Hell On Heels

by Robyn Peterman

“Did you get dumped by your mom too?” Blanche asked as she pocketed a few cookies and fed several others to Steve. Where in the Hell did she learn her manners? In a barn?

  “No!” Miss Evelyn was taken aback. “Why do you ask?”

  “You just seem a little wonky about the whole no mom thing.”

  “Oh.” She shook her head and laughed. Her laughter sent happy shivers of delight through me. “I simply find it unfortunate that families these days can’t find ways to stay together.”

  “Do you have a family?” I asked. A zing of jealousy shot through me as I imagined Miss Evelyn with a bunch of beautiful, well-adjusted children and a handsome husband.

  “I do.” She sighed happily and clasped her hands to her chest. “I have two lovely daughters."

  Envy set fire to my insides and I exerted great effort for my eyes to remain gold. I needed sleep badly. This was ridiculous. I felt like crying about not being included in a family of people I didn’t even know.

  “Do you see your daughters much?” Blanche asked as she held out her glass out to Rhonda for more lemonade. I idly wondered when she’d last eaten. Hell, I didn’t even know she could eat.

  “Occasionally,” Miss Evelyn answered. “It’s some of the most precious time I spend. It brings me true joy.”

  That was all I could take. The walls closed in around me and I needed to breathe fresh air. “We have to go.” I stood abruptly and gave Blanche a look.

  “We do?” She was surprised and clearly not ready to leave.

  “Yep, we do,” I insisted tightly, letting her know I meant business. “Thank you for your hospitality, Miss Evelyn and Rhonda,” I blurted. “But I have homework and stuff.”

  “Can’t you stay a bit longer?” Miss Evelyn asked.

  “No,” I bit my lip so I wouldn’t cry. Steve whimpered in the corner and Blanche stood up uncertainly.

  “Dixie,” she pouted while pocketing a few more cookies. I wanted to deck her for her hideous etiquette. “I want to stay.”

  “Well, you can’t,” I snapped. What was wrong with me? I knew I was being rude, but my need to leave was overwhelming.

  “It’s okay, Blanche,” Miss Evelyn said gently. “You can visit again soon.”

  “With all due respect, Miss Evelyn,” I stated firmly even though my insides quaked. “I’m quite sure we won't be back.”

  “Dixie,” Blanche gasped. “What is wrong with you?”

  That was an outstanding question. My behavior was appalling. I only knew being around Miss Evelyn and Rhonda made me want things I could never have. Things I’d longed for my whole life. . .things I would continue to long for. Always. I couldn’t be distracted by this. It was consuming me and making me weak.

  I was a Demon Princess. Daughter of Satan and I was here for a reason. I was here to find The Balance of Chaos, The Sword of Death and to kill Rogue Demons. Processing that thought made my stomach roil.

  I was not here to turn an old woman into a mother figure, flirt with Angels who have agendas or make friends with mean mortals. I was a Demon. I thrive on chaos, anger, hatred and pain. Acceptance of my nature would only make me stronger.

  The regret I felt about ending a relationship with Miss Evelyn was physical, but I wasn’t here to be happy.

  “It’s all right, Dixie.” Miss Evelyn’s voice was soft and soothing. My body involuntarily leaned toward her warmth and light. “I will be here if you’d like to visit again. You are always welcome.”

  She gently took my face in her hands and pressed her lips to my forehead. I stiffened and backed away. I didn’t think witches existed, but the spell she had cast on me felt unmistakably real.

  Blanche tentatively stepped to her. “Will you hug me goodbye?”

  “Of course.” Miss Evelyn smiled. Her eyes lit up and she took my friend into her arms.

  “I need to touch your face,” Blanche told her.

  Miss Evelyn hesitated and put an arm’s length between herself and Blanche. It was a bizarre standoff and I was lost. Rhonda moved to Miss Evelyn’s side with a grunt.

  “No, Rhonda, it’s necessary. I invite you in,” she told Blanche.

  What in the Hell was going on? My feet were rooted to the floor as I watched a surreal episode of The Twilight Zone unfold. Something bad was about to go down, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what. The danger was real. I was unsure if it was life threatening or life changing, but I’d already had a shitty day and one more bit of crazy was not going to work for me.

