Cam gets up and puts her arm around me, and I know she believes me too. “I’ll call her and tell her that it’s all a misunderstanding. I have her parents’ number. We can go from there.” She kisses my head and ruffles my hair like she always does with DJ. “You are going to have some serious butt kissing to do, so you better go find that ring.”
It seems like Cam has been talking to Kat for hours. Holden took me out onto the deck to finish my beer and calm my nerves. I’m glad Jess isn’t here for this because she would have probably already drowned me in the lagoon by now. Cam’s dad walks down the side of his house with his hands full of trash bags, and Holden and I immediately hop up to help him out. Ever since Mrs. Dade passed away a few years ago, he’s seemed to age twenty years, his heartbreak evident in his face at all times.
“We’ve got it, Pops.” Holden takes the bags and hands one to me.
Mr. Dade knows there’ll be no stopping us from helping him out; in fact, he probably decided to take out the trash because he saw us sitting out here. Cam and Holden grew up next-door neighbors; Holden and Mr. Dade are as close as any father and son. “Thanks, boys.” He looks over to Holden. “You boys look like something’s wrong. Jessica and Gage got home safe and sound from their honeymoon, right?”
I nod, not wanting to go over the details again. All I can do is wonder what’s taking Cam so long. Clearly, her call didn’t go straight to voicemail.
Holden laughs and spills it all. “Little Joey here got caught by Kat with a half-naked chick all over him last night.” When Mr. Dade looks as if he’s about to tear into me, Holden puts his arm around his father-in-law, playfully holding him back. “It’s all a misunderstanding, and now Cam’s trying to smooth things over for him since Kat won’t answer his calls.”
Mr. Dade laughs and shakes his head. “The trouble you get yourself into, Joey McMillan. Helen would have your head in a noose if she knew about this.”
Just the mention of Helen fills me with guilt. She would be so disappointed in me. She would tell me it’s what I get for never settling down before now. “Kat makes me a better man, Mr. D.”
He smiles sadly and I can tell he’s thinking of his wife. “That’s all that bastards like us can hope for in life. To find a woman to make us the man we were meant to be. Because in the end, a man who’s lived his life never having fallen in love and been loved in return, hasn’t ever really lived.” He shakes his head pitifully at me, mumbling, “The trouble you find yourself in, Joey. Thank God your best friend’s a lawyer.”
Holden and I laugh at how many times he’s bailed me out of trouble since we were kids. We walk back towards the house when Holden stops me. “Hey, are you going to press charges against that chick? Do you need help filing a restraining order?”
“I’ve gone back and forth all day, but I honestly don’t want to go through the trouble. I’ve blocked her, and haven’t heard from her since I made it clear I wasn’t interested. If she does something again, maybe. But I just want to see Kat, and know we’re going to be alright.”
Just then, Cam walks out the door and holds her phone out to me. “It’s Kat.” When she hands off the phone, she whispers, “She’s still confused and hurt.”
I don’t care; all I want to do is hear her voice and have a chance to explain. I’m glad when Cam and Holden walk inside to give me privacy to grovel. “I love you so much, Kat.” I had to say it first. If she hears one thing tonight, she needs to hear that. “You have to let me explain. I swear to you that nothing happened.”
“Something did happen, Joe. There was a half-naked girl all over you in the middle of the night in your house. No matter the circumstances, that’s still something.” Her voice is broken and sad, and nothing like the Kat I know. I broke her when I’m supposed to be her plaster.
“Kat, I had no idea she was even at my house when I got home. She was hiding in the kitchen, and I thought it was you at first. When I saw it was her, I told her to leave and to never talk to me again. I blocked her number; I’ll file a restraining order if you want. Holden said—”
She cuts me off. “I believe you that you didn’t know she was there, and you did nothing wrong last night. But the fact that it even happened still pisses me off, and you have to just let me be pissed off about this for a bit so that I know for sure if I can be with someone who has things happening like naked women breaking in their house and trying to fuck them. Alright?” She’s out of breath and my heart’s crushing at the hurt in her words.
