Sacrifice - A Fall For Me Prequel (The Tate Chronicles #0.5)

by Last, K. A.

  “Well,” I scoffed, “that wouldn’t be much different to how I feel right now.”

  “There is one difference,” Michael said. “You wouldn’t feel pain.”

  “No pain.” I laughed. “Then maybe I should do it myself.” I slowly slid the ring down my finger to the first knuckle.

  Michael shook his head. “It wouldn’t make a difference. All you’d do is strip yourself. You can’t imprison your soul in your own ring.”

  “Then do it!” I thrust my hand at Michael.

  “No, I don’t think I will.” He folded his arms over his chest. “Like I said, this is far better. And I’ll have fun watching.”

  “Where are we anyway?” I asked.

  “In a little Australian country town called Hopetown Valley. Grace will be here soon, too.”

  My fists clenched. “What! I did this to get away from her. And now you’re telling me she’ll be here soon. How long?”

  “We both know time moves differently down here. Minutes in Heaven—or Hell—are potentially years on Earth. Time is irrelevant to us.”

  “How. Long!” I shoved Michael.

  He shook his head. “You know how it works. Information is sacred. We’re only told what we need to know.”

  “Please, don’t hold out on me. I have to know.”

  “The Council is going to send her on an indefinite mission. That’s all I can say. It’s bad enough I’ve brought you here. The rest is up to you.”

  Michael offered me his hand. I found it hard to believe after all we’d been through he still wanted to try and part on good terms. I wasn’t as willing.

  “No. We’re not friends, Michael. We never have been,” I said.

  He lowered his hand. “I’ll see you around. You know this is far from over.”

  I knew.

  I waited until Michael disappeared into the trees before taking my eyes off his back and getting a good look at my surroundings. I couldn’t stay. If Grace was going to show up soon, I didn’t want to be there when she did. Finding her was something I wanted to do on my own terms, not Michael’s. One day I would find Grace, and I’d torture myself over her until it almost killed me, because that was what I deserved. I should never have done what I did, but I’d made my bed, and I’d lie in it until the end.

  PART TWO – GRACE

  SEVEN

  One minute I was grabbing for him, the next he was gone. Seth had just renounced his God, and I was completely alone.

  I hovered in the darkness, my wings beating gently, and I stared at the diamond that lay in my palm. What did it mean? He’d shed a tear for me. He was obviously upset, but why did he leave? My fingers curled around the diamond and I closed my hand into a tight fist. My body shook and I sobbed loudly. Tears filled my eyes and the stars blurred, forming streaks of light across the darkness.

  How could I go home without him?

  I wrapped my arms around myself and tried to hold it together. My heart was breaking into a thousand tiny pieces, and I was scared they would spill from my chest and scatter across the galaxy. Suddenly, I was nothing but a tiny speck in an enormous void of space, surrounded by sadness. I needed to know where he’d gone, but I didn’t know where to start looking. I had to return home.

  I wiped the tears from my eyes and searched the darkness of the outer realm until I pinpointed the re-entry star. I flew towards it with heavy wings. It swallowed me and I was once again floating on cloud dust.

  When I re-entered the departure level, I fell to my knees. The dust billowed around me and engulfed me in whiteness. I vaguely heard a voice speaking, but it seemed so far away. It wasn’t until Daniel lifted me from the floor that I heard what he was saying.

  “What happened, Grace?” His strong arms held me and I leant against his chest.

  All I could do was shake my head. I couldn’t speak; I had no words to express my feeling of loss.

  Daniel began to run. Through blurry eyes I watched over his shoulder as he left a trail through the cloud dust. It looked pretty, the way it floated in the air then settled back into place. He raced up the spiral staircase then orbed on the run. We landed in the centre of the cloud field.

  Daniel gently set me on my feet but kept a firm hold around my waist. I was grateful because if he’d let go I’d have crumpled to the floor.

