by Kait Rose
We spent the rest of the afternoon going on rides, watching Ezra try all the different carnival foods, and went through the funhouse together. This was turning out to be the most fun day I ever had. Right when we’re leaving, I noticed one of those photo booths. “Can we?” I asked Ezra while pointing to the booth.
“Of course.” Ezra grabbed my hand and started walking towards it. I knew he just wanted to be friends, but I couldn’t stop my heart from skipping a beat.
We sat down on the bench and Ezra put the money in the machine. There was a ten second countdown between each time it took your picture. “Ok let’s do a happy pose first….funny….surprised…” Right when I said surprised, Ezra grabbed my face and kissed me. We just stayed there with our lips on each other while being unable to breathe from the electricity surrounding us. We have kissed before, but it felt different this time. It felt more.
Chapter Five
Ezra
She was about to say a surprise face, but instead I needed to kiss her. The entire day so far has been the best day I have ever had. Stella had this light to her that would suck anybody in. I didn’t even think once about trying to keep my emotions in check by pretending to be happy. When I was with Stella, I never had to pretend.
I broke away from our kiss and said in a husky voice, “I think our pictures are done.” She took a deep breath and said, “Ok.”
Two strips came out of the slot and Stella tore them apart and gave me one of them. I looked down at it and Stella looked radiant. It was a painful reminder of why I couldn’t be with her. I wouldn’t be the rain cloud to her sun.
“Are you ok?” While I was staring at the photos, she was watching me.
I snapped out of all the thoughts threatening to send me down the rabbit hole and gave her the best smile I could muster up. “Yeah we’re going to be late. Let’s head to the garage before Pete locks up.”
“Ok.” She gave me a small smile and reached for my hand. Her smile fell when she realized I wasn't going to hold her hand. She quickly put her hand back to her side and changed the subject about memories she had as a kid at the carnival.
I joined in the conversation the best I could. My body was present, but my mind was back in the darkness. Her light was my way out, but the darkness made it hard to see.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Stella looked worried. If she were to be mine she would always be in a constant worry of what mood I would be in. I started feeling suffocated while we sat in my truck. I couldn’t help the sweat dripping down my forehead or the way my hands started to twitch. I was getting angry at the fact I had this amazing day and once again my mind let me down.
“I think all the food got me sick. Do you care if we just go to the garage another day?” The lie fell effortlessly from my lips.
“Of course. I think we have some medicine in the cupboard. How about I throw a movie on for us?” The last time we watched a movie together didn’t end well.
The memories of walking away from her then and everything in my head now made me snap. “God damnit Stella, I just want to be alone!” I hit my steering wheel while turning off my truck. We were already home and if she was smart she would head inside.
Stella kept her tears at bay and said, “I don’t know you at all.” With sadness lacing her voice, she got out of my truck and headed inside without looking back.
I sat in my truck with her words replaying in my head. What she said was true and I couldn’t be angry with her if I tried. The guilt of ruining today sat heavily with me, which made me realize I couldn’t leave tonight ending this way.
Chapter Six
Stella
Today was the best day of my life until it all went downhill. While walking towards my room, I could hear Jude and Madison going at it like animals once again. Sure it was annoying at times having to hear them, but right now instead of annoying me it just pissed me off. I was ready to tell them to shut the hell up, but I knew I was just trying to take my anger out on someone else. I decided to keep my mouth shut and took my anger out on my bedroom door by slamming it shut and then throwing the tapestry in my closet, not wanting to see it. I then started to strip all my clothes off me so I could head in the shower and wash this day away.
While I was pulling my shirt over my head, I heard someone walk in my room and shut the door. I knew it had to be Ezra, so I took off my shirt anyways. I didn’t care that I was standing in front of him in just my lace panties and bra, it’s not like he likes me anyways so it shouldn’t affect him.
Just like I thought, he kept his eyes on mine while saying, “I owe you an apology.”
“Yes you do. Was kissing me that bad?” I was embarrassed I had to ask, but maybe my lack of experience turned him off. Besides him being my first kiss, the only other guy I kissed was Brad. Kissing Brad wasn’t terrible, but it lacked the fireworks.
“Of course not. Why would you ever think that?” He stepped forward and I instantly looked down, embarrassed I even brought it up.
“It's nothing, never mind.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest to cover my boobs somewhat. I was starting to feel nervous this close to him.
“I want to know.” He put his finger under my chin and lifted my face. His eyes were soft that told me he truly cared why I thought that.
“It seemed you got weird after kissing me. I might not be as good as other girls you kiss, but I have only kissed two people.” I wanted to slap myself in the mouth for being that honest, but I was frozen in my spot.
His eyebrows scrunched together while he took a moment to think before saying, “I saw you kiss Brad at the bonfire and we kissed when you were sick before you met him, so you had to have someone else kiss you before, right?”
I shook my head no and I knew it would be a matter of a few seconds before he learned he was my first kiss. He ran his fingers through my hair while saying, “So I was your first kiss?”