  Rhonda and Miss Evelyn definitely had some magic hoodoo going on. It wasn’t Demonic or Angelic, but I was now positive it wasn’t mortal either. The simple fact that they could see Blanche was a dead giveaway.

  Why didn’t I listen to Blanche? These crazy old women were probably going to grind us up and turn us into brownies. My gut screamed to tell Blanche not to touch her, but my mouth stayed silent.

  Rhonda took my friend’s hand and placed it on Miss Evelyn’s cheek. Blanche’s skin began to glow and a silver mist swirled around her. Her sharp intake of breath, followed by violent shaking ended my silence.

  “No,” I shouted as I tried to pull her away.

  Rhonda blocked my path as Blanche continued to convulse.

  “Stop it,” I screamed and clawed at Rhonda. “You’re hurting her.”

  Miss Evelyn stood serenely with her eyes closed while she killed my friend. Rhonda’s grip on me was insane. She was a Mack truck. My fury spiked and I fought Rhonda like a rabid animal. Sparks of red and lavender flew from my fingertips mixing with Blanche’s silver mist, creating an alarming light show of magic that should have scared the old women to death. They ignored it.

  I wanted to kill them. However, somewhere in my subconscious I knew that was wrong.

  Blanche collapsed at Miss Evelyn’s feet. Her body still convulsed. A fury like I'd never felt consumed me and a chant in a language I didn't know flowed seamlessly from my lips. Hot flashes of rage burned in my gut and the chant turned vicious. Much to my shock and delight all several hundred pounds of Rhonda went flying across the room. She slammed against the wall with a sickening thud and I threw my body over Blanche’s.

  “Don’t any of you touch her,” I ground out through clenched teeth. “She’s done nothing to hurt you. If you touch her again I’ll. . .”

  “Dixie.” Blanche was shaken and her voice was weak. “Stop. They’re not hurting me.”

  She began to fade away.

  “No, no, no.” I shook my head as tears threatened. “Don’t you dare disappear on me now.”

  “It’s okay,” she whispered. “Miss Evelyn is good. Weird, but good.” A small laugh escaped her lips. “We’re not going to end up as baked goods.”

  “Blanche.” I pressed her transparent body to my own. All thoughts of anyone else in the room ceased to exist. “You can’t leave me. I need you.”

  “Dixie, I’m your fate. I take you where you need to be. Trust me, you’re supposed to be here. You are so much stronger than you think. Believe me.”

  “If I’m supposed to be here, you have to stay with me,” I insisted desperately. The tightening in my chest made it hard to breathe.

  “I will be back very soon.” Her voice faltered and she shook her head sadly. “These women are important. And guess what?” She grinned. “We were right—they’re not quite mortal.”

  “What are they?” I looked up and locked eyes with Miss Evelyn.

  “Everything will reveal itself when it’s supposed to. Don’t even say it,” she cut me off before I could explode. “There are too many rules in this damn game.” She giggled faintly as she began to fade away. "Stay true."

  She was gone.

  I sat motionless on the floor and stared at the spot where Blanche had been, willing her to come back. She knew who or what Miss Evelyn and Rhonda were and she couldn’t tell me. And I’d bet my eternally damned soul these ladies weren’t going to talk.

  “I don’t know what Blanche meant,” I said cautiously as I ran my
fingers through the glittering silver dust on the floor. “But if she trusts you. . .I will give you the benefit of the doubt.”

  I raised my eyes to Miss Evelyn’s and a sense of peace washed through me. Rhonda helped me to my feet.

  “Are you okay?” I asked Rhonda, worried that I may have broken some of her bones or cracked her skull. “I thought you guys were, you know. . .killing her.”

  Rhonda gave me a big toothy smile. “I’m fine, child. That was one heck of a body slam though,” she grunted and rubbed her neck.

  How she wasn’t dead was beyond me, but Blanche said they were not mortal. What in the Hell were they? They were old, so they couldn’t be immortal. Clearly there was another species I didn’t know about. That would explain the language on Miss Evelyn’s bracelet.

  “I’m really sorry, Rhonda,” I told her. “I'll try not to throw you across the room anymore,” I added lamely.

  She belly laughed. “Aww sweetie, I gotta say I enjoyed it. Not many people can give me a run for my money. It makes me real proud of you.”

