Rebirth of the Seer

by Peter W. Dawes

“Because you can’t love something you deny.”

  “And I cannot be human again. Shall I switch of all emotion entirely?”

  For a brief moment, I wondered if we were yet speaking of the same thing. Monica furrowed her brow and said, “You know what I mean,” while sounding just as confused as I had become.

  “No, I do not.” My hand lifted, finger extending to point toward my chest. “I am doing what has been asked of me. I am paying for my sins. None of this seems to be good enough for you – I must now spend the remainder of my days pretending the urges I quell and the bloodlust I yet sate are part and parcel of being a human being. It is not fucking good enough I have crawled on my knees to get where I am today. I must now be fucking delusional on top of it all!”

  “That is not what I mean and you know it!” Monica’s voice cracked. I saw her eyes turn glassy in direct defiance of the flames of wrath she continued to exude. As she came to a stand, a chill ran through the air, something which brought with it a shiver unlike any I had ever experienced. The hand poised by her side balled in a fist while the other hovered in the space between us. “I meant connecting with the core of what it means to be a seer. You go through the motions without really caring about it.”

  I scoffed. “What the fuck do you know about what I care about?”

  “In fact –” She paced closer. “– I bet you still don’t give a shit about anything but yourself. No human. No immortal. You’re too set upon your damn pity party.”

  “I care about a great number of things, I shall have you know.”

  “Like what? Name one thing – just one fucking thing – I dare you.”

  Our gazes locked. I paused, taking a half step away from the argument I had sought to avoid in the first place and felt a metaphorical knife jab into my stomach. The one answer which burst forth into my mind with clarion certainty was the very one I could not speak in such a moment of irritation. So, I scoffed and looked away. “I do not have to list my affections to you to prove a point.”

  The edge to my voice all but gone, it had still subsided enough for hers to waver. “You really like that I can’t read your thoughts anymore, don’t you?” she asked, nearly sounding wounded.

  I frowned. “My word is suddenly not good enough.”

  “I just want one thing, damn it.”

  My eyes found hers again. There it sat, on the tip of my tongue, but the annoyance in her gaze drove it further down my throat. I sneered, instead. “I am left, once again, to wonder how your little inquisition is helping me.” She stepped closer, but I flashed a look of warning and felt my fangs strain to descend. “You harbor the most bullshit, idiotic romantic side I have ever seen in a mortal, witch, and I am growing tired of it.”

  She thrust her hand forward. I neither saw it coming, nor had an opportunity to react. A burst of psychic energy threw me off my feet and sent me flying onto the floor below. The force knocked my glasses off and sent a bolt of pain racing from head to feet. “Bloody hell, woman!” I called out, covering my face. “What was that all about?”

  I had enough time to scramble for my glasses and thrust them back onto my face, but little more. As I opened my eyes, I saw Monica standing at my feet, hands raised with palms facing up and a determined look on her face. My legs tingled, a colony of invisible ants crawling up my back until another telekinetic force drove me to a stand again. My jaw hung slack while Monica huffed. “Some seer,” she said. “Letting a little girl knock you around. He can control his thoughts, but he can’t block the most basic psychic manipulations.”

  So the fight had become metaphysical? Two could play this game. Flipping my hand to the side, I brushed away her mental hold on me. “Is this another of your lessons, witch?”

  “Maybe. If you’re not too dense to listen to this one.”

  I growled. “I am not the dense one, my dear.”

  “Ha!” Rearing back, Monica thrust her hand forward again and sent another shockwave headed straight for me. This time, I sensed it coming, holding onto my footing enough to stop myself from falling over. The violent jostle knocked my sunglasses askew again, though. I readjusted them, eyes narrowing. “I’m not the one hiding behind something,” she said.

  “Is that right?” My already-straining fangs finally descended. I sneered. “You are hiding behind nothing? Shall I plumb the depths of your thoughts and see just what lies inside your heart?”

  “As if you knew how. As if you’d recognize what you saw there, Peter.”