  From beside me I heard Angelica’s voice amidst several others, and then I couldn’t breathe. There were too many angels around me, closing in and suffocating me. I bowed my head and covered my face with my hands.

  A tirade of comments and questions passed between the angels. What happened? Where’s Seth? Why didn’t he come home with you? It was too much. All my anger and pain bubbled inside me. It rose up and threatened to unleash itself. But I didn’t let it break through; I wouldn’t. Instead, I suppressed it and withdrew inside myself where it was quiet and no one could touch me.

  The floor beneath my feet shook, and the angels around me scattered.

  “Leave her alone,” Michael boomed across the field.

  When the cloud dust settled I raised my head and watched him walk over to Daniel and I. His brow creased into a frown. I probed his mind for answers, but because Michael was an archangel I didn’t get much. His guard was a lot stronger than mine. Although, there was one thing I saw that slashed my already broken heart to ribbons.

  “You knew,” I whispered. We stood in silence for only a few moments, but it seemed like an infinite amount of time. “You knew!” I shouted this time. I broke free of Daniel’s grasp and hit Michael in the chest with all the force I could muster. “Why did you let him do this? How could you let him leave? Why?” I pounded my fists on his chest until they were sore.

  Michael stood and took everything I dished out. He didn’t move and his expression didn’t waver. When my energy waned he gently held my wrists to make me stop. I looked up into his milk chocolate eyes and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. All the pain and hurt came rushing out of my mouth in a cry so guttural I feared my soul would pour out with it.

  “It was his decision, Grace. Believe me when I say I tried to stop him,” Michael said.

  “Well, you didn’t try hard enough.” I took a deep breath and my whole body shook. “I’ll never forgive him for this. Never.”

  “Forgiveness is the first step to healing.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “He’s my best friend, and he left with no explanation. He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness.”

  The faces of thousands of angels stared at me in sympathy. Angelica came over and took my hand. She’d never gotten along very well with Seth, but they had tolerated each other because of me. She pursed her lips into a forced smile and squeezed my hand.

  In time you’ll forget the pain, she said. You’re better off without him. He obviously didn’t care enough about you to stay, and he wasn’t a true servant of God.

  How can you say that? He’s my best friend, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget the pain. I slipped my hand from hers and walked away, focussing on the cloud field gates.

  He was your best friend, Angelica shot back.

  I ignored her. All I wanted was to get away from the stares and sympathetic expressions. I needed space and time to grieve. Actually, I needed my best friend back, but there was no returning from where Seth had gone.

  Everything happens for a reason, Angelica said.

  Some things shouldn’t happen, I replied.

  “Just leave her be,” Michael said.

  When I reached the gate I brushed it with my fingers and it opened silently for me. The cloud dust stirred and I leant down to run my fingers through it, concentrating on its texture to distract myself. It was like warm mist, but it wasn’t wet.

  I let my feet carry me wherever they wanted. My heart twinged as I remembered how Seth used to walk everywhere. I’d always thought it was a waste of time. Why walk when you could orb or fly and be where you wanted to be in seconds? I was beginning to understand the walking. There was more time to take everything in, like th
e way the brilliance of Heaven danced around me as I passed through it.

  For the first time I took a good look at my surroundings. I’d always taken my place in Heaven for granted, and I realised there were so many things I’d been taking for granted: the other angels around me, my friends, my family, my place in the scheme of things. We are often unaware of what we have until it’s taken away from us.

  In Heaven we all lived in unison, but there were places to go if we wanted to be alone. My feet carried me to the lowest level—the reflection level. It was there that I stayed for an indefinable amount of time. In Heaven time passed differently. It was as if there was no time.

  I lay on my stomach and coaxed the clouds apart with my hands. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find him. I believed Seth either no longer existed, or he was somewhere I couldn’t see. Even though he’d hurt me, I prayed he was safe, knowing my prayer would go unanswered. Why would my Father watch over one of the fallen?

