Heather Horrocks - Who-Dun-Him Inn 01 - Snowed Inn

by Heather Horrocks

  “It’s showtime. I’d better head back to my station in the kitchen.” Stephanie whispered. “You’ll do great.”

  “Thanks.” Stephanie was right. We’d had enough glitches and now it was time for things to run smoothly. “Break a leg.”

  “Back at ya,” said Stephanie as she slipped away.

  Ready to play my part, I retrieved the basket of envelopes containing scripts and stepped forward to greet my guests. “Welcome to the Caribbean Cruise Restaurant. I will be your hostess for the evening. Inside these envelopes are your instructions. Please do not open the envelopes until asked to do so. Walk this way, please.”

  As I spoke the last words, an image of Igor from Young Frankenstein “walking this way” with a limp and a hump flashed into my mind. I resisted the urge.

  * * *

  Stephanie and I served and removed the first course of Caesar salad, and the guests were now enjoying their French onion soup.

  The play, which consisted of two parts, began the moment the guests entered the Caribbean Cruise Restaurant. The actors, playing cruise ship personnel and entertainers, had a definite script they rehearsed, in addition to any ad libbing they might do. Lonny sat at the captain’s table as (you guessed it) the captain, and looked darling in his formal white captain’s uniform. Who’d have thought, all those years ago when he dragged that stupid teddy bear behind him, that he’d grow up so darn cute?

  The preaddressed envelope I handed each guest had the name and description of their character (some cruise line guests, others personnel) printed on the outside. Inside were five folded and numbered pieces of paper, each containing one piece of information. With each new course of food, they were instructed to unfold the next numbered paper and, though they could say anything in keeping with their character, they had to reveal their specific piece of information before the next course.

  I seated Calabria at the head of the table, closest to the back window, with his young wife to his right. Next to her sat Grandma, who took over Clark Harmon’s envelope because we needed those bits of information and he hadn’t yet arrived, then Dr. Ray and Alexis.

  Lonny was seated at the other end of the table, with an empty seat on his right for Calabria’s sister (Martha was apparently still waiting for the perfect moment), another empty place for Clark Harmon, next Garrett, and finally, Bonnie on Calabria’s left.

  Liz took over the cooking detail from Grandma. Since the snowstorm continued to grow in intensity, I considered calling my brother Paul to keep an eye out for Clark, who was also his favorite author.

  I followed Stephanie into the kitchen where Xavier watched through the one-way mirror as he paced back and forth the length of the kitchen. Though he seemed full of restless energy, his face was still quite pale, but not as much as earlier. And, most reassuring, he felt well enough to go on with his part. So let him pace, if that helped.

  He and Stephanie had already performed as masked, singing, carnival-type animals during the first course of dinner. They were masked simply so they could play more parts. Now he was dressed in a business suit. He had too much energy for a businessman, so he seemed uncomfortable in the part he was playing.

  Stephanie climbed onto a stool. “I’m gonna rest. That character with diamonds won’t have to be on her feet so much.”

  Liz flipped a lock of hair off her forehead and grinned. “If you can’t stand sore feet, get out of the kitchen. Or is that the heat?”

  “Very clever, Liz.” Stephanie laughed. “I’m going to get my camera so I can immortalize you preparing dinner.”

  Liz smiled sweetly. “The picture will have more shock value if you tell people I’m Vicki.”

  “Ha, ha, ha.” I pulled a crystal pitcher of punch from the large, stainless steel fridge. After losing Robert to another driver’s excessive blood alcohol level, I acquired a real aversion to serving anything with the potential to alter someone’s judgment. But I did serve Killer Punch. Lots of guests of the Ross Mansion asked for the recipe, but it was one of only a few house secrets.

  I handed the pitcher to Stephanie. “Sorry, Miss Sore Feet, but it’s time to freshen the drinks.”

  Stephanie groaned. “Who wrote this part, anyway?”

  I laughed. “I believe you did.”

  Grabbing a second pitcher of amber-colored punch, I followed her. We refilled the stemware, then set the pitchers on the sideboard.

