by Thomas Gomez
“Come on,” I realized I was speaking to him like a mom and it freaked me out, so I changed my tactic. “Babe, I need help in the dressing room while I try on a few things, please?”
“I suppose I could help you get dressed,” he said smiling. Cliche, but effective.
“You're such a man.”
“Your point? Would you rather be with a girl, because I know someone who-”
“Just shut up!”
It was nice to be back to our normal selves, always playing and never serious. It was fun and I missed every second of it.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw an older couple whispering. They were disgusted by our relationship, but two men in love was nothing out of the ordinary nowadays. Even though it was more common we just could never get away from it could we? Just one day in solitude and normalcy is all I wanted for John. I guess that really was too much to ask.
I had never noticed how many people tend to stare when we were out together. I guess because I never cared until now. I was worried for his sake. It was all still so new to him and being exposed to that kind of hatred can be hard to deal with. I didn't want him to get hurt so soon.
“I love that one; it makes you look more buff.”
“Really? Awesome, I've been aiming for that. You go two months without working out and this is what you get,” I complained while pointing at my stomach.
“Don't worry, I like being the stronger one,” John smiled and laughed.
“Yeah well you can't be the better one at everything. What am I good at?”
“You're good at the more feminine things, like shopping and cooking,” John snickered.
“Ugh! Don't start, you can cook too.”
“Not nearly as good.”
“Point taken,” I laughed.
I saw a man staring at us from across the room. I was glad John had his back to him, but I was starting to get a little too paranoid.
“You know what, I think I'm good, I've got enough. You ready?”
“Am I?” He asked sarcastically, “I want to go home and relax my feet! We've been here for two hours and you only got three shirts and a pair of pants!”
“I like to make sure they look good,” I whined.
We went through the checkout line and were out the door instantly. I was glad to leave. I couldn't help but notice every single stare and whisper. It made me so uncomfortable. I was surprised John never noticed it.
We got back to my apartment and set the bags on the floor by the couch. John wasted no time laying down and putting the TV on, so I decided to join. I sat with his head in my lap. It was weird to switch positions. Normally I lay on him, but I kind of enjoyed the difference.
I stared at him as he stared at the TV. After about five minutes he was beginning to feel very unnerved by it.
“Okay, what's the deal? You've been staring at me for like an hour! Is everything okay?” He exaggerated.
“Yeah, everything's fine. I just love the way you detach from everything. No matter what you do you end up in your own little world, it must be nice.”
“Umm…”
“It's okay, you don't need to respond.”
“Good, I didn't really know what to say.”
I began staring at him again. He was perfect. I saw no flaws, in a way I was jealous. I wished I was flawless like him, maybe I wouldn't have had such a tortured past.
“Okay, I can't take the staring anymore! It's way too creepy. I'm going to make dinner; you should put the clothes away.”
“Actually, how about we go out to eat instead? It would give me a chance to break in my new outfit,” I said smiling.
“I told you, you are the girlie one,” he said as he held back his laugh.
“Just go get dressed, jerk!”
He got up and went into the room; I grabbed the bag of clothes and headed for the bathroom. I was strangely excited for the dinner. I wasn't sure why though.
After about half an hour I came out of the bathroom finally ready to go. John was sitting on the couch like he'd been waiting all day.
“Seriously? I forgot that it takes you that long to get ready! But wow, you look amazing!”
“Really? Thanks,” I said smiling. “I'm glad you like it.”
“I do. Now can we leave?”
“Ugh! You're so impatient.”
We went down to the car and got in. I grabbed his hand and held it tight the entire ride there. I had no idea why I was acting so strange, it was like we were back at the beginning. Like we had just met or something.
We pulled up to the restaurant. I was still so excited, but why? After about ten minutes of waiting we were seated, that was when it dawned on me.
“John! I just realized this is our first real date since we've been together!” I exclaimed trying not to be too loud.
“Wow, I hadn't realized that. But doesn't the beach count as a date?”
“As romantic as you almost killing a man because of me might have been, I'm not quite sure that counts. So this is our first official date.”
He grabbed both of my hands in his, and right then a woman bumped our table.
“Oh dear, I'm sorry,” she paused to look at us, “Actually, no I'm not.” She flashed a disgusted smile and then walked away.
I could see John growing aggravated. His expression and body were growing tense.
“John, no! She's an older woman and we're in a restaurant. Please,” I begged.
“You're right, she's a woman and I can't hit a woman.” He took a deep breath.
I was really hoping he would be over all of that now, since he never noticed anyone doing it at the mall earlier that day. I guess I was wrong; he was still just as hurt by it as ever.
“It's fine, John. Don't stress it.”
“No, it's not fine! This has been happening all the time and I can't get used to it. It's something that I don't think I'll ever ignore. They do it at the store, the beach, restaurants, they even did it at the mall today! I can't escape it and it drives me insane!” He was definitely heated by this point. He couldn't contain himself.
“I didn't think you noticed any of it,” I said curiously.
