Daughters of the Resistance

by Lana Kortchik

  Anton was asleep on the porch, his body shuddering every now and again, as if in his dreams he was reliving his ordeal. Agnessa was already in the kitchen, washing the floor. The table, the cupboards, even the windows sparkled. Irina wondered if she’d been up all night, cleaning. Everyone dealt with grief differently, she realised. While she wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear, Agnessa couldn’t sit still without breaking down. The two of them embraced in silence and then the older woman whispered, ‘Courage! We don’t know anything for certain yet.’

  The word yet filled Irina with terror. With her fist in her mouth to stop herself from screaming, she leant on the kitchen table and watched the porridge as it burnt on the stove. She couldn’t believe it; she was angry with Maxim, for leaving her, for giving his life to the greater good and abandoning his family. What were they going to do without him? Would her daughter even remember him when she was older? It broke Irina’s heart that Sonya might grow up not knowing her father. There was a knock on the door and Dmitry came in. Irina rushed to his side. Although Dmitry wasn’t part of Maxim’s partisan battalion, he worked closely with the partisans and often spent time at the battalion. She was relieved to see him alive and well. ‘Thank God! I was so worried about you. Do you know anything?’

  ‘The battalion was attacked at dawn the day before yesterday. It seems the Nazis knew the exact location and went all out.’

  ‘What does that mean? What happened to the partisans? How bad are the losses?’ Irina looked into his pale face, hoping for good news. But he had no news. His voice was hoarse, as if he hadn’t slept the night before either.

  ‘That’s what we are trying to establish.’

  He put his arms around her, and she sobbed into his shoulder. ‘I don’t know how I am going to live without him. I don’t want to live without him.’

  ‘Don’t cry. You’ll scare Sonya. You have to pull yourself together, for her.’

  ‘I don’t want to lose him. I can’t lose him.’

  ‘Let’s not panic until we know for sure.’

  Dmitry told Irina and Agnessa he had sent people to villages close to the partisan battalion to see if anyone had seen or heard anything. ‘I’ll go there myself and try to find out what happened.’

  ‘Eat something first,’ said Irina. ‘We have some soup.’

  But just like Irina, Dmitry couldn’t look at food. After he left, the two women huddled together around Anton’s bed. They couldn’t read, sew or knit. They could barely talk. Agnessa had an old black-and-white photograph in her lap, of a young couple holding a newborn baby wrapped up in a woolly shawl. ‘When Anna was a child, all she wanted was to be a musketeer or a pirate. No fairy princesses for her. I remember staying up all night, making her a musketeer costume for a ball at school. I still have it in the attic somewhere. She looked dashing in it. She was always a warrior, my Anna. So when Azamat went into the woods, she wanted to go, too. I forbade it, of course, but she refused to listen to a word I had to say.’ Tears fell in her lap as she spoke and the faces in the photograph became blurry, as if they were about to disappear altogether.

  Irina couldn’t bear the woman’s anguish as she cried for her daughter and husband. Holding her own daughter close, as if to protect her from evil, she patted Agnessa’s hand. In silence they waited for news. Irina’s heart stopped at every noise and every shadow outside. What if it was Dmitry, coming to confirm their worst fears?

  Dmitry returned in the evening, his face grim. He looked almost as if he didn’t want to tell them what he knew. Irina braced herself, clenching her fists, grinding her teeth together.

  ‘It’s not good, I’m afraid. There’s no one left at the battalion. No one alive, anyway,’ he said. Irina forced herself to focus on his face but couldn’t see much through her tears. All she could hear was the tick-tock of the clock on the wall and the noise inside her head.

  Agnessa prompted, ‘Tell us what you found out, young man.’ She was trying to be so brave but her lips trembled from the effort.

  He sank into a chair, as if broken by the weight of what he had witnessed. ‘Whatever happened out there, it must have been brutal. There are dead bodies everywhere, both our men and the enemy. We counted forty dead partisans. That’s almost half of the battalion.’

  Irina tried to stop her hands from shaking. ‘And Maxim?’

