by Kirby Elaine
We filed into the private dining room of Roselle’s and drinks came quicker than we could order. I watched as everyone else indulged in champagne, wine, and scotch. I sipped my club soda and tried to stay in the conversation. I missed Highland Park Scotch and as the $400 bottle was handed back and forth between the guys I ached for it. Maybe sobriety and vacation didn’t go so well together.
“A toast?” Liam looked to me.
“Maybe you should start things off, Brother.” I took a sip of my club soda and waited for him to stand. He nodded and refilled his scotch.
“Okay, okay—”
“Sorry I’m late.” Abi interrupted as he came through the door holding a gorgeous woman’s hand.
“No problem. Come in, come in.” Liam gestured. “We were just about to give toasts.”Abhishek and his date took seats near the center of the table. And he poured her a glass of wine before joining in on the scotch. “So, we are coming up on another year. We knew that this year, like every year before, would test us in insurmountable ways. But we’re Scott’s and Michelson’s and Curtis’s. We can be tested and tested again but we cannot be broken.” My bother looked at me. “I have my family whole again. No illness, no addiction, no amount of stress can remove from us what is inherently in our nature, to persevere. And Nathan, I know that these times have been especially troubling and especially heavy. I couldn’t imagine my brother battling what Chase is. But know that your brother is a fighter and know that you have all the resources in the world available to you. As for my brother. One step at a time, Bro. I know you have it in you.” Liam raised his glass signaling me to speak.
“Sobriety.” I shook my head. “Sobriety is a bitch.” I laughed “I want nothing more than to feel that Highland Park 30 on my tongue. But then I think about everything that I put in jeopardy when I decided that pills were the cure all. Anyway, I’m grateful to be back here with my family. I can’t describe what it’s like to be without the love and support of my wife and my children, and all of you. Rehab taught me that I had taken so much for granted and I’m trying to learn from those mistakes.” I tilted my glass shaking the ice. “So, to each of you, for the support you have given me.”
“I didn’t plan to speak tonight.” Nathan said gripping his glass and standing.. “But as always, Michael gets my gears rolling.” He looked blankly at the table before looking between Liam and I. “My brother is dying. It’s so easy to let life get in the way of living and it’s so easy to get caught up in ourselves. But my brother is dying and I’m sitting here with the most important people in the world. He told me when we talked today that he’s doing well and enjoying time with Joy and our parents. And you know I cried. He won’t let me put my life on hold as much as I want to drop everything and be by his side.” I could see Nathan was fighting back tears as he continued. “He told me that I should be living now before I forget how to. That broke my heart because we don’t know what kind of time he has left and his concern is that I am making the most of my own. I think it just goes to show you how quickly we forget those things. But I’m learning not to. Because this right here is what life is about. To family…” Nathan sat. Everyone at the table was silent. The clattering of Abi’s fork onto his plate stirred us.
“Mind if I say a few words?” Abi spoke. I sat at the head of the table and nodded for him to speak.
“Several years ago I lost my father and following that I made the decision to commit my mentally unstable mother. And for the most part I have been alone. It’s not an easy thing being alone. And then I discovered Krishna. I’ve been told about this woman’s existence for most of my life. I actually didn’t believe the rumors. I never imagined I would find her I never tried under the belief that her new family would have changed her name. But like destiny she found me. And I want to say that I am grateful to all of you for being her family and I hope to someday be in your graces where you might allow me to join this beautiful group of people.” He sat after his short speech, his eyes locking with Krishna’s and he gave her a warm smile that she quickly returned. I knew where this night would end and in no way was I ready for it.
We ended dinner a few hours later. After bidding Abi a brief farewell, Krishna hugged him and got into the limo. We headed back towards the house while I struggled to keep my eyes open once again.
Krishna
I stared out of the window the entire ride home. The sky had gone from a bright orange to a majestic grey and not once had I turned to face my husband. I knew he would read it all over my face. I needed to see the woman who gave birth to me. Needed to ask questions and I needed to build on the relationship I started forming with Abhishek. I had to go to Canada and I didn’t know how I was going to tell Michael that I hated him for leaving us yet I was ready to pack my things for a trip that could turn into something unexpected.
“You know, Abi isn’t so bad, I mean he seems like a standup guy.” Michael remarked. He slid my heels off one by one as I lay back on the bed.
“I think he’s great. He’s kind of serious but very mild-natured.” I pulled my foot from Michael’s hand and tugged his tie towards me. “I don’t want to talk about my brother. I want to talk about us.”
“Yeah?” Michael eased over me, his toned physique holding steady as his eyes made love to my soul.
“Yeah.” I nodded. Michael was a great man. He was very well put together, he took great care of himself and he worked hard. I hated that I was so mad at him for leaving me. Rolling over to a cold spot on the bed was a feeling I had almost gotten used to and that hurt. It hurt more that sex with him made me temporarily forget that he had been gone. Sex with him made me forget that he had kissed Alex in that bathroom on her wedding day.
Michael undid button after button of his shirt, straddled me and I watched in admiration of his beautiful body. I didn’t love sex before Michael because Michael made it an experience. It was very lustful. He screwed me and made love to me all at once.
