D.S. the Messenger

by Raymond McClary

  “You’re welcome…So Sage, how do you manage to keep your composure when delivering a message like that to so many families being a family man yourself?”

  “I just ask God to keep me focused when I deliver the grueling news.”

  “But you are human, and certainly there are feelings that you can’t control.”

  “I do have my moments…Moments of indecision and uncertainty.”

  “I do have to admire you. Because you talked to your wife as if everything is perfect.”

  “When it’s in fact not. I have to…I refuse to allow this to interfere with my world that my wife and I have created together.”

  “In a sense, it seems as though you are denying yourself to release the disturbances that you are holding within to your wife who could be a key to helping you handle it better.”

  “Perhaps, but I’m willing to take that chance.”

  “To the brink of madness?”

  “I don’t think it would reach that point Gabby. I said I feel the pain of the families, not an obsession to deliver the message and the urge to brow beat them while they are down.”

  “Sage, pain that is withheld can bring a person to the brink of insanity.”

  “Yes, but this pain can’t…For this is a sympathetic pain that can only be channeled by compassion and care. I understand that there’s two ways the mind can handle this when delivering this message…Either it’s through thoughtfulness or coldness…I’ve chosen thoughtfulness.”

  “Sage, are you afraid?”

  “Of what?”

  “Of how people will react?”

  “Fear will always rear its ugly face because of the unknown. But that is when the will of God reminds me that all is well when fear tries to take a swipe at me.”

  Gabby was astonished by his responses, confidence in his tone and even his posture while he politely ate his sandwich. Gabby asked, “How does your wife find the strength to support you in all of this?”

  “This sandwich is good…Umm, thank you. My wife does not know the details or the depth of this ordeal.”

  “So you are keeping a secret from her?”

  “Not necessarily. My wife knows that Perry did something.”

  “You just didn’t tell her everything.”

  “Precisely.”

  “That’s still a secret no matter how you dress it up Sage.”

  “Yeah, but it does not interfere with our unity.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Oh so it is…Let me explain something to you. My job as her husband is to keep her happy from every aspect possible in life that’s reachable. I’m not perfect by any means but I am perfect for her as she is for me. I am also aware of detecting when her feelings are up or down that may require me to step in and provide balance. I know when my wife is in a funk and needs her space even from me. And she understands me. I am a whole man who has found my whole woman. Now, I do believe that my test at this moment in life between me and my wife is a test of distance and not interference.”

  “You are here with me in my home.”

  “That is true, so I see that as a test of distance because I am away from my wife by traveling to other states.”

  “What about me?”

  He chuckles. “What about you?”

  “Sage, I can see that you are not naïve enough to know what I’m talking about.”

  “And in my eyes, you are not considered interference, my conceited one.”

  Her eyes widened as she frowned. Gabby realized that his character was in fact genuine and reached over the table and placed her hand on his. “Sage, I must apologize to you again. I see that you are very unyielding about what you are doing and focused in doing it. I thought you were like Perry. He, too, had an acute seriousness about him as if he was on a mission and to label you was just a bad inaccuracy on my part.”

  “Oh he was on a mission, but the price came at an expense that people like your mother could not afford. But I don’t see how his persona would have you think in that manner. Except…” He takes a drink of water, as they look each other square in the eyes.

  He places his glass on the table and asked,

  “Gabby, did he come on to you?” Gabby remained quiet for a moment and stared at him.

  Then Gabby picked up her glass and drank her water then said, “No. He did not come on to me. You never told me how you found out about him and my mother.”

  “I also told you that you would not believe me if I told you.”

  “Well can I be the judge of that instead of you pre-judging me?”

  “Alright. He didn’t tell me anything about your mother directly, I saw it occur in a dream.”

  Gabby frowns in disbelief at him while the corner of her mouth and lips pointed skyward as he continued, “I read off your mother’s name prior to going to sleep and I dreamt about what had happened the moment your mother received the infection in detail. I’m aware of what conversation transpired before, during, and after. I know that it occurred in this house and I know what room they were in.”

  “You know what room they were in?”

  “Yes.”

  “Please show me.” He sat there as Gabby started to walk out of the kitchen.

  “Come on…Show me. Gabby follows him as he walks out of the kitchen and into the hallway where there were three rooms and the bathroom.

  “Your mother rushed in through your front door and met him in here while he was about to step into the bathtub. No, he was standing here using the toilet when your mother walked in. Your mother pulled his towel off, the two messed around, and then came into this room.”

  He pointed at the room that was now converted into an office. “There used to be a bed and I believe a yellow and white dresser in here but this is the room that he placed himself on top of her.” He stepped out of the hallway and into the living room where his back was to Gabby who became frightened because Gabby remembered that day as if it occurred moments ago. Gabby didn’t want to ask the next question but it was eating away at her so badly that her body began to tremble along with jumpiness and agitation.

  Finally, after reaching a point that could not be tolerated anymore, Gabby asked with her voice shuddering,

  “Was anyone else here?”

