by Thomas Gomez
“Goodness Henry! How did you even get the kid out on the dance floor?” Cheyenne questioned me as soon as I got there.
“Yeah, how did you? He never does that for any of us!” Brittney scolded.
“What did you say to get him to say yes?” Cheyenne questioned again.
“Nothing really, I just told him it was my birthday and that he had to do it for me,” I stated.
“That’s all?” Brittney seemed slightly annoyed, “he never says yes to me and I beg him for hours.”
“Well I guess he’s feeling a little soft today?”
“Don’t act like you don’t see it!” Sam scolded from behind me as I turned to face her. “You know he would only do that for you and no one else. He probably wouldn’t even do it for his own mother.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, confused.
“I think she’s right Henry. He would only do that for you,” Brittney added.
“You guys are crazy. He’s just being nice today.”
Sam turned and shouted to John from across the room, “Hey John, want to dance with me?”
“Yeah, right, there’s no way I'm getting back out there!” He sassed.
“Oh yeah, he’s pretty generous alright,” Sam spoke sarcastically as she turned to face me.
“What does that prove? He was just out there with me; of course he wouldn’t want to go again.”
“Face it Henry, John’s only soft for you. He would never go out there again in a million years, unless of course, you were the one who offered him,” Sam smirked.
“She’s got you there Henry, just face it, you’re the one he likes.” Cheyenne added.
“Likes? I’m sorry but am I the only one in the world who knows how John feels? John’s straight you guys, he doesn’t like me.”
“Humph, could have fooled me,” Sam taunted.
“This is stupid. I don’t want to have this conversation here, not now at least.”
“Everyone knows how you feel about him Henry; it’s no secret, even John himself knows,” Brittney stated.
“Yeah, John knows. He brought it up a few times when we were planning,” Cheyenne added.
“What do you mean he brought it up?” I asked, confused.
“I mean, he asked me if I thought anyone would bug you about it during the party. He figured that someone would say something about him going through all this trouble just for you. He knows that you like him and he’s well aware that everyone thinks he likes you too. This isn’t news anymore, it’s been known for a while. He just didn’t want you to get hurt at your own party,” Cheyenne explained.
“You see Henry, he knows all about it. Even he hasn’t denied it. So why are you?” Sam added.
“I'm not denying anything. There’s nothing to deny because you’re all lying. Maybe he does know that I like him, but he doesn’t know what you guys think of him. I know John; he would have said something by now.”
“He’s only trying to spare your feelings. He knows that if he tells you the truth it’ll just hurt you. If I were you, I wouldn’t want someone telling me they didn’t like me back,” Sam continued to taunt me.
“That’s enough, Sam, just leave him alone,” Brittney sassed.
“Well he needs to understand that he’s stuck in an endless loop and unless he admits to John how he really feels, he’ll never get out of it. I’ll give you a chance, Henry. Either you go tell him the truth or I will. What’s it going to be?” Sam proclaimed.
“You’re wrong, Sam, you have to be wrong. I don’t want to go talk to him about something that personal if you’re wrong. I’d rather save myself the embarrassment.”
“Fine, you’ve won yourself the easy way out. I suppose I’ll just have to go tell him myself,” Sam scolded as she walked toward him.
“Oh no, what am I going to do now? She’s going to tell him everything and I’m not ready for that kind of change.”
“Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. Trust me if John’s really your friend, which he is, then you’ll be fine, I promise,” Cheyenne spoke attempting to comfort me.
I turned away. I didn’t want to look John in the eye when he found out the truth. Unless, he already knew the truth like they said he did. It didn’t matter, either way I was too embarrassed to look him in the eye. This had to have been one of the most awkward moments of my life.
I wasn’t ready to admit my true feelings to him yet. He always knew I was gay but I never would have imagined that he knew I had feelings for him. Ever since we met in high school I’ve had a crush on him. He had always seemed like the perfect guy. He was sweet and sincere to me no matter what I did and on top of that he was remarkably attractive. Sam was about to ruin an amazing friendship and I wasn’t sure what I’d do without him.
“What’s happening? Does he look mad or anything?” I asked as I faced Cheyenne and Brittney, not wanting him to see me.
“He actually looks pretty concerned right now. And it almost seems like he’s mad at Sam, not you,” Brittney stated as she attempted to read his expression.
“Oh no, Sam and John are headed this way,” Cheyenne added warily.
I stood there for a moment, still facing Cheyenne and Brittney. I could feel my body tense as I grew nervous. My heart began to race. Just then, I felt John place his hand on my shoulder to turn me around.
“We need to talk, Henry. Go in my room and I’ll meet you there in a minute. I have to speak to the girls first,” he spoke cautiously.
“Alright John, I’ll see you in a minute,” I sounded nervous, oblivious to what he’d say to me.
As I began to walk away I glanced at Sam and she winked at me in a very devious way. I was so mad at her for what she’d done. This wasn't just bad for me. I thought John would be hurt to know hanging out with me would cause everyone to think he was gay as well. I didn’t want to ruin his reputation with his friends and co-workers. It’d ruin his life if they began to taunt him for it.
