Reason To Live

by C. M. Wright

  Then I walk past the small building used for holding prisoners and my stomach tightens. I can't help but wonder how Jake's doing. I'm hoping he's a little miserable, a little lonely and a lot bloody, but I know I'm not going to be finding out even if I really wanted to. Not with John's ass blocking the doorway and my brother, Andy, sitting on a wooden bench on the porch, both watching me with narrowed eyes.

  I just grin and wave and keep moving. I don't feel up to pissing those two off today; and to be honest, I don't want to see or hear Jake. I only want reassurance he's locked up and unable to harm anyone else.

  If he weren't, I'm sure I'd be one of the first to know. So I can relax, right?

  I pass by the cafeteria and see people coming in and out. Then I finally reach the medical center. I walk up the small path to the building, and have just taken the last step up onto the elevated porch, when the door comes swinging open with a loud bang against the siding, and a flurry of color bursts out.

  I screech when two arms come around me and picks me up into a bear hug. My head flops like a rag doll as the maniac jumps up and down with me in his arms, screaming my name over and over.

  Oh, hell! I forgot about the Zombie Zapper or whatever the hell his name is.

  I clench my teeth shut so that I'm not biting my tongue any more and try to extricate myself from his hold.

  Not happening.

  A voice behind the crazed maniac draws my attention and I see Dustin over my biggest fan's shoulder.

  “John, put Canada down right now. Gently!”

  John immediately lets me go and I feel myself drop. The abrupt force of my feet slamming into the hard wood of the floor jolts my entire body.

  I grab hold of the post on the porch for dear life, and wince as pain shoots from my ankle clear up to my head. Dustin rushes over and helps me get to the bench.

  As I ease my trembling body onto the seat, I tell him sarcastically, “Thanks for adding the “gently” part.”

  Dustin chuckles and says, “It would have been worse if I hadn't.”

  I just groan in response as I rub my ankle.

  “Let me see,” Dustin orders and lifts my foot onto his lap as I twist my body around sideways on the bench.

  I suck in a breath when he pulls up the leg of my pants, when he lowers my sock, and when he begins prodding and poking.

  He laughs and says, “Canada, for being such a hard ass, you sure are a wimp.”

  I jerk my foot off of him and lower it to the floor.

  “I'm not a hard ass, asshole. I'm a badass, there's a difference,” I growl at him.

  He laughs again and I just want to punch him right in the gut. See who's laughing then!

  “It's the same thing!”

  “No, it isn't. Shut up. And even badasses can feel pain for God's sake! What is it with you medical people and not understanding that? Did all that education make you people common-sense stupid?” I growl at him.

  He just laughs at me one more time, but stops abruptly when he sees murderous intent in my eyes, which are flashing straight at him.

  He pats my hand in an attempt to soothe me, and I hide the smirk on my lips by turning my head away from Dustin. I love this man, and he knows it, but I can't encourage his attitude, or I just might have to kill him for it someday.

  He and I both sit back and relax on the bench as I tell him more of the details of what happened today. John the Zombie Zapper is in the yard zooming back and forth with his arms out and making whooshing noises. Every once in awhile, he'll jump off a large rock or walk down a two foot wide board and scream, “Look at me!”

  We look and applaud at the appropriate times while we continue our conversation.

  “Canada, the only patient I really have right now is the little girl. She will be fine with the nursing staff, but I want to go with you on the rescue for those captives. You will probably need me if any of them, and I'm sure there will be plenty, need immediate care. Besides, I need to get out of here for awhile.”

  I nod and agree he should go, and explain to him about signing up with Mom.

  “So how's it going with you and Will?” he asks me.

  I shift uncomfortably and avoid his intense gaze.

  “Well, he blew up earlier. I know it's hard on him, and I'm trying to be understanding. He wants some space to deal with it.”

  Dustin sighs and wraps his big hand around my smaller one.

  “I'll be praying for you both, Canada. It can't be easy for either one of you,” He then pauses and sighs, and I know whatever he says next isn't going to be good. “Something new has come up I think you need to be aware of.”

