Beautiful Rush

by Rose, Emery

  “Lube your body with coconut oil and it will slide right in,” I said.

  Ava laughed. Eden gave me a look. “You have a dirty mind.”

  “I was thinking about cars.”

  “Sure, you were,” Ava said, setting the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of us.

  In actuality, I was staring out the floor to ceiling windows at the midtown Manhattan skyline, thinking about Deacon. Annoyingly, I hadn’t been able to think of anything but Deacon all day. He’d done that on purpose. He wanted me to think about him and wonder why he hadn’t made a move on me. Maybe it was his cunning ploy. If so, it worked. When I’d woken up this morning, his side of the bed was empty and cold, and I’d been disappointed for reasons I couldn’t understand.

  His side of the bed? Oh my God. I gave myself a mental facepalm.

  Eden pointed the remote at the TV and pressed play on the movie we’d decided to watch—Bridesmaids. It didn’t really matter what we watched. I knew from previous experience that we would end up talking through the movie and miss most of it anyway.

  “Last night I dreamt that I tripped on my dress and face-planted while I was walking down the aisle,” Eden said, stuffing a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

  “Last time you did that, look what happened…” Ava produced a pack of Twizzlers out of thin air and waved it under my nose. I helped myself to a few strawberry twists and passed the pack to Eden. “Your knight in shining armor came to the rescue.”

  “He wasn’t exactly Prince Charming when we met,” Eden said.

  “He was an asshole. But he smartened up. Eventually. What a bonehead.” Ava frowned and shook her head. She and Eden laughed at the memory.

  “Tell me the story,” I urged, chomping on my strawberry licorice. “From the beginning.”

  Eden’s face brightened, and she launched into the story of how she and Killian met and fell in love. I’d heard bits and pieces of it but never the whole thing.

  “Six months after my douchebag boyfriend cheated on me with my supposedly best friend and got her pregnant, I moved to Brooklyn. My friend Hailey tipped me off about a bartending job at Trinity Bar. Killian was standing out front, talking on his cell, a perma-scowl on his face. And I was across the street, basically gawking because hello, Killian is hot.” She laughed. “Anyway, I decided to be brave and cross the street to ask him for a job. But I tripped in a pothole and twisted my ankle. Killian, being Killian, picked me up and carried me into the bar. Then he played nurse.”

  I could totally picture it and would expect nothing less from Killian.

  “I got the job, but he went out of his way to be a total asshole. Even so, I saw past his tough exterior, you know? Sometimes he let me see his vulnerable side and I lived for those moments. Eventually, I learned more about his past. How his father abused him. And Connor…he was fresh out of rehab and had taken off to Miami, but Killian and Ava didn’t know where he was for five months. It was a tough time for everyone. When Connor came back, everything was good for a while. Until the night those four thugs came to the house. Killian was at work, so it was just me and Connor.”

  Ava shuddered at the memory.

  “You know that story, right?” Eden asked me.

  “Yeah. I know that part.” I knew that those guys had carved the word SNITCH into Connor’s chest. I knew they’d beat him to a pulp and were going to kill him. I also knew that Eden had been bound at the wrists and ankles, kicked, punched, and had a gun held to her head. She’d had a concussion and Connor had to have his broken jaw repaired with titanium plates and screws. Killian and their dad, Seamus had come to the rescue. Then NYPD had turned up. Killian had shot and killed one man. Seamus had killed two before he got shot in the head. And Deacon had killed the fourth man, saving Killian’s life. That was the Cliff Notes version.

  None of this would have happened if it hadn’t been for my father setting up Connor.

  “If it weren’t for Deacon, Killian wouldn’t be here,” Eden said.

  Ava side-eyed me. “Please tell me he’s not as perfect as he seems. He must have some flaws, right? I mean, he can’t be that hot and a superhero and a sex god and—”

  “How do you know he’s a sex god?” I interjected. I couldn’t dispute that he was hot and probably a superhero but a sex god? How would she know that? And why would she think I knew him so well that I could identify his flaws?

