Galaxy's Most Wanted

by John Kloepfer

  Covered in fur, the smallish extraterrestrial weighed about as much as a bowling ball. It bobbed unconscious in the water as Kevin swam over to the paddleboat with their historic discovery tucked under one arm.

  “TJ,” Kevin gurgled into the lake water. “Gimme a hand.” He used the rest of his strength to climb aboard while TJ and Warner hoisted the mammalian alien into the boat. Tara made a dirty-diaper face at the alien life form. “It’s kind of smelly,” she said from Kevin’s seat as she started to pedal back.

  “It’s an alien,” TJ’s voice broke the silence. “What did you expect?”

  As they reached the shore, Kevin and Warner jumped out and flopped the limp, wet blob of fur on its back in the grass. It was shaped like a toadstool with two skinny legs and a thick coat of dark purple fur. Beneath its wet pelt, the alien’s body was leathery and translucent, and it had a set of four gangly arms.

  “It looks dead.” TJ poked the unconscious alien and flinched back with paranoid anticipation.

  “This was so not a good idea,” said Warner.

  “I don’t think it’s breathing,” Tara said, holding her palm above the creature’s mouth. “And besides, the galactascope was your idea!”

  “Actually, it was Max Greyson’s idea. But what are we gonna do with a dead alien? Somebody needs to give it mouth-to-mouth.” Warner tapped his nose and glared at Tara. “Not it.”

  “Not it,” said Tara, touching her nose, too. “I’m not smooching that thing! What if I catch some weird alien virus? I’m not going out like that.”

  “I’ll do it,” Kevin said, ignoring his friends’ game. He knelt down next to the sopping wet heap of extraterrestrial fur and stared at its face. Four different eyeballs stretched in a row across its head, all of them shut tight. Its fuzzy mouth sagged open, drooping in a small oval.

  “Kev, don’t,” Warner said, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “What if she’s right and you get, like, those squiggly little alien bacteria worms up your nose?”

  “Don’t worry, little guy. We’re gonna save you,” Kevin said, ignoring Warner. He took a deep breath and lowered his head face-to-face with the unconscious extraterrestrial. On his way down, he caught a whiff of the alien’s musky odor—a mix of raw chicken juice and an unbathed sheepdog—and choked back a gag.

  “Gross!” Kevin gasped, and then pinched his nose to take another breath. As he leaned over the alien a second time, it jerked to life, coughing a spurt of slimy lake water right into Kevin’s face.

  “Ugh!” Kevin jumped back from the critter and wiped the spit off his nose with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “Why’d you let me do that?” he asked his friends while spitting out more alien mucus.

  “We told you not to,” Tara and Warner said together, and shrugged.

  “Urrgh . . . yuck!” Kevin kept finding more alien upchuck on his neck and earlobes.

  “Uh, guys,” TJ said, his eyes bulging.

  Kevin, Warner, and Tara turned their attention back to the alien, whose quartet of eyeballs had just fluttered open. It sat up and scanned their faces.

  “Are you the ones?” it asked.

  “The ones?” Tara asked, furrowing her brow.

  “Are you the ones who called?” it spoke again.

  “Yes,” said Kevin, now moving toward the extraterrestrial fur ball. “My name is Kevin Brewer. And these are my friends Warner, Tara, and TJ.”

  “Uh-huh-huh,” the three of them stuttered over one another, dumbfounded.

  The alien moved to get up. Upright, it stood about three feet tall, coming up to Kevin’s hip. Jutting out from its drenched purple pelt, the space creature’s boneless, hairless arms moved fluidly like gigantic spaghetti noodles.

  “I am Mim,” the alien said as he took in his surroundings. “This is Earth?”

  “That’s right.” Tara stepped forward, now between Warner and Kevin. “Welcome to our home.” She raised her arm slowly to shake Mim’s three-fingered hand.

  “Don’t leave her hanging, man,” Warner said to Mim, and mimicked a handshake.

  Mim narrowed his eyes, not understanding, and then his entire body shook involuntarily, like a dog after a swim. Kevin backed up and clenched his eyes closed as drops of smelly lake water sprayed across his face. When Mim was finished, his fur puffed out like an angry cat’s tail.

  Tara started to giggle. “He’s actually sort of cute!”

