Hold Onto Me_A Secret Baby Romance

by Juliana Conners

I stayed completely still, honing my gaze through the lens of my rifle, listening carefully to nature for signs of life that might provide me with the perfect opportunity to hunt a delicious entrée. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, listening to the wind blow in sharp bursts, whistling through the trees, making snow fall in drifts from the tops of the trees.

  I didn’t even bother to dust off my head and shoulders that were being covered in the cold sprinkling of snow that fell with each gust of wind. I was deep in concentration, listening to the sounds around me.

  Suddenly, I heard the loud snap of a nearby stick. I perked up, scanning the area around me for what I assumed must have been a deer or other large animal. My heart began to beat quickly as I thought of all the tender deer meat that I would soon be feasting on. I spun around in a complete circle, my eye fixed on the lens of my rifle, looking for the source of the noise.

  I couldn’t see anything. I started to get a little confused because I was sure that I’d heard something move. I began to search frantically, hoping that I wouldn’t miss my chance to take home a great specimen.

  It only took the slightest movement to scare off the majestic creatures that made their home in the woods. They were not used to seeing any human beings, so they were sure to run and hide if they had an idea that a predator was nearby.

  My mind went back to one of the first times that I had gone out into the woods to hunt. Back then, a very long time had passed since I’d last hunted, and I seemed to be all thumbs and left feet for some reason. I’d dropped my rifle and it let out a shot that seemed to echo for miles. A flock of birds flew away from a nearby tree.

  I had sat there for hours that day and there was no other movement detected in the woods. I went home that night cold, exhausted, hungry, and disappointed. I vowed that I would be more careful from that point on, and I had been very good about keeping my word to myself, up until that very moment.

  Now, just as my fear began to mount at the prospect of losing out on a great hunt, I heard something that put even more fear into my heart: the sound of people in the woods. My heart sunk a little as I felt my hopes of having a successful hunt slip through my fingers.

  Letting out an exasperated sigh, I abandoned my hiding spot between the trees. I needed to get these people away from this area so that I could get back to hunting in peace and quiet. I moved closer to the voices, growing more irritated with each step. They needed to go— and fast— before they scared off all the animals in the area.

  As I was about to call out to get their attention, I immediately recognized who they were. It was Harlow, Jensen, and Ramsey Bradford— “the Bradford brothers,” as everyone knew them as— and Darren King, along with some other people who appeared to be their family members. It seemed that I’d stumbled upon a reunion of sorts.

  I didn’t want to see them at all. I had spent the last few years avoiding all people and they were definitely among those that I would rather not see. Given how terribly things had gone when we all worked together as SEALs, I would be okay if I never saw any of them ever again.

  So, the fact that they were so close to me now, just yards away from where I was hiding, was an unhappy coincidence, to say the least. I began gathering my things quietly so that I could slip away silently and undetected.

  Then, I heard a voice that I didn’t recognize.

  “How much farther are we going?” it asked, in a feminine, sweet tone.

  Who could this be? I thought.

  I looked through the trees to see who was responsible for the voice, and my breath caught in my throat. Standing in the middle of the woods with some of my old SEAL team members was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on.

  I noticed her light blue eyes— made almost purple by the sunlight— right away. They were in direct contrast with her dark brown hair that framed her round face. I stood as if I were in a trance for a few minutes, completely floored by her beauty.

  Snap out of it, I told myself. Shaking my head like I was trying to shake the image of her right out of my mind, I quickly decided that it wasn’t worth risking an interaction with the Bradfords or King, just for the glimpse at a pretty face, even one as strikingly beautiful as she was.

  There were plenty of other women in this world and, if I ever gave myself the chance to see them, I would just have to turn my attention to another. I knew that my chances of seeing another woman out here in the woods— especially one that matched her beauty or even came close— were slim to none, but that’s what I would have to do to avoid talking to the rest of the people with this one.

  It was such a shame that she was with one of the groups of people that I would rather not see again. And it was just my fucking luck that the only woman I had seen in a long time— not to mention the most beautiful I’d seen ever— was with them.

  Chapter 2 - Elijah

  Even though I kept telling myself all the many reasons why I should just walk away and forget about this gorgeous stranger, I couldn’t seem to be able to stop myself from staring at her and being drawn in by her beauty. I suppose my desire to keep looking at her was stronger than my will to go about my fucking business like I knew I should. Because I just kept standing there staring at her and even taking another step closer to see her better, which caused some leaves to rustle under my boots.

  “Hey, who’s there?” asked Darren, peeking through the trees to catch a better glimpse of me. I thought that I had been doing a good job of being quiet and still, but thanks to my dumb idea to take a step forward, I had been spotted. It was too late. There was no way that I could slip away undetected now.

  “Hello. I’m Darren,” he said, as he approached me. “Sorry we disturbed your hunting.”

  He extended his hand, which I stared at for a few moments, not sure if I was going to shake it or not. I realized then that they didn’t recognize me. I guess it wasn’t all that hard to believe, since it had been years since we’d seen each other, and I probably looked like a grizzly bear now compared to then.