  In a flash of anger, I raised my hand in much the same manner Monica had and watched as she stumbled backward. She reached for the arm of the couch to stop herself from falling. I felt a current of electricity run the length of my body, my fingertips tingling much the same way my leg had. “You… bloody stubborn woman and your quixotic ways.”

  “Quixotic, quixotic, quixotic. You’re a fucking broken record.”

  “I was thinking much the same about you.”

  Monica righted herself and threw both hands forward again, palms facing me. I felt the impact again, but managed to block it entirely this time. A smug grin tugged at the corner of my mouth. “You are going to have to do much better than that,” I said.

  “Wow, he learns a new trick.”

  “I have plenty more from where that came, Pet.”

  One of her arms lowered. The fingers of her other hand curled, though, mimicking the action of choking. Her emerald eyes darkened; her gaze full of anger. “Do you ever see past your own bullshit, Peter? Huh? Because that’s all I see right now and it’s knee-deep and piling high.”

  I motioned forward, but could not move. A burning sensation ignited around the circumference of my neck, sharp jabs of pain accompanying it which reminded me of fingernails. My eyes widened in surprise. The challenge had escalated to a new level.

  Still, I was not about to be bested by a wiry little imp. Indulging a deep, steadying breath, I sank deep into concentration, teeth gritted despite the points yet protruding downward. We seemed locked in a stalemate, until I watched Monica grit her teeth as well, a sheen of sweat rising on her brow. She gasped and with one break in her focus, I found the opportunity to strike.

  My sights locked upon her outstretched hands and threw them back, breaking her hold on me. Extended behind her, they made her look like a bird in flight, the heave of her chest more prominent with her in that position. I stalked forward, my sneer melting into a cunning smile when I noticed her unable to move. “Fascinating trick,” I said, closing the distance between us and reaching to stroke her face. Our eyes met, hers still large with surprise. I thought I saw her breath hitch when my thumb brushed across her chin. “I must say,” I continued, “This would have been a handy trick when I was yet feeding on humans.”

  This marked the end of Monica’s patience. In a glorious act of defiance, she produced a guttural-sounding yell and ripped her arms violently from my hold. The shock generated threw me back and from there, instinct took over. I reached out as I lost my footing. While the intention had been to grasp whatever would stop me from falling, the thing I took hold of was not tethered to anything herself. Monica flew forward with me and together, we toppled to the floor like dominoes.

  I hit the carpet first. My sunglasses were knocked haphazard once more. Only milliseconds later, Monica landed atop me and yelped in surprise just as I groaned and reached to right my glasses. Hearing the whimper which followed, however, knocked me from my rage-induced stupor and my own discomfort faded quickly, given over to concern. As I opened my eyes, I saw her wince and clutch her chest. “Monica?” I said, wrapping an arm around her to keep her steady.

  Her face was flushed and locked into a grimace until her eyes finally opened. As she looked down at me, her gaze shifted from distressed to inquisitive and I found myself unable and unwilling to break the stare. Her chest rose and fell on top of mine. Her breath slowed and the longer our bodies remained in contact, the more I felt the sentiments which had gnawed at me for days surge to prominence. The chor
us of excuses I had used to explain every last one of them silenced the moment my fangs snapped back into hiding. The impulse racing through me was strangely and inexorably human.

  She swallowed hard and rolled to the side. I settled her onto the floor, but lay on my side and continued looking down at her, entranced. “Are you alright?” I asked, my voice a soft whisper. “Monica… I am so very sorry. It was not my intention to hurt you.”

  “It’s okay.”

  Her hand slid to her chest, fingers massaging where she had been wounded. I touched her hand with mine and coaxed it away so I could coast my hand across the injured area. Still, I could not find the resolve to glance away from her face. “Are you certain of this?”

  “It just stings a little. That’s all.”