I nodded my head yes.
“Do over.” He said seriously.
“Huh?” I asked, confused.
He cradled my face and said, “I want your first kiss to be something worth remembering, not having me walk away and leaving you alone. Let me have a do over, please?”
As soon as the words, “Yes.”, slipped from my lips, his were on me . Even though the night went sour the first time he kissed me, I thought nothing could ever beat that kiss but I was wrong. He poured every ounce of him in this kiss and I felt my heart pounding and my body starting to tense. I wanted more, but I knew he would just walk away again.
I had no idea how much time passed while we were wrapped up in each other. He finally broke the kiss and surprised me when he asked, “Can I sleep in here with you?”
Just a simple question made my heart happy. I got in my bed and he crawled in behind me, wrapping his arms around me. He leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Goodnight.”, and his snoring came only seconds after. I on the other hand was up for hours replaying that kiss in my head until I finally fell asleep.
~.~
Seven in the morning my alarm went off while I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed next to Ezra. I went to say goodmorning to him, but next to me was nothing but a pillow and blanket. Well I guess at least this morning didn’t start off awkward. What would I have even said? Thanks for the kiss that replaced the first kiss, you were awesome. I slapped myself in the forehead and rolled out of bed to get ready for the first day of classes.
This was the second semester of my sophomore year and I couldn’t wait for college to be over. My mind was more inclined to it’s creative side which is why I decided to go for interior design. It was a hard decision though to choose that or going into publication for books, but I figured I can eat my cake and have it do. I can design and still have time to read books that I love, so it was a win win for me.
I got in the shower and got ready for my day full of classes. I was hoping when I got to the kitchen Ezra would be sitting at the table, but I was greeted with Declan instead. He reminded us all of a li
ttle lost puppy. Once we fed him, he never stopped coming back, but just like the story goes he eventually grew on all of us.
“What did you do, move in with us?” I asked teasingly.
“You have better cereal.” He said between bites.
“Which you can find at the grocery store.” I said smiling while making my coffee. Sometimes he really did amuse me.
“Food tastes better here. Didn’t you ever go to someone’s house and the food tastes better than it does at your house?” I would think that was just a nonsense excuse to eat our food, but I do remember saying that to myself a few times while eating at other people's houses.
“I think anything would taste better anywhere than at that frat house you live at.” He lived with the rest of his team at a frat house down the road that reeked of beer and sweat. I couldn’t even blame him for making this his second home.
He raised his spoon and pointed it at me while saying, “You are right on that.”
“What are two of my favorite people doing up this early?” Madison said while walking towards the coffee pot exhausted.
Jude cleared his throat next to her and she looked up at him lovingly and said, “You know you will always be my number one.”
Jude smiled down at her and said, “You too, little bird.” He gave her a kiss and went to sit by Declan. “Goodmorning.” Jude and Declan didn’t hit it off at first, especially when Declan kissed Madison, but eventually Declan grew on Jude.
“Morning Judith.” Declan gave him a huge smile showing the cereal in his mouth. Jude tipped Declan’s chair and had him falling backwards onto the kitchen floor.
They were like kid brothers with a love and hate relationship. Madison laughed and said, “Too early for this. Again, why are you two up so early?”
“First day of classes.” I said to her while she spit out her coffee.
“Shit, I forgot.” Madison was still in her pajamas with her waves an unruly mess. While she was hurrying out of the kitchen Declan yelled over, “Don’t forget to fix that bird nest on top of your head.” She threw him a middle finger and rushed to her bedroom.
“Should I tell her that her classes don’t start until noon on Mondays or let her rush?” Jude said smiling over his coffee mug.
“Would be funny, but then she would make our day full of hell.” Declan said amused.
“You got that right.” I said while putting on my shoes to leave. I wasn’t as lucky as Madison to have an afternoon class on a Monday. Instead I had a class right at nine in the morning.
I grabbed a piece of toast and headed off to class. I was lucky enough that St. John’s offered an interior design program or I would either be moving to a different college or taking up architecture like my family. It was always the family plan for Knox and I to join. He loved sitting with dad and drawing up his own little plans, but what I loved more was designing what went into each room. I was excited for the future, but what I wasn’t excited for was ethics. I don’t know what possessed me to take it first thing in the morning, but here I am.
As soon as I walked in I saw Brad, my ex boyfriend from last semester. Honestly, I don’t even think I could call him that, but there he was sitting in the middle of the room surrounded by at least five other girls. Things were awkward when I broke it off with him, so I hoped he wouldn't see me walking in.
I knew I couldn't go unnoticed if I sat in the front, so I headed straight to the back row, dreading that I had to sit here. I was that one person who actually loved sitting in the front. When you're only five foot the chances of someone taller sitting in front of you and making it hard to see was pretty high.
