dubious and yet totally normal parenting achievement.”

  He loaded his stuff into the car before heading over to Ezra’s to see what was up.

  * * *

  WHEN VAUGHAN WALKED into his brother’s house, it was to hear his other brothers, Damien and Paddy, giving Ezra shit over a statement that Ezra craved Tuesday and was uncomfortable with it.

  Well, a guy turned his back for a month and he had to jump back into everyone’s life at full speed.

  Ezra was a control freak. He’d been out of control and his entire life had burned to the ground. Ever since he got out of rehab all those years ago, he’d rebuilt that life with a patient and yet firm hand.

  At the same time, Vaughan knew the shame of what he’d been like when he’d been a drug addict still hung around Ezra’s neck like a weight. A weight of his own choosing as the rest of the family had long since forgiven Ezra’s sins.

  If Ezra was throwing around words like crave it meant he was still using it to keep Tuesday from getting too close.

  “I think it’s interesting you use the word crave,” Vaughan said as he fully entered the room. If he could help it in any way, Vaughan would push his brother into making the right choice. And he thought Tuesday was that right choice.

  “The prodigal Hurley returns. Pull up a plate and something to drink. We’re poking Ezra about his love life,” Paddy said.

  Vaughan headed to the kitchen where food was laid out. One of the things he missed the most about living at the ranch was getting to eat his sister-in-law Mary’s excellent food.

  They’d come a long way from those barely-out-of-school shitheads with some instruments, a van and some dreams. Still, those early days weren’t all bad.

  “It’s times like these I miss getting drunk, fighting a bunch of assholes in an alley behind a crappy little dive and crashing with a black eye and blood on my shirt in bed as the sun came up. Life was simpler back then.”

  No one spoke for long, tense moments and Vaughan started to feel bad that he’d dropped a bomb into a nice dinner. But then Ezra started to laugh. A deep belly laugh and everyone relaxed.

  Ezra flipped Vaughan off and then tipped his chin at Paddy and Damien. “It’s okay to laugh, you know. I’m not going to run out and buy heroin because Vaughan brings up our storied and violent past. But if I do you can blame him in therapy. I will.”

  Ezra gave Vaughan a one-armed hug as he walked past, grabbed some more food and headed into the living room. Paddy continued to poke at Ezra about the whole crave thing and Ezra clearly tried to tune him out but it didn’t work. Everyone knew one another’s weak points and how to get a rise from their sibling.

  Finally, Ezra just blurted out, “Needing something on that level isn’t stable ground for a junkie.”

  Paddy nodded. “Fair enough. Do you see the situations as similar?”

  “I know the difference between a woman and drugs.”

  Vaughan heard the defensiveness in Ezra’s voice, but it was Damien who addressed it before anyone else could.

  “Stop being such a defensive dick. I might even agree if you were a junkie. But you aren’t. You used to be. Now you’re just a grumpy asshole who could be getting laid a lot more regularly but would rather punish himself by holding what he needs away to prove some sort of point that does not matter. You kicked heroin. Tuesday is not drugs. She’s not an addiction. You’re not out of control for liking a woman a lot,” Damien said.

  Ezra growled as Damien kept sneaking food from his plate to the two kittens who owned Ezra. Ezra barked at Damien to stop feeding the cats; Damien ignored him.

  Essentially, a day that ended in a Y, then, for the Hurley brothers. It wasn’t his house that he missed, but this sort of camaraderie.

  “I’m going to spoil the fuck out of all your goddamn kids. Know that right now,” Ezra grumbled like it was a t
hreat.

  Vaughan snorted. “Too late. My girls already have more shit than they need and it’s got Hurley written all over it. Kelly’s family are assholes, but you people send my kids so much stuff. I had no idea how much stuff until I was at their house on a daily basis.”

  “Yeah, so what’s going on with that?” Ezra leaned forward, taking the opportunity to change the subject.

  But Vaughan was smarter than that. “Nope. I’m here to talk about you. And to pick up mail and some clothes. The girls are up with Mom and Dad having pizza and when that’s over, I’m taking them home because they have school and Kelly will punch me in the throat if they’re back after nine.”