  “Okay. . .well, thanks.” A compliment was a compliment, no matter how bizarre.

  I glanced around Miss Evelyn’s trashed home and winced. I was as bad as my therapy group in their heyday. I wished Stella was here to restore the house. . .wait a minute. I could do it!

  “Miss Evelyn, would you like me to clean up the mess I made?” I asked, halfway hoping she’d decline my offer.

  “That would be lovely, dear.”

  Craptastic. . .Here goes nothing. I took a huge breath and closed my eyes. I’d never done this before, but how hard could it be? For Satan’s sake, I could freeze people, throw Mack trucks around and blow up tables and refrigerators. Certainly I could use a little magic to clean a room.

  I began to chant the same one I'd used earlier. I wasn't sure what I was saying but it felt good and right. It was interesting to know that I could create magic without anger. As the chant grew the energy of the room whirled and crackled around me. My hair blew wildly around my head tickling my nose. Steve barked as her wagging tail beat against my leg. An intense excitement coursed through my body and I heard Miss Evelyn and Rhonda giggle with delight. I felt happy and light. Behind my closed lids, fireworks burst in a rainbow of sparkling colors. As my chant continued, I idly wondered what the Hell language I was speaking, but it felt so good I didn’t care.

  I was done.

  I opened my eyes and gasped in dismay. The glitter was gone and the hole in the wall from Rhonda’s crash was repaired, but all was not well. I had cleaned the room, but I also completely rearranged it. The chairs were on the coffee table, the pillows sat atop the television, the couch cushions were backwards and oh so much more. . .

  “Holy Hell,” I moaned. “I am so sorry.”

  “Oh my.” Miss Evelyn laughed joyously. “That was wonderful.”

  Was she on crack? Rhonda was laughing so hard she snorted. It wasn’t cute. I ran around the room and tried to right all my wrongs. I was so embarrassed I wanted to die.

  “Dixie, Dixie.” Miss Evelyn grabbed me around my waist and turned me to face her. “It’s the little things. Enjoy the little things.” She smiled and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

  I stood still and my mortification slowly melted away. She was right. I looked around the room and I saw the humor of it. It was funny. I took a deep breath and smiled. As my smile grew broader and I owned the ridiculousness of the room I’d created. . .I giggled.

  “Just take life a moment at a time,” she whispered in my ear.

  “Yes.” I moved into her embrace. “A moment at a time.”

  Chapter 28

  I got home and slept for fourteen hours. When I awoke at ten the next morning Myrtle was curled up next to me. Janet was sound asleep in the chair next to the bed and Carl snored lightly in a makeshift sleeping bag on the floor. So much for going to class today.

  I carefully sat up and looked at my little family who had come to Earth willing to die for me. My breath hitched and my eyes welled up with tears. As out of control as my life was spinning, I knew I was lucky. Starting today all of the pity parties were over. I would be ready to protect my little tribe and make my father proud.

  Blanche’s absence made my heart hurt, but I was beginning to understand the pattern. She was my guide, leading me where she knew it was necessary. I was unclear how the old women figured in, but I didn’t doubt that they would.

  The world and the people around me were somehow instrumental in why I was here. I was positive that Eden, Kentucky had not been a random choice by my father. With no direction book and only my twenty-one year old wits to guide me, I had a feeling that my path was being dictated by those around me. . .or at the very least they were providing clues. It frustrated the Hell out of me that everything and everyone was so damn cryptic, but that was the way of the immortal world. I could learn or burn. I decided to learn.

  The pieces were clicking quickly and I knew the darkness loomed close. Instead of scaring me, I felt invigorated and excited.

  I was having a difficult time wrapping my brain around how Thing One, Thing Two, Thing Three and Thing Four could be anything but annoying, but I wasn’t not going to question anymore. They had to be connected to the dance. The dance from Heaven and Hell. . .how hideously appropriate.

  I also realized why my dad had forbade any contact with Hell. There was no way I would have come this far on my own if I’d had a major support system. Hayden, Stella and Sloth would have caught me every time I fell. I would be no stronger or wiser with that kind of help. I was still angry with Satan but I understood.

  Myrtle’s small hand clasped mine. “Are you feeling better?” she asked in a sleepy voice.