  I had grown my hair out long and thick, and had a long beard, whereas as a SEAL I had stuck to the regulation military haircut. Of course, I was also older now than I had been then, and the years of sun had weathered my face.

  I was kicking myself for missing my chance for a clean exit— all because I had been mesmerized by a pretty face. I glanced over in the direction of the woman at whom I’d been looking and was surprised to find her staring back at me, smiling sweetly. It almost made this awkward moment worth it. Almost.

  “My wife, Hope, and I live nearby in a cabin that I built,” continued Darren, taking back his extended hand.

  He looked hesitant, as if he’d realized I hadn’t wanted to see him here and was explaining his existence like some kind of stalker. I had heard of this area because many of our fellow SEALs talked about how it was a good place to get a lot of land for cheap after our service was over, so, it wasn’t necessarily all that strange that he had also built a cabin in the same vicinity as I had.

  What was coincidental was that somehow, I had wandered so far in my hunting journey, while at the same time he and the Bradford Brothers had meandered so far on their hike, that our paths had connected. “We are having a little get together and a few buddies and their wives came up to join us,” he explained.

  I nodded my head as he talked, the whole time debating whether or not I should still take my chances and walk away, leaving them standing there, wondering about the unfriendly stranger that they had stumbled upon. It seemed like a much better alternative than standing there and letting the forgotten years creep back up and come out into the light. The memories of that time were not ones that I was eager to recall.

  But, the way that the beautiful woman stood staring at me seemed to keep my feet planted in their spot in the woods. Standing under her gaze felt like taking in the warm rays of the sun. I was spellbound.

  Darren seemed to notice my gaze shifting over to the woman, so he stepped back in her direction. Then he looked at Ha
rlow.

  “This is Michelle, my childrens’ nanny,” Harlow explained. “My wife Whitney hired her.”

  Everyone waited, staring at me.

  “Hello,” she said, as if she felt a bit out of place. It was at that moment that I knew I would do some things I hated to do— talk to and just be around other people— just so I could get to know her better.

  “Elijah. Nice to meet you,” I said.

  The group seemed to let out a collective sigh of relief when I finally spoke.

  Befuddled, and staring in disbelief, Darren spoke.

  “Wait, Elijah Chase…? Oh, my God, wait. Are you…?” After doing a double take in disbelief, Darren continued. “Hey, bud, how are you? What are you doing way out here?”

  Without waiting for an answer, he turned to the rest of the group and said, “Hey, look who it is, it’s Elijah!”

  The guys all looked at each other, somewhat stupefied, and then moved toward me and gave me an enthusiastic hug. Harlow gave me a once over and, without saying a word, shook my hand with a strong grasp. His brother Jensen patted me on the back and stared me up and down.

  “Looking good man,” Jensen said. “How are you, my friend? Long time no see!”

  I shrugged, as the question of how one was doing was always quite a relative one to answer. I was doing much better now that time had passed, thanks in large part to my solitude and self-imposed isolation out here in the woods, but, that wasn’t to say I was fucking “fine.” I didn’t want to give some fake, contrived answer as people normally do. Plus, my concentration was still on Michelle, more than it was focused on this spontaneous and completely unexpected reunion.

  “Do you live nearby?” Jensen asked.

  I simply nodded and managed to mutter something out.

  “Yes, not far,” I said, trying to shift my gaze away from Michelle, but failing miserably.

  At this point it was beyond obvious that I was transfixed on one thing and one thing only. Now that I knew her name, I wanted to know everything else about her. Such as where she lived. And how she liked her eggs cooked in the morning.

  Staring at her pouty lips and full frame, my mind began to wander. I couldn’t help but think about what she might feel like if I held her in my arms. I wanted to know what her interests were, as well as what I could do to make her smile every day.

  I tried to shake such silly thoughts from my head, since this was our first time meeting each other and would be our last. Even though I hoped that I could see her again, I knew that my lack of interest in meeting or being around other people would only serve to distance her from me.

  My God, what are these feelings I’m having for someone I have just now met? I couldn’t help but think.

  Of all the people that I could run into in the woods, I couldn’t believe that I was running into some of my former fellow SEALs. And even though I was still very much wracked with guilt about the way that things had gone all those years ago, they seemed to welcome me with open arms. I paused and pondered… maybe things had not been as bad as I thought that they had been.

  Darren then cleared his throat.

  “Elijah? Uhh, are you ok?”

  “Yeah, yeah, sure,” I responded.

  Living alone for so long had made me forget what it was like to interact with other people. I guess I’d been in my own thoughts and without a companion for so long that I was caught off guard by everything taking place.

  “Well, we decided to come out exploring because we had all eaten and drank a little bit too much, so we wanted to walk it off with some of the older kids,” Darren said. “Harlow’s wife, Whitney, and my wife, Hope, stayed behind with the younger kids.”

  “This is my wife, Riley,” Jensen interrupted, as I nodded towards the woman who was with Michelle.

  “It’s been a happy coincidence running into you out here,” Darren continued. “Say, if you’re up for it, I think that it would be great if you could come up to the house and meet the rest of the family.”

