by Vera Hollins
She was making me feel even worse. “Melissa, you’re not good at pep talks.”
“Hey! I really think that! It’s better to be a virgin than to do it with a guy who doesn’t deserve it at all.”
“Oh. Did that happen to you?”
Sorrow flashed across her face, and I wanted to know what had happened to her. “Kinda. But that’s a story for another time. Anyway, I’m sure Mateo doesn’t care whether a girl is virgin or not. He’s one of the good guys, and I think you can trust him. He won’t trick you or something like that. Talking about tricks, what was that about your fake account?”
I’d been hoping she would drop that subject, but I had no such luck. “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you everything over a coffee later, okay?”
JESSICA, MELISSA, AND I went to Starbucks at a recently opened shopping mall. Jessica was cool with me inviting Melissa, and I was glad they got off to a good start.
“So, the fake account?” Melissa probed.
With a sigh, I fidgeted with my hands. It wasn’t easy to admit to someone who was so confident and easy-going that I was a bullying target. She’d probably never been bullied in her life.
“My classmates don’t particularly like me. Some of them are very bad and like to bully, offline or online.”
“That’s awful. Why didn’t you report this?”
I glanced sideways. “I went to the police once. It didn’t end well.” I told them about Josh’s punch and the outcome. “As for those social accounts, I reported them several times, but it was pointless because new accounts keep popping up. Nobody can prevent those things from happening because even if you stop one person, there are always other people.”
“That’s true, but something should be done about that anyway. Although, I do witness the same things in my school, so I know it can be impossible to stop it. I’m trying, actually, to stop those bullies from hurting some of the victims, but I can’t always be there to protect them.”
“Wow,” Jessica said, admiration clear in her tone. “You’re amazing. To be so brave and able to defend those who need help... You’re a great person.”
Melissa made a face. “Not so much. My brother is one of those bullies, and since I can’t talk him out of that, the least I can do is repair the damage.”
“How come your brother and you are so different?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t really know. As I told you, my mother spoiled him. He always gets what he wants, but it’s never enough for him. A few years ago, he met some new people, and he started spending much more time out. At that time, he turned to drugs and got worse, becoming way more aggressive.”
“Is it true that he’s hanging with some people from our school?”
“Yes. I saw a few of them several times, but I don’t know them that well.”
“Believe it or not, I heard Blake, Hayden, Josh, and Masen are involved in some strange activities,” Jessica said.
“Like a gang?” I asked her, and she nodded.
There was an old rumor that Hayden and his friends were in a gang, but I never paid much attention to it since it was never proven. I knew Hayden and Blake visited shady places, and sometimes I could even hear them talking about some matches and races in Hayden’s yard, but I didn’t know what that was all about. So, when Mateo mentioned that some of Enfield’s students were a part of some gang-like group, he made me question whether that rumor was true after all.
“I heard some girls in the restroom talking about the fights between Hayden and some older guys,” Jessica said. “It seems they’re fighting somewhere and placing bets on those matches.”
“Steven also fights in those matches, and I hate it. He comes home bruised almost every weekend.”
“Have they ever been busted?” I asked.
“Not that I heard of.” Melissa clasped her hands excitedly. “Anyway, Steven is throwing a party next Friday night, and you’re more than welcome to come.” She sounded sincerely excited.
“Are you sure it’s okay to invite us? Your brother doesn’t know us.”
Melissa rolled her eyes. “That’s not a problem at all. There are always so many people at Steven’s parties, and many of them don’t even know him. Besides, you’re my friends. Come on, it will be fun. There will be booze, cute guys, and music.”
“How about your parents?”
“They will be away for the weekend because they’re going to our cabin in the mountains. They do that from time to time, and Steven never misses the opportunity to fill our empty house with loads of guests and alcohol.”
I looked at Jessica, wondering what she was thinking. It sounded exciting and fun, and since Melissa was from Somers, I didn’t have to worry about my classmates. It would be nice to be among people who didn’t see me as a complete loser, for a change.
It already felt unreal.
“I’d like to come. How about you, Jessica?”
“I’d like that too.”
“Great! Then, it’s settled! Now all I have to do is invite Mateo.”
My heart jumped at Melissa’s words. Was she serious? “Wait, what?”
She giggled. “What? I have to invite him too! It will be a perfect chance for you two to get together.”
What was she now? A matchmaker? No, I wasn’t ready to hook up with Mateo. I didn’t actually think I would be ready any time soon, not that I wanted it.
“Please, Melissa, don’t do that. I don’t think it’s a good idea to—”
“Hush,” she interrupted me. “You don’t have to be with him if you don’t want, silly, but if it happens, it happens. You two look cute together, I must say.”
“No way.”
“No, seriously. It was so sweet when he confessed to you.”
Jessica’s eyes widened. “Wait? Someone confessed to you? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It happened this morning. And it’s not that important...”
“Not important?” Melissa squealed. “How is that not important when one of the popular guys in Rawenwood High says he likes you?”
“One of the popular guys?” Jessica inquired. “Who is he?”
I glanced back and forth between them, the headache knocking at my door. This wasn’t going to be easy to explain...