  “Not when your mother walked into that bathroom.”

  “What about the bedroom?”

  “Yes.”

  Gabby really became nervous at this point while heading towards a cabinet where liquor was stored for the company that came by to visit. Gabby did not drink in her entire life until that moment. “Sage, I want you to tell me who else was there?”

  “You know the answer to that question.”

  Gabby responded by yelling, “I know that I know but I want to know if you know so tell me dammit!”

  He turned and faced her. Her head was nervously shaking while holding a wavering bottle of brandy in one hand and a glass cup in the other. Gabby was pouring more brandy onto the floor than in the cup as he softly answered,

  “You…It was you Gabby. Your hair was much longer then. Well past your shoulders.”

  Gabby gulped her drink and quickly poured another.

  “You have a gift.”

  “If you choose to call it that, then so be it.”

  “You have the ability to see through God’s eyes! That is a gift! That is divine intervention.”

  Sage sat there and began thinking about her words as Gabby gulps another glass of brandy.

  “Did you see me and my mother arguing?”

  “Yes…And the ultimatum that you gave Perry about telling Angela before you did.”

  “This is really tripping me out.”

  “That’s because we talk about the presence of God being everywhere and we ignore the essence and substance of that awareness.”

  “You remind me that when I do talk to myself and pray, that God actually is hearing me.” Gabby placed the bottle and glass on the table and started sluggishly walking around the kitchen counter into the liv
ing room where she plopped down on the sofa and started crying.

  “God, I am so sorry for sometimes having doubt of wondering if you could hear my prayers. My faith was broken down at times and my insight has been cloudy. Jesus! Please forgive me Lord! Geessh…This really messes with your head the more and more you think about it! A stranger talking about things that I know actually happened and I know it’s completely accurate, because I’m the only one that knew!”

  After she stopped sobbing, she looked up at Sage and asked him, “Sage, what made you decide to get married?”

  “Well, I’ve been with my wife for quite some time. We’ve learned from one another and grown with one another. My wife is perfect for me.”

  “That’s beautiful, but I said what made you decide to get married?”

  Sage was quiet as he sat in the chair. Then he became very sad as if he was reliving a bad moment in his life. Finally, after five minutes of staring into space he responded, “I was very much like him. You could say that we were identical. We were so wild with girls that one could think we were trying to outdo the man with the playboy mansion. As long as we had condoms, we had enough women to run through and use them on. We had bets on how many girls we would have sex with within a week. That was not so challenging after two weeks, so we would raise the bet to a day. Sometimes within eight hours. Then four. One day while this young woman and I were right in the middle of sex, something happened to me. A part of me had awakened, which made me stop. The woman started asking me why did I stop? I told her to get dressed. That woman began yelling at me as I grabbed her coat and escorted her out the door. Feelings of shame, indignity, ignominy, and disgrace overshadowed me. I felt as if my mother was looking over me and crying for the way I had been behaving and was mortified to even say that I was her child. I still remember that day as if God has placed it into the forefront of my memories. That which was lost crept back into my life with force as if to say enough is enough.”

  Gabby asked while sitting up with slurred words, “What was it?”

  “My conscience. Gabby, a man without a conscience is completely lost and very dangerous. Dignity does not exist. Shame displays its colors proudly. I was clueless to purpose, reason, idea or principles. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. Once I started to pull myself together, is the point in my life when my departed brother and I went our separate ways.”

  “It seems as if you need a drink.”

  “No, I don’t have a problem talking about my past because that is just what it is.”

  “It sounds as if you were a womanizer.”

  “As fast as they wanted to give pieces of themselves to me is as fast as I would take it. So maybe. Or I was just a man whore having sex with women who did not want to have a commitment and neither did I. My self-esteem was low and I wanted my parents back. I did not trust anyone, so seeking guidance from relatives was out of the question.”

  He chuckles. “I remember shortly after my parents died, my aunts and uncles that I didn’t even know existed, were trying everything they could to get close to me because of my parent’s insurance policies. None of the relatives contributed to their funeral, but the people in the neighborhood did. I received money, condolences, and food. Anything that I needed, I could rely on my neighborhood to provide me with. That is why I gave and continue to give back to them so generously after my spirit that was so contaminated, was cleansed.

  A few relatives even tried to get guardianship over me while unaware that I was already eighteen and considered an adult. They got the message when I emphatically expressed myself at the funeral. It was rather disrespectful the way I told them to leave me alone but the way that I saw it, my parents were physically gone, so were their siblings. There is a phrase, If you can’t trust family, who can you trust?” Well…I could trust the people in my neighborhood. Even during my degraded moments in life, the people were there. Not too long after I had my businesses up and running, is when I met my wife. There is no doubt that she is my gift from God.”

  “You never did tell me what type of business that you have?”

  “I apologize for that, I own three tailor shops. One has an attached clothing store.”

