Insiders

by Olivia Goldsmith

  ‘Help me out?’ Jennifer repeated, and in spite of her every effort, she burst into tears. ‘You’ve taken over my home, you even took my old boyfriend.’ She hated how ridiculous those words sounded. She felt as if she were back in junior high. Her old boyfriend!

  ‘I did not take your boyfriend,’ Cher said. ‘You gotta let me explain.’

  ‘Explain?’ Jennifer snapped. ‘There’s nothing to explain. I’m not blind. I can see what the two of you have been doing.’

  ‘It’s not what it looks like,’ Cher insisted.

  Lenny had remained silent through this all, but now he let go of Jennifer’s hand and stepped between her and Cher. ‘Stop it,’ he said with uncharacteristic disgust. ‘You two are spitting at each other like a couple of alley cats over a guy who isn’t worth the time it would take to run over him with a car.’

  Jennifer couldn’t believe that Lenny had spoken the words that she heard.

  Cher, on the other hand, was laughing. ‘You’re damned right about that,’ she said, and she sat back down on the couch.

  Jennifer stared at Cher and considered what she said. Cher had used Tom – just like Cher used everyone. But Jennifer wasn’t worried about Tom. ‘How have you been managing to live here, Cher? Did you rack up my credit cards? Did you take money from my bank accounts?’

  ‘I did what I had to,’ Cher answered.

  Jennifer sighed and said nothing more.

  ‘I’m sorry I did it,’ Cher offered again.

  Jennifer looked at her, then she looked at Tom, then she looked back to Cher. ‘I’m sorry you did, too, Cher,’ she finally said.

  Jennifer looked around at the place she called home. Somehow it didn’t seem to matter to her anymore. ‘Let’s go,’ she said to Lenny, then grabbed his hand and led him to the door.

  48

  Jennifer Spencer

  Few rich men own their own property. The property owns them.

  Robert Green Ingersoll, address to the McKinley League, New York

  Her fury, Jen decided, was actually a good thing. She left her apartment with Lenny and she was shaking with rage, but that gave her the motor she would use. In the meantime, Lenny took her shaking hand. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s my fault. I should have gotten into the apartment. I should have …’

  She looked at him. He was a truly good man and his sense of responsibility was, unlike most men’s – deeply overdeveloped. ‘No permanent harm done,’ Jennifer said. ‘I’ll take care of it tomorrow.’

  ‘We’ll take care of it,’ he said. She looked at him and nodded. ‘So what do you need right now?’ he asked.

  ‘Something clean to wear. Some new shoes. A bath in a big tub with good bath salts, a haircut and a room in a hotel.’ She looked around Greenwich Avenue. ‘Let’s go to Soho,’ she said. It was only a few blocks away, and though Lenny asked if she wanted a cab nothing felt better to Jennifer than walking outdoors in a straight line for as long as she wanted. She thought of poor Maggie making her endless spiraling from the outer corners of the yard to the center and then back again. ‘You know what I’d like to do?’ she said. ‘Maybe the day after tomorrow?’ He waited for her to go on. ‘I’d like to walk from Broadway down here all the way up to the Cloisters!’

  Lenny laughed. ‘That’s over two hundred blocks,’ he said. ‘You’d have to walk through Soho and the Village, the Flatiron District, Midtown, the Upper West Side, Morningside Heights, Harlem, Washington Heights –’

  ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Wouldn’t it be great? I’d end up at the Cloisters.’

  ‘You’d end up a cripple,’ Lenny said.

  ‘Nah, I’m no softie. I’d grease my feet and I’d get a new pair of Nikes and I’d just go.’ She looked around West Broadway. ‘And there would be shops and cafés and restaurants and businesses and apartment buildings. There would be doormen and people at bus stops and window boxes and garbage and Korean fruit stands and shoe stores and probably nine Gaps and about fifty Starbuckses and I swear I’d have a good cup of coffee in every single one along the way. Boy,’ she said, ‘you really come to appreciate the little things.’ Then a dress in the window of a shop caught her eye. It was a pinkish red, and out of a silk that seemed to shine with a subtle iridescence. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s what I want.’ She’d never had a dress like that in her life. It was girly and sexy and absolutely inappropriate for business. But it wasn’t cheap. It had a subtle fluid motion to it; the fabric had been cut so that, simple as the dress was, the slight iridescence of the material seemed to make the shadows on it move. ‘I want that,’ she said.