  He squeezes my hand, then lets go and sits forward, his arms on his knees.

  I feel my body tighten with tension.

  “Jake insisted on seeing his brother after your little talk with him the other night. He wanted to know if Greg really was seeing anyone, like you told him. John, the guard John, asked Greg if he wanted to talk to Jake, but he adamantly refused. John told us about it and we talked to Greg. Apparently, he has been seeing someone.”

  “What? I made that up. Wow, am I good or what?” I laugh, but sober quickly when Dustin continues.

  “It was one of the girls we rescued when we went back to get your dad's stuff. I pulled them both in and, hold onto your hat, but she's pregnant too.”

  “What! Is it Greg's? Were they just going to keep it a secret?”

  “She says it's Greg's and I have no reason not to believe her. And no, I don't think they knew she was pregnant. They were both pretty shocked and insisted they had used protection. We both know birth control isn't a hundred percent, especially when her birth control pills had expired over four years before the zombie crap even started. She claimed not to have been sexually active all that time, so she never used them and thought they would be okay.”

  I sit in shock, unable to speak or even think about speaking.

  “I examined her and she's, at my best guess, about six weeks along. I'll be able to determine that better once we get a sonogram machine.”

  I begin to chew on a fingernail as I ponder how much I truly want to ask the question screaming inside my head. Finally, I give in, drop my hand, and look over at Dustin.

  “Dustin, why didn't you tell me and Will how far along you thought I was when you examined me?”

  Dustin stays completely still and silent for a few long moments, then collapses back against the bench.

  “Because I don't know. You're further along than Nora is and I was afraid to even throw out a guess because of what even one week off could mean on determining the father. I really want that sonogram for you, more than anyone else. Of course, even that can't tell us the exact date, but it can get a hell of a lot closer than I can with just a guess.”

  I nod slowly and watch John as he “zaps” the people walking by. The other John, who's a guard, and the third John from the Nebraska armory, pass each other on the path in front of the building. I grin after I think to myself that there's a lot of John's here, and then realize the different meanings that one statement could mean to different people.

  “Stop it,” Dustin tells me as he reads my ornery grin correctly, his grin just as big as mine.

  We both wave at the men, and they wave back as they go on their way. I begin to start feeling drowsy as the sun quickly fades and tell Dustin I'll see him in the morning. He decides to walk back with me so he can sign up to go with us and once I get to the house, I leave him and go up to my room. Will is already there and lightly snoring away, so I undress as quietly as I can, slip on a night shirt, and slide into bed. I turn to Will and kiss him on his shoulder, then roll onto my side with my back to him and quickly fall asleep.

  Chapter Four

  I wake early and get dressed, leaving Will to sleep. Then I head to the cafeteria with my boys. We sit and eat our breakfast as I listen to them bitch because I won't let them go with us tomorrow.

  I explain why, they roll their eyes. They argue, and I roll my
eyes.

  Just when it gets to the point I'm about to knock them both out, a tray is placed next to mine, and someone sits in the open seat to my right.

  “Ernie!” I cry out, dropping my fork on my tray just before I wrap my arms around him.

  Ernie laughs and I release him to embrace Bert who is now sitting to my left.

  “Seems like there's a family dispute going on here. Thought we'd mosey on over and play referees,” Ernie tells us with twinkling eyes.

  The boys immediately start in on how their mean old mom won't let them go to Kansas City. I just pick up my fork and continue eating. Ernie listens to my brats, but stays silent until they finish. When they finally do, he takes a bite of scrambled eggs, chews, then swallows before saying anything in response.

  “Seems to me, boys, that there are a whole lot of people going on this mission. I can't help but worry and wonder who's going to stay here to make sure the ones who don't go are safe?” Ernie takes a bite while staring off into space as he thinks hard. He sneaks me a wink before saying, “Then again, the ones staying behind will mostly be kids and a few adults who have really important jobs to do here. Maybe it would be better, Canada, to go ahead and take them and leave us some guys who are more responsible and capable of protecting the others. Sure would be a lot of parents upset if something happened to their kids.”