  “Should I take a look…?” The question seized in my throat. I felt the steady rhythm of her heart and became aware of her pulse quickening when our fingers continued touching. The breath I indulged sounded shaky; my words uncharacteristically uncertain. “… I take a look… at it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  I leaned closer before I stop myself. My lips met hers, brushing skin softly against skin as my eyes shut. Her mouth opened and at first, I could not determine if the action was involuntary, or meant to entreat. The superficial embrace spread a current of warmth into the center of my chest, however, and desire rushed headlong in its wake, whispering a plaintive command for more. As I pressed my mouth harder against Monica’s, the forceful kiss caused her to jump and she tore away from me to scramble to her feet. I opened my eyes and panicked when I saw how swiftly she distanced herself from me. “Monica, wait.”

  “No, I-I-I…” She wiped at her lips with her shirt sleeve. Her shaky hand fell to her side. “I just… I can’t do this, I’m… I’m going outside for a walk.”

  “Please, wait.” Standing, I wavered on my feet, my mind still reeling after such a dizzying episode. I watched her dash around and chased after her. “I apologize for losing my temper with you, and I…”

  “It’s alright, Flynn. No worries. Happens to the best of us sometimes.”

  “Bloody hell, Monica, would you please wait?”

  She rushed to where she had left her boots and plucked them from the floor. I saw her cast several wary glances at me as she sat in the chair and started slipping them on. “I’m the one who lost their temper. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “But, I…”

  “Never mind. It was an accident and I forgive you, just... I need to be alone right now.”

  “Goddamn it, woman.”

  “Please, not now.” Her last shoe slid on without any effort, enabling her to make a swift exit out the front door. “I’ll be back later,” she said as it swung shut, and in a note of heart-wrenching finality, the door slammed and left me standing in the room, alone with its echo. I stared at it, brow furrowed, mind attempting to sort through what had just transpired. There I stood, more baffled than I had ever been as either mortal or vampire.

  It was an accident?

  What the devil had she meant by that?

  My eyes remained set upon the door. “What in the name of the Fates just happened?” I asked, not needing to keep the inquiry to myself. My hand rose to rest upon my head, fingers tangling with my hair and sorely tempted to grab a handful and tug. One moment, I had been enraged enough to throw her across the room. The next, I had the overwhelming urge to kiss her. While I could not yet decipher why one event had led to the other, I knew something with absolute certainty.

  The time had finally come for us to talk about it.

  I spirited to where I had draped my coat. No, this was the moment of truth and I was not apt to let it slip away into the night. Regardless of how little or well I could grasp the human condition, one epiphany had managed through the fog and now, could not be ignored. This was the elephant perched in the corner of the room. This was the thing without a name we had danced around – her drifting closer to me and me, to her. This was the alien sentimentality; the most human of emotions and explained why I understood it the most when entangled somehow with Monica. The wiry imp had woken a part of me and now, I looked to it as my sole salvation.

  So, why the hell was I still standing there?

  “You… stupid vampire,” I said as I threaded my arms through my sleeves and brusquely adjusted my coat into place. I did not bother with the buttons and only slipped on my shoes when I saw them by the door where I had left them. I let her run out into an uncertain night and while she was no longer injured, my instincts told me she should not be left alone to fend for herself regardless of her request. I sighed and dashed out the door, rounding the stairs down to the foyer while maintaining an internal monologue.

  ‘You fucking bastard, ’ I thought, ‘What kind of daft moron are you anyway? The girl attempts to help you and you respond by hurting her. Idiot. Damn accursed idiot; it takes you this long to decide to be frank with your own watcher? And she had the notion to call you Peter. ’

  Grumbling, I threw open the main doors and ran onto the sidewalk, ignoring the chilly air impacting with me. Following my intuition, I jogged in one direction first, then changed course and sprinted the other way when I caught no sight of her in the distance. I finally saw her figure and increased the pace of my run. “Monica!” I said, unapologetically yelling. “Monica! Please, wait! I wish to speak with you.”

  She huddled her arms close to her chest, steam rising from her mouth as she struggled to ignore the cold. Much the same as she ignored me when I raced to her side and stripped off my coat. “Monica, please stop and come back inside, it’s freezing out here,” I said as I draped my coat across her shoulders.