Chapter 20
“M ATEO SOUNDS LIKE A nice guy,” Jessica said, driving me home.
It was incredible how fast time passed with Jessica and Melissa. I hadn’t felt so relaxed and happy in quite a long time, and it was like I’d found one of the missing pieces of my life’s puzzle. An overpowering joy had found its way to me, breathing life to a permanent smile.
I felt like I finally belonged somewhere, which was a long-lost feeling because only Kayden had helped me feel this good about myself.
“He’s nice, but I don’t know what to do about him.”
“Why?”
Mateo was cute and all, but my deeply ingrained mistrust didn’t allow me to believe he was attracted to me. Even if he was, I had no idea about guys. He was popular and experienced, and I was no one. He was way out of my league.
“Because I have no experience with boys.” I was ashamed to say this. “What if I embarrass myself in front of him? What if he doesn’t want anything serious with me?”
“I think you should give him a chance. You can’t know it if you don’t try. Besides, if you become his girlfriend, maybe Hayden won’t bother you anymore. Mateo could protect you.”
Oh no. I didn’t even put Hayden into this equation. As controlling and obsessed as he was, it would be stupid of me not to expect him to ruin my chances with Mateo. He’d warned me not to keep any male contacts on my phone or he would make them pay, so what would his punishment be if I got a boyfriend?
Hayden’s grasp on me was too tight, too suffocating. If I decided Mateo was worth a try, did I have to hide him from Hayden? Did I have to keep my relationship a secret?
“This is my house,” I told Jessica and pointed at it.
She parked the car
right across my house and gasped when she looked in the direction of Hayden’s house. I turned my head to see what she was looking at and found Hayden and Blake tuning their cars in his driveway.
Blake was bent under the hood of his red Dodge Challenger, the outline of his brawny upper body clearly visible beneath his tight black T-shirt. Hayden stood in the same position under the hood of his Chevrolet Camaro, which was parked next to Blake’s car.
“Blake Jones?” Jessica said in a small voice, growing pale. The intensity of her reaction reminded me of my own whenever I crossed paths with Hayden. Was she already that afraid of him? Maybe accepting her offer to drive me home hadn’t been a good idea.
She shrunk in her seat. “Just my luck.”
“I’m sorry. They often hang together at his house, so... Anyway, thank you for driving me home. I had a great time today.”
“Me too. Melissa is super cool.”
“Really? You don’t find her too talkative?”
“I like talkative people. I don’t need to think too hard what to talk about when I’m with them.”
A giggle slipped over my lips. Really, it was impossible to get bored with Melissa.
Blake noticed us first and said something to Hayden. Instantly, Hayden spun around, and our eyes locked. He responded to Blake, not taking his eyes off of me.
“Will you be okay?” she asked me.
“I have to be. Don’t worry, I got used to it.”
That was a straight up lie. One could never get used to seeing their tormentors.
“See you in school,” I said and got out of her car. Blake left his wrench and headed to us. Oh no. Not now.
“Please, go before he comes,” I told her, but she wasn’t paying attention to me at all. She stared at Blake, frozen.
He crossed the road and stopped in front of Jessica’s Mini Cooper. He wasn’t even looking at me, openly glaring at Jessica. He kicked the bumper.
“I’m surprised you managed to put your fat ass inside this can.”
I flinched, angry at him for picking on Jessica. “Don’t talk to her like that.”
His head snapped toward me. “And what are you? Her lawyer? Since when is she mute so she can’t speak for herself?”
“I’m her friend .” I noticed Jessica shaking. Her face was white as a sheet.
“Aww how nice. You two losers absolutely suit each other.” He walked over to her driver-side door and leaned on her open window with his elbow. “Why don’t you come out? Are you that stuck in your seat that you can’t actually move at all?”
Jessica remained silent, and I got madder at Blake for terrorizing her like this. I didn’t want to just stand here and do nothing.
I went around her car, facing him directly. “Shut up. Stop harassing her.”
His eyes turned into slits. “What the actual fuck?”
He yanked my arm and threw me against the rear door. Pain flashed through my spine, pulling me into a momentary daze. I couldn’t move because Blake pressed me against the car, and my fear hit an all-time high.
“Don’t speak to me like that,” he hissed into my face, the venom in his words forcing me to shrink and close my eyes. “Look at me!” He pushed me against the car again, creating a new wave of pain, and I met his eyes, which spit fire.
I could already feel bruises forming on different parts of my body. His grip on my shoulder was too strong, and I couldn’t escape it. My strength, or rather the lack of it, couldn’t be compared to his sheer strength.
“You’re trash. You’re no one. I’ll do whatever I want, and you don’t get to say a word about it! Got it, bitch?!” I couldn’t stop myself from whining, hating myself for showing him how much he terrified me.
Jessica rushed out of her car. “Please, stop hurting her!” I could see from the corner of my eye that she was crying.
“I don’t want to. I enjoy hurting her.”
“Please!” She touched his shoulder, as if pleading him to move away from me. He flinched like someone had burned him, fear flashing in his eyes, and he let go of me.
