Belong

by NB Baker

  I slowly make my up the winding road. The moon is so big and beautiful tonight. It reminds me a lot of the first time Justin brought me up here. It’s once again playing peek a boo with me from behind the thick clouds. Cracking my window open to let the fresh cool air in, it caresses my face and sends a chill down my spine. It smells fresh and clean as I take a deep soothing breath. I feel my body and mind start to relax. As I come around the last corner my headlights bounce off of something, causing a streak of light through the darkness.

  My heart stops the instant I realize that it’s Justin’s truck. Holy fuck, he’s here. This is what I’ve been wanting. What I’ve been searching for. I feel my entire body start to shake. Why am I so scared? ‘With me is right where you belong.’ I keep saying it in my mind as I park the car. The air is still and it is absolutely silent except for the crunch of the ground below my feet. Pulling my sweater tight around myself, I carefully make my way across the uneven ground. The moon has once again fallen behind a cloud, but it’s still light enough that I can see that he’s not sitting inside his truck. That’s when I see him standing in the clearing, simply staring out across the water that lays below.

  I’m about five feet away from him when I stop. My heart is racing so hard it feels like it’s going to come right out of my chest. He turns around and looks at me. I want to run into his arms, but I’m frozen right where I stand. I have no idea what to do. I just stand here and say nothing. All the things that I had practiced saying have completely left me.

  Even through the darkness, I can see that his face is expressionless. His actions show exactly what I’m feeling. It’s as if he doesn’t know what the fuck to do either.

  There’s a long period of uncomfortable silence. My optimism of our situation starts to fail. Finally, he says, “You’re here.”

  “Yeah. I’m here. Right where I belong?” I say it more in the form of a question. I have no idea where this is going to go. Is he going to tell me to get the fuck out of here?

  He takes a step toward me. I can see his face clearly now. He looks serious. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are hooded and smoky in color. “You’re mine.”

  My nerves swarm through my body like never before. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to talk. Swallowing the giant lump in my throat, I tell him, “I’m yours. Always and forever.”

  He takes another step, closing the space between us. He towers over me. His stare burning a hole right through me. “Always and forever?”

  It seems like it’s been a lifetime since he’s been so close to me. My breathing becomes shallow and my entire body starts to tingle. I take a shaky breath. “Yes. Always and forever.”

  Wrapping one arm around my waist, his other glides around the back of my neck. Our faces are a few inches apart. The anticipation of the feel of his lips against my skin is driving me insane.

  He starts to move in closer. His lips are so close to me that I can feel his breath against my skin. He leans in and whispers into my ear, “I’ve never known of two souls that were ever more meant for each other. Always and forever.”

  “Justin. I’m so sorry for everything I did and how I acted. I just thought you would be happier without me and all my bull shit. I was terrified that when I finally found you, you’d tell me to get the fuck away from you. I swear to you that I’ll do anything to make it up to you. You’re the sole reason for my next breath.”

  He places a soft kiss on my lips. “Shh. There’s no reason for you to be sorry. You had just gone through what I would guess would rank up there with one of the worst nights of your life. I don’t think anyone could ever anticipate how they would react being put in that same situation, least of all judge them for it.”

  Justin rubs my arms, I guess thinking that the shivers were caused by the cold. “Come on, Kitten. Let’s sit in my truck where it’s warmer.”

  Justin holds the truck door open for me and helps me get inside. I feel a little guilty about not ever telling Justin about that night. The last thing I want to do right now is to hash that night over. The past is the past, but I want us to have a clean slate. No secrets between us. In the back of my mind, I hear my dad’s voice. ‘You know he’s going to think you’re nothing but white trash and that you deserved it.’

  The more I ignore him, the louder he gets. ‘You’re nothing but garbage, he’s not going to want you knowing that. You’re damaged goods.’

  My voice is low yet stern. “No! This is not happening. You’re dead! You’ve been dead to me for a long time. What you say doesn’t matter to me any longer. You are no longer allowed to hurt me, I’m done with you.”

  Then there’s nothing but silence until the sound of Justin opening the driver side door breaks it. “Are you alright?”

  I smile at him. “I am. Better than ever.”

  He lifts the console that separates us and pulls me over to him. I snuggle into his side, resting my head on his shoulder. The smell of his cologne invades my sense. I take a slow deep breath in through my nose, savoring the familiar, intoxicating scent.

  He takes my hand and laces his fingers through mine. “I’ve missed this.”

  I look at our hands entwined together and give his hand a squeeze. “This to me represents something more than just hand holding. It’s you and I entwined with each other endlessly. Heart, body, and soul. I want us to be forever, and for our forever to be based on honesty. That’s why I want to tell you something.”

  Justin turns so that he is facing me. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”

  “This happened a long time ago. Another ghost from the past, I guess you could say that I want to eradicate. What happened a few weeks ago, that wasn’t the first time that’s happened to me.”

  Justin hesitates for a moment. There’s embarrassment in his voice. “I know. I was there.”