  ‘We didn’t find him or Anna or Azamat. The settlement seems abandoned. If there were survivors, they must have moved on somewhere. Where, I don’t know.’

  ‘There are other partisan battalions around,’ said Agnessa. ‘Maybe they went there.’

  ‘It is possible. Unfortunately, we don’t know their exact locations. We are searching the villages and the nearby woods.’

  The women sat as if in a trance, while Dmitry had some dinner, fed Sonya and spoke to Anton. Not touching her food, Irina stared at the flowers on Agnessa’s faded wallpaper until they blurred into one. The walls swayed in front of her as if she was drunk.

  Irina watched the silver hand of the clock on the wall as it showed one o’clock, two o’clock, three in the morning. Another minute of agonising uncertainty, another sleepless and miserable hour. Irina’s heart thudded in the dark.

  So many times in the past she had had nightmares about something like this happening, a horrifying dream in which Maxim would be falling into an abyss while she was trying to save him, to reach out a hand to him only for him to slip through her fingers and vanish. She would wake up shaking and afraid and then breathe out in relief because it was only a dream. As she sat on the floor and stared at the clock, her heart aching, Irina prayed she would wake up.

  At five in the morning, Dmitry and Agnessa finally succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep in the living room, leaning on the table. Anton slept on his folding bed on the porch. Sonya was curled up under a warm blanket in her mother’s bed.

  Irina was the only one who was still awake when she heard someone knocking. Wearily she got up and walked on shaking legs to the door, dreading bad news.

  In the doorway, blocking the rising sun, stood Maxim.

  Irina couldn’t help it, her hand flew to her mouth and she cried out. At first, she thought she was imagining him. He was an illusion, nothing more. She had longed to see him so much, her subconscious was giving her what she wanted. Mutely she watched him. Maxim looked like a shadow of the man she knew and loved. His face was white and thinner than she remembered. His stubble was growing into a beard. His eyes were dim. He stared at her for a second with a forlorn expression on his face, as if he, too, had thought he might never see her again.

  With the rising sun behind him, it looked like he was on fire. In silence she reached for him. He didn’t disappear under her touch but took her hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing the tips of her fingers. She whispered his name. He gathered her in his arms and pressed her to him, and they stood close together, not moving, not talking, barely breathing.

  ‘You are alive!’ she cried finally, tears streaming down her face. ‘I was going out of my mind. I thought I’d lost you. I was so afraid.’

  ‘Ira, please, don’t cry. I’m fine.’ His lips were on her face and he was kissing her tears away.

  She led him to the kitchen, closing the door behind them. She didn’t want to wake the others. They needed rest and Irina needed some time alone with her husband. She couldn’t believe she was seeing him again. ‘Anton is here. He told us the Nazis attacked the battalion, said it was like hell on earth.’

  ‘It was hell on earth. But it’s over now.’ He seemed reluctant to talk about it. Could she blame him? Patiently she waited, sitting next to him at the table and clinging to his arm. After a moment of silence, he continued, ‘Someone betrayed us. It was a well-planned operation and the Nazis went all out. They knew exactly where to find us and didn’t spare the forces or the ammunition. It was a massacre.’

  ‘How bad are …’ she stammered ‘… the losses?’

  ‘Bad. Those of us who survived gathered at th
e battalion near Emilchino.’

  ‘I can’t believe someone would do this. Betray you like this.’

  ‘I can’t believe it either.’ He shook his head with sadness.

  ‘Do you know who it was?’

  ‘We have some suspicions.’

  ‘Someone from the battalion?’ From the expression on his face, she suspected it might be. He shrugged and didn’t reply. She put her arms around him, squeezing softly, trying to make him smile. ‘I can’t believe I’m seeing you again. It’s a miracle! I don’t know how I lived these past twenty-four hours. I was imagining all sorts of things …’

  ‘You won’t get rid of me that easily.’

  ‘What about Azamat and Anna? Are they …’

  ‘They are at Emilchino battalion. They are safe.’

  ‘Thank God! I better wake Agnessa. I can’t wait to give her the good news.’ Irina jumped to her feet and rushed out of the kitchen. In the doorway she paused and turned around. ‘No more separations, Maxim. I’m coming with you, no matter where you go. And if you try to stop me, I will divorce you.’