“I would do anything to take back the hurt I caused you. I love you so much it hurts.” How do I defend what she said? It’s my fault this happened. It’s my past that caused her so much hurt today.
“I love you so much it hurts,” she says with an entirely different meaning. “I’ll call you tomorrow, alright? Just give me some time to digest this. Today has been a really bad day, and I just need some space.”
Space is the last thing I ever want between us. I want to be melded as one for the rest of our lives. Space is a black, empty hole of despair.
“Can I call you tomorrow?”
“I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.”
“Kat,” I call out before she can hang up.
“Yes?” she says meekly.
“You’re my plaster.”
“Plaster cracks and wears down. I want to be your steel.”
I can’t help but laugh, and when I hear her do the same, my aching for her becomes almost unbearable. “Steel?”
“It’s stronger.” She sighs; I close my eyes and picture her beautiful face. “Goodnight, Joey.”
“I love you, Kat.” When I hear the dial tone, I make a promise to myself that I’m going to do everything to get her back.
Kat
“Arms”
Dinner with my parents after the day I’ve had is the worst idea I’ve ever had. At least if I would’ve gone to see Kevin’s family, I wouldn’t be sitting here being picked apart by people who have never appreciated me for who I am. No, I didn’t have straight A’s growing up, but I was a good student. I’ve always been outspoken and opinionated, but never rude. My parents would rather me be a bookworm like them rather than gregarious like Jess.
When they brought up Joey and asked about his family, I was too embarrassed to admit he cheated on me and we were now broken up. Every time they would ask me about my break-ups with Kevin, they would assume there was something wrong with me, and that I wasn’t nice enough or thoughtful enough.
When the phone rang and interrupted my mom’s endless questions, and it was Cam, I couldn’t have felt more relieved. That was, until I heard what she had to say. I know I should be relieved that Joey didn’t actually cheat on me. But why don’t I feel that way? All of the insecurities about myself that I developed after the lies and infidelity I faced with Kevin have left me so scared, that I don’t know if I can be with someone with a past like Joey’s. It’s hard to imagine a life with a man who has those kinds of things happening to him. I can’t let the things Kevin did to me turn me into someone who can’t even forgive and move on when there’s nothing to really forgive. It never bothered me before when I would notice other girls gawking at him when we were out together. I was even aware that most likely many of his admirers were also his past lovers. But seeing him with another woman’s near naked body pressed up against him employed such a visceral reaction in me that it’s hard to think straight. After listening to Cam make sense of Joey’s story, and her insistence that I think carefully about everything, I’m glad that we have this distance between us, because if he was close, there would be no way for me to take the time to calm down. One look in those steely blue eyes, and I’d be done.
I knew I had to talk to Joey, but I wasn’t ready to fully move on from this yet. The second I heard his voice telling me he loves me, I wanted to jump in his arms and take the sadness I hear away. The fact that we were miles away allows me to fully come to terms with my feelings about him without being clouded by the heady feelings I have
for him. I need to be sure this isn’t all just an infatuation and it really is love. Hearing him tell me that his heart was aching for me made my heart swell; the only trouble is that I love him so much that it’s beginning to hurt because I’m so afraid of losing him. I trust what he’s telling me. I know him well enough to know he wouldn’t lie when caught. His story makes sense. So why can’t I just say everything’s alright and drive back down there?
Time.
I.
Need.
Time.
I had to keep our conversation short because just the sound of his voice makes me think of being back in his arms. Saying goodbye was difficult, but I have to listen to my brain as much as my heart. When I go back out to the table, both my parents are still sitting across from each other, not saying a word as they eat their meal. As I watch them sit at the table, so cold and removed from each other, I realize that they are the ones who have it all wrong. They have always thought Kevin was a good choice for me because we would live the same life as theirs. I don’t want their life. I want a life full of excitement.