  She clutched onto the coat, but refused both to pause and to look up at me. I increased the pace of my stride in order to keep up with her. “How long do you plan on pretending I am not here?”

  “What do you want?” she asked curtly.

  “To talk.”

  “I told you, I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

  “You cannot simply run away from me.” I reached up to rub my temples, warding off the headache starting to form. “I apologize for acting out against you. I did not mean to insult you or harm you. Could you please forgive me?”

  “Sure. Whatever. Now go back inside and leave me alone.”

  “Do not address me as a child. I know what happened between us and why you want to be alone.”

  “No, you don’t, Flynn,” she said, stopping abruptly and turning to face me. Her eyes were glassy. The expression on her face turned pained. “You’re incapable of knowing, after all, isn’t that right?”

  “Damn you, I may be confused, but I am not stupid.” My hand lifted from my forehead, pointing back toward the apartment. “I am asking for us to speak about what happened in there as mature creatures.”

  “No, you’re not the stupid one. It’s me. I’m stupid for thinking you might actually stop hiding behind your shadow and be able to see what’s in front of your face.” She looked away, and despite clenching her eyes shut, could not stop a tear from sliding down her cheek. “Nothing happened. It was a foolish mistake and nothing else.”

  Stepping closer, I wiped the tear from her cheek. I bent at the waist, saying, “I disagree,” before pressing my lips against hers in a forceful gesture.

  She yelped and pushed me from her, eyes opening just as mine did. “Leave me alone, Flynn,” she said, a half-hearted tone of warning in her voice.

  “No,” I said as I pulled her close and held her soundly in place. “If we must have this discussion out here then fine, we shall have it here and now. But I wish you to look me in the eyes and tell me you do not care for me. You and I have spent two weeks becoming entangled while trying to pretend it is not happening. You wish me to reconnect with my humanity? Well, let me be frank with you. You are the one person who makes me feel human. You are the only person who believes in me and stirs that mortality into life. I have not loved anything in years, save but for Lydi
a and she is gone.” My fingers teased with the locks of her hair. “I care for you, though. Tell me you have not grown to feel the same and I shall leave you alone.”

  Another tear fell from her eyes. She hesitated, looking first to me, then away with her eyes closing as more tears seemed ready to follow. “Why do you do this to me?” she asked. “I’m not supposed to be thinking the things that I do when I look at you. It’s blocked, and it’s wounded, but there’s a soul inside of you that you let slip when you’re not too busy second-guessing yourself. When I see it, I see exactly what it was that brought Lydia close to you.”

  Her lids lifted slowly, her gaze rising to meet mine. “I see Peter,” she whispered, “And it’s hard not to fall in love with him when I do.”

  The arrow found its target and brought a grin onto my face. I nodded as her nervous heart fluttered and wiped the remainder of her tears away with my thumb. “Then call me Peter,” I said, “Since that is the part of me that you have brought back to life.”

  The dam of self-restraint that Monica must have been holding back burst, compelling her to throw her arms around me and hold onto me tightly. I kissed the side of her head and breathed in her scent, but felt her pull away from me just enough for the side of her face to press against mine. Our noses touched. Her hot breath brought a prickle to my skin. My eyes shut again and her lips brushed against mine, awakening that desire that had ignited when we lay upon the floor. I motioned forward as if to kiss her, but just as I did, an eerie chill infected me and ripped me suddenly from the moment.

  All thoughts of longing were rapidly replaced by dread. The hair on the back of my neck stood aloft for the first time since Sabrina’s demise. Our embrace would have to be delayed. I exhaled a sigh rife with tension, but dared not move as I sensed our interlopers closing in.

  Monica tensed in my arms. “What is it?” she whispered.

  “There is an ill presence in the wind,” I said. “Vampires approach and I am unarmed.”

  “Do we have time to get away?”

  “No, they are almost upon us.”