  “Are you living there now?” Damien asked.

  He started to tell them the whole story, but he also realized Ezra wanted that. Wanted the attention off him and on Vaughan. And if anyone needed pushing to get what they needed from life, it was Ezra.

  He’d share soon enough. “In the guest room. But again, first we talk about Ezra and then I’ll talk about what’s going on in Gresham.”

  Ezra frowned, but gave in, answering. “There’s not much more to say. I have what I guess you’d describe as a girlfriend. It’s far more serious than anything I’ve done before and I’m mainly okay with that. It’s not like no one knows about it. Hell, Paddy and his girlfriend just spent four days with me and Tuesday last weekend. I’m done talking about it. Thank you for being concerned.”

  Paddy flipped Ezra off. “I’m more nosy than concerned. I figure you two have it handled. She’s got as much dark, tragic backstory as you do but she’s strong. She doesn’t take your shit, which I like.”

  Vaughan hooted, ignoring his sadness that he’d missed seeing this firsthand. “Ha! Do tell.”

  Which they did. Filling Vaughan in and then also updating him with news from their lives, too. Mary was getting irritable and ready to give birth. Paddy was considering asking Natalie to move in with him, and Tuesday was going to relaunch her business as an art gallery.

  “Now you. We’ve told you about our lives. What’s happening in yours?” Paddy demanded.

  “I’m working on some solo stuff.”

  Each of his brothers reacted a little differently, but none of them seemed upset or angry.

  “You leaving the band?” Damien asked.

  “Hell no. I just have some material and I don’t think it’s our sound.”

  “But if it’s your sound, it’s our sound,” Paddy argued.

  “No. If it’s our sound, you’ll want to change it. Make it yours. Make it Sweet Hollow Ranch. And I don’t want that. I love the band. I love making music with you. But this is different.”

  Ezra nodded, petting a cat while the other one had fallen asleep in the small space between Ezra and the chair arm. “Okay, tell us about it.”

  But it was nearly eight and he had to get moving.

  “Next time. I’ll be over here next week. Having lunch with Mom. I need to tell her everything. She has misgivings about Kelly that aren’t based in truth. And I’ve let that remain the case for years. Time to pay up. I want you all to understand what Kelly did and didn’t do after the divorce. She doesn’t feel welcome here and I get why.”

  Vaughan stood to go.

  “Natalie and Mary were talking about this the other day. I think we all misjudged her and that’s not cool. I’d be really upset if you guys did that to Mary,” Damien said.

  “All I ask is that you get to know Kelly and give her a chance. And I can’t do that if she doesn’t feel like anyone wants to know her at all.” He had this family. This support. They loved Mary and Natalie and Tuesday, so why the hell not Kelly?

  “Fair enough,” Paddy said as they all walked Vaughan over to his car. “I want to hear your stuff. Just because you’re doing it solo doesn’t mean we won’t all be there for you. To help if you want it.”

  Hearing that from Paddy—the brother also known as Make-It-Perfect-Paddy—meant a lot. They’d clashed on the making of the last album over Vaughan’s approach to the material. He respected Paddy immensely and it had frustrated him, made him feel as if he’d never measure up. But this was so much better.

  And what he’d needed.

  He said his goodbyes, grabbed the girls, dropped off the dog and headed back home. Where he wanted to be more than anything else.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “I NEED TO make a trip to New York,” Kelly said as she finished up her last stretch and headed to her water bottle.

  The sun had been up awhile, but it was still that pale morning light and it lent their room a pretty glow.

  Not at all hurt by the gorgeous man in nothing more than pajama bottoms and a naughty look on his mouth, either. Watching Kelly do yoga was one of Vaughan’s favorite activities, it seemed. He’d lounge in the nearby chair reading, dealing with his own business stuff or writing. He never bothered her or made noise and she’d grown to like having his energy around.

  “Can I come?”

  “Really?” She was so afraid to hope, afraid he’d make light of it or not take it seriously.

  “Yeah. I’d love to go back with you. I can hang with the girls while you’re working and then when you have the time we can do family stuff. Maddie was a baby the last time I was in New York City with her.”