  ‘Then you shall have it,’ Lenny said, took her arm and led her into the shop.

  They bought her shoes at Otto Tootsie Plohound, makeup at Sephora, silk underwear and a beautiful nightgown at Joovay and a bagful of fun jewelry at Girlprops. Then they sat down, both of them exhausted, at Penang, a restaurant where the shrimp was fabulous and the décor transported you to Southeast Asia. They had their own little booth, a sort of opium den made of bamboo, so small there was hardly room for the two of them and all their bags.

  Lenny had insisted on paying for everything. And once she had realized that her credit cards were useless – since Cher had had access to everything – she allowed him to. ‘I’m exhausted,’ she said. ‘But in a good way.’ She looked down at their leftovers. ‘I wish Movita and Theresa and Suki could taste this shrimp,’ she said. ‘They wouldn’t believe it.’ She closed her eyes for a moment and while they were closed Lenny must have reached out to her, because she felt his hands enclose hers. She opened her eyes, and he kept his hands wrapped around hers. It felt really good. ‘I want to thank you,’ she said. ‘For being such a good friend. For really being there for me.’

  ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘come on. You know what really happened.’

  ‘Did I miss something?’ she asked. ‘I thought that was what really happened.’

  He shook his head. ‘I’ve wanted to be closer to you for years. Almost since you came to the firm. Your misfortune was just an opportunity for me to get to know you better. It seemed in a way like taking unfair advantage.’

  She laughed. ‘Oh, yeah. Those visits in that stinking room were really unfair to me.’

  ‘You know what I mean,’ he said.

  ‘Let me tell you what I mean,’ she said. ‘You saved my life. I don’t know how I would have gotten along without your help. I don’t think I would have. Thank you, Lenny. Thank you for everything.’

  He smiled. ‘You’re welcome. You know,’ he said. ‘I’m a little bit frightened that I won’t get to see you much now that you’re out and free. I’m ashamed to admit that, but it’s true.’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry,’ she said. ‘You’re going to get to see a lot of me. After all, we have a business to run.’ She took a deep breath. ‘God, I’m tired,’ she said.

  He shook his head. ‘I’m so sorry about the apartment, I –’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t think I’d want to go there right now anyway.’

  ‘Well, you’re welcome to come to my apartment.’

  ‘Where is your apartment, Lenny?’

  ‘On the Upper East Side,’ he admitted. ‘Kind of in a boring neighborhood.’

  ‘Does it have a really big bathtub?’ she asked.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ he admitted. ‘I shower.’

  She nodded her head. ‘Yeah, guys shower,’ she agreed. ‘But I have to have a really good long soak. You know, we only got showers once every three days. And we were watched the whole time.’

  Lenny shook his head. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be,’ she told him. ‘You know it was good for me. It’s made me a different person.’

  ‘Well, I like the person you were before,’ he said. ‘But I think I love the person you are now.’

  She grinned at him. He was awfully shy. She figured he didn’t have much experience with women, and if she slept with him and it was bad it would be so upsetting, so mortifying to bot
h of them. She wondered for a few minutes about men and women and what was important, and then realized that a few lifetimes wouldn’t be enough to figure that one out. It was probably safest for them to just go on with the friendship, working together and enjoying each other, because if she slept with him and then rejected him, it would be too hard for him to take. No man could put up with that. She thought back to her nights with Tom. He was so tall and his shoulders were so broad. She had felt like a little doll when he wrapped his arms around her. Lenny was perhaps five foot eight or nine. His shoulders and hips were narrow and she doubted that he weighed twenty pounds more than she did. But she liked his long, narrow nose and the compassion and feeling in his dark eyes. ‘I think I’d like to check into a hotel,’ she said. ‘Maybe the Mercer has rooms.’

  The Mercer Hotel in the very center of Soho has a kind of Zen elegance. The rooms are not large and the décor is a soothing one with dark woods and white walls and luxe but discreet upholstery that doesn’t call attention to itself but makes you feel immediately relaxed. The attraction for Jennifer, however, was the bathroom: double doors swung open to reveal an enormous white ceramic tub in the very center of the room. The tiny white mosaic tiled floor seemed to go on for an acre around it and the white marble double sinks, the closets, the Egyptian terry cloth towels as large as bedsheets along with a whole range of FACE shampoos, conditioners, shower gels, bubble baths in big, simple containers instead of those tiny little annoying froufrou sample packs.