  “Wow, Mim, it’s a real honor to meet you!” TJ stepped forward in front of the alien, looking absolutely fascinated. “Have you been to Earth before? What’s your favorite color? What do you eat on your planet? What type of alien are you? That is, if there’s more than one type . . . What do your parents do? Do aliens even have parents? Mine are both doctors. . . .” TJ went on and on, asking every possible question that popped into his head, but Mim just stared at him blankly. “Oh man, I have so many questions. . . . What type of warp drive engine does your spaceship have? I mean, you must have some kind of warp drive if you’re traveling through the galaxy so quickly. Unless you’re using wormholes. Are you using wormholes? Or maybe you’re utilizing both. . . .”

  Mim looked at Kevin and then back at TJ. Kevin just shrugged. The fuzzy alien seemed like he might keel over at any second, like a punch-drunk boxer at the end of a fight.

  “TJ, give him a break,” Kevin said, then turned to Mim. “Sorry, he doesn’t usually talk this much.”

  “Yeah,” said Warner. “He doesn’t normally talk at all.”

  “Why don’t we find you a place to stay and rest?” Kevin said.

  Mim nodded, and his eyes blinked rapidly. “Yes.”

  “Great! Then it’s settled. You’ll bunk with us!” Kevin said with an ear-to-ear grin on his face.

  “Uh, buddy?” Warner said to Kevin. “Can we talk for a quick sec?”

  Kevin raised his index finger at Mim and stepped away to huddle up with his team. “What’s up?”

  “Okay, first of all, I want to point out that that’s a real live alien over there and it’s talking to us,” Warner said. “Just putting that out there.”

  “I know,” Tara said, her eyes wide with wonder.

  “But he can’t stay in our cabin.” Warner stood back and crossed his arms.

  “Sure he can,” said Kevin. “He can sleep under the bed.”

  “Dude, you’re not thinking straight,” Warner said. “What if someone finds him?”

  “Yeah,” TJ chimed in. “Someone who’d want to hurt him or take him away from us.”

  “No way we’re going to let that happen,” said Kevin. “This is our alien!” He pulled off his hoodie and handed the sweatshirt to Mim. “Here, put this on in case anyone’s spying. We can take you to the sports shed instead.”

  Mim put on the hoodie and followed the group back through camp, sneaking behind the mess hall. A light was still on in the cabin where the counselors on night duty were stationed. Kevin tiptoed behind the cabin and saw junior counselors Cody and Nick playing Guitar Hero on the TV inside the lounge. They were both wearing large headphones, rocking out on some heavy metal song.

  “We’re in the clear, guys,” Kevin said. “Let’s go.”

  When they arrived at the shed, the padlock on the door glimmered faintly in the lunar light.

  “Shoot,” said Kevin. “I forgot they keep this thing locked after hours.”

  “Don’t worry, I know the combo. I had to get some badminton rackets out of here once for Bailey,” said Tara as she approached the door. “Three-fourteen-fifteen. The first five digits of pi.”

  Spin-spin-clink! Tara unhooked the lock and the door swung open.

  Mim walked in first, his stride somewhere between a waddle and a strut.

  A swath of spiderwebs hung overhead. Kevin shuddered at the thought of one of those plump, juicy spiders dropping down in front of his face.

  “We can try to set you up somewhere better tomorrow, but this is the best place for tonight,” Kevin said.

  “Hmmm,” Mim hummed, gazing
around at the spider-infested shed cluttered with ancient sports equipment. “Perfect!” His eyes sparkled gratefully. “How can I thank you?”

  “For starters,” Warner said, “you can promise to stay here. And don’t let anyone else besides us see you.”

  “Yeah,” said Tara. “We’ll pick you up tomorrow after second lab.”

  “That I can do,” Mim said. “Sleep tight, Earthlings. Don’t let the klink-klops bite.”

  “Hah! Okay, Mim. G’night!” Kevin said, as he clicked the padlock back into place. What the heck are klink-klops? Kevin thought, when two bright beams of light swooped through the darkness.

  “It’s Nick and Cody,” Warner whispered, and motioned for everyone to freeze in place. Kevin’s heart began to race, thumpity-thump thump.

  “We gotta make a break for it,” Tara said. “They’re headed this way.”