  ‘On what grounds? Trying to keep you safe?’

  ‘Keeping me away from you.’

  ‘Imagine what would have happened if I had listened to you and you and Sonya were with me when the Nazis attacked. I can’t bear thinking about it.’

  ‘If I was there, we would be together and I wouldn’t live for a whole day and night, thinking I was never going to see you again. I mean it. No more separations.’

  ‘You can’t imagine what it’s like out there. When I’m facing the Germans, I can’t be worrying about you too.’

  ‘You can’t imagine what it’s like here. Not knowing if you are dead or alive. Not knowing where you are. For once, think about how it feels for me.’

  ‘That’s all I ever think about.’

  ‘Then let us come with you. Because being away from you is unbearable. I know it’s dangerous. But it’s dangerous everywhere.’ Look at what happened to your parents, she wanted to add. ‘At least we’ll be together.’ She could see by his face he was torn about it. She pressed his hand and added, ‘Having us there will be good for you. You won’t be coming back to an empty dugout. At the end of every day, we will be waiting for you. Imagine what it would be like to come home and see me and Sonya there. It will make all the difference in the world.’

  His face brightened. ‘You might be right. Now more than ever I need you by my side.’

  There was something in his eyes, a fleeting fear that was soon gone. But Irina was too happy to dwell on it. ‘Thank God,’ she whispered. ‘By your side is where we belong.’

  ‘What about Sonya? It’s too dangerous in the woods for a small child. Is there anyone you trust who could look after her for us?’

  Irina looked up, horrified. ‘You want to leave Sonya behind?’

  ‘Until it’s safe to have her with us.’

  ‘No.’ Irina shook her head adamantly. ‘No!’ she repeated, louder. ‘I won’t be separated from my daughter. Anywhere I go, she comes with me.’

  ‘Think about it logically. Our settlement was attacked. Many people died. It could happen again.’

  ‘And what if something bad happens to her here and I’m not there to protect her?’ What he was saying was impossible. How could he even suggest it? ‘Besides, she’s still breastfed. She can’t do without her mama.’ I can’t do without my baby, she thought. Maxim must have seen it in her face because he didn’t argue anymore but walked over to her and drew her to him, kissing her deeply. As they stood in the dark kitchen with their foreheads pressed close, for the first time in as long as she could remember, she had hope. Because finally they would be together.

  Chapter 19

  In a crowded hospital room built of wood and straw, Lisa listlessly chewed on a piece of bread, staring into space. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the woods burning and their settlement crumbling under enemy onslaught. After their tree had caught fire, she woke up to find herself in someone’s arms, being carried to safety. All she could see was pine trees, evergreen, tall and peaceful. Peaceful! There were no flames rushing for her through the branches, no bombs raining from the sky, no machine guns roaring in deathly fury, as if the whole nightmare scenario had been nothing but a bad dream. Except that her wrist was throbbing, providing a grim reminder that it had been real. Her head had felt heavy and painful, as if filled with broken glass. Her ears were ringing. She had groaned and closed her eyes.

  Whoever was carrying her had placed her gently on the grass. ‘Lisa, are you awake? Can you hear me?’

  She thought she recognised the voice. Opening her eyes, she found herself looking into Maxim’s face. She couldn’t help it: she smiled with relief at seeing him so close. Somewhere nearby, Bear barked. ‘What happened to me?’ she murmured.

  ‘A burning tree fell on you. You are lucky to be alive.’

  He sat on the ground next to her, watching her with kindness. She lowered her gaze. ‘My wrist … It hurts so much. And my head feels sore.’ She pressed on her temples with her one good hand, feeling groggy and disorientated, like she had woken up with the worst hangover of her life. She didn’t know where she was or where they were headed.

  ‘You probably have a concussion. Don’t worry. I’m taking you to another battalion. They have doctors and nurses who will take a look at you. You are going to be just fine.’ Bear appeared by her side, carrying a stick. His tail was wagging, like he was pleased to see an old friend.