  I rolled onto my back and stretched my arms out from my sides. Slowly, I moved them back and forth. The feeling of the soft mist against my skin calmed me, and I closed my eyes. When I opened them, Angelica stood over me.

  I stared up into her pale denim eyes. She didn’t say anything; she just lay down beside me and began to move her own arms in time with mine.

  “Feels nice, doesn’t it,” I said after a while.

  “I’ve never done this before,” Angelica replied.

  “I love running my hands through the cloud dust.”

  “Hmm, I think I’ll have to do it more often.”

  We made cloud dust angels until our arms grew tired. Eventually I sat up, drew my knees to my chest, and wrapped my wings around my shoulders.

  “I haven’t been able to find him,” I said.

  Angelica sat up as well and faced me. Her wings shivered and the way the light played on their pearly surface mesmerised me.

  “I don’t think you’ll be able to,” she said. “We can’t see the fallen from here.”

  “I need to know where he is,” I whispered. “To see him with my own eyes.”

  “You need to forget about him. He left and there’s nothing you can do.” Angelica hesitated. “I’m sorry, I know it’s harsh, but you have to forget about him, Grace. If he cared about you he would never have left. By leaving he’s shown you he doesn’t care one damn bit. He never cared about you. If he did, he’d have stayed. No angel would give up their place in Heaven if they weren’t evil.”

  “He’s not evil,” I said. “You don’t know him like I do.”

  “Did you know him well enough to see he’d do this? That he’d leave his best friend? No, Grace, you’re wrong.” Angelica shook her head. “He is evil, and the sooner you lock him out of your heart, the better.”

  “I just … I don’t understand,” I whispered.

  “Come on, everyone’s been waiting for you to come back to the cloud field. You’ve been gone so long.”

  “Maybe I need another mission to take my mind off things.”

  “I think that’s a great idea.” Angelica got to her feet and stretched her hand down to me. I grabbed it and she pulled me up. “Hopefully, if you come back with me, the Council will give you one. But you have to promise me one thing. When you walk through that gate up there you leave all this behind. You have to forget about Seth.”

  Could I do that? I wasn’t sure if I could forget my best friend and what he did to me; it hurt too much. How do you forget pain that intense? How do you block it out so it doesn’t exist? But if I wanted to get myself back on track, I would have to do it. I’d have to suppress everything and get on with my duties. I had to convince myself Seth was completely gone. He was dead to me. There was no other way.

  “I promise,” I said. At least keeping promises was something I was good at.

  EIGHT

  Thousands of angels orbed and walked around the various levels of Heaven on their way to whatever mission or duty they needed to perform. Angelica walked with me back to the cloud field gates. She never questioned why I wanted to walk, and it was nice to have someone to walk with. I regretted not walking with Seth more, but quickly squashed the thought down into the depths of my heart where I’d locked away all the pain.

  The gate shimmered as I neared. I heard it whisper a welcome before I stroked it with my fingers and it opened. My re-entrance to the field was a little unnerving. So many faces stared at me. I should have been at ease amongst my friends and family, but when you’ve had the angel’s equivalent of a nervous breakdown, you become a little more sceptical.

  Everyone smiled and nodded as I passed them, then went back to whatever conversations they’d been engrossed in. Angelica stayed by my side until I found my usual place. I stared at the patch of cloud dust that looked like every other part of the field, but at the same time it didn’t. With Seth gone I couldn’t sit there. That spot had heard many conversations and watched our friendship grow over time. But everything had changed. I walked a little further before settling down.

  “Are you all right?” Angelica asked.

  “Just peachy,” I replied. Angelica raised her eyebrows. “And you have no idea how grateful I’ll be when I see Michael.”