As if he could read my thoughts, Michael pulled my head back against the bed and used his teeth to tease my neck before he peeled me from my dress and gave attention to my breast, my breast that hadn’t been worshipped since I revoked the twins’ feeding privileges months ago. I tried to hold back vocalizing my satisfaction but moan after moan escaped my lips. I ran my fingers through Michael’s midnight hair and my hand found his face. The scruff was a different look from Michael but I loved the edge it gave him. I needed to reciprocate the passion running through him but he had already pinned me to the bed; both wrists pressed hard against the bed under his one strong hand.
For a second I struggled to free myself from his grasp. It was utterly mind blowing, the man Michael became when he had power in the bed. He used his free hand to trace my lips before allowing his finger to ease into my mouth. I gave it a pulling suck before letting him navigate to my heat. It pounded for him. I could already feel my wetness building up and I already had the urge to release as his finger dove inside of me. My body pulled beneath him. I didn’t want to come for him. I wanted to take that power way from him and I didn’t know why.
I managed to free my wrist, pulling them from beneath his hands leaving them stinging with pleasure. His attention went back to tugging my nipples and simultaneously massaging my heat. I wanted him badly but I wanted the control in this. For the last few months he dictated my life. He dictated my happiness and I wasn’t going to let him dictate my orgasm again.
“Get off.” I pushed him away. I saw on his face that he was taken aback. But before the bewilderment crept in too much I pushed him onto his back and straddled him. A smile crept onto his face before I grabbed his necktie and force his head down against the pillow. I scraped my nails down the front of his body and landed at his belt. I made quick work of it, single handedly undoing his pants. I released my hold on the neck tie allowing my husband to take a full breath. I stood backing away from the bed and grabbing his pants at the ankle.
“What’s gotten into you?” Michael asked, sitting up and reach
ing for my wrist. I pulled away and watched as he stroked himself, unwillingly to lose his readiness.
“Why can’t I show eagerness without there being something wrong with me?”
“You can, I just haven’t seen this side of you in a while. Come here.” Again he reached for me with his free hand. I was becoming engrossed with the sight of him stroking himself. I took the three steps to close the gap between us and knelt before my husband.
Michael was my best friend. Michael was the first man I ever fell in love with. He was the man I would have bought home to my father had he been alive to meet him. But Michael was also my kryptonite, my Achilles heel. I took over for him; gripping his soft skin with one hand and his bare thigh with the other; pressing my nails into his thigh. Beautiful Michael Cruz I thought as my eyes connected with his while my mouth simultaneously connected with his ripeness. And just like that Michael’s power was mine; I was his kryptonite, his Achilles heel, and I liked it.
I allowed myself to taste every inch of him before deciding that I wanted to share in his pleasure. My lips took to his as I stood at the edge of the bed bringing myself to straddle him. He pulled my lips in closer as I allowed him to settle inside of me.
“Mike.” I moaned. He gripped me harder slamming me onto him over and over again.
“Say it again.” He whispered in my ear while pulling my hair back; exposing my neck.
“Say what?” I held out.
“Call me that again.” He demanded.
“Mike.” I called out as he picked up the rhythm. But before I could utter another word I was face down on the bed, flat on my stomach with his forearm against my back. I knew how to turn him all the way on and calling him a name he hated was the way to take him from zero to one thousand in a second. My left arm twisted as Michael pinned it behind my back driving himself into me for what felt like the first time in months. Because what he called sex on the night of his arrival made me, in the end, feel as cheap as Alexandria on her wedding night.
I wasn’t Michael’s whore and I wasn’t his scorned ex. I was his wife but that night, for those few minutes as he drove into me over and over again I felt cheap. And again I remembered the burden that came with relinquishing my power to him.
His hand came around and gripped my neck as he settled deep inside me. He released my arm and twisted my face to meet his.
“I love you.” He said against my lips. I tried but for the life of me I couldn’t stop the tears begging to pour over. He pulled out and allowed me room to roll over beneath him. I couldn’t take a breath before he was again nuzzled inside of me driving me to the finish line.
“Michael.” I called out as my body bucked beneath his. “Michael.” I clenched around him staring into the dark eyes of the man I was going to have to learn to forgive. There was no doubt in my mind that Michael made his mistakes and was now ready to be my husband and be our children’s father. I just wondered how he’d handled the news that I was going with Abi to Canada in the morning.
Michael
Before she uttered the words, I knew exactly what she was going to say. She was going to be her regular apologetic “if it’s okay with you” self when she told me her intentions of skipping out on the remainder of our family vacation. I wasn’t going to have it. If she was going to leave, I wanted her to come out and say it, I wanted her to stand her ground and not take no for an answer. Not that I would tell her no. This was the opportunity she’d been waiting on for years, hell if I were going to be anything but there for her, even though I hated the idea of her leaving me.
Abhishek Roshan had been fully vetted by our people. He was a business man, an entrepreneur with family money and a notable member of the Anglo-Indian Canadian community. He was no longer of my concern as Krishna exited the shower at five that morning asking if we could talk.