  “I’m not sure.” I wrinkled my brow in confusion. “I don’t remember crawling into bed last night.”

  “You didn’t.” Myrtle rolled over and stretched. “You walked in the front door and collapsed. Carl carried you up.”

  Well, that explained why I was still dressed in the clothes I'd worn yesterday. Janet opened her eyes and smiled while Carl snored and snuggled deeper into his thrown together bed.

  I patted the space beside me. Janet bounced over and hopped in next to me. I hugged her tight and dragged Myrtle over with my other hand.

  “What the. . .” Myrtle groaned as I pressed her close to my side.

  Carl’s bald head popped up at the end of the bed, a big grin splitting his sweet face. “Can I join the love fetht?” Damn, his dimples were cute.

  “Yes, you can.” I grinned, then moaned in agony as I realized he was shirtless. “Oh, Sweet Underworld Carl, please tell me you’re wearing pants.”

  He chuckled and raised a hot pink terry cloth covered leg. I rolled my eyes and made room for my dear, hairy, style-impaired friend.

  “I'm starting to figure the clusterfuck out,” I told them.

  “Lucifer’s Bouncing Balls.” Janet laughed. “You already knew what you needed to know.”

  I reached down and checked myself for balls. Thankfully there were none to be found.

  “The’th right,” Carl added, giving me a noogie like a third grade boy. "And The Kev and Gemma will be coming today." He continued his noogie fest.

  “Quit it, Carl.” I smacked his hand away and tried to noogie him back. "The Fairies are coming?"

  "Yep."

  He laughed and dodged me, cracking his bald noggin on the headboard and knocking Myrtle to the floor. Janet shrieked with joy and began jumping on the bed.

  “Damn it to Hell,” Myrtle yelled. “You people need to act your age.”

  She crawled back up on the bed, knocked Janet’s feet out from under her, effectively ending her trampoline time while simultaneously popping Carl in the back of the head. She was good.

  “Janet’s correct.” Myrtle’s voice was calm with certainty. “You already have everything you need. Put it together.” She smoothed out the comforter and shoved Carl off the bed. “You’re shedding,” she informed him.

>   Ewww. I threw myself back onto the mountain of pillows. My mind registered the significance of her words. I knew it was time. "Are you sure?"

  “Yes, I am sure that Carl is getting chest hair all over your sheets,” she replied matter of factly.

  “No,” I snapped. “Are you sure I already have everything I need?”

  My mind reeled and my stomach clenched with excitement. Who cared if I couldn’t restore Miss Evelyn’s room correctly? Did it really matter that I blew up tables and fridges? No, it didn't. I did protect Lucy from her awful father and I healed Steve with my tears. I kept waiting in vain for everything to come together. . .to feel powerful and knowledgeable and to understand what in the Hell was expected of me.

  Waiting was for weenies. There was no more time to wait.

  “Dixthie,” Carl said as he tried to help Myrtle remove his chest fur from my bed. “You have to trutht yourthelf. Find your balanth.” The chest hair was going nowhere fast. “You have the thkillth we taught you, you chant in a language we’ve never heard and you potheth Black Magic.”

  “You know I have Black Magic?” My eyes narrowed dangerously. No one was supposed to know. Carl blanched and backed away.

  “Oh sweetie.” Janet giggled. “You can freeze Demons, and your strength in a matter of a couple of weeks has quadrupled.” She tucked my hair behind my ears and placed her soft little hands on my hot cheeks. “Regular Demons can’t do that—only the strongest Demons with Black Magic are capable of such power so quickly.”

  I sucked in a huge breath and blew it out slowly. "I'm a True Immortal," I said. My heart pounded in my ears. It was the first time I'd said the words aloud.

  "It's about time," Myrtle shouted.

  "Why is it so important I figure it out for myself?" I asked as I rolled my eyes. "Will we really turn to dust if the story gets told before its time?"

  Myrtle sat back and clasped her small hands in her lap. "Honestly, we really don't know about the dust thing, but it would suck ass if it was true. The real reason has to do with destiny as opposed to pre-destiny."

  "Explain."

  "If you knew you were a True Immortal because we told you, you would have done things in a different order and screwed up destiny's timeline. You are the master of your destiny and you have to determine how it plays out."