  I never thought I’d want to see the archangel again—he knew what Seth had planned to do, and he didn’t stop him—but he was my ticket out and back to Earth. If I wasn’t summoned, I wasn’t going anywhere in a hurry. He must have heard me and was playing games, because he took his time coming. With every passing moment I grew more and more frustrated, until I got to my feet and went to the centre of the field.

  “Michael,” I called. The other angels stopped what they were doing to watch, but I didn’t care. I held my arms away from my sides and tilted my head back. “Michael!” I yelled this time. “I’m ready. Would you get your butt down here?”

  The cloud dust in front of me exploded and it funnelled upwards like a water spout. It settled back into place and Michael stared at me, his arms folded over his chest.

  “Do you ever grow tired of showing up like that?” I asked.

  He laughed. “No way. It’s fun, and you’d expect nothing less.”

  That was true. The day Michael didn’t explode cloud dust I’d be surprised.

  “Are you here because I called you, or because they need me?”

  “That depends which answer you want.”

  I stared at Michael and furrowed my brow. “I think you know which answer I want. I have to get out of here. I need another mission.”

  I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. Michael relaxed his arms to his sides. Walk with me.

  I fell into step beside Michael and he took us away from the other angels to a part of the field that was quiet. He dipped his hand in the cloud dust and moulded it until there were two forms resembling chairs. He gestured for me to sit before lowering himself to his seat. Michael hitched his white pants and rested his elbows on his knees. His hands hung loosely clasped between them.

  I sighed. “Come on, out with it.”

  “The Council have summoned you, but I’m not entirely sure if it’s for a normal mission, I don’t want you to get your hopes up,” he said. “They seem to think you’re rather fragile.”

  “Can you blame me? I’ve lost my best friend.”

  “Seth is not the first angel to fall.”

  “But he’s the first that shouldn’t have. He is good, and kind. I know he is. What reason could he possibly have for doing what he did?”

  Michael hesitated. “I can’t answer that.”

  “Well, I can’t stay here. It’s killing me,” I said. “I need a distraction.” I met Michael’s friendly, brown eyes and wished he wasn’t so nice. I was still angry with him for not telling me about Seth’s intentions. “Why didn’t you tell me what he was planning to do? You should have stopped him.”

  “It wasn’t my place to tell, Grace. You should know our word is solid and means a great deal. I gave Seth my word. And yes, I could have stopped him,
but he made a decision and I actually respect it.”

  I closed my eyes and rubbed them with the heels of my hands. “You know I’m mad at you, don’t you?”

  “I know, but I also know you’ll forgive me.” Michael stood and offered me his hand. I took it. He gently pulled me to my feet and embraced me in a brotherly hug. “Whatever you decide, Grace, make sure your decisions are true to what you believe to be right. Now go. The Council is waiting.”

  I left the cloud field and turned Michael’s words over in my mind. I always tried to do what was right. I hoped it would be enough.

  The journey to the Council’s chamber was peaceful, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d actually walked there. Usually, I orbed myself straight to the door. I watched the staircase disappear into the clouds behind me as I climbed each step. I marvelled at the feeling of wading through the waist-high dust to get to the chamber door.

  My palm tingled with warmth when I pressed it to the marble slab. It slid open silently and I went straight to the centre of the room where I waited for the Council to speak. It seemed like they took forever.

  “Grace,” they finally said. Their combined voice resonated around the chamber. “What are we to do with you? Are you ready to return to full service?”

  “I will go wherever you want me to go.”

  “Did your time on the lower level help you recover from your situation?” the Council asked.

  I hesitated. “I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover. But I think time away will help me forget.”

  The chamber fell silent. I wrung my hands together, waiting in anticipation for them to speak again.

  “We’ve been watching you over the past couple of centuries, and it is evident to us that you would probably do more good by serving on another mission.”

  “Thank you!” I exclaimed.

  “Please, let us finish.”

  I mumbled sorry under my breath and waited for them to continue.

  “This mission is not one to enter into lightly. You must understand it is a great commitment that requires your complete devotion.”