  Ava shrugged. “I went to high school with him. I was only a freshman when Killian and Deacon were seniors. But let’s just say that he was never short of female attention.”

  I bet he wasn’t. I ignored the stab of jealousy. Why should I care? We had both agreed that we weren’t looking for a relationship. Why had I let him sleep in my bed?

  “What happened after that night?” I prompted Eden, wanting to return to the story of her and Killian and not think about my mixed-up feelings for Deacon.

  “Killian tried to push me away, thinking he didn’t deserve me. He felt guilty for getting me involved, but I set him straight. No man of mine is going to just walk away without me putting up a fight.”

  We all laughed at that one. Even I knew that Killian had met his match with Eden.

  When she finished telling her story, I prompted Ava to do the same. Her story was longer and sadder, and Connor had told me parts of it, but I’d never heard the whole thing and never from Ava’s perspective. Once again, my father played a prominent role, but Ava put a different spin on it.

  “When you came to Brooklyn, it changed our lives for the better. At first, it didn’t seem that way. Connor was freaked out because he’d kept everything that had happened in Miami a big secret.”

  I remembered the look on his face when I showed up at Forever Ink, his tattoo shop. To say he wasn’t overjoyed to see me was an understatement. I barged into his life, uninvited, and announced to Ava that I was Connor’s sister. What a bonehead.

  “Connor was forced to tell the truth and come clean. He thought he was trying to protect Killian from the truth.” Ava side-eyed me. I knew which truth he hadn’t wanted to divulge. That our mother didn’t give a crap about her sons and didn’t want them back in her life. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” It wasn’t. But I didn’t want to think about my mother. She knew her oldest son was getting married tomorrow. I’d been there when Eden had invited her to the wedding. Eden had told her it would mean a lot to her and Killian, that she’d lost her own mother to cancer when she was only twelve. Eden had gone out of her way to be kind to my mother, to try and see the best in her, but even she had failed.

  “Connor was afraid that nobody would believe his story,” Ava continued for my benefit. “He thought he’d be called out as a junkie and a liar. But Killian surprised him. He was totally supportive. After their falling out, they were finally on the same team again and that meant the world to Connor. For a while, we didn’t even think Connor would get to be the best man.”

  Eden smiled. “I knew Killian would come around. Eventually.”

  Ava raised a skeptical eyebrow but kept her mouth shut. We both knew that Eden was the biggest optimist of our trio. No matter what life threw at her, her glass was always half-full.

  “So yeah, we both got our men and we’re working on our happily-ever-afters,” Eden said.

  “Why do our stories sound so tragic?” Ava asked.

  “Every fairy tale has tragedy, treachery, and villains,” I said, a subject I was well-versed in.

  “Fairy tales are dark,” Ava said. “Why does everyone think they’re so sweet? Who really wants to live a fairy tale life? If someone forced me to live in a cottage with those creepy seven dwarves, I’d be freaked out.”

  “How would you like to be locked in a castle with a beast?” Eden asked.

  “You tell us,” Ava said. “You’re marrying him tomorrow.”

  Eden tossed a throw pillow at Ava and we all laughed.

  * * *

  They say that every bride is beautiful, but I couldn’t imagine a b
ride more beautiful than Eden. She was glowing. The whole day had been picture-perfect. For Eden and Killian’s special day, I’d expected nothing less. The sun shone on people who loved each other the way they did. The ceremony had been beautiful, short and sweet, vows and rings exchanged in a small church that held all their family and friends. When Eden had walked down the aisle on her dad’s arm, looking radiant in a simple, elegant strapless gown of ivory silk, Killian had looked at her like she had put the moon and stars in the sky. His face had reflected his awe and his love and his joy and for a few seconds, it looked like he was fighting back tears. I felt like a voyeur intruding on what should have been an intimate moment. Then Connor had whispered something in Killian’s ear and they both laughed, those dimples in their cheeks making an appearance.

  Killian’s jacket and tie were long gone now, the white sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to expose his inked arms wrapped around Eden, her face pressed against his neck for their first dance, Sleeping At Last’s cover of ‘I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles).’ The song was beautiful and haunting, and the lyrics were perfect for them. Would any man ever love me the way Killian loves Eden? The way Connor loves Ava? Did I even want that? No.