  Calabria tapped his spoon on his goblet, then raised it and ad libbed. “To the New York Times Bestseller List. And to you, my best writers, who reside there.”

  He sipped and the authors followed suit. “To my talented and proven authors.”

  He stood and walked clockwise around the table, touching each person’s shoulder briefly as he spoke their name. “Bonnie. Garrett.”

  He walked around Lonny and continued with. “Alexis. Nicholas.”

  Grandma was skipped as well, and he stopped behind his wife and placed both hands on her shoulders. “And to BJ. To many years ahead for all of us.”

  Calabria smiled and raised his goblet again, “I have an announcement to make, my friends.”

  He took a sip, set down the goblet, and pulled out a ring box. “Next month, Ms. Killian and I will be wed. And you are all invited.”

  “I get to wear it?” BJ glowed like a light bulb as he slipped a huge rock onto her left ring finger.

  “What?” Alexis asked, as if she hadn’t heard correctly.

  Garrett frowned. “Hell of a way to handle it, Gregorio.”

  Bonnie was the only author to raise a glass. “To the lovely couple.” Her voice held the barest hint of sarcasm.

  So I was wrong in assuming the pair were already wed. But I wasn’t wrong about the undercurrents in the group. I needed to get the play back on track as soon as Calabria stopped talking. Tomorrow, maybe?

  Calabria nodded with a broad smile that seemed forced. He leaned over and said to BJ, low but still loud enough to be heard by all at the table, “I love you.” Then he squeezed her shoulders and sat down in his own seat.

  BJ smiled radiantly and mouthed “I love you, too” back. Garrett rolled his eyes. Bonnie shrugged. Alexis touched her napkin to her lips.

  Okay.

  The dining room door opened and Calabria’s sister entered with a wink. She still wore the audacious fuchsia, but had changed into a black dress and shoes, and a long, brightly colored, obviously expensive, beaded necklace dangled in her cleavage.

  I was glad to see her. This was a good time to distract the group from Calabria’s turmoil-producing announcement.

  “Good evening, Gregorio,” Martha said. “Always a pleasure.”

  Gregorio looked up, frowned deeply and leaned back in his seat, one hand caressing his goblet. “Why, Martha, what an… unexpected surprise.”

  He didn’t look or sound excited to see his sister. With my stomach knotting, I waited to see how this played out. Maybe they’d been having some sort of family feud or something.

  His next words took away any doubt. “May I ask why you are at my private party?”

  I cringed. Obviously there was bad blood between the siblings.

  I did screw up.

  Calabria turned to me with a frown. “Why did you not respect my wishes to reserve the entire Inn?”

  Correction. I screwed up big time.

  Chapter Six

  I opened my mouth to answer Calabria’s question, but Martha laughed huskily. “It’s really quite simple, Gregorio. I’m having dinner with my best authors, same as you.” Her voice was as smooth as rich chocolate, but her eyes were hard. She slid into the empty seat next to Garrett. “And my ex-partner.”

  I admitted the uninvited ex-business partner of my client? Oh, great. I might as well forget the second half of the payment. In fact, I might as well refund Calabria’s advance payment right now. I might as well wear a sign proclaiming myself a Total Naive Hick. I might as well shoot myself.

  Except no one ever shot themselves before eating Grandma Ross’s De
ath by Chocolate. It was against the law. Some law. Somewhere. I was sure.

  I watched Calabria’s face. His attention was squarely on Martha, who smiled at Garrett, touched his arm, and laughed.

  Apparently, Garrett knew Martha. If so, he also knew her being here would upset Calabria. And he neglected to mention that fact to me. So much for the superhero.

  Calabria’s fiancée threw down her fork, which clattered against her goblet and tipped it over. Punch ran down the center of the table, working into the tablecloth and reminding me why I served a light-colored drink. “How dare you come here!”

  I watched the authors’ faces. Garrett’s expression shouted disgust (at Calabria?) Alexis shook her head in disbelief, her hand to her forehead, as if her headache suddenly became worse. Bonnie sat back, crossed her arms and frowned. Dr. Ray looked at Grandma, as if trying to ignore the entire scene.