I walked toward his bedroom door and noticed a few people staring at me. They knew something was going on and I felt bad for ruining the party for them. I knew this talk would end the party. John probably wasn’t very happy at this point and our chat would probably make him even angrier. I opened the door and closed it behind me as I walked in.
His room was beautiful and very elegant. There was a massive king-sized bed centered on the wall facing me. The bed frame was a solid black finish with a padded headboard. There were two solid black end tables on either side of the bed, each with chrome fixtures and stylish designs. On the wall to the left was a dresser that resembled the end tables. It had a large mirror attached to it and on either side of it were doors. The door on the left led to the massive walk-in closet and the door on the right led to the bathroom.
The wall to the right was covered in large windows that reached from ceiling to floor. There were windows just like them out in the living room but they had been covered up for the party so it would be dark enough to surprise me.
There was a glass door in the middle of the wall that led out to the balcony. Through the windows you could see a small French cafe table and two chairs on either side of it. The balcony wasn’t large but it was big enough to have a couple of guests out with you.
He wasn’t out on the balcony much. Occasionally he’d have breakfast while the sun rose or dinner while the sun set. Usually he’d sit out there to escape from everything when he wasn’t having the best of days, and that was how you’d know something was wrong.
Next to me, on the right, was a computer desk. The desk was also black, resembling the rest of the furniture, and had a laptop resting on it. I walked over to the desk because a picture had caught my eye.
I noticed it was a small frame that had a photo of me and John in it. The frame was a gift from me that had been decorated in Christmas ornaments and there was a small snowman sitting in a field of snow in front of it. I looked at the picture and laughed at it. We were at a Christmas party at Sam’s house and someone was making
fun of us for being secretly ‘in love.’ John laughed at them and, jokingly, he kissed me on the cheek to show his ‘affection’ for me. Cheyenne happened to take a picture of it before John pulled away.
It was a fun party and we all taunted each other after having such a late night. That next day Cheyenne had given John the photo and he put it in the Christmas frame I bought him. I didn’t know he still had it out since it was already late spring.
I stared at the frame for a minute before noticing the computer screen. The clock read one o’clock in the morning and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Time had gone by so fast and no one seemed to notice.
John finally walked through the door and then closed it behind him. He looked at me with glum eyes. “Take a seat, Henry.”
I walked over to the foot of the bed and sat down. I looked at him with wary eyes as I waited for him to reprimand me. He walked up to me as he spoke, “do you have anything you want to say first?”
“I love your gray and purple bedspread, it looks nice,” I smiled nervously and then realized the stupid remark I had just made.
“What? No, that’s obviously not why I wanted you in here.”
“I know. Sorry, I’m just not thinking straight right now.” My cheeks grew red with embarrassment.
“Thanks anyway, I figured you’d like them.” He spoke slowly, confused.
“So what was the point in this?”
He sat down beside me as he spoke. “I’m not exactly sure how to do this. I was hoping this could wait till later,” he sounded wary.
“Just say what’s on your mind, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine,” I lied.
“Alright… well I know everything. I know how you feel about me and I know what everyone’s been saying about us. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, so… I don’t feel the same way about you and I don’t think I ever will. I’m straight, Henry, I doubt that will ever change.”
I took a moment to process what he said. I couldn’t decide whether I should be hurt or relieved that he wasn’t mad. “I know John. I tried to explain that to the girls but they’re stuck on their idea of us being together. I’m sorry for putting you in the middle of this.
“I’m not worried about myself, Henry. I’m worried about you. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“It’s all right, I’ll be fine, and I’ve been in the same situation since the day we met.”
“That long? Wow, I knew you’ve liked me for a while but I had no idea it was since the day we met,” he spoke, astonished by what I said.
“Well, yeah, don’t you remember what happened?” I questioned.
“Yeah, kind of, but I don’t understand what made you like me so early on?”
“Have you looked in the mirror?” I teased jokingly. “But, that’s not all that made me fall for you, that was just the icing on the cake.”
“Enlighten me, please.”
“Well I remember it was my sophomore year and the year had just started. I had just moved to Brooklyn a month before school and I wasn’t the most outgoing person, so I hadn’t made very many friends yet. The second week of school was still pretty lonely and then you transferred into my class. The teacher made you sit by me and I didn’t really like that because I hated showing new kids around and I assumed you’d ask. But, when you sat next to me my heart nearly fell to the ground. I was still just realizing I was gay and I hadn’t exactly been able to accept it myself, but when I saw you I knew for sure what I was.”
“Wow, you never told me that!”
“I didn’t think you’d feel comfortable knowing it. Anyway, at that moment I began hoping you’d ask for directions. I wanted you so badly but I knew I should at least learn more about you at first. And, not to be mean, but back then you kind of gave off the gay vibe.”
“Thanks a lot Henry,” he said sarcastically.
