“I can’t believe you would do that to your teachers?” Lucy wasn’t the only one almost in tears from laughing so much. Hours had passed, the wait staff were now being less subtle in closing up around them. “Honestly, I can’t believe that Mr Compton ever trusted you with his students after what you and your friends used to do to him in class.”
“At first, I think he figured I couldn’t do any harm. The boys were only a couple of years younger than me and still remembered me from school. He figured if I could turn my life around then anyone could.”
“And here you are …” she needed to leave but couldn’t make the first move.
“Here we are …”
Lucy remembered the silence as Seth took care of the cheque, brushing aside her offer to pay. Walking her back to her hotel building at the cheaper side of town.
For the first time, she wanted to invite a man to her room and to see how far one kiss could lead.
Years of being the “good girl,” meant she lacked the dating norm of a first date. Instead of following her desires, she thanked him quickly and disappeared behind the lift doors.
Thinking that anyone as successful and gorgeous as Mr Seth Greenwood would never look twice at a brown mouse like her.
Except he did! Arriving back at her hotel the next morning with coffee, he escorted her back to the conference hotel, where he was staying, and bought her breakfast.
Then lunch.
Followed by dinner.
By the time he walked her back to her hotel, his hand never let hers go.
“I want you to check out and come back with me.”
“But …” the weakest resolve silenced by her own heart. “I mean, I’ve never done this before.”
“We won’t do anything you aren’t ready for. I’d rather spend a night not sleeping with you beside me, rather than another night of not sleeping and hoping you are safe.”
He didn’t sleep, but neither did she.
Nothing prepared her for the majesty of Seth. The gentleness underneath the passion.
When he took her the first time, there was a moment of surprise and then, “Are you sure?”
She pulled his hips to hers. Oh, yes, she was very, very sure.
Riding together with wave after wave of incredible abandon.
Lucy had been born a female, but it took one night with Seth to turn her into a woman.
“Come away with me?” he asked when the conference ended two days later.
“Anywhere.” She was too innocent to have guile or know how to play hard to get. Looking back, she should have … no. Looking back, she would still have done everything the same. That first weekend away had been magical.
Seth rented an old cottage at the beach. It looked as if it could fall down in a harsh wind, the floor boards creaked with each footstep, even the imaginary ones. Lucy didn’t care. Snuggled up in blankets on the floor in front of the old stone hearth fire, she felt overwhelmingly happy and lucky.
Lucy fell in love with Seth madly and deeply and from that first weekend away, they were inseparable.
For almost two months her first love was also her soulmate. They shared the same morals and values. Wanted the same things out of life and put others before themselves.
She saw all the years ahead of them and believed in all the moments that would make up their lives together.
Then before he left her bed for work one morning, she said the words in her heart, “I love you.”
Even before she finished, the realization of “too soon” and “not returned” flashed across his face.
Excuses about being too busy at work to see her morphed into the “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Only when she met Grace and saw the way he looked at the other woman, did Lucy realize it wasn’t even Seth that stood between them. He wasn’t free to fall in love with her.
She had fallen in love with a man already emotionally and deeply committed to someone else.
A Shakespearean tragedy, only this one made sadder when every man interested in her failed in the shadow of Saint Seth.
Seth of the vast property developments, who was now so successful that one house in each major development was auctioned off for charity. Seth of the three or four youth board memberships including one that encouraged young men to become the role models missing in their own lives by coaching junior sport.
Seth of the never-ending supply of hours to spend with a boy or young man who needed a father figure. Seth of the never ending second chances as long as the young people were willing to try.
Gorgeous man. Beautiful heart.
She sighed, no wonder she couldn’t find love with anyone else.
Reading the report from Mrs Grainger again, only complicated her heart. Seth was single but her employer wanted to take away his son. She needed to pick a side. Stand with Seth, facing her own department’s social worker, or work on his behalf behind the scenes. If only she didn’t still think of him all hours of the day.
The folders marked “urgent” were set aside as she replied to Mrs Grainger, “Thank you for agreeing to continue to work with Seth Greenwood and his family. I look forward to providing you with any assistance.”
That should keep the old bat happy for a while.
Her first yawn of the night, two am and time to try to get some sleep.
New day and new attitude. Seth woke before four and cleaned the kitchen while dictating a series of business proposals direct to his laptop. He emailed the drafts to his office for them to check through, finalize and submit.
Kitchen cleaned and business handled.
The kids smelt their breakfast cooking before he had a chance to call them.
“Last supper?” grimaced Matt, piling his plate high with bacon, eggs, hash browns and toast.
“Call it a last reprieve.” Seth cut up the food for Retha and helped her into her high chair. “Lucy Dawson came by after you went to sleep and said that we’ve been given ninety days.”
“What do you mean, ninety days? I can stay for a while and then what?”
“No, we have another three months of unscheduled visits and intruders to come in, check us out and then either you stay here forever, or we take it legal.”