  Calabria put his hand on BJ’s arm. “Now, Fluffi, don’t let her upset you.”

  “Fluffi?” Martha hooted with laughter. “Oh, that is so very precious. Whenever did you get so sweet, Gregorio?”

  At the end of the table, Lonny caught my eye and shrugged, as if he wasn’t sure how to proceed. I wasn’t, either.

  BJ glared. “Are you going to let her stay?”

  The older man looked more amused than angry. “What exactly would you have me do?”

  “Make her leave.” The blonde pouted. A lower-lip-out-to-there pout. She looked really cute when she did it, too.

  Calabria sighed. “I’ve known Martha long enough to know she’ll leave when she’s good and ready. Just enjoy the show. That will be the best revenge, just ignore her.”

  “No. Call the police.” BJ’s voice became shrill with her anger. “Make her leave.”

  Bonnie chuckled. “How exactly will the cops get here?”

  BJ smacked her hand against the table. “I’m not going to stay in the same place with this, this, this…” She couldn’t seem to come up with a word she could use in polite company. “I’m going back to our room.”

  BJ brushed past me and stormed out.

  Stephanie picked up BJ’s envelope from the floor. She must’ve thought the show would go on, no matter what.

  “Poor baby.” Martha shook her head. “You really should treat her better, Gregorio.”

  Bonnie leaned over and whispered something to Garrett, who nodded. I wondered if Alexis overheard, as the corners of her lips raised ever-so-slightly in a faint smile. Dr. Ray shook his head and said something to Grandma, too low to hear. And Grandma looked at me as if preparing to say something. No, please; don’t let Grandma say anything! And in that moment, I learned that prayers are answered, because she didn’t.

  Calabria glanced my way and sighed. “Not to worry, Ms. Butler. I realize this is not your fault. BJ always needs to be dramatic. And Martha always needs to be intrusive. So I do not blame you for falling for her lies.”

  I nodded, grateful he was not holding me responsible.

  “So what lies did you tell her?” Calabria asked Martha.

  She lifted her glass. “Cheers, brother.”

  “Ah, my dear sister.” Calabria lifted his own glass in a salute, and his tone became almost admiring. “You lie so well.”

  So Martha did lie to me. She wasn’t his sister at all, which I had already pretty much figured out. But she was his former business partner. I couldn’t believe I let the woman in to begin with. But how was I to know? After all, she said the magic words: she was with the Calabria party.

  I caught Lonny’s eye again and he smiled at me and mouthed, “It’s okay.” Out loud, he said, “Would you ladies please bring our main course before we languish from starvation? And, if you folks will excuse me, I need to locate my wife.”

  That was the signal for the next part of the play to begin. And not any too soon.

  I made my escape from the dining room by following Lonny. I found Xavier still watching through the mirror, a scowl on his face. Lonny punched his arm lightly, man-style.

  “Whoo, boy,” Liz said from the chair she pulled up to the mirror to watch the entertainment. “You’ve got a great reality show in there. BJ just voted herself off the island.”

  Stephanie came in behind me and placed a platter on the fancy cart used to haul food from the kitchen to the dining room, then loaded the platter with plates of Burgundy Beef. “I do believe this is the most interesting group you’ve had so far, my friend.”

  I had to chuckle. “It’s my only group so far.”

  Xavier’s melodious voice behind us startled me as he told Lonny, “I’ll follow you to the door and watch from there so I can be ready when you start advancing.”

  I said, “I’ll go with you,” and led the way into the dining room. Lonny and Xavier waited just outside the door.

  Martha waved at me. “I am so enjoying your Mystery Mansion. You’ve done an excellent job setting the atmosphere.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “Now you may all open your envelopes and pull out clue number three.”

  As the players followed my instructions and read the information they were to reveal, I gathered empty soup bowls and spoons. Stephanie trailed me, pushing the cart and placing a full dinner plate in front of each of them.

  Garrett winked at me. “And what is this? Mystery meat?”

  “Burgundy Beef,” my grandmother spoke up. “And you’ve never tasted better.”