  His smile was so wonderful, so full of love and happiness that it made it hard to breathe for a few moments. She loved him so much, so fiercely, it had marked her to the core. There was never not loving him.

  Even before Kensey had been born she’d begun to miss him. It wasn’t that he was working and she was home. Kelly had loved being home with Maddie.

  It was that he had a whole other life when he left the door. And he liked that.

  So his absence in her life had been a low-level ache for a very long time. One she figured would never leave her. Because despite all that, she’d never been able to not love him. She’d tried. God knew she’d tried right up to planning to marry someone else.

  Vaughan wanting a family with her had been all she’d ever desired when they’d divorced. And it remained her chief wish. That expression he wore was enough to untie several knots she’d had in her belly for a long time.

  And she let herself believe a little more.

  “If we left Friday after school and take a red-eye, we can stay through Wednesday. I don’t want to miss the grand opening of Tuesday’s gallery the following week.”

  “Friday to Wednesday is totally doable. Let me check in with Ez, just to be sure he won’t need me. Since the girls will be out of school by week’s end, I thought it’d be a good idea to put our idea of having them more involved in the land into practice. Bring them out a few times a week.”

  He’d made it a point to insist the girls be home with them over the summer break and she hadn’t argued. They had plenty of fun when they headed over to the ranch. Vaughan had a pool there. There were horses to ride and all that land to run and play on. Plus their uncle Ezra had all sorts of animals he’d let Maddie and Kensey name. Naturally all the goats were named Marshmallow.

  “Good. They need it. They’ll have a cousin soon so that’ll be fun for them, too. Just remember to give yourself time for your music. You need that.”

  He stood, pulling her into a hug. He was warm and smelled of sleep in their bed.

  “What’s that for?” Kelly asked.

  “I’m working on the solo project I told you about.”

  She took his hands. “You didn’t say much then. Will you tell me about it now? Maybe play something for me?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. I’d like that. Later? I’ve got something to do first. I’m headed to the ranch this morning. I’m having a late breakfast with my parents.”

  “Okay. I can’t wait to hear the details. I’m excited for you. Proud.” And a little concern
ed he might be separating himself from them. As awkward as it was to be around his family, she never wanted him to cut himself off. She understood how important they all were to one another, and as a unit. As much as she wished she was included in it, she’d never want him or their children to cut that off.

  “I was planning to walk them to the bus stop this morning anyway and to pick them up and take Maddie to piano and Kensey to ballet. If you left now you could miss traffic and spend the day. I know you miss them, Vaughan. It’s one of the best things about you. I’d never ask you to give that up. It’s as much a part of you as the color of your eyes.”

  “You think so? Even with all the shit between you and them?”

  “I’ve thought about this over the years. About why your family and I never clicked. Most of it is about how I came around. They didn’t know me at all and there I was, young and pregnant and your wife. And there was no prenup.”

  Oh, Sharon had shit the bed over that. It had been the biggest weapon in her arsenal during the divorce and the year or so after when things were at the very worst.

  “She had no right to do or say any of that.”

  “No, she didn’t. And it was your job to tell her that. But you didn’t. So you both failed.” Kelly cleared her throat as the shock passed over Vaughan’s face. She’d never tell him, but Kelly had wanted to say that for years and now that she had, another layer of weight lifted and the space between them wasn’t bigger at all.

  Just the opposite.

  He listened to her, which was why he’d reacted the way he had. Regret replaced the surprise.

  Kelly let out a long breath. “That’s in the past for me. I needed to say that. And now that I have, it’s gone. I told myself I’d forgiven you, but I hadn’t. Not until right now.”

  He hugged her again and she let herself believe he’d changed. Let herself believe she’d changed, too.

  “Thank you,” he murmured as she stepped back.

  “As I was saying. First impressions are important and mine was not good. Not that there was anything wrong with me and they should have tried to get past their preconceptions.” That needed to be said, too. “But you come from a good family. A strong family. That family loves our children and even if I’m never as liked as anyone else, I want that for them. Don’t cut yourself off from that over me.”