  Kevin nodded for everyone to go ahead. Tara took off in a tiptoed sprint back to her bunk, and Warner and TJ trailed behind. Kevin watched as the three of them ducked into the shadows and then he took off, too, dodging the watchmen’s waggling flashlights.

  When Kevin reached the side of his cabin, Warner and TJ were there waiting. Kevin dug his hands into the surrounding bushes and pulled out a small stepladder that he had hidden so they could boost themselves through the open window. But before the boys could climb inside, Cody rounded the back of the bunkhouse and caught Kevin’s sleeve in the glare of his bright light.

  Kevin, Warner, and TJ pressed their backs against the cabin. The three of them hushed up and shuffled back into the shadows. We’re so busted! Kevin thought.

  Then TJ opened his mouth, and with a shift of his jaw and a twist of his lips, he cried out. “Help! Help!” The strange voice sounded like it was coming from far off.

  Cody spun around, away from the boys, and trained his flashlight on the bushes. “Uh-oh,” he said. “Someone’s in trouble.”

  “You hear that?” Nick said, panting as he ran up behind.

  “Yeah,” said Cody. “It sounded like it was coming from over there.” He pointed to the edge of the woods. Kevin let out a deep breath as the two counselors dashed off into the forest.

  “Yo, man,” said Kevin to TJ. “That was awesome. How’d you make your voice sound like it was all the way over there?”

  “Oh, I was a ventriloquist for a couple years,” he said with shrug. “I got pretty good at it.”

  “I’ll say.” Warner made a fist and held it up to TJ for a pound. “Glad your vocal cords are working again, my man.”

  Kevin stepped on the ladder and headed into their bedroom. “Let’s get inside before Nick and Cody get back.”

  After putting on pajamas and getting ready for bed, Kevin pulled out the logbook to enter one more note.

  23 June 2014, 12:15–12:45 a.m.: Hung out with a real live alien!

  Lying on his back on the top bunk, Kevin was still wide awake. Warner wasn’t catching many winks down below either. Across the room on the single bed, TJ was so revved up with energy that he was already composing another list of questions for Mim, which he said in a whisper as he wrote.

  “What are other aliens like? Are we all in the same universe or are there parallel universes? What star system supports your home planet?”

  “Come on, Teej,” Kevin said. “We’re all glad you’re talking again, but we need to get some rest.”

  “Really, Kev?” Warner said. “How do you expect us to sleep right now? We just proved that alien life exists. We’re gonna be, like, super famous.”

  “Yeah, Kevin,” said TJ. “I think we pretty much have the Invention Convention in the bag.”

  “Yeah, we didn’t just catch a glimpse of him either,” Kevin said, getting into it. “We saved his life!”

  “He’s our boy now, dude,” Warner said.

  “Wait,” said TJ. “How do we even know he’s a boy? Maybe Mim’s not a him at all. I mean, his entire species could be one gender. I have to write this down. . . .”

  “Did you see that spaceship he had, too?” Warner asked. “That thing was sick!”

  “Yeah,” Kevin said. “Way sweeter than the VMN’s hovercraft!” He rolled on his side and looked out the window. “Now we just need to make sure no one finds Mim before the conven—”

  “What the—?” Kevin hopped off the top bunk and pressed his face to the glass as a sudden flash of light lit up the windowpane. Warner and TJ followed, looking over his shoulders.

  Outside the bunk, a two-legged figure that looked like a giant praying mantis appeared as if zapped in from another dimension. It stood well over six feet tall and wore a shiny cybertronic space suit, like something straight out of a sci-fi movie. A really awesome sci-fi movie. The fact that it was making a beeline for the sports shed, though, was not so awesome.

  “Mim!” Kevin said.

  “Come on,” said TJ, lifting up the window.

  “No way I’m going out there,” Warner said. “Did you see that thing?”

  “Don’t be a fraidy cat,” said TJ, slipping one leg over the windowsill.

  “Shhhh!” Kevin ordered them both to be quiet.

  As the boys snuck out of their cabin, a faint noise caught their attention from near the mess hall. “Psst!” Tara peered around the building and summoned the boys over. She was quivering and could barely form a word. “Big bug . . . ,” she muttered.