“They can do that? I thought the email said …”
“Lucy is an old friend of mine and took your case higher. They apparently agreed that we needed time to get things sorted here.”
“What do I have to do?”
“Matty’s staying!” the boys jumped up and started spinning around Matt who couldn’t stop grinning.
“You betcha. Can’t get rid of me that easily,” he let them drag him off to get ready for school, calling back to Seth, “We have to talk.”
Exactly the message he sent Lucy.
No matter what they once meant or didn’t mean to each other, they needed to look past their history for the sake of Matt.
Despite her intentions of getting into the office early, Lucy pulled into Seth’s driveway unable to resist his request to talk and wanting to see for herself how he held up after last night.
“Busy morning?” Lucy dodged Matt, Owen and Eddie running out the door to catch the bus for school.
“The same as any other,” he replied keeping up the steady flow of oatmeal to Retha who was still hungry.
“How do you manage?”
“I don’t, isn’t that what the woman who was here told everyone?”
“Seth, she made observations based on one visit.”
“That one visit could have cost me my son.”
“It didn’t, and you wanted to talk.”
“So, are you here as a social worker or as a friend?” he challenged. Damn him. Too little sleep and too much to lose turned him into an arsehole. As quickly as she tried to hide the hurt, he knew, and she knew that they could never completely go back to only a professional relationship.
Not when he could still smell her freshly washed hair in his arms and probably still had her favorite coffee mug in the ba
ck of his cupboard. A crazy cup with a chip on the side. Nine owls, each with a different need for coffee. Grace hated the cup, but he could never throw it out. Not when in a blink of his eyes, he could still imagine Lucy in an old t-shirt standing in his kitchen making bacon and eggs for breakfast. Reaching up to get the salt and pepper from above the stove top. Showing him just a glimpse of her gorgeous …
Stop it, he pushed all thoughts of Lucy the woman aside. She had to be here as a social worker – or at least he needed to get any advice she could give.
His family’s future was at stake.
“I can be here as a friend without forgetting what I know as a social worker. That’s if you want me?” Moment of truth. He could quite easily send her away. Unless, and part of her feared she was only here to take advantage of him needing her personally as well as to help him with his family.
Damn it! She had to be smarter than the cliché desperate single woman willing to be used, just for the chance to be loved. She breathed in, wanting to start again.
“What do you think?” forcing aside any hint of inuendo, she straightened her skirt. “Do you want me, as a friend or should I find my coffee somewhere else?”
“Show me what you’ve got, and then we’ll see about the coffee,” finally Seth greeted her with a hug meant for the old friends they were.
As objectively as she could, she walked Seth through his own house and backyard, looked through Matt and the other kids’ rooms and made suggestions on what a social worker would expect to find and what would be cause for concern.
To his credit, he grilled her, wanting and needing to know exactly how to appear the perfect father.
“The kids love you and want Matt to stay, he feels part of the family and wants to stay. Their comments do carry a lot of weight,” she tried not to see Grace’s influence still all over the house in all her photos, her mementos. It might have been seven months since she left, but it was obvious to Lucy that the ex-wife was ever-present.
“The good news is it still feels like a family home which will make it easier for them to look past some of the chaos,” for the sake of her own sanity, she tried to find a positive as they made their way back to the kitchen. Not as chaotic as last night, but still showing signs of a family rushing out the door in the morning.
“How do you take your coffee? Still white and two?” She could watch him make the coffee, taking in every muscle and new freckle. Or prefer to be interested in the leaves floating outside in the autumn breeze. Lucy tried to convince herself that in watching Seth, she could focus on new ways of helping. Him, not herself.
“I gave up sugar years ago, just white, thanks,” he remembered her cup! Seth had hunted around in the back of the cupboard before rinsing it. She traced the chip on the side, wondering if he remembered how it got there. One night, a bottle of peppery red shiraz and for some reason they decided to drink out of their favorite coffee cups instead of wine glasses. As they toasted every sip, a small chip fell off her cup. At the time, she thought it was a sign of ever-lasting love. Could it be he kept it all these years because some small part of him felt the same?
Ahhhhh, her inside head voice would be the certifiable death of her if she didn’t get some self control.
“Are you ready to fight for your son?” she needed to shake off crazy memories and redirect her attention back to what was important.
“How did you convince them to give me a second chance?” Lucy tried not to look past Seth to where she knew his bedroom was. What sort of woman thinks about sex when so clearly, he only wanted her for her advice! Focus, she kept trying to remind herself.
“You have a great reputation with the department, and I pointed out that you hadn’t had a lot of time to get into a routine. That I was confident that Matt was in no immediate risk.” No, the only person at risk was her standing next to single Seth in an empty house with so little sleep, she was far too vulnerable and likely to read any sign of friendship or affection the wrong way.
“Did I thank you for everything?” his lips touched her cheek in a spontaneous hug before leading her into his study to write up the plan.