“Don’t touch me,” he roared at her, hovering over her. He started shaking furiously, his neck veins bulging, which scared the hell out of Jessica and me. A warning siren in my head went off.
Blake had these nasty episodes from time to time when the anger would consume him, and each time he looked like he was going to fly off the handle and hurt everyone around him. I saw Hayden and Blake having a fight several times, and it was terrifying just to witness it, let alone be involved. Mix Hayden’s moodiness and Blake’s anger issues, and you got an atomic bomb.
Luckily, Masen and Josh had always been there to intervene and separate them from each other before things took a turn for the worse, but now? What could I do against Blake now? He would hurt Jessica and me in the blink of an eye.
Just as Blake grabbed Jessica, Hayden stopped in between them and pushed Blake backward.
“Leave,” Hayden told Jessica, and I looked at him in shock. He had no intention of bullying her? Was he seriously letting her go?
Blake glared at Hayden. “What are you doing, man?”
“Leave!” He raised his voice, which scared her enough to move from her spot.
She glanced at me with a guilt written all over her face. “I’m really sorry.” She rushed into her car and was gone in seconds.
I was left all alone with the two devils. I gulped.
“Why did you butt in?” Blake scoffed at him.
“Because you know what happens when you let the anger get the best of you.”
“Like you’re one to talk! You deal with the same shit, but nobody is preaching to you about it!”
Hayden was becoming angrier with each second, visibly tensing. I didn’t want to be a part of their fight, so I took a step back, hoping I could walk away without them noticing.
“You’re preaching to me now.”
“Somebody has to do it. I endured your shit all these years, but nobody cuts me any slack.”
I took another step backward.
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Why? Did I hit your sensitive spot, princess?”
I turned on my heel to dart away, but Hayden had good reflexes, grabbing my arm and pulling me back to him before I could escape.
“You need to chill,” he told Blake, keeping me next to his side, his grip on my wrist made of steel.
“You did not just say that.”
“Yes, Blake, I did. You can’t race when you’re like this. So go and fucking chill!”
Blake glared at Hayden like he was going to pounce on him any moment and take me down with him in the process. I was on tenterhooks about what would happen to me if Blake left us alone, feeling the dangerous heat that radiated from Hayden’s body. In a painfully long moment, Blake’s steely gaze was fixed on me, the promise of violence in them all too clear, and it took everything in me not to hunch in fear.
Surprisingly, Blake backed off, raising his hands as in surrender, and threw one last look at Hayden. “All right. As the princess wishes.” He marched away, pissed off.
I thought Hayden was finally going to blow his top and attack Blake from behind, but he did nothing to prevent him from leaving. Instead, he directed his attention to me.
“Why did she drive you back home?”
“The last time I checked, you weren’t my father. I don’t have to give you a report.”
I snatched my arm away from him, dashing toward my house, but as soon as I crossed the road, he grabbed me and trapped me against his body. He encircled one arm around my waist and placed his other hand below my neck, keeping me in place. I thrashed against him in hopes of setting myself free, but he was too strong for me, and fear greeted me. I braced myself for anything he might do.
“You became really bitchy these last few days.” He started tapping his fingers on my belly, creating a pleasant, fluttery feeling in the pit of my stomach. My chest tightened, confusion triumphing over me.
No, I was sure that
was not pleasure. That was fear.
“You get on my nerves more than ever. Do you want my attention that much?”
“Let me go.”
His chuckle sounded punishing in my ear. He enjoyed this. His warm fingers moved to my neck and brushed my skin, creating shivers, and I didn’t know what made me more sick—him playing me like this, or my own body that was sending me these confusing signals.
“I think you do. Your pulse sped up like crazy just now and you’re breathing faster.”
“That’s because I’m afraid of you.”
“I don’t think so. Besides, I haven’t done anything yet, babe.”
Babe? What the hell was going on here? This wasn’t the Hayden I knew. He never kept me this close to him or called me like that. What was his tactic now?
Not being able to recognize his intentions made me even more wary of him. One thing was certain. What looked like a lovers’ embrace was actually Hayden’s cruel game. A game in which I always lost.
“You didn’t do anything? You were strangling me just one week ago, Hayden! Go to hell!”
I wriggled against him, trying to set myself free, but it was useless. He only increased his hold around my waist, pulling me into his body, and I could feel his heart pounding fast. His own breathing increased, and a new fear emerged in me. Not the fear of Hayden, but the fear of this —this sensation that filled me and enclosed me, making me want to stay right where I was. This... This wasn’t normal .
I let my eyes close for a couple of seconds, my mind going blank as an unknown emotion twirled inside my chest. His lips touched my earlobe briefly, planting a feathery kiss, and I shuddered. “Hell is where you are, babe, and I’m glad to pay you unpleasant visits,” he whispered and let me go.
I was brought back to harsh reality, the haze in my mind clearing immediately. I couldn’t even look at him, feeling I could choke on my embarrassment.
Without looking back, I rushed into my house and closed the door behind me with a bang. I took two stairs at a time, rushing to shut myself in my room and stay there forever.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
How could you relax? How could you let him know even for a second you enjoyed that?