Passion.
Romance.
And most importantly, love.
Now I have to decide whether I really think Joey can be the man to give it to me.
I sent Joey a quick text when I woke up, telling him I’d call him sometime after the wake. I wanted to talk with him first thing this morning but slept in past my alarm. I had taken one of my dad’s Ambien before bed last night because I knew I’d never fall asleep without help, and I was still a little hung-over from the wine last night. I woke up with only thirty minutes to get a cup of coffee and get dressed.
When I pull up to the mortuary with my parents, I focus my thoughts on what’s most important right now, and that’s showing my respect to a wonderful woman who always treated me with kindness and love. I close my eyes, focus on her welcoming smile and say a quiet prayer for her peace.
Kevin’s mom was the kind of mom everyone wanted to have. Their house was always a revolving door, with guests coming in and out at all times day and night. At the center of it all was always Mrs. Cox, ready to listen to my problems or worries, while filling me with her famous meatballs.
My dad gets out of the car and waves hello over to a group of men huddled together. I quickly realize that it’s Kevin standing off to the side of the building with some of his cousins, smoking cigarettes, something I know Mrs. Cox would despise.
I push away any negative feelings about Kevin. It would make Mrs. Cox so sad to know that the innocent, caring little boy she raised actually turned out to be a cheating liar. I try to focus my thoughts on the more positive parts of Kevin in honor of his mom. He’s kind sometimes. He’s smart. He’s punctual. He has nice hair. Oh God, this is harder than it should be. How could I have ever even been in love with him if it’s this hard to think about his good qualities?
When I look over at him, part of me wishes I met up with him last night so that things wouldn’t be so awkward between us when we see each other. When I get out of the car and slam the door closed, he looks my way. When our eyes meet, I feel a rush of guilt and wonder whether I should even really be here.
I don’t want to interrupt his time with his family, so I walk to the entrance with my parents instead of walking over to him and giving my condolences in person. I can do that on my way out, when he won’t be able to get me alone. I walk quietly at my parents’ side with my head down, trying my best to keep my presence hidden. With every step closer to the gray shingled mortuary, the more I regret my attendance. I hear Kevin call out my name; I stop and turn to see him jogging towards me and wave my parents ahead, not wanting to make all of this anymore awkward than it already is. They have been encouraging me to call Kevin since I got home last night, and they’re sure to encourage my spending more time with him this evening if he begins talking to them, and that’s something I’ll do anything to avoid. When he approaches, he slows to a walk and sadly smiles up at me. I can tell by his eyes that he’s been crying, and I can’t help but embrace him when he walks up to me with open arms.
“I’m so sorry, Kev. She was a great woman. One of the best.” I meant every word.
He looks up at me and kisses my forehead; I pull back a little. “I’ve missed you.” He takes my hands in his and puts a little space between us. “I’m glad you’re here. Will you sit with my family?”
Even though I can see the pain in his eyes, I can’t do this. The second I got here I felt it, and now I have no doubt my feelings are true. I shouldn’t be here. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m here to pay my respects to your mother. I loved her, and she was always a very special person in my life.” When I see tears well in his eyes, I feel as though I’m being too harsh. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting and I can’t begin to imagine how sad you are….”
Before I can say more, he takes me in his arms and hugs me tightly. “I need you right now, Kat. You are the one thing in my life that I care about. My mom loved you, too. She always knew how perfect you were for me. We belong together. That’s what she would have wanted. I gave you time away to figure things out, but I can’t wait any more. I need you.”
I lift my head from his chest and hold my hands up between us as I take a step back. “I’m sorry, Kevin. I shouldn’t have come. I didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea. I just wanted—”
He cuts me off again and takes my hands delicately in his, switching back into the meek man from moments ago. “Please don’t go.”