  “Two aliens in one night! And one of them’s a cyborg insectoid!” TJ whispered, barely able to contain his excitement. He pinched himself. “Okay, good . . . ,” he said, then reached over and pinched Kevin’s arm.

  “Ouch, man!” Kevin grabbed his shoulder.

  “Sorry, I had to make sure I wasn’t dreaming,” said TJ.

  “What does that have to do with pinching me?”

  “Because I had to make sure I wasn’t in your dream either.”

  Kevin shook his head as they edged back around the sports shed. The door was slightly ajar, and something metallic glistened on the ground. Kevin crawled ahead of the group and crouched down, then picked up the metal object in the grass. He swallowed a painful cry as his skin touched the metal and then immediately dropped the piece back on the ground. “It burned me!” he whispered under his breath, clutching his seared skin. “Ouch!”

  Warner crept up next to Kevin and kicked the object in the grass. “It’s the padlock,” he said. “It looks like it’s been cut clean in half with a laser.”

  TJ was already at the partly opened door, squinting through his thick prescription glasses into the dark shed. He looked back at Kevin, Warner, and Tara. “It’s in there,” he whispered.

  Kevin was almost too scared to go in. The only thing making him move closer was his own curiosity. He tiptoed forward and peered through the doorway. The extraterrestrial insectoid’s back was to them, and it towered silently over Mim’s slumbering form. Then it pulled out a small handheld device from its cybertronic suit and aimed the scope right at Mim’s furry belly.

  Kevin’s stomach plummeted to his knees. “Hey!” he barked loudly, and flung open the door. “Get away from him!”

  The insectoid spun away from Mim and trained its gaze on the doorway. It opened its mouth and uttered a strange guttural clacking noise in its alien tongue.

  TJ jumped forward, stepping up before the beast. “Maybe you’re hard of hearing, but he said get away from our alien.”

  The mantis let out another hideous, bleating yowl that had it not been for the glass helmet around its praying mantis head would have woken the entire camp.

  TJ flinched and jumped behind Warner.

  The gigantic insectoid lifted its arms and scoped the kids in the crosshairs of its weapon.

  “Duck!” Kevin yelled as a bright magenta laser beam shot out from the high-tech contraption. ZAMMO! The laser struck a barrel filled with badminton rackets and seared a hole through the middle of the bin.

  “Coooooool,” said TJ. “A real photon blaster!”

  In the commotion, Mim blinked his eyes
awake and then pounced on the mantis’s arm.

  “Gluck-gluck-Mim-yim-yarkle,” the mantis growled, fending off the purple alien, and shot another laser beam in Kevin’s direction.

  PYOO-HOO! The laser beam squealed and zapped a large bag of soccer balls, which flashed brightly and disappeared.

  Mim let out a growl like an angry house cat and leaped into the air. He grabbed ahold of the bug’s glass helmet with two of his arms and pulled, leveraging his feet on the alien’s shoulders.

  The praying mantis backed up, trying to pry Mim off its head. But Mim held on tight and unleashed a four-hit combo that shattered the insectoid’s protective helmet to pieces.

  The alien mantis fell to the floor of the shed with a clatter, now unconscious after breathing in Earth’s poisonous air.

  Mim jumped off the giant bug and pried the insectoid’s photon blaster out of its claws. With the flip of a switch, he activated the machine’s de-atomizer and flashed a beam at the fallen predator. Kevin, Warner, Tara, and TJ stood stock-still as the insectoid alien vanished into thin air. They were safe, but Kevin could barely believe what he’d just seen.

  “Wh-what the heck was that thing and why was it trying to kill you?” Tara interrupted.

  “And us!” added Warner.

  Mim thought for a moment. “It’s kind of a long story—that was Zeff. He’s been after me for as long as I can remember.” Mim sat down on a basket of tennis balls and took a deep breath. “This isn’t easy for me to talk about, but I will tell you.” He ran his hands through his fuzzy purple pelt. “You see this?” he said, tugging on a tuft. “For two millennia space poachers from all over the galaxy have been after my species, hunting us down and killing us for our fur so they can make coats out of us. It can get really cold in outer space.” Mim hopped down from the basket.

  “I’ve been on the run for almost a decade, hiding out, trying not to get caught. And thanks to the signal you sent out, I was finally able to warp through space-time and reach Earth, a place to call home if you’ll have me.”