  I sit there in disbelief and shock not understanding what he just said. I know that he’s not the type of person who would have been involved in such a grotesque act. Nor is he the type that would stand idly by while it was happening. So what in the fuck is he talking about?

  “What? No, wait. Wait. What do you mean you were there?”

  “Well, remember when I told you my brother hung with the wrong crowd. I guess there were a lot of the wrong crowd at that party. Technically, Ryker was the one who went into the house that night, not me. I was however, waiting out in the car he said he had to run in for a few minutes to talk to a friend. God only knows what he was actually there to do. I didn’t know and didn’t want to know. He said that when he walked in it was a total fucking freak show. There were people everywhere doing all kinds of insane shit. Then he saw what was going on to you and went fucking ballistic. Ryker might have a seriously fucked up way of looking at the world, but he has never tolerated any kind of abuse to a woman. He said he left quite a disaster in his wake. You know, he might be a totally fucked up individual, but regardless, he had a good heart.”

  Justin let’s out a little chuckle. “I was so pissed because he was taking his sweet fucking time. The entire time he was gone his douche bag friends were giving me shit about anything and everything. That’s when I saw him come rushing out the house with you in his arms.”

  He pauses.

  “He opened up my door and gently placed you on my lap. What was left of your clothes were barely hanging on you. I was trying to use my jacket to cover you up. I didn’t want the guys to see you. Ryker went to the trunk and grabbed a blanket and told me to wrap it around you the best I could. I held you in my arms and just watched you. I thought I was a twisted fuck because all I could think of was how beautiful you were. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. Ryker wanted to drop you off at the gas station where you were sure to be found but we wouldn’t be seen. He knew that as bad of shape you were in the police would be involved and his goal was to stay off the cop’s radar. I wanted to take you to the hospital but they refused. It was a serious argument between us all. It broke my heart because every time someone would yell, you would
flinch, then curl up in an even tighter ball in my arms.” He squeezes my hand.

  “Somehow, your cell phone had stayed intact and had fallen out onto the seat next to me. I looked at the last call you’d made and it was to Amie. The guys threatened to beat the fuck out of me if I called the number, but I did it anyway. I told her that I was a friend. That you’d had too much to drink, and that I needed to drop you off. She bought the story and without any questions, she gave me her address. I told her that we’d be there in about thirty minutes and hung up. The guys were fucking furious with me and said there was no fucking way that they were going to be seen with you, especially by one of your friends. I explained that Amie’s was only ten minutes away. That she wouldn’t even be looking for you when we got there. I had to know that you were safe. The guys said it was too risky, but finally, Ryker gave into my pleas.”

  I listen to him, not knowing what to say.

  “When we got to Amie's place, I knew there was no way in hell that I was going to leave you on the doorstep by yourself. The guys told me that if I didn’t get you out of the fucking car that they would throw you out on the front lawn and leave you there. I carried you up to the porch, then gently laid you down. Ryker yelled for me to get my ass back in the car. I couldn’t force myself to just leave you there. I heard the sound of rocks being thrown from spinning tires. I knew the guys had left me behind. I didn’t give a shit. I had to be sure that you were safe. I sat with you until I heard footsteps coming toward the front door. I ran and hid behind some bushes that were next to the house and watched. Amie came out, got you up, and took you into the house. When I knew you were safe, I took off. I swear I fell in love with you that night. I've loved you and only you ever since.”

  I feel my skin start to become warm with embarrassment. Little did I know, all this time he really did know about all of my darkest times. And yet, through all of it, he was still able to see the light. “So, where have you been all this time?” I ask.

  “That was the last night that I saw Ryker. I had my own bullshit I had to work through, and I figured that you didn't need any more of it in your life. So yeah, see, you're not the only one who’s ever had those thoughts. I tried to run from my past. I’ve moved all over the country, thinking a change of scenery would change my outcome. It never failed—the past would catch up with me. So, I’d move again. Then one day, I realized that I couldn’t control my past, I could only control my future. I came back to Denver and focused on getting my shit together. Opening an Academy was always a dream of mine, so that’s what I did. I didn’t know if you were still in Denver or not. Then that day when I walked into Delish and saw you there. My heart stopped right then and there. I knew for sure that my life was on the right path. ”

  “Why didn’t you tell me all this before? Why now?”

  “Because, before now, your past really wasn’t your past. It was you’re here and now. Your demons still seemed larger than life to you, they had a death grip on you, and it didn’t seem like they had any plans on letting you go. You seem different now, though. You seem free, as if you’ve eradicated them forever.”

  “You know it’s because of you, right?”

  “I’d love to take credit for it, Kitten, but that’s something that you had to do all by yourself.”

  I think about what he said. I think he’s wrong. I do think Justin had a lot to do with my newly found freedom. He’s the one who showed me what life was supposed to be like. Without him, I would have never realized that even with my scars I was beautiful, that life was beautiful.

  I have to admit that my father’s death freed me more than what it should have. I shouldn’t have allowed him to hold me prisoner for so long, but I did. Maybe I’m hell bound for feeling this way, but it’s the truth. My conversation with Leila comes to mind. The detective says Justin had motive. The crawl space. Did they know about the crawl space?