  ‘Wait. Masha and Yulya were with me. Are they safe?’

  It took him a while to answer. When he did, his voice was so low, she could barely hear him. ‘Yulya didn’t make it. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Oh no.’ Lisa thought of Yulya as she dragged two petrified girls to find shelter through a swarm of enemy bullets. She thought of her with her apron on, commanding the little kitchen like a general commanded his army. ‘I don’t believe it. Yulya was the strongest woman I know. If she didn’t make it, what chance do any of us have?’

  ‘Yulya was a wonderful person. Under her grumpy exterior was a heart of gold.’

  ‘She saved my life. If it wasn’t for her, I would have never made it to safety.’ Lisa stifled a sob. ‘And Masha?’

  ‘Azamat and Danilo have Masha. They went ahead to the Emilchino battalion. We’ll see them when we get there.’

  ‘Is she all right?’ She tried to read the expression on his face but it was impossible. He made his face unreadable. What was he hiding from her?

  ‘She’s badly burnt.’ When Lisa cried, he took her hand and pressed it. ‘We have to have faith. She’s still alive. That’s good news.’

  ‘I suppose.’ She was quiet for a moment. ‘What about Anna?’

  ‘Anna is safe. She’s with her father.’

  ‘Thank God,’ Lisa whispered. ‘I was trapped under that tree. I couldn’t move. The tree was burning.’ She could still see the flames licking the branches around her. She trembled.

  ‘I got to you just in time.’

  ‘You saved me,’ she whispered. ‘Why did you do that?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You risked your life to save mine. Why?’

  It felt like the whole world had retreated, as if it no longer existed. It was just the two of them in the deserted forest and nothing else mattered. His face was close to hers and his eyes softened. Any moment now he would lean in and his lips would touch hers. Lisa closed her eyes and held her breath in anticipation of their first kiss. She had been imagining it for so long and here it was, the moment she’d been dreaming of as she lay shivering in her cold bed made of straw. She could feel his breath on her face, could almost taste his lips.

  But he didn’t kiss her. All he said was, ‘Anyone would have done the same in my place. We were completely surrounded by the Germans. You and I were lucky to get away. Not everyone had made it out alive.’

  ‘How many …’ She hesitated. ‘How many didn’t?’

  ‘Many.
We won’t know the exact number until later.’ He was no longer looking at her. Lisa held her head low and cried. In the last five months, the partisans had become her family. The little battalion had been her home and now it was gone without a trace. Everything seemed so hopeless, like there was no light left in the world. ‘We need to keep moving,’ said Maxim. ‘Are you hungry? They will have some food for you at the other battalion.’

  She shook her head. For the first time since the war had started, the thought of food made her feel sick. She wanted to close her eyes and fall into a deep sleep, so she wouldn’t have to think of the inferno that had devoured the clearing where a hundred people had lived and breathed and hoped. But most of all, she wanted to feel his arms around her again. Nothing and no one could comfort her the way he did.

  ‘I’ll carry you on my back, all right? Can you hold on?’

  ‘It’s too hard for you, with all your things and a rifle. I can walk.’

  She tried to get up and immediately fell back down.

  ‘Come on,’ he said, hoisting her on his back. She held on to his neck, wrapping her legs around him. In his hands he carried his rifle and his rucksack. With Bear running ahead, they moved in silence through the woods. She listened to his breathing and almost drifted off, letting go of him for a moment and sliding down. He caught her just in time and helped her up again.

  Leaning her head on his shoulder and hoping he wouldn’t notice, she inhaled his scent. Suddenly she no longer felt afraid. As long as she stayed like this, with her arms and legs around him like a bear cub climbing a tree, she was going to be safe. He would protect her from the cold and the hunger and from the enemy bullets. He would protect her from doubt, heartbreak and sadness. Now that he had risked his life to save her, she belonged to him irrevocably.

  Even though her wrist was killing her and her vision was blurry, Lisa didn’t want the journey to end. ‘Are we lost?’ she asked. It felt like they’d been walking in circles for hours. All she could see was trees. There was no end to them and they all looked the same.