“Sorry, I just thought I’d let you know. Well I remember you asking for directions and I took your schedule to see which classes you had. I was happy to see that in addition to our first period we also had lunch and fourth period together. What I was upset to see was that your schedule stated you were a junior, which meant that you’d graduate before me and leave me all alone for a year.
“I walked you to class and gave you directions to all your other classes as well. You said you wanted to hang out with me during lunch so you wouldn’t have to sit alone on your first day and of course I was going to accept.
“At lunch we decided not to eat so we just sat down on one of the benches outside the lunch room. Some idiot jock passed by and called me a queer and I was so angry, not because of what he said, but because then you knew and I didn’t know if you’d be okay with it.
“Then I truly fell in love with you for what you said to me. You told me you didn’t care what I was and that you were my friend either way. I was so happy that I couldn’t care less about what that jerk had called me. But, then you told me you were straight and suddenly I hated him. I figured it would have been better for you not to know for a while then to find out the first day.
“I tried to forget about it so you wouldn’t notice my feelings for you. You became my best friend from that point on and I never stopped liking you. Though I thought it was as obvious to you as it was to Cheyenne and Brittney. They knew from day one that I liked you. Plus I always gave you special gifts on holidays, even for Valentine’s Day,” I laughed at the memory.
“I guess I was always an airhead,” John laughed as he made fun of himself.
“It’s pretty corny, but I would say it was love at first sight,” I smiled.
John laughed before he spoke. “Wow! I can’t believe I didn’t notice sooner.”
“Yeah me neither.”
There was a short pause and then he spoke. “Well I'm sorry about Sam and the others. I hoped today would be free of drama but what can you expect with Sam around. Not to be mean, but she can be a real bit-”
“John!”
“What?” He asked sarcastically while laughing.
“Ugh!” I flopped backward on the bed, exhausted. “I’m beat! I can’t believe it’s already one in the morning. I guess you don’t realize you’re tired until you notice the time.” I stated.
“Oh, the party. I completely forgot there were still people here. I guess I’d better clear out the place.”
“Yes, please do, I want to sleep already.”
“Don’t get too comfortable, you still have to drive home.” He spoke as he walked out of the room.
I heard John announce the end of the party and asking everyone to leave. I could hear their footsteps through the door and in minutes the apartment was empty. I could hear John putting a few things away and then he came back to the room. I was nearly asleep when he walked in. My eyes grew heavy and my body shutdown.
“Henry? You have to get up, the party’s over.”
I groaned as I turned in the bed to get comfortable.
“Ugh! I suppose you could spend the night here. But, the couch isn’t very comfortable so we’ll have to share the bed. Is that okay with you?” He asked. I groaned once more as a response. “As if I had to ask, lover boy,” he laughed as he mocked me.
“Shut up!” I yelled, only it wasn’t as loud as I intended.
“I'm just playing, gosh,” he smiled as he walked into the closet.
After about a minute he came back out ready to sleep in mere boxers. His boxers were white with small tan colored seagulls scattered along them. He looked beautiful and I was in awe at the sight of his bare torso.
He had a perfectly sculpted chest and abdomen. His arms were buff as well and his skin was perfect and even toned. He appeared like an angel before me. I couldn’t believe the beauty of the man I called my best friend. It was like looking at the digitally edited body of a model in a magazine, perfect.
He glided over to the bathroom to brush his teeth and further prepare for bed. While he was inside I stripped down to my boxers as well and threw my clothes to the floor beside the wind
ow. I pulled the covers over by body and got comfortable. He came out after a few minutes and walked over to the nightstand on the left side of the bed. He plugged his phone in to charge, laid it on the nightstand, then shut off the light and climbed into bed with me.
I couldn’t see anything as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I could feel him shifting beneath the covers. He had moved around until I could feel his foot lightly touching mine, then he stopped and settled in. I half smiled in the darkness as I felt him touching me. The moment was comfortable and I lay there beside him wishing that nothing would change.
As my eyes adjusted I began to see my surroundings. The moonlight was emanating from the windows after me. I then realized that John had fallen asleep already, almost instantaneously. I lay there staring at his beauty and I loved how adorable he looked when he slept. I admired him for a few moments before he began shifting again.
He switched from lying on his back to lying on his left side, facing me, and he had gotten closer. If we had been just a half foot closer our noses would have been touching. I loved it, it was comfortable and just what I had always wanted. I wished this would last forever, but I knew it would end sooner than I’d wish it to.
His body was warm and I could feel that warmth emanating from him. I realized I was cold and curled up beneath the covers. My hand slid along the top of the covers and I accidentally brushed John’s hand. I left my hand there touching his and after a moment he had intertwined his little finger in mine. I grew happier and even more comfortable. Our little fingers were intertwined and he had done it himself. The moment was perfect.
After a moment of analyzing the situation I had realized what others had already known. I noticed something that would change our friendship, something that would change everything. I realized that I was truly, madly, deeply in love my best friend.
Knowing
As I awoke I turned my head to find that John wasn’t in bed anymore. I sat up and looked around the room. I noticed a trickling water sound emanating from the bathroom and I assumed he was in the shower. I lay back on the bed and waited for him to finish.