Mad About Moon

by Melissa Foster

  “One day,” Quincy said with a smirk.

  Their conversations turned to lighter topics. Penny told the others that she was hoping to hire Josie, which led to a discussion about Penny’s shop and how delicious the ice cream was. Gemma told Josie and Tracey about how she and Truman met in Walmart. It was a cute story, and it led to more tales about how each of their closest friends had met their significant others. While each story was meaningful and special, there was a darkness to them that Josie hadn’t expected. Several of these wonderfully warm, family-oriented people and their friends had gone through hell before finding happiness. Even Gemma, whose family was wealthy and whose upbringing was full of special trips and elaborate parties, had lost her father to suicide and had a mother who wasn’t very loving.

  Hours later, after Truman and Gemma had gone home and Hail was fast asleep on Josie’s lap, Josie was still processing it all.

  “WANT TO GO grab a pizza?” Tracey asked Josie for the second time.

  She was staring into the smoldering fire as if she were lost in thought. Jed touched her arm, startling her. “Sorry,” he said. “They’re going for pizza and asked if you wanted to join them.”

  “No thanks. I’d better get Hail home.” She scooted forward on her chair to stand up, and Jed put his hand on her arm.

  “Wait one sec.” He turned to the others and said, “You guys go. I want to make sure Jojo gets home safely.”

  “You sure it’s okay if I go?” Tracey asked. “They can give me a ride back to the shelter, but I can stay with you if you’d rather.”

  “I’m fine,” Josie said. “Go have fun.”

  After they left, Jed said, “Are you okay? You kind of zoned out there.”

  “I was just thinking about everything they said. Were all those stories true? About Quincy killing their mother’s drug dealer, Truman going to prison, and Crystal having been raped…?”

  “Unfortunately, yes. One thing you’ll learn about my friends is that there’s no room for bullshit. We all tell it like it is.”

  “Gosh, there’s so much darkness in their lives. I was shocked when I read about Sarah’s past. Even with what I went through with my parents, hearing their stories made me realize that I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life, at least for the last several years. I’m so sorry about your sister. Is she okay?”

  “Yeah, she is now.”

  “And Penny? She seems like the only one who doesn’t have a hurtful past, but she’s nothing like the people I knew in Florida. I have no idea how much anyone in Florida knew about what went on in our house, but I think most had an idea and instead of helping they treated us like our parents’ awfulness was contagious. I remember wishing I could tell someone about what went on, but I was afraid no one would believe me and I’d just make things worse. Penny doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything.”

  Jed wanted to ask about her past, but with Hail asleep on her lap, he hesitated and said, “Penny’s pretty real. She lost her father a couple years ago. She knows life isn’t all flowers and puppies.”

  Josie kissed Hail’s head and brushed her hand over his cheek. “I never thought I’d be in this position, staying in a shelter with Hail. Not that that’s the end of the world, but I just don’t want to fail him as a parent.”

  “That makes you a good mother.”

  “What makes me a good mother is knowing how not to be a bad mother. Trust me, I’ve seen enough bad parenting to know what not to do. It’s just shit luck that put us in this situation. But staying in the shelter is temporary. Hail is loved, and I think he goes to bed every night feeling safe. That’s what matters most. Houses and material things are just…things.”

  She gazed into the fire, and he waited for her to say more. There were so many things he wanted to ask about her life—where she’d been, what she’d gone through, how she got to Maryland—but instead, he put his hand on hers and said, “Are you okay?”

  Her lips curved up, and she stroked her hand down Hail’s back. “Yeah,” she said softly. “I am. We are.” She was quiet for another minute or two before saying, “You know all about my background from Sarah and Scott, right?”

  “I know that Scott and Sarah were abused by your parents, physically and emotionally, and that when they lived there, your parents didn’t hit you. Scott said when he ran away he left money for you and Sarah to get out. He said he wanted to take you and Sarah with him but that your father said he’d call the police if he went near you.”