  I watched from my spot in the doorway that opened onto a private courtyard, as they slow-danced under the crystal chandeliers that hung from the soaring wood-beamed ceiling in the renovated warehouse. The lighting was soft and golden, blurring the edges, and I was buzzed on champagne and high on life.

  “Hey gorgeous.”

  I turned to look at Eden’s brother, Sawyer.

  I smiled. “Hey you.”

  He was a Marine, tall and proud, and looked like the male version of Eden except that his hair was a darker shade of blond. He hid the haunted look in his eyes behind an easy grin which he bestowed on me now. “Dance with me.”

  “Thought you’d never ask,” I teased.

  We danced and drank, and he cracked jokes that had me laughing so hard I doubled over. My champagne glass was relegated to a table and he was spinning and dipping me around the dancefloor. I didn’t know if we were exceptionally good dancers or if I was just drunk enough to think we were. I must have voiced the question because he reeled me back into his arms and answered me.

  “We’re exceptionally good dancers.” He winked, and I laughed, looking over his shoulder at Ava who caught my eye and gave me a thumbs-up.

  “He’s hot,” she mouthed. Or maybe she screamed it. She slapped her hand over her mouth and Connor scowled, his gaze swinging to us. Then he rolled his eyes and pulled her into his arms, whispering something in her ear that made her blush and forget all about the other people in the room. Two seconds later they disappeared.

  Sawyer was hot, but he didn’t make my pulse race. His touch didn’t set my skin on fire. His scent didn’t make me want to burrow my face in his neck and breathe him in. So, we were safe on all counts, not to mention that he was an active-duty Marine on leave and was more of a one-night-stand kind of guy. I knew that because we’d already had the conversation and he told me his sister would kill him if he messed with me.

  At some point in the evening, I lost my shoes and Sawyer and I were crawling under tables looking for them. Eventually, he found them in the potted ficus in the courtyard. Ava found my clutch bag in the ladies’ room and Eden’s dad was guarding my bouquet of blush pink peonies. A quick look in the mirror confirmed that I was a hot mess, my eyeliner smudged and my hair disheveled, but I was too happy to care.

  “I like drunk Keira,” Ava said as I giggled at something that must have been incredibly funny. “You look happy.”

  “What’s not to be happy about?”

  “Exactly,” she said. “You’re living your best life.”

  “I am, aren’t I?”

  “Absolutely,” she said with so much conviction I almost believed her.

  We’d moved outside to the courtyard to cool off and catch our breath. Fairy lights twinkled like stars and orange blossoms scented the air. Killian had traipsed all over Florida in search of the orange blossom trees. The scent reminded him of Eden. He’d had them delivered for the wedding and now they bordered the brick walls of the courtyard. Another surprise for his bride. He had hand-picked them, smelling each one to make sure they were exactly right and that the blossoms would be at the peak of their scent when they arrived in New York. Connor and I had gone with him to the nursery and I’d marveled at how much care and attention Killian had put into the task. Connor hadn’t been surprised. He knew how exacting Killian could be. How far he’d go to show Eden that he loved her and paid attention to even the slightest detail.

  We recapped the day, talking about the highlights, the funny moments and the touching ones. Connor’s best man speech had been epic, funny in parts but also poetic in a way that only Connor could be.

  In a rare display of affection, Killian pulled his brother into a guy hug and gave him a few thumps on the back. “You did good,” Killian said, releasing him. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

  “It’s mutual,” Connor said.

  They exchanged a smile and I could see their love and mutual respect, everything they’d gone through to reach this point bringing them closer.

  I remembered back to the day that I’d seen them together for the first time, walking into the coffee shop side by side where I was waiting for them. It was hard to believe that it was only seven months ago. So much had happened in that time. But on that day, the first time I’d met Killian, I could tell he was nervous and that it was rare for him. All I remembered thinking was that I would be so proud to call these men my brothers. I prayed that they would accept me, find a place for me in their lives. If they had rejected me or cast me out of their lives, I would have been devastated.