  “I was wondering about your suit that you have on to be just a messenger. I know that it is tailor-made because it fits you perfectly and it is sharp! You certainly give designers a run for their money.”

  “Thank you.”

  Gabby leaned forward to stand up and fell back onto the couch and said, “Wow! I must be drunk!” Gabby begins to laugh.

  “What is it that you need? I will get it for you.”

  “I wanted to get another drink, but it appears that I may have had enough!”

  “I agree.”

  Gabby stretched out on her couch and said, “Sage, can you come here closer to me please?”

  He walked over to her and kneeled by her without touching the floor and said, “Yes?”

  Gabby stared into his eyes and said, “Perry came back by here that night after he met with Angela at the carnival.”

  “Why?”

  “To tell me that he was leaving town for good. I asked him, ‘What about Angela?’ Perry said that the relationship was over and Angela would just have to get over him. I asked, ‘Did you at least tell her that it was over?’ He said no. I felt like it was my opportunity to try and have him for myself that night since he was leaving.”

  Sage stood up and began pacing the floor and said, “Wait a minute…Wait a minute. You tried to come on to Perry?”

  “Yes.”

  “What were you thinking? Granted, you did not know how dangerous Perry was, but this man was with your best friend. I mean, isn’t there an unwritten rule in your so called sisterhood about that?”

  “Okay, I was jealous about the fact that Angela was able to get him while married to another man. Regardless of his disability, Angela still had two men. The fact is that you men are becoming rare to find!”

  Gabby sits up and says, “Look at our town. There are more women than men. Some women have chosen to be with each other because they are sick and tired of looking and waiting for men to appear. The men that are in this town are married and the wives know that there is another woman or two on the side and don’t care as long as he comes home! My father included! Some of the parents and teachers of the only high school in this small town are literally coming to blows because the teachers are flirting with the little boys in school!”

  Gabby sighs and says, “Sage, I have my needs too and for the most part, I take care of them personally…I saw the chance to get what I wanted and took it. You may not like the reality of this town and how it is, but I’m sure this is not the only place.”

  “So what happened next between the two of you?”

  Gabby slouched into the couch and placed her hands on her thighs. “After he told me that he was leaving town, I tried to persuade him to stay over that evening and to go home in the morning since he seemed as if he was tired. He sat down and I began to massage his shoulders. He started to become relaxed and then he jumped up out of the chair. I was startled at first and then I asked what was wrong and he just stood there as if he was in trauma. I thought he knew what I was trying to do in seducing him and was trying to fight it.”

  “Go on.”

  “I walked up to him and said that it was okay and that I wanted him, but because he was with Angela, I could not betray her. But now since you are leaving her, you and I can be together. I kissed his neck and chest and he began feeling all over my body. Then he whispered into my ear, that enough people have been hurt for one day and it could not go on. I asked him, ‘What do you mean by that?’ And he said that I was an untainted woman and he admired me so much for that. He said that my innocence does not deserve to be touched by someone like him and that being with him would be the most devastating thing that could ever happen in my life.” Gabby bursts out with tears.

  “Gabby, Perry would not have touched you in any way, shape, form, or fashion beca
use you were not married.”

  “I don’t feel so well…I think I’m going to throw up.”

  Gabby staggered into the bathroom. Sage could hear her continuously flushing the toilet. Gabby cleaned herself up and returned back to the living room to see Sage walking towards the garage.

  “Are you about to leave?”

  “Yes, I have to get on the road…Gabby, thank you again for your hospitality and I want to also thank you for allowing me to vent. I did not realize how much I had bottled up inside until I began to speak about my past.”

  “You did have a lot to say about it. Maybe you can share that with your wife?”

  “I imagine I can, once I’m home.”

  “Don’t forget the bag of sandwiches I packed for you.”

  Gabby picked up the bag off of the counter and handed it to him. “Thank you Gabby.”

  “You are very welcome…God’s Messenger…I should be thanking you for just strengthening my bond with our Lord.” Gabby gave him a long hug as a few tears fell from her eyes. “Sage, I know that I may never see you again, so you take good care of your life.”

  “Here is my card Gabby…If you ever think of traveling north to Philadelphia, call me.”

  “I may just do that.”

  “Do you want me to give you a ride back to the office Madam Mayor?”

  “No I will call the office and have someone come pick me up. Besides, I have to sit down and figure out how to address this small town about my mother and father.”

  “Promise not to drink over it?” They laughed as he started his car and she opened the garage door.

  “Sage, I know this is personal, but if you don’t mind answering…What did your parents die from?”

  “They died from a gas line explosion that was triggered by a drunk driver.”

  Gabby gasped and said, “I am so sorry to hear that.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I want to ask you one more thing before you leave Sage but only because I’m nosey…What did you say to your relatives at your parents’ funeral?”

  He thought for a moment and said,

  “Let’s just say that by the time I was finished expressing myself and displaying my fiery tongue, even the pastor that gave the sermon, jumped into his car and sped off.”