“What’s up?” I attempted to sound casual.
“Abhishek leaves this evening. I really wanted to meet Amita. He’s flying straight into Toronto and told me he could make arrangements for me to stay in his home there.”
“He leaves tonight and you’re what? Asking my permission to hightail it out of the country with a man you don’t really know?” I pressed her.
“I’m not asking your permission, Michael. I wanted to let you know that I wanted to do this for me; I wanted to do one thing for me for once. I won’t be gone long.” She sat down taking a throw pillow onto her lap, pulling it against herself. So damn bold in the bedroom but she often cowered in discussions. I hated that. I knew it was the way she was raised, the way her father and mother communicated but I didn’t like it. I didn’t like feeling like she was afraid of me, though I knew she wasn’t.
“What isn’t long? A week?”
“Maybe two weeks. You tell me.”
“What does that even mean, Krishna?
“I don’t know. You tell me since you have such a great concept of time, Michael.” She stood and proceeded to dig through her dresser. She was being bold and I had to resist the urge to pull her to me and have my way with her yet again.
“So this is about my rehab.”
“This isn’t about you!” Her face flushed. “Stop making everything about Michael. Use this time to spend with your children. I need to do this.” She pleaded, rubbing the nape of her neck.
She was right. Krishna gave up her teaching career to raise our children, to be a stay at home wife and mother. She did everything for me and never asked or anything in return. And Scott money was never enough nor will it ever be enough to satisfy Krishna because it was never about my money. It was about the emotional and physical connection we had from day one and her personal mission to be everything I had needed her to be.
“You should go.” I conceded. “You’ve had questions about your birth family for a really long time, you should go.” I sat on the bed staring at her beautiful blue eyes. I hoped that she would get all the answers she needed and be okay when she returned; whenever she returned.
“Michael.” She sat on my lap taming my hair which was at its longest in months. “Thank you for being okay with this. There’s so much I need to know. I need to know about my mother and who my father is. And I really want to get to know Abi.”
“I’m glad you’re getting that opportunity.” I kissed her shoulder and rested my head against it.
“Come on.” She pulled away from me and slid into her bikini bottoms, shorts and a bikini top. She grabbed a t-shirt and draped it around her neck before sliding on her sandals. I looked at her questionably and she just pulled my hand. I managed to grab my shirt before being dragged from the room.
We left the house and walked down to the beach. It was early so the weather, though warm, hadn’t reached its peak of the high nineties for the day. Krish sat in the sand pulling me down beside her. She looked at me and smiled. I wanted her to forgive me for all my wrong doing, for my issues with Alex and the drugs and for not being myself with her for the last few years. That was a tall order.
I scooted behind her pulling her bare back against my bare chest. Her dark hair blew in the light breeze as we looked out over the water.
“This is forever, Michael.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think you understand what that means though.” She pressed her body harder against me and I could feel it heave as she took a deep breath. “Our vows are sacred. No matter what things we regret saying and doing to one another, it doesn’t change the fact that we vowed to be there for each other through it all.”
“I know.”
“And we have to be honest with each other. And we have to be each other’s first line of defense. You have to trust me. You have to trust that I am a woman and that I have thick skin and will bounce back from our troubles. It’s marriage, it’s not going to always be a walk in the park. Do you trust that I get that?” She turned her body enough to look into my eyes. I wanted to own up to everything but it seemed so pointless now.
“I get it.” I broke the eye contact and looked at
the waves beating quietly against the shore. “I kissed Alexandria.”
“I know.”
“I’m not talking about the first time. I kissed her again on her wedding day.” I waited for the ball to drop.
“I know.” She replied calmly. She laid her head against my chest and I felt the dampness of a tear roll down to my stomach.
“You knew and you didn’t say anything?” That made me feel like more of a piece of shit than I had already been feeling.
“I can’t understand your connection with her. I’ve tried. I kept wondering, if I am your wife and you love me fully and completely than what is it that you feel for her that is greater than your complete love for me.”
“Nothing. I loved Alex. She was an important part of my life, my first love. I was holding onto that in hopes of it being enough to rid her of her own demons. She had it rough and she left me and chose to deal with it on her own. That isn’t my fault. And it sure as hell wasn’t my mess to clean up. I know that now.” I stroked the hair from Krish’s face to catch a glimpse of her eyes.
“I’m glad you get that. I never wanted you to have to tell me that you kissed her again. I wanted to keep that in the dark because I couldn’t understand it. But I think I get it now.” I watched as her hand moved up my arm and down my chest. She pushed me back against the sand and tugged at my lips with her teeth.
“Don’t start this out here.”
“Why not?” She smirked, her eyes red from silently crying.
“We’ll get caught.” I looked back at the house as Krishna undid the button and zipper of my shorts.
“Shhhh.” She bit her lip and stood above me dropping her own shorts to the ground. I hastily pulled mine down and settled back into the sand. She sat down, straddling me and I pulled the strings of her bikini loose watching it fall away. She tossed the bottoms aside and rubbed herself against me. I had already hit the point of no return before she adjusted herself and took all of me into her at once. She settled on me as the sky began to light with the growing sun.