  “All of that is true. But abuse is like cancer. It invades the lives of everyone around it. My father physically abused Scotty and Sarah, and they both protected me with everything they had. But I was terrified for their lives every minute of the day and night. Before Scotty left, he and my father got in a fight that I was sure would leave one of them dead. I even hoped Scotty would kill our father. That’s awful, but it’s true.”

  Jed put his hand over hers, his heart breaking for her. “That’s not awful; that’s survival.”

  “I guess. The whole situation was awful. After Scotty left, things were okay for a while, and then my father turned his anger on me.”

  His gut seized.

  “At first it was just verbal lashings, but he was a scary man. His voice alone would send me cowering to a corner, holding my arms over my head in case he hit me. I knew what he was capable of, and I also knew that soon he’d unleash his real fury on me.”

  Every muscle in Jed’s body flexed to the point of pain. He gritted his teeth to keep his anger from storming out as she continued telling her story.

  “The day before Sarah left, my mother picked me up early from school. She said Sarah was waiting at home and we were going to pick her up and get away from my father. My mother had never hit us, but she was awful in other ways, calling Sarah and Scotty horrible names and demeaning them. But still, I thought if we could just get away from my father, maybe she would be nicer. I went with her, but she didn’t go get Sarah. She drove and drove. I don’t even know where we went, but she kept going. At times it seemed like we were going back and forth on the highway. I was thirteen, scared, hungry, and so worried about Sarah, I remember crying and begging her to go back. But she wouldn’t. Then I thought maybe Sarah was dead,” she said just above a whisper. “That my father had killed her and my mother didn’t want me to know.”

  “Jesus, Jojo. You must have been terrified.”

  She nodded. “When we finally went back the next night, Sarah’s room was torn apart. Sarah used to write in these notebooks, and they were shredded all over the floor. There was blood on her sheets, and I was sure my father had killed her.”

  “Fuck, baby.” He put his arms around her and Hail, feeling the wetness of her tears on his cheek. He held her for a long while, and when she started speaking again, he drew back so he could see her face.

  “Sarah and I had this secret place behind the heat pump on the side of the house where we’d leave notes. She’d left a note and some money that Scotty had left us and said she’d be back for me. I waited, but after eight days, my father turned all his rage on me, and…” She rested her cheek on Hail’s head and closed her eyes.

  He wanted to find her parents and make them pay for the hurt they’d caused, but vengeance would have to wait, because what he wanted to do even more was lift Josie onto his lap and hold her. Protect her from the painful memories. He brushed away her tears. Then he put his arm around her, pulling her as tight against him as he could with the chairs and Hail dividing them.

  “It’s okay, Jojo. They can’t touch any of you now.”

  “I know,” she said with a sniffle. “They’re dead.”

  Relief swept through him, though he’d have liked to torture the motherfuckers. “They’re dead? I don’t think Sarah and Scott know that.”

  She lifted her head and said, “Brian found out a few months after we left town, but he didn’t tell me until years later. He said he was worried about how I would take it. I was so young, he was probably right to worry, but when
I got pregnant I freaked out about my parents somehow trying to see our child. That’s when he told me they had died in a house fire. It was a relief. That’s a horrible thing to say, but they were evil. I don’t even know how people get that way.”

  “Some are probably born that way,” he said. Then, thinking of his mother, he said, “But others are probably driven by grief, drugs, or alcohol. Life.”

  Empathy rose in her eyes, and she said, “I remember you saying your mother became an alcoholic after your father died and that was what led you to steal and get into trouble. To put food on the table and make sure your sister had clothes, books, whatever she needed.”

  “I can’t believe you remember that.”

  “I remember that whole night, Moon. How you acted so tough, but when we talked you were also sweet and kind. And how clear it was that you loved your family, and you missed your father so much you had tears in your eyes when you talked about him. I remember you sounding like you hated your mother for what she’d become. But you had the same look in your eyes as you had when you talked about your father. And I knew that feeling so well, Moon, because I hated my parents to the bone, but at the same time I loved them. I don’t even know how that was possible, given all that they’d done. But I remember thinking that you and I were so alike, we were meant to meet.”