  I stuff a fork loaded with eggs into my mouth to hide the grin, then I pretend to contemplate what he said. Just like we both knew they would, the boys fall for Ernie's reverse psychology and I have to “accidentally” drop my napkin so that I can hide under the table to laugh and choke on my mouth full of eggs.

  “Whatever, old man! There ain't no one better than me and my brother. We're staying and you ain't making us go nowhere.”

  I pop back up and am just about to scold Bo for his disrespect and also for his crappy English, when Ernie laughs hard and stops me by placing a discreet hand over mine and giving it a squeeze. I'm still fuming, but I figure if he isn't offended, then my smart-ass teenager just got one lucky free pass. This time.

  God help him if he tries it again.

  “Well that's a relief, boys,” Ernie says. “I was half scared I'd have to be the one trying to keep everyone safe here. With my body out of commission from being shot, I don't think I'd do a very good job.”

  I see Bo open his mouth but I give him the universal glare of warning that all moms are experts at and he promptly, and wisely, shuts his mouth. He and Ash finally begin eating and remain silent. Ernie, Bert and I chat while we eat.

  The sudden quiet in the cafeteria alerts me to something not being quite right. I lift my head and search for whatever caused the conversations to stop so abruptly. Near the door, I see Sandro, Gabe, Libby and Jade standing and looking uncomfortable and very out of place. I rise to my feet and call to them as I wave them over. Their faces break out in relief at seeing someone they know and they hurry over.

  Conversations start back up and some of the people call out greetings to the teens.

  “Go get yourselves something to eat and then you can all sit here with us,” I tell them and they smile as they express their thanks before moving to the end of the serving line.

  I quickly bring Ernie and Bert up to date while we wait for them, and before long, the teens are planted around us, eagerly digging into the hot food. I can't stop the grin on my face when I hear their moans of ecstasy as they shovel in the eggs and meat. Obviously, their meals weren't quite so good back with the Krew.

  Bo and Ash finish their meal and leave to dump their trays before going to prepare to protect the refuge while we're away. Two of the teens fill in the empty chairs the boys left, putting them all closer to me.

  I express my gratitude to Ernie for helping with the boys. Then we all just sit and chat and get to know each other better. Bert and Ernie tell the teens how they happened to be here, and I only speak to fill in my part of the story. Otherwise, I just sit back and listen. The majority of the other diners seem to have accepted the teens, but I still see a few casting wary glances in their direction. But the teens seem to either be unaware of the few holdouts, or just plain don't care anymore.

  Before long, Ernie and his wife leave and Ernie's chair is taken by Will, while Bert's chair holds Dustin. I introduce the teens to our doctor and “accidentally” let slip that they should be examined, especially Sandro.

  The teens throw a fit, but Dustin shuts them up pretty quickly.

  “I either check you over, or we put you in quarantine for a week. Your call.”

  The four grudgingly agree to be examined and as soon as Dustin finishes eating, they all leave to get it done before we head out.

  Alone, I fidget in my chair as the tension rises between Will and I.

  “Did you even come to bed last night?” Will asks me, his voice calm, but the small bite of anger he tries to hide is still pretty damn evident.

  “Slept right next to you. Even kissed your shoulder before I fell asleep.”

  “Where were you before that? Checking on Jake?”

  Ah ha! So now we get to the real issue.

  “Nope,” I tell him lightly. “I was talking to Dustin. He's going with us, by the way. He's pretty sure we'll need him, either for the captives, our group, or both.”

  Will nods and shovels more food in his mouth as he glares at his eggs. I reach over and squeeze his tightly clenched fist sitting next to his plate.

  “Will, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, so let me finish before you blow up, okay?” He stares straight ahead for a few moments, then slowly nods once. I continue, “I'm not going to ride with you, and I'm not going to be in the same group as you if we separate at all when we get to KC.”