Friendship and a hug amongst mates, Lucy held back her own emotions knowing tears could be saved for her pillow. She never got over this man, and the next ninety days would be as much a challenge to her self control as it would be a test of his parenting.
After an hour, Seth had a better grasp on what the social workers would look for. Fifteen minutes on the computer and he had a draft schedule for most school weeks with waking times, chores, music and sports clearly marked.
He could never have done it without Lucy at his side, encouraging him. Without meaning to she inspired him not to fail while distracting him with her long hair folding down her face. Lucy Dawson, amazing creature that she was, yet another person he couldn’t let down by failing.
“Tea or another coffee?” as he sent the schedule to the printer.
“Tea, if you don’t mind.”
“I’ll join you, too much coffee on no sleep doesn’t do me any good.”
He had forgotten how effortlessly they worked together in the kitchen. Lucy making the tea while he pulled together lunch from leftovers in the fridge. No stress, no fighting, no trying too hard to prove anything. Had it always been so easy with her?
Seth didn’t have to think too hard before he answered his own question. Yes, they had always fit comfortably together.
“Again, how do you do it?” Lucy pushed back on her chair, sipping her tea.
“Day by day and when that doesn’t work, minute by minute.” The leftover roast and vegetables on bread rolls shouldn’t work, but with the seeded mustard, really did. “I think we came up with a new sandwich combo.”
He mistook her long pause for disagreement but couldn’t have been more wrong.
“Have you heard from her?” he winced but Lucy had every right to ask. “I mean, you don’t have to talk about her if you don’t want to.”
“No, I’m actually glad you asked. You have every right to know and let’s face it. After what she did, there aren’t many people who care without judging me. Which means all my thoughts stay locked up in my head.”
“Seth, whatever happened, you have to know that I’m still your friend,” if only he could see her as a friend and not someone he once almost loved.
“I don’t want to sound like an arsehole ex-husband. And you can’t repeat anything I say near the kids. She will always be their mother.”
“I’d never do that. Surely you know me better!” Lucy’s indignation was real. “I accepted a long time ago how you felt about her and about me. You could say, you put me in my place and I would never overstep. Especially not with the kids.”
Seth wanted to correct her, he never meant for her to feel like that, but instead all he could say was, “Lucy, I didn’t mean …”
“Forget I even asked,” she brushed the crumbs from the table to her plate, going to get up.
“She occasionally sends me a text and wants to skype the kids, but usually she’s available when they are at school or asleep.” He spoke quickly, trying to stop Lucy from leaving. Then he couldn’t hold back his bitterness, “You’d think after all these years as a mother she’d remember their schedule.”
“You loved her so much, I don’t know how she could do this to you.”
Two old friends and former lovers. She crushed him with her humility and her gentle concern. Not once had she ever seemed bitter about Grace and if she had their friendship would have been another one that he lost during his marriage. Now it was his turn to open up and admit what he had always known but never admitted aloud, “She never loved me as much as I adored her, worshipped the ground she walked on.”
“Seth, I didn’t mean to …” Lucy tried to stop him, but he owed her the respect of knowing how he felt.
“No, it’s true. You and I never stood a chance because in the back of my mind I was waiting for her to come back. When she did, I was so grateful she finally
chose me, that I didn’t want to see all the signs. It took a while but I had to accept that she settled for me and once she got me out of her system, it was time to move on.”
The miles between them began to shrink as he realized his love for Grace was past tense.
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true, I wasted years with a woman who loved me, but never as much as I loved her. There was a power imbalance and now looking back, they were years of compromise. I did everything to make her happy, tried to ensure she never questioned her decision to come back to me. It was stupid and now I think that her leaving was the best thing to happen.”
Almost as if he was acknowledging for the first time, “Now when I wake up in the morning, I only have to worry about the kids and me. I don’t have to be someone’s consolation prize for settling down.”
“I don’t know what to say,” he couldn’t help himself. Caught up in his own moment, Seth brushed off her arm, desperately wanting Lucy to see him as a successful man in control rather than a man dumped by the woman he loved, reaching out to a woman he wronged to save his family. Not the pathetic man who couldn’t even convince someone to trust him as a father.
“Then don’t say anything,” he didn’t mean the words to come out as harsh as they sounded, “I mean, it could be worse. She gave me the greatest gifts and I wouldn’t trade anything to be the one up to my eyeballs in dirty dishes and clothes.”
Lucy sat as he pulled out the schedule again, checking off the times against some of the activities, focusing on the positives, “I get to watch them learn to swim, score their first goal and meet their friends at birthday parties and sleep overs. I’m the one who will plaster and kiss their scratched knees, do the doctor’s visits and teach them to drive.”
Finally, he clung the glimmer of hope in his future and regretted being so harsh, “I get to be there every step of the way – something I would never have been able to do if she stayed. I have the rest of my life to be the best dad to these kids, all I have to do is convince people like you that I deserve the chance.”
Never Second Best Page 4