  His throat thickened with emotions at her confirmation of his own feelings.

  “Whatever happened with your mom?” she asked softly.

  “It’s not a pretty story,” he admitted, trying to pull his thoughts back from the night they’d met. “She’s still stuck in the bottle. I only found out about Crystal being raped a few months ago. That’s when I found out that our mother had made her feel like it was her fault. After everything I’d done to keep my mother alive, she’d fucked over her own daughter. I couldn’t believe it. Crystal and I left her to wallow in her own mess and moved on with our lives. Or rather, she did. I’ve been trying, but it’s hard to just walk away. I still go over sometimes and leave food or money in a bag by the door. But I can’t bring myself to see her, not after what she did to Chrissy. It kills me, knowing I wasn’t there for my sister when she needed me most. I thought she was in the clear at college, away from our mother…”

  She touched his hand and said, “One thing I’ve learned is that being in horrific situations clouds our view of everything else. You were a good man then, and you obviously still are, Moon—Jed. Gosh, it’s weird to say your first name. You’ve always been Moon in my head.”

  “Then call me Moon.” He brushed his thumb over her hand, wondering how he could feel so close to her, like no time had passed between them, when a lifetime had. “You know, I’ve never told anyone about the things I told you until just recently, when I admitted them to Crystal.”

  “I always felt like that night we shared meant something,” she said sweetly. “Like it could have been the start of something if I weren’t so in love with Brian. I don’t know if I told you this back then, but I went to that party to make him jealous.”

  “I figured as much when I went to see you the next day and he warned me away. The guy was ready to kill to protect you. Jojo, you told me you were eighteen, and you acted twenty. How could a seventeen-year-old girl have seen past the womanizing thief I’d become to the real me?”

  “First, it was only days before my eighteenth birthday. Second, after how I’d grown up, I felt about thirty. And third, what do you mean he warned you away? I had no idea you came by.”

  “Because you were in school. Do you have any idea how it felt knowing I had slept with a seventeen-year-old? A high schooler? I was twenty-three. I was already enough of a screwup. I thought we had the start of something, too, and I was tortured over that for so long, thinking I should have known better—and believing I was an asshole because I couldn’t have resisted you if I’d wanted to.”

  She lowered her eyes and said, “I’m sorry. I know it was wrong to lie, but I was a stupid teenager who had been turned down every time I tried to seduce the guy I had grown to love. I was frustrated and angry and hurt. And then there you were, the hot guy I’d seen at field parties. When we talked, I felt an instant connection to you. I wanted to know you better, to be friends. Nobody knew what I’d gone through except Brian and his grandmother, and I’d never met anyone who had gone through anything even remotely close to what I had. And suddenly I’m talking to a guy whose father lost his job and whose family lost their house and ended up living in a trailer park. When you told me your father had died and what happened with your mother and the things you were forced to do just to survive, I felt like we were fated to meet. For those few hours I wasn’t thinking about Brian. It was like the only thing that existed was you and me. And then you kissed me, and ohmygod…Moon…” Her cheeks flushed, and she said, “I’ve still never been kissed like that. Gosh, I think I’ve relived that night a million times.”

  “I’m sure Brian appreciated that,” he said sarcastically.

  “It wasn’t like that. I loved Brian. I was happy with him. We had next to nothing, but we had a happy life. It wasn’t sparks and fireworks, like when you and I were together that night.” She paused for a brief moment before adding, “Or now, when you touch my hand or look at me that way.”

  “It’s good to know you feel it, too.”

  “Are you kidding? Tracey felt it,” she whispered. “What Brian and I had was safe and nice. He was a great father and husband, and for a girl who wasn’t sure she’d ever be loved, I counted myself lucky.”

  “Did he know about us?” he asked.