Guilt streams over me. I know I can’t be here anymore, but how do I just walk away? Right then, something pulls my attention to the street and it’s as if a tether is attached to my heart and pulls me towards its missing piece.
It’s.
Joey.
He’s casually leaning against his car, wearing a dark suit and tie, dressed as if he’s one of the mourners. His arms are crossed confidently across his chest while he watches Kevin and me with a small smile perched at the side of his mouth. I smile like a toddler on Christmas morning when I take in the magnificent sight of him. Instantly, all of my doubt from earlier is erased and the reality of my feelings is like a cleansing wave of certainty. I trust Joey. I don’t trust Kevin. I’m in love with Joey and his past doesn’t matter. All that matters is our future together.
It’s as if he knew my thoughts before I had a chance to dream them up and showed up at the perfect time to help me see what I’ve been hiding from. He’s the one for me. He’s my plaster. I don’t want to be his steel. I don’t want to be so cold and inflexible that I can’t bend when needed. I want to melt into his every crack, and even though our love may get chipped every now and again, as long as we’re together, the cracks will get filled.
Kevin follows my admiring gaze to Joey and sighs sadly. He doesn’t get pissed like I expect. Instead, he kisses my hands before he lets go. “I’ve lost you forever, haven’t I?”
I look up at him and for the first time since I can remember, I don’t feel hurt by him. I feel closure. I nod. “We love each other, Kevin. He’s everything I never knew I wanted.”
“I hope he treats you the way you deserve. Mom would’ve wanted that for you.” He nods over at Joey and leans down and kisses my cheek. “I’ll always regret what I did to you.”
I rub his face; he probably only means it because he lost me, not because he means it. “I don’t, because if you didn’t break my heart all those times, I probably never would have wound up with Joey. He’s someone who protects my heart with everything he has. He may lose some battles, but at least he tries.”
I turn on my heels and run across the street to Joey. He lifts his sunglasses as I approach and I jump into his arms, kissing him so that he has no doubt that I forgive him. I pull the kiss deeper so he has no doubt I want him to be with me forever. I run my fingers through his hair, wishing away the space and clothing between us so that he has no doubt that I’m his.
When we finally break apart, he’s smiling so broadly, I’m afraid his fa
ce might crack. He feathers little kisses across my face. “What I just saw happening between you and Kevin over there is almost as bad as what you walked in on at my house the other night.”
I love that he teases me, showing me that nothing has changed between us. “Except we were fully clothed and were in public during the day. So shut the hell up and kiss me.”
He leans down and kisses me again, breathing me in, making me his. “Promise you’ll never run away from me again,” he says with a firmness that makes me want to promise anything he asks.
“I promise,” I whisper through our kiss.
“The Kat I know and love would have burst through the door and bitched me out, not left town. If you’re pissed and need time to be pissed, fine. But don’t ever leave that way again. You’re mine.” His eyes are filled with heated determination and desire that makes my heart weave even tighter to his.
“Let’s go home.”
Joey’s face turns serious and he looks back up at where Kevin stands. “You should go in. Pay your respects. I’ll be waiting right here to take you home when you’re done.” He leans in and kisses me softly. My heart feels whole again.
Joey left me with no choice but to drive back to the shore with him tonight because a terrible thunderstorm started while I was attending the service and the streets were a mess. He knows how much I hate driving in weather like this. He insisted that Gage would drive back up with him on Monday to get my car while I’m at work. The car ride home is filled with emotion, but not many words. As Joey sped down the parkway, his hand was firmly around mine, stroking the top of my knuckles, neither of us sure where to start. I know we would have to talk about what happened the other night, and how I reacted to it. But I just don’t want that time to be now. Once we’re home, and after we’ve made love the rest of the weekend, would be a much better time to let him tear me apart for giving up on him so easily. It’s not a conversation I want to be having while he’s driving on this stormy night.
His Jar of Hearts (A Broken Fairy Tale #3) Page 13