  ‘Oh, yes!’ she cried as she ran to the tap and started to fill the tub. My God, you could swim half a lap in it or, alternatively, have half the swim team bathe with you.

  ‘My God,’ Lenny said as he set the bags down on the bed. ‘Is that a bathtub or a sarcophagus?’

  ‘Either will do for me,’ Jennifer told him. ‘I want to soak for hours and if I die, well, it would make a great last resting place.’ She poured all of the bath salts into the swirling water of the tub and looked over at him. He was shifting from one foot to the other. He looked suddenly very uncomfortable. Poor Lenny. He was a nice looking man, his face long, his jaw square and shadowed now with the beginning of the need for a second shave of the day. Maybe that’s why his skin was so nice. She had read somewhere that men’s skin benefited from being exfoliated by shaving. She walked toward him.

  ‘I guess I’ll have to go now,’ he said, obviously regretful.

  She made a serious face. ‘But Lenny,’ she said. ‘You hate wasting money. I’m paying for a double room. There’s a double bed.’ She swung open the closet door. ‘And there are two robes. I can’t wear both of them.’

  He looked at her for a moment, not comprehending. Then the implications of her words sank in.

  ‘You can stay over,’ she said. ‘And you can make love to me. And we can sleep together all night and we can have a room-service breakfast together and read the paper together. But you have to make me two promises.’ He nodded. ‘The first one is, if we never do it again you’ll still be my good friend.’

  ‘Of course I will,’ he said.

  ‘Oh, don’t speak so quick. Men’s egos, you know.’ Meanwhile she thought, what the hell? He might not be a very experienced or good lover but he was an experienced and good man. She could at least try it. After all, she’d been in prison for the last eleven months. It had to be better than that.

  ‘What’s the second promise?’ he asked.

  ‘That I get to take my bath for as long as I want all by myself.’

  Lenny smiled. ‘Can I at least watch?’

  ‘You have to watch,’ she said. ‘And maybe you have to wash my back.’ He was just her height and he took her face gently in both his hands and brought her mouth to his. His lips were soft, gentle. He tugged at her lower lip with his own, then bit lightly. They both smiled, looking at each other. From that close, he was blurry. She closed her eyes again, letting herself be pulled into those soft lips. She tasted his breath, fresh, like sweet corn. It was so long since she’d kissed a man! Now they kissed harder. The pressure against her lips felt so good. This was good, she thought as she reached up to touch his neck. She brushed his cheek, feeling the bristle, caressing it for a moment, scruffy, manly. Then she held on to the back of his neck, his head, caressing his hair. She found it was softer, finer, than she’d expected.

  He was caressing her back now, massaging her, pulling her close to him. She felt as if she’d come alive all over. She could go on like this for a long time. This was very good. What a surprise! The man really knew how to kiss. Maybe he knew more …

  Then, as Lenny pulled away for a moment to touch her cheek, she opened her eyes and saw the tub behind him about to overflow. ‘Oh, my God!’ she said. ‘Oh, my God!’ The two of them got there in time to turn off the taps and to throw towels down to take up the water that had over-flowed. They laughed hysterically, half from nerves and half from the fun of it.

  The bath she took was warm, luxurious, exciting, and relaxing. And she liked having Lenny watch her and soap her back, prolonging the anticipation. Then, when she was fully dried off – the fluffy white towels of the Mercer Hotel were so luxurious after the skin-scraping rags she’d become accustomed to – she let herself be enfolded in Lenny’s arms and pampered some more. At first, everything was soft and gentle and all about caressing her and soothing her aching body, but then things suddenly turned. He touched her nipples, gently, then harder and harder until she moaned. When she opened her eyes he smiled at her. It was a wicked, teasing smile. ‘You like teasing?’ she asked, and she moved her hand down to him, touching him until he was so hard she could feel his pulse. Then she withdrew. Her teasing made him vigorous and energetic, and she found herself tangling with him on the bed, almost sparring. He held her shoulders down, at last, and rolled on top of her. She was surprised and delighted to find such voraciousness beneath Lenny’s calm exterior. And her own full-body participation, as well as his passion and teasing skill, brought her a welcome release after so many months of unfulfilled longings.