  Garrett speared a bite, chewed it, and nodded at Grandma. “You are absolutely right.” Setting down his fork, he unfolded the paper containing his next clue. “And,” he said, “speaking of sex change operations—”

  Bonnie laughed.

  “—Did I mention I’m having one next month?”

  “Smooth, Garrett. You missed your calling as an actor.” Bonnie looked at her own paper. “Hey, I need a new roommate and I want to make sure I get a female one this time. Perhaps we could work something out.” She was ad libbing.

  “I have to ask,” Martha said. “What will be the name of the murderously decadent dessert I’m sure you’ll be serving?”

  “My grandmother’s delicious Death by Chocolate.”

  Dr. Ray looked at my grandmother with a gaze reminiscent of my father admiring his prize-winning tomato plants, and said, “I’m sure it will be to die for, too.” I didn’t think I could watch much more of this senior courtship. Glancing into the mirror, I wondered if Liz was catching all this.

  Grandma looked at Clark Harmon’s paper and giggled. “Well, as you all know, I’m such a famous male baseball player, I have women in every town. And there’s a woman at this table whom I plan on getting to know better tonight.” The others laughed, and Grandma looked like she was having great fun.

  “Anything else I can get for you folks?” asked Stephanie.

  “I’d like some water, please,” Calabria said.

  Stephanie immediately looked away as much as she could while taking Calabria’s cup. It was obvious there was something wrong between Calabria and her, and I knew that was all part of the play.

  “I do not bite, bella,” Calabria joked. “No woman has ever found me distasteful.”

  Stephanie glanced at him and then away. “Yes, sir.” She took the water glass and refilled it from the pitcher on the sideboard, then asked me to take it back to him, which I did.

  He looked at me strangely. “What is wrong?”

  “Oh, sir, I’m sure there’s nothing wrong. She’s just shy around men. Her husband is quite jealous, you know.”

  “Oh,” Calabria said, clearly understanding that concept.

  “May I have a bourbon?” Martha held up her goblet of punch.

  “Be careful, my dear. You never could hold your liquor.”

  “Please don’t open your mouth, Gregorio.” Martha said sweetly. “When you do, something stupid invariably falls out.”

  I started to answer Martha’s question— no bourbon— but Stephanie moved the cart toward the door, and an empty platter clattered onto the floor. Just as plan
ned.

  Everyone jumped. Also as planned.

  From just outside the door, Lonny winked at me to show me he knew his cue. Taking a deep breath, he settled into character, and the man who entered the room was not cute Lonny, but an angry, older captain whose wife had cheated on him.

  “You. Maxwell.” He stopped inside the door and pointed at Calabria, who was playing the part of Maxwell. “I’ve discovered everything. And now you will pay.”

  Calabria looked at his paper for the piece of information he was supposed to share, shrugged, and said, “Maria? I’ve been having an affair with a woman, but she told me she was separated from her husband.”

  Lonny turned to Stephanie. “You told him what?”

  Stephanie acted flustered as she replaced the platter clumsily on the cart. “I never had an affair with him.”

  “Like you didn’t have an affair in Singapore?”

  “Oh, no, Steven, don’t make the same mistake you did in Singapore. I can’t change my name again and start over.”

  “What did he do in Singapore?” Garrett called out.

  Stephanie looked terrified. “He killed a man in a jealous rage. But I thought we were past that now.”

  The guests watched closely while Lonny stalked menacingly around the table. Past the empty seat saved for Clark Harmon. “I never thought the SOB who’s been cheating with my wife would be sitting at my own table.”

  Martha laughed. “Oh, he could well be that SOB.”

  Garrett said, “Let’s put it to a vote.”

  Gregorio leaned back in his chair and smiled, obviously amused, so the night wasn’t a total loss. “I could be.”

  Lonny stopped ten feet from Calabria. “I don’t take kindly to being cheated on.”

  Calabria shrugged and played to his audience with a smile. “There are so many women, after all, but I’m sure I was never with your wife. You are mistaken. Your wife poured water, yes, but she did not even look at me.”

  “Oh, Gregorio,” Martha waved her hand, “Don’t plead innocence. It is a well-known fact you screw around.”