  He immediately opens his mouth and fire flies from his eyes, but I calmly raise my hand and remind him that he agreed to let me finish. He fights the urge to speak and finally nods for me to continue.

  “I need you to think of the rescue and only the rescue. I don't want you thinking about me or about our relationship. If I'm not right there in your face, it will be easier for you to do that. I want us both to come back alive so we can work this out. If you would prefer, I'll stay here.”

  I stop and sit back as I wait for him to think about what I said. Eventually, his body relaxes a bit more and he begins to eat again.

  “If you do go, and something happens to you but I'm not there to save you, what then, Canada? Do you think I can live with that guilt? I may have a lot of shit I'm dealing with about us coming at me from all directions and screwing up my head, but the one thing I'm certain of is that I love you and I will never let you go.”

  I give him a small smile and swallow back the sudden urge to sob at his intense words. He reaches over and grabs my hand from where I had laid it on the table after giving his own a squeeze, and lifts my hand to his lips. I lean into his side as he gently kisses the top of my hand. He then places my hand back on the table and brings his arm around me, holding me tightly to him. I close my eyes and just relax against him as he finishes his food.

  Several people stop by and ask him question after question to prepare for the rescue, and he answers with confidence and authority. I feel pride in my husband swell through me, and I'm happy to see him opening up and taking on the role of leader that I knew he had in him.

  Finally, the questions ease up and Will is able to clean his plate. He and I walk out of the building after putting away our trays and walk side by side back to the main house. I know I'm probably going to piss him off, but I was serious earlier.

  “Will, baby, I meant what I said. Either we stay apart during the rescue, or I just wont go. I'll stay here.”

  Shit! Why in the hell did I offer to stay? He will probably think my staying here is a good idea and I don't want to stay behind!

  Will snorts out a laugh and says, “Yeah, like I'm going to leave you alone with Jake here.”

  Oh, well, yeah. That might make a difference.

  “Fine, you're going and w
e'll stay separated; but if you get hurt, I'm going to kick your ass.” And with that, he veers off away from me and heads toward the trucks being loaded in the front of the house.

  Dad Rex is staying behind this time, along with Cindy and the boys. Besides those three, and the captured Krew members, everyone else is going that had been on the hospital mission. We've also got eighty-three others signed up to go, including Dustin. That still leaves us plenty short of being one on one with the remaining Krew members, but our hope is that some of those members were forced into being Krew, are ready and willing to switch sides. I guess we shall see.

  After goodbyes, hugs, and some tears (which seem to be the common greetings and farewells now) we set off. My brother, Andy, and his partner, John, have to stay behind because of the prisoners, and no one trusts anyone else to do their job. Their wives are going, though, and we could see that it was tearing them up. Reassurance or not, no one can predict or promise their safe return. That's not a guarantee anyone can give anymore.

  But the men hold their tongues and wave us off along with the others who chose or have to stay. I'm riding with the teens and David, the med tech, who is doing the driving. I'm sitting in the front passenger seat but am turned toward the back so the teens and I can talk. I make it clear I want to only hear about their lives up to making it to Kansas City, the rest has already been said, unless they need to talk about it. No one does and eventually, we all tire of talking and settle in our seats.

  The drive is long and frustrating. The constant stops we have to make to determine how best to get around abandoned or wrecked vehicles, clearing out large pockets of undead who are blocking our way, and having to reroute is exhausting for all of us. Will is in the lead truck which Dad Ben is driving. My brothers, Ryder and Ricky, and their wives, Coco and Kally, my brother-in-law, Kurt, and sister, Rose, are with them.

  In the next vehicle is Sam and Helen, Dustin, my nephews, Joel and Gage, and my sister-in-law, Lindey. After that are another ten trucks full of various other people including Bianca and her guy, Toby. John's wife, Shelly, is safely tucked away inside one of the vehicles as well. In between our truck and the rest of the vehicles carrying people, we also have three trucks full of nothing but ammo and weapons of all kinds. Well, the drivers too, but you know what I mean.