I sat down and finally let out the breath I was holding when I saw the professor walk in. My relief was short lived because right behind him was Declan. “Yo Stella, you didn’t tell me this was your morning class.” As soon as Declan said my name, Brad whipped his head looking right in my direction. I wanted to die right there when both of them started heading my way. Worst part about this is it just made me the enemy of every girl in this room that is shooting me looks that could kill.
Declan got to me first, smiling at me until he saw I wasn’t smiling back. “You are so dead. I’m cutting you off our food for a month!” I hissed right before Brad sat down. Declan must have realized why I was so mad when he whispered back, “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“Hi Stella.” Brad looked nervous which was the complete opposite of his usually cocky attitude.
“Hi, how are you?” I felt the need to be polite since I was the one who broke things off anyways.
“Could be better. I was wondering if you had time later so we can talk?” Shit. How in the hell do I get out of this?
“Sorry Bradford, I’m taking Stella out tonight.” Declan intervened, mostly likely to win his food privileges back.
“Awh that’s too bad, I guess that means Abby is free tonight?” Brad said with a challenging look.
“In your fucking dreams. I swear to…” Declan was getting heated, but the professor interrupted him before he could finish what he was saying.
“You two boys back there.” Brad and Declan pointed to themselves to see if they were the ones being spoken to by the professor. “Yes I am talking to you too. Now if you are both done fighting over the girl, I would love to start class.”
“Go on, this one over here doesn’t get the hint.” Declan said back.
With Ezra finding out he was my first kiss last night and being humiliated in front of my class this morning, I was going to die of embarrassment.
Chapter Seven
Ezra
As I laid in Stella’s bed with a million thoughts racing through my head, one thing that was definite is I am the happiest I am when I’m with her. She drowns out every sad or angry thought with just her smile. Even just kissing her makes me feel like time stops and we are the only two on this planet, which shows me why I could never have her. Someone special like Stella doesn’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me.
My mind went from being happy to taking a sharp turn and heading back to old memories. I haven’t thought about them in awhile, but the memory of when I first had an episode came to mind.
Seven years ago…
It was the beginning of freshman year and I never looked more forward to school than I did this year. It seemed my dad was getting worse with his depression which meant my mom was gone more. I tried spending most of my days with my friends, even crashing at their places time from time since anywhere was better than home.
This year though I was going to make it my year. After years of relentless flirting with Callie, she finally decided to be my girlfriend. Add that and I finally got my grandfather’s truck running so I could drive to school. It was a classic 1975 Chevy truck that wasn’t in the best shape, but I worked on it day and night to make it run. It was more than just a truck to me, it was my way out of this town.
Most people, even Callie, didn’t understand why I would want a rust bucket instead of something new like my parents drove, but I wanted something that was just mine. I didn’t want to hear my mother bitch about how much money she spent on her ungrateful son. My dad on the other hand, I thought it would help occupy his mind helping me with it, but he was never around to help.
“Let’s go Ezra before you're late.” My mother shouted from outside my bedroom door.
I grabbed my truck keys from on top of my dresser and headed towards the garage. I was excited to drive it for the first time to school and to be able to pick Callie up. I walked past my mother who was more consumed with making her martini than wishing me a good day. I can’t even say I was surprised, I don’t even remember the last time we sat down together as a family and had breakfast to start our days off.
All negative thoughts left my head as soon as I saw my truck. I needed to remember to send a picture to my grandfather. Maybe this weekend I’ll take Callie and head to Bellingham to see him.
The ride to Callie’s was nice and I was excited to see her, but when I pulled up
my best friend Peter was in his new Corvette parked in her driveway. I parked behind him and got out to walk over to him. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked him, but he acted like he didn’t hear me. Peter and I have been best friends since Kindergarten, so for him to just sit there and ignore me made me feel like something was up.
Before I could even ask what the fuck is going on, Callie came prancing out of her house. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw both of us waiting for her. “Shit.” Was the first thing she said under her breath.
“Yeah shit. What the fuck is going on?” I was so confused, this entire summer things were going good with me and Callie. Peter and I, now that I think of it, weren’t talking as much but I chalked it up to both of us being busy.
“Ezra, come on. Do you really think I would ride to school in that?” She motioned to my truck.
“Still doesn’t explain why you are here Peter.” I shot daggers into his direction which he just smirked back at me.
“Really? I think it’s pretty self explanatory?” He couldn’t look me in the eye when he talked, so I knew in my gut he was guilty of something.
“Are you sleeping with her?” I should be mad at Callie for cheating on me with my best friend, but having your best friend screw your girlfriend behind your back was a worse betrayal.
“Yup and now we are all going to be late because of your dramatics. Now go hop into your piece of shit truck and move so I could get out.” He rolled up his window while Callie didn’t even care to apologize or look at me.
I felt disposable like I didn’t mean a fucking thing to either of them. When I got to my truck I slammed the door and felt my blood rushing through my body. I was never an angry or violent person, but life as I know it was going to change after today. I started my truck, backed it up, and started revving the engine. Peter must have sensed what I was about to do because he started to shout to Callie, “Hurry get out!”