  49

  Jennifer Spencer

  As long as possible live free and uncommitted. It makes but little difference whether you are committed to a farm or the county jail.

  Henry David Thoreau

  Jennifer woke up in the big bed of the Mercer Hotel, Lenny lying beside her, and for a moment – a long moment – she didn’t know where she was. She wasn’t home and she wasn’t in prison. Had it all been a dream? Or was this a dream? Then she remembered not only their day together, but their night, and smiled. In that mysterious way that lovers have Lenny must have sensed she was awake because his eyes opened slowly. She’d never noticed before what long lashes he had. ‘Hello, gorgeous,’ he said.

  ‘Hello, sexy,’ she told him.

  Before they had a chance to compliment one another any further the phone rang. She looked at him. He shrugged. ‘Does anyone know you’re here?’ she asked.

  He shook his head. ‘Are you kidding? It must be the desk,’ he said. ‘They’ll call to see if we’re checking out.’

  ‘At this time of morning?’ she asked.

  ‘What time is it?’ he asked.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said.

  They both laughed and he reached over for the phone. He listened for a moment and his eyes opened wider. ‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Hello.’ And looked over at her. ‘It’s Cher,’ he mouthed.

  Jennifer grabbed the phone. ‘You have nerve,’ she said. ‘How did you know we were here?’

  ‘Oh, please,’ Cher said. ‘You think I don’t know Lenny’s credit card numbers? You think I can’t find out where anyone is if they’ve charged something?’ Jennifer threw Lenny a look of disbelief and shook her head. ‘What do you want?’ she asked Cher.

  Cher’s voice was insistent. ‘I’d like to meet with you and explain a few things …’

  ‘You’re a thief and a bitch. No explanation needed,’ Jennifer cut her off. She heard Cher sigh on the other end of the line.

  ‘Well,’ Che
r said. ‘Both of those things are true, but it’s my motivation that you have to examine.’ She paused. ‘I did it for you,’ she said.

  Jennifer laughed out loud. Lenny looked over at her as if he were ready to get on the line and end any problems she was having. Jennifer waved him away; she could handle this herself. ‘Thanks, Cher. That might work on morons but not on me.’

  ‘Listen, I’ve gotten into Tom’s portfolio and files, as well as his pants and your apartment,’ Cher insisted. ‘I’ve bankrupted him. He doesn’t know it yet, but he’s penniless.’

  Jennifer reconsidered. Still, it was probably just Cher’s selfish motivations that made her steal the money. ‘Well, thank you for that. It was very selfless of you,’ Jennifer said sarcastically.

  ‘Hey, don’t go off on me,’ Cher told her. ‘Your boyfriend is a bad guy as well as a bad fuck. I think you ought to meet with me.’

  Jennifer sighed. She wished this was all over with and she could just have her home back. But there was nothing she could do. ‘Okay,’ Jennifer agreed.

  An hour later, Jennifer found herself sitting across from Cher at a stylish, minimalist table at the Mercer Kitchen, the restaurant in the hotel. She couldn’t get over how different this was from camping out over a simple homemade dinner in Movita’s cell. The silverware, the napkins, the service, and the delicacy of the Euro-Thai cuisine were a continual shock to Jennifer. Unfortunately, Cher was distracting her with a play-by-play of her bad love life with Tom.

  ‘Didn’t you ever take the time to teach him how to go down on you?’ Cher asked in disbelief. ‘Okay, at his age he should know how, but you were engaged to the dumb fuck. You were going to live with that boring tongue action for the rest of your life? Is he a man or a Labrador retriever?’

  Cher looked great. All of Jennifer’s clothes seemed to suit her, and Jennifer didn’t know whether Cher had started going to Angelo or not but her hair looked fantastic as well. It had been cut two different lengths but was now straight and shiny. She had something that had seemed missing before. Not that Cher was ever stupid, but now she seemed, well, classy. Jennifer had never believed that clothes made the man but in this case they seemed to have made the woman into a lady. No wonder she could fool everyone, Jennifer thought. She was a chameleon. If I didn’t know where she came from, if I didn’t know for sure about prison, I would never believe it.