“Of course I notice it. How can you not notice ignorance?” He said as he pointed at the woman.
I slammed his hand back on the table, “John, please, you're making a scene!”
“I'm sorry. It just really drives me crazy.”
“Me too, but I've learned to compose myself. If I engaged in every fight headed my way, I don't think it'd ever end. There are too many people to go against. Just leave it be.”
We sat in silence for a moment before I asked, “Wait, if you've always noticed then how come you've never mentioned it to me before?”
“It drives me insane, yes. But what I can't handle is the direct comments at you. That's when I snap. I hate when people try to hurt you, it gets under my skin.”
“Well thank you for caring, really, but you have to remember that it doesn't affect me the way you think it does. I don't even remember those comments at the end of the day. All I remember is having fun with you, I promise,” I spoke reassuringly.
He smiled, but didn't answer. We finally got our food and ate. The night was sour no thanks to that older woman for getting John worked up. But later his anger translated to passion which I hoped would become something more, but my wish didn't come true.
We got to the house and out of nowhere he began kissing me. He pinned me against the wall, our hands intertwined. He kissed me passionately, it was magic. He started kissing my neck but then stopped abruptly.
“Are you okay?”
“I'm sorry, Henry. I'm not ready. I was really hoping I was, but I guess I'm not.”
“Are you sure? It's been two weeks?”
“I know. I was hoping it wouldn't take this long, I'm sorry, really.” He apologized even though it wasn't his fault.
“It's fine, I understand. I told you that already. “
“I know but I feel like you don't want to
wait anymore.”
“Trust me, there's nothing I'd love more than to be in that bed with you right this second,” I admitted. “But you're not ready and I'm perfectly okay with that. I promise, it's fine.”
“Thank you,” he whispered.
We went into the room and got ready for bed. We lay on our normal sides, only this time his head rest on my chest instead. It was different, but comfortable. I liked knowing that sometimes I would be the one doing the comforting. He was always consoling me and it was nice to change it up.
“So Cheyenne, Brittney told me you met a guy?” I asked curiously.
“Yes! Oh-my-gosh! He's amazing.”
“Come on, you're going to have to do better than that. Tell me everything!”
“Okay well, he's about two inches taller than me, blonde, hazel eyes, and an amazing body! He's literally perfection. Oh and his voice is so dreamy!” She said with sparkles in her eyes.
“Ha-ha! Well what's his name?” I asked
“Jackson,” she smiled.
“I can't wait to meet him!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah neither can I,” Brittney added.
“Oh hush Britt, just because you're my bestie doesn't mean you have to meet him first.”
“Doesn't it? Isn't that like in the handbook or something? Tell her Henry!”
“Uh… Sure. Yeah actually it is. No one can meet him until Brittney and I get to.”
“Agh! You guys are such a pain!” She retorted.
I was at Cheyenne’s house hanging out with her and Brittney. We were trying to catch up on all the things I had missed out on since the start of everything. It was weird, being so far out of the loop. I almost lost touch with them socially, and I would have if they didn't spend so much time taking care of me.
I missed hanging out with them like this; it was fun and always different. They were crazy and spontaneous and I loved every minute of it.
“I missed our girl talks!” I proclaimed.
“Me too!” They shouted in unison.
“So… Henry, I have to ask. Have you and John, well you know?” Cheyenne asked.
“I wish!”
“What? You still haven't done it?” Brittney shouted.
“Whoa! Since when did you care so much?” I asked.
“Sorry.”
“Well anyway, we haven't done it because he's nervous. He's afraid he might be rushing it and he doesn't want anything to scare him off right now.”
“Seriously? He's a boy! I'm surprised he hasn't begged you for it yet. I figured you were the one holding back,” Cheyenne commented.
“I'm a boy too,” I answered confused.
“Yeah but you don't count. You're practically one of the girls.”
“Why does everyone keep saying that? First John, now you?”
“Well it's true, if it weren't we wouldn't invite you to girls night. Duh!” Brittney laughed.
“By the way, why didn't you guys invite Sam tonight?”
“Well we did, but she said she was busy. She had to help someone with something. I don't know, she's probably just trying to get out of it,” Brittney answered as she walked to the kitchen for some snacks.
“That's fine; I'm having just as much fun with you two anyway.”
Brittney came back with the snacks and we sat down on the couch to watch a movie. A chick flick of course, it just wouldn't be girls night without one.
Finally, after a long night I was home. John still wasn't there so I decided to take a bath. I turned the water on and waited for the tub to fill. I poured in my favorite lavender bubble bath and watched as it foamed.
I got in slowly, realizing it was bit hotter than I expected. Finally in, I lay there, swaying my hands across the top of the water. Playing with the foam and absorbing the smell. It was relaxing.
After laying there for a few minutes I heard the front door open, John was home. I waited until he appeared in the doorway. I didn't close the door so I could hear him come in.
“You look relaxed,” he said.
“I am, it feels amazing. Too bad it's not big enough for the both of us,” I said smiling.