  “Justin, I have one more question that I have to ask you.”

  “Absolutely. Like you said, our forever is based honesty.”

  “Did you have anything to do with the fire that killed my dad?”

  His body immediately becomes stiff. He rubs the back of his neck with his hand, then drops his head, and his shoulders slump. He looks directly into my eyes. “Are you sure you want to know? Having to live with the answer. Wouldn’t knowing just be adding a new demon of some kind into your life?”

  In my gut, I already know the answer, but I need him to say it. Little does he know that deep down inside, I’m hoping he says yes. That if he did have something to do with it, it would just be one more nail in that bastard’s coffin. That someone cared enough to avenge me.

  “Justin, I want to know. I need to know.”

  He looks at our entwined hands. “Yes.”

  I purse my lips together to keep them from shaking as tears start to run down my face. “You did?”

  He doesn’t say anything, simply nods his head.

  I can’t see Justin doing something this brutal on his own. It’s just not who he is, but I can think of someone who might be that capable of it. “Did you call Ryker?”

  Again he doesn’t say anything. Only nods again.

  Holy fuck! This is entire situation is completely off the grid. He called his fucking brother. Someone who he hasn’t talked to in years. More like someone who he’s refused to talk to.

  “You know what this means, right?”

  I see a single tear slowly glide down his cheek. “Yeah, I know.”

  He takes a ragged breath. “Sarah, I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t stand the thought of him ever hurting you again. I knew he would. especially if I weren’t around. I understand that this changes us, our forever.”

  Taking his chin in my hand. I make him look at me. “Justin, this changes our forever in epic proportions. As I see it. Our forever is more resilient, more concrete than it ever has been. It’s beyond any bond that I could ever imagine. You’ll never how sorry I am that it came to that. That you have to live with my demons. Demons that I could have stopped. If I would have been a stronger person, strong enough to have walked away from it years ago. That I allowed it to get to the point that you felt you had to do what you did. I’m sorry, that you have to carry any burden because of my poor choices. I will never, not in a million lifetimes. be able to express to you what this freedom is that you’ve given me means.”

  I let go of his face and cover mine with both my hands as I being to sob uncontrollably. Justin wraps his arms around me, and pulls me into his lap, holding me while I cry. He wipes the tears from my face with the pads of his thumbs.

  Cradling my face in his hands, he kisses me softly on the lips. The kiss is like no other that we’ve ever shared. It’s as if in this very moment our souls have forever and a day become one. That there isn’t a power in the universe that could ever come between us again.

  When Justin pulls away, his features are soft, and his eyes have the shimmer of honey colored silk. “I love you, Sarah.”

  Every time he’s says, ‘I love you,’ it’s like it’s the first time, making the butterflies come alive in my stomach, and that amazing ‘zing’ shoot through my body. “I love you too.”

  “Close your eyes.”

  I do as he asks. I can feel him reaching across me and hear the glove box open.

  After a minute of rustling around, he tells me, “Open your eyes.”

  When I open my eyes, there’s a map spread open in front me. I pull the top of it down so that I can see Justin. “Umm. I’m not sure how to respond.”

  “It’s easy. Just pick a spot.”

  “Okay. That didn’t really help.”

  “You pick a spot and that’s where we’ll go.”

  I have no fucking clue what he’s talking about. “Are we taking a trip?”

  Justin takes the map down. “Well, I was thinking that we could move. Leave all this behind us. Ya know, a fresh start for both of us.”

  “But, Justin, you have so much here. Just for starters the
academy and Jordan. It’s such a big part of you.”

  “Yeah, it is. But there’s always another one. Jordan and I have always had an agreement. If at any point one of us wanted out, the other had the option of buy the other out, or they would just become a silent partner.”

  I love the idea of a fresh start, but I’m worried about what he’s leaving behind. “But isn’t this place your life? I mean, you grew up here.”

  “No, this place isn’t my life. You are. If you don’t want to leave, we can stay. It’s entirely up to you. Wherever you are, is where I belong. I’ve told you that.”

  I reach over and kiss his soft lips. Then straighten the map back up between us. “So, how do I choose?”

  “Just choose one or close your eyes and point.”

  I close my eyes, rub my hands together, and let fate take over. The moment I feel the paper underneath my finger tip, I open my eyes.

  “So, Kitten, where does the next chapter in our lives take us?”

  I look closer to where my finger is. “Well, it’s kind of dark, but it looks like Detroit.”

  He pushes the map aside and pulls me over to him. He has a smile from ear to ear. Putting a hand on each side of my face, he presses his forehead to mine, then kisses my lips.

  “Detroit it is.”

  THE END

  Turn the Page for the Epilogue!

  Epilogue

  We follow the moving truck as it pulls away. I watch as Leila, Amie, Oscar, Jordan, and his family, Darla, and her Grandma get smaller and smaller. I continue to wave until they’re out of sight. I’m sad to be leaving them, and I will miss them like crazy, but I am so excited to start fresh with Justin. And like Amie and Leila said. “Planes fly both ways.”