  There were very few things that I wanted to do less than being in a more intimate social setting with the last people on earth that I had ever wanted to see again. But, this would give me a chance to learn more about Michelle, so my answer tumbled out of my mouth before I could think better of it.

  “Sounds good,” I said.

  Why not? I asked myself.

  And then I answered myself after it was too late to back out. Maybe because I had no social graces and no clue of what to say to people, especially not to those who knew my history like these people did. But, I couldn’t help but want to take any opportunity to be near the stunning beauty I now knew was named Michelle.

  My only hope was that I hadn’t sealed a worse fate for myself than I had already been living.

  Chapter 3 - Michelle

  Coming to Colorado from Albuquerque on vacation with the family for whom I had nannying, so that they could visit their old SEAL friend Darren, along with Harlow’s brothers and extended family, had been quite an experience so far. Since I was among a close-knit family and not related to them, I felt rather like an intruder or outsider. They didn’t do anything to make me feel that way; it was just my own insecurities.

  I had that feeling that I often had had when I was young, and the teacher would have my classmates and I play musical chairs. I was never quite fast enough, and the other kids would always find chairs before I did. So, most of the time, I was the odd girl out, left standing there awkwardly with no room or place in the game.

  There was one time that we played the game and it left me hurt, both physically and emotionally. I thought that I was finally about to win. The music had stopped, and I saw the chair within my reach. I lunged toward it to sit down, only to find that it was being pulled out from underneath me.

  Sharon, a girl who had bullied me from the beginning of elementary school until we graduated high school, had moved the chair, causing me to fall. I came crashing down to the hard floor, landing on my elbow. Pain shot up my arm.

  Sharon started laughing loudly, and so did everyone else. I sat on the floor crying for a long time. I cried because I was in pain and also because my feelings were hurt.

  Being out in the woods with Harlow and his brothers and friend made those feelings come rushing back to me. It was great witnessing them all come together and enjoy the company of friends and family, but it made me feel like I was intruding on them as an unwelcome stranger.

  They did their best to make me feel welcome, of course, but it was hard since I did not know them, and I was also the only one who was there without a mate. I kept thinking that this was all some cruel joke and that soon the chair would be pulled out from underneath me.

  When I first agreed to be Harlow and Whitney Bradford’s nanny and visited their home, I was impressed by how big it was. Whitney made me feel welcome right away. Talking to her felt less like an interview and more like I was catching up with an old friend.

  We laughed and talked for what seemed like hours. I had to remind myself to put my best foot forward and try to maintain some semblance of professionalism so that I could get the job.

  She had young children and was pregnant with another one. She definitely needed some help— nearly as badly as I needed a job. So it seemed to be a match that worked out well for both of us and I hoped I would get the position.

  I had just stopped working for another family, one that I had been with for years until the kids had gotten old enough for school and no longer needed me. When I saw the position was available with the Bradfords, I held out hopes that I would get it. It was very close to home and paid more than my previous job.

  Things got a little uncomfortable when Whitney asked about my marital status. I’d blinked at first, without saying anything.

  “The only reason I’m asking is because I just want to know what kind of commitments you have to your own family that might get in the way of the work that needs to be done here,” she had explained.

  “No need to worry about that,
” I’d assured her. “I’m single and will probably be single for a very long time.”

  I’d tried to laugh, making light of the fact that my dating prospects were pretty much non-existent. But not only had Whitney not laughed along with me, she’d actually grimaced.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” she’d said.

  Now I’d wished that I hadn’t said that. My laughter had faded away into uncomfortable silence.

  She’d quickly changed the subject and started telling me a story about something funny one of the kids had done. I’d laughed in all the right places and the interview seemed to go over without a hitch.

  The next day, she’d called me to let me know I was hired. It was a good, steady job. The fact that they seemed like a wonderful family to work for was just icing on the cake.

  When Whitney first mentioned their plans to go visit some old friends who had a cabin in the woods and said that she wanted me to join them, I felt nervous but didn’t want to tell her that I was quite uncomfortable with the idea. I hadn’t been working for them for very long and was still trying to find my rhythm with the family routine and such.

  She wanted to whisk me away to some far-off cabin in the woods where we would be staying with complete strangers. I didn’t know how much this trip would disrupt the kids’ new schedule or how easy it would be to get them back on track.

  The kids were not necessarily difficult children; they just had a more strenuous schedule than any children I had ever known. They were in all types of activities and their routine was very strict. When I started working for them, Whitney and Harlow wanted me to add to the kids’ already impossible schedule with more activities.

  I felt like it was a lot to expect the kids to adjust to— having a new nanny on top of adding more responsibilities to their schedule, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. I had been hired to do a job and I was going to do my best to make it all work.

  The first week was somewhat of a disaster. We showed up late to every activity. The youngest even had a minor meltdown and refused to cooperate with anything or anyone. I had to sit with her in her room for several hours just to get her to put her shoes on. And that delay had a domino effect on the rest of the plans that we had made for the day.