He half smiled but just stood there in silence.
“Everything okay?”
“Uh, yeah. It's fine,” he answered though it was clearly a lie.
“No, something's wrong. What is it?”
“Nothing,” he assured, “I'm going to watch TV okay?”
He walked back to the living room and turned the TV on. I could see right through his façade. There was clearly something on his mind that he was not telling me.
I got up from the bath water and turned on the shower to rinse off the soap. After I was done I climbed out of the tub, dried myself off, and then grabbed my robe.
“You're clearly not telling me the truth, what's wrong?” I asked as I walked toward the couch.
“I don't really want to talk about it.”
I sat down beside him, laid my legs across his lap and turned the TV off. “You told me I couldn't hold back, I couldn't hide anything even if it hurt you. Well now I'm putting that on you. You can't get up or watch TV until you talk to me.”
He sighed then spoke. “I've been… I don't know I've just been unsure the past few days.”
“Unsure of what?” I questioned.
“Unsure of whether I made the right decision or not. I started to feel like maybe I rushed all of this just because I saw that you were hurt.”
“No, John please don't tell me you're giving up on us. Is this because of what people have been saying about us?”
“It's not just that, it's more than that. I got made fun of at work yesterday. Some gorgeous woman walked in and all the guys in the office started talking. This time I was the only one not a part of the conversation and Lucas had no issue pointing that out. 'Don't worry John, I'm sure some fairy will come in any minute now.'“ He mocked him in an annoying voice. “I know he didn't mean anything by it, but it really got to me.”
“So one guy makes fun of you, so what? You just have to remember that he doesn't have anyone to come home to, unlike you. I'll always be here when you walk in, always ready to cheer you up.”
“But I don't want to come home upset every day needing you to console me. I want to be happy each day, to know that this is really what I wanted. If I knew there wasn't anything better than this, I would never think twice about it again.”
“Well what am I supposed to do? Just wait until you've figured it out? Just sit here and wonder when you'll come around?” I asked harshly.
We both sat in silence for a moment. I stared at John while he stared off into space. I wondered what he was thinking, what was going through his mind? Was he thinking about leaving? Did he want to leave?
Moments passed and I was letting my thoughts get the better of me. I needed to know what was on his mind, but the second I tried to speak I was interrupted. Interrupted by John's lips being pressed against mine. He was kissing me more passionately than ever. It was exuberating, thrilling.
He pushed me back on the couch as he climbed atop me. He held me down to the point where I could hardly move, but I loved it. It was different. But it didn't make sense. One minute he was in denial and then next he was all over me. Why?
I pushed him off of me, and we both sat up again. “I'm confused, are you or are you not thinking about leaving? How do you go from denial to passion in an instant?”
“I never said I wasn't in denial anymore.”
“Then what the hell is going on?” I yelled.
“I went to speak to Sam today, while you were at Chey’s. I figured since I was clueless I could go to the one person I knew had no issue rudely pointing things out, and she didn't hold back. I told her everything. She was the one who made me realize that I hadn't made anything official yet.”
I looked at him, confusion consuming me.
“I'm questioning everything because I never gave you a chance to prove to me that there really isn't anything better. It's been two weeks
and we still haven't made love once. We figured maybe it was time for that. Maybe if I did it then I would see that you're the one. Once I do it, whether I love it or hate it, there's my answer. That's when I'll be sure of myself.”
I wasted no time. I grabbed hold of him, continuing the kiss. Finally moving forward.
“Wait,” he interrupted. “Let's move this into the bedroom.”
I smiled as we both got up. We headed into the bedroom and I could feel his hand shaking in mine. He was nervous.
“Are you sure about this?”
He kissed me and there was my answer. He was finally ready and so was I. He laid me down on the bed as he continued to kiss me. I focused on the warmth of his lips. The tender touch of his embrace.
He slid his hand down my torso, grabbing me at the waste. His left hand pressed firmly on the mattress beside my head. My arms wrapped around him, linking behind his neck.
He paused as he pulled back and removed his shirt, tossing it to the ground. I felt the warmth in his skin. The heat radiating from within him was soothing me. I felt the temperature rising, my eyes closing. It was perfection.
It felt like it lasted forever but at the same time it felt like it ended too quickly. I wanted more of him, I needed it.
We lay beneath the sheets, his hand intertwined in mine. It was silent. All I heard was the sound of our deep breathing. The kind that can only come from true passion, the kind I loved to hear.
We both stared at the ceiling, lost in the moment. I broke the silence.
“So did that answer all your questions? Are you here to stay?” I asked quietly, out of breath.
“I don't think I've ever loved you more.”
I turned on my side, resting my head on his chest. Our hands never loosening, my other arm wrapping around him. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect moment than this one.
Chills
I woke up, gasping for air. It had been over three weeks since I last dreamt of the accident. Even now that I had John, I still dreamt of his horrid departure. It was terrifying.
“Are you okay,” John asked worriedly as he woke.