  As if reading my thoughts, Killian pulled me into a hug.

  “Weddings bring out the best in you,” I joked.

  “It’s a once in a lifetime thing. Don’t get too used to it.”

  I laughed and he gave me a little squeeze before he released me. The wedding celebration was winding down, the DJ playing the final song for the night but their life together as husband and wife was just beginning.

  “We should go say goodbye to everyone,” Eden said. The music had stopped, and the guests were milling around inside, gathering up their belongings. Killian groaned, and she elbowed him in the ribs causing him to scowl and her to laugh.

  “Looks like the honeymoon’s over,” Ava joked, holding a forkful of cake in front of Connor’s mouth. He pressed his lips together and shook his head, obstinately refusing it. She sighed and ate the cake herself.

  “The honeymoon has just begun,” Eden said, winking at us over her shoulder as she dragged a reluctant Killian back inside to mingle and say their goodbyes.

  Ava and I gathered up our belongings from the table, said our goodbyes, and made Eden and Killian promise to FaceTime us from Greece. “It’s our honeymoon,” Killian scoffed. “We’ve got better things to do than FaceTime you.”

  “Yeah? Like what?” Ava said, giving him a little slug on the shoulder.

  “Hitting up all the sites on that itinerary you made them,” Connor said.

  Killian snorted. “We’re not even going to look at the itinerary.”

  Ava planted her hands on her hips. “Hey. I put a lot of time and effort into that.”

  “Babe,” Connor said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “When we take our California road trip, we will not be using an itinerary. You, me and Mustang Sally on the open road.”

  “Hitting up all the diners, drive-throughs and fleabag motels.”

  “Living the dream,” Connor said.

  “I could just maybe…do a little research. Make a spreadsheet.” Ava’s eyes lit up at the prospect.

  “No spreadsheets. We’re going wherever the road takes us.”

  “With us, that could be anywhere. We might not even make it to the West Coast, Rocket Man.”

  “Ava Blue, why do you continue to doubt me?”

/>   She smiled sweetly. “I don’t. I love you.”

  “I love you more.”

  They were so in love that if it had been anyone else, I would find it sickening. But for my brothers, I made exceptions. I trailed behind Ava and Connor and stopped in front of the ’69 Mustang Shelby Connor had bought from Tate a few months ago, unbeknownst to Ava. On her twenty-fifth birthday, Connor had sent her on a scavenger hunt. The clues had led her to the keys and then outside to the Mustang convertible wrapped in a big blue bow.

  Connor put the top down and handed me his tuxedo jacket which I draped over my shoulders before I climbed into the backseat. I found a pack of cinnamon gum in the pocket and helped myself to a few pieces before passing it to Connor.

  As we drove through Brooklyn, classic rock blasting, the three of us singing along to ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ I was drunk and happy.

  This was freedom. This was joy. I wanted to bottle it up and save it for a rainy day. I wondered what Deacon was doing tonight. Then I told myself I didn’t care. But it wasn’t true.

  8

  Deacon

  I watched through the open glass door as she stepped into her apartment. Her strappy heels dangled from her fingertips, her other hand clutching a small purse and a bouquet. Tendrils of hair escaped the pins that held half of her hair up, the rest of it hanging down in loose curls around her shoulders. Her eye makeup was smudged, and her cheeks were flushed like a child with a fever. She was undeniably beautiful.

  She dropped her shoes onto the floor and set her purse and flowers on the coffee table, her movements casual, unhurried. I stepped into the living room so she could see me. It was official. I was a creeper. Who did shit like this? Who broke into a girl’s apartment?

  Keira’s eyes met mine as I eliminated the distance between us. She didn’t look surprised to see me here. Or alarmed that I’d gotten in without a key. Other girls might be freaked out, but Keira Shaughnessy wasn’t like other girls. She’d been raised by a criminal and surrounded by her father’s soldiers. I suspected that she’d noticed me as soon as she walked in the door but hadn’t let on.