  “If he did, he never said anything. I’ve been with only two men in my life. Brian and you, and I don’t regret either. But I do regret lying to you.” A playful smile appeared as she said, “Sort of. I don’t think you would have talked to me if you knew I was seventeen, and talking to you was one of the most cherished nights of my life. Then you told me about your sister—Chrissy, that’s what you called her back then—and your love for her resonated so strongly.”

  “She’ll always be Chrissy—or shrimp—in my head.”

  “I get that. Scott will always be Scotty to me. He probably hates that. But that sibling love that you feel for her? That’s what pulled me through every day when I was young. My love for Scotty and Sarah. I didn’t have friends in Florida, but I had them. When they left, when my father came at me, it wasn’t even half as bad as he’d hit them. But it hurt so much. I don’t know how they endured it day after day, year after year. I swear I felt every slap, every shove, every pull on my hair long after he had stopped. He beat me twice in one night, and the next morning I literally thought I might die.”

  Jed clenched his jaw against the hatred inside him.

  “Brian had worked construction a few blocks from my house. I saw him a lot on my way to and from school in the months before my father hit me. Sometimes when I skipped school I’d just walk for hours. The first few times he told me I shouldn’t be walking alone and that I needed to be careful because there were bad people in the world. Well, I lived with two of the worst, so the warning didn’t stick. Then one day I snuck out of the school, and when I walked back home hours later, he was sitting by the construction site. It was long after the other guys had gone home, and I knew he was making sure I got back okay, but he didn’t say anything.”

  “How old was he then?”

  “He was nineteen. I know what you’re thinking, and he never tried anything with me. Not once. He wasn’t like that. Anyway, we talked a few times, and I told him what my parents were like. He wanted to go to the police, but I was afraid. After Sarah left, I figured she had gotten out of town and she was never coming back, and I had nobody to back up my story. The day before my father hit me, Brian told me he was leaving Florida the next day. His grandmother had raised him, and she was living in Maryland. She had fallen and broken her hip, and he was moving back home to care for her. It was like God had sent Brian to save me, because that very night my father beat me, and the next morning
he was waiting in his car on my way to school. We left and never looked back. When he saw my bruises, he pulled over. He was so angry, I thought he was going to go kill my father right then. But I begged him to just drive as fast and as far away as he could.”

  “And you came here? To Maryland?”

  She nodded. “To his grandmother’s house. I turned fourteen two weeks later. He made me a cake and got me a fake ID, which I used to enroll in school. I tried to get him to let me stay home, but he was determined to make sure I got an education and did all the right things. I know it’s hard to believe, but he never once tried to kiss me, touch me inappropriately, or anything. He was truly a godsend.”

  “You got lucky, and I’m so glad you did. Do you know how many girls aren’t as lucky?” He stroked his hand down Hail’s back, letting his fingers rest overs hers as he realized what he’d just said. “Forget it. Don’t think about that. I shouldn’t have even said it.”

  She lifted her eyes to his, and her cheeks flushed. Her lips parted, but it was the kiss-me look in her eyes that had his body thrumming with desire despite all the darkness they’d shared. Just like the first time. All he’d have to do was lean forward and take the kiss he knew they both desperately wanted, but he also knew he should tread carefully. Still, he couldn’t pull away, couldn’t stop thinking about how much he wanted to protect her, to be the one to make her feel safe this time.

  “What is it about us?” she said with a nervous laugh. “We get around bonfires and fields and one of us spills our guts.”

  They both laughed, but he couldn’t help wondering if it was fate that had brought them together again.

  “Remember the rock?” she asked.

  He nodded, remembering how they’d found a heart-shaped rock lying in the field. Josie had said it was a sign of good things to come, and they’d used a smaller rock to scratch their names and the date into it.

  She was smiling again, and her brows knitted as she said, “You’re really easy to talk to, Moon. Thank you for listening to my messy life history. I’m sorry if I tortured you the first time we met.”