The Morning Myth

by Frank J. Rumbauskas, Jr.

  As mentioned, cortisol is the body’s stress hormone. The body releases it in response to stress, or to perceived danger. Its purpose in our bodies is to activate the fight-or-flight response, which, for example, would activate when one of our ancestors would be out picking berries for the tribe’s dessert that evening when a hungry grizzly bear would suddenly appear from out of nowhere. What cortisol does in order to prepare the body for a potential fight is to increase heart rate and pump more blood to muscles and limbs, increase the clotting ability of blood in case of injury, and create a heightened sense of focus and awareness. These are cortisol’s primary purposes in the fight response.

  As to the flight response, again, the increased blood flow to muscles and limbs will allow one to run faster and harder from a threat versus attempting to do so in a normal state.

  This was all well and good back in the caveman days, but in our modern society, we’re exposed to stressors our bodies have not yet adapted to and all sorts of health problems have resulted.

  Take George W. Bush, for example. Not too long after I moved to Dallas he was in the same hospital where I had my ankle replacement done because his arteries were found to be 95% blocked and he needed emergency surgery to clear them and avoid heart attack and stroke.

  The big question everyone was asking was, how did someone with such an extremely healthy lifestyle end up with clogged arteries? After all, the man eats healthy, takes care of himself, runs every morning (or did before his knee replacements; now he cycles), and so on. So what happened?

  What happened is that serving eight years as President of the United States, very likely the number one most stressful job in the world, exposed his body to an onslaught of virtually nonstop cortisol, especially after 9/11 and the two wars that ensued.

  Many people find this hard to believe, and when they do, I tell them to go find a new doctor. Mine doesn’t care much about cholesterol, other than wanting me to maintain a high level of HDL, or “good” cholesterol. That’s because his high fees are earned. He’s one of the best in the business, and is fully aware that the lipid hypothesis, the thing that started all this hysteria over cholesterol, has been disproven.

  The truth is that diet cannot possibly have any effect on cholesterol levels. That’s because if you eat cholesterol, the body uses what it needs, if any, and the rest goes out. (Pick a number as long as it’s number 1 or number 2!) The reality is that the liver synthesizes cholesterol as needed and removes excess cholesterol from the blood.

  Stress is the real cause of clogged arteries. Going back to the evolutionary role of cortisol, few of us obviously live in any real danger anymore. That’s why so many people are into extreme sports such as skydiving and bungee jumping. It’s because at some evolutionary level, our bodies actually expect danger, and many people fulfill that expectation in such ways.

  However, while not literally dangerous, the normal day-to-day stressors of modern life are indeed harmful to our health thanks to the cortisol response they produce.

  Our ancestors thousands of years ago would find their hearts pounding rapidly in response to that grizzly bear, or an attacker, or some other real and present danger. However, have you noticed that your heart does the same exact thing, say, when you’re deeply worried about money? Or when you’re waiting for that dream job offer and the phone rings?

  These aren’t real threats to life, but they are nevertheless perceived as such by the body, which in turn produces a cortisol response.

  In the case of coffee, it doesn’t actually provide energy. What it in fact does is stimulate the adrenal glands to produce cortisol and norepinephrine, which in turn cause the stress response in your body. Because the cortisol–stress response heightens awareness—so that you can detect danger, focus, win the fight, and so on—people experience this and confuse it with actual energy.

  If it were indeed actual energy, there wouldn’t be such a pronounced crash as there is with coffee for most people. The crash comes after the excess cortisol has been removed from your bloodstream. Your adrenals go offline because you overstimulated them with coffee and they need rest, and so you “crash.”

  If you’re a natural night owl like me and follow the advice in a book to get up at four or five in the morning, or in the case of Dallas Business Alliance, 6:15 a.m., you’re hit with a major double-whammy when you get the jolt of cortisol at your natural waking time on top of the excess cortisol already present from the coffee! It’s no surprise, then, that I endured the horrific experience of adrenal exhaustion after trying to do the early riser thing for not very long.

  Considering all of this, it’s no wonder that I was a quivering mess of anxiety on those early days. And the fact that night owls who are able to actually live on their natural schedules don’t have to deal with all of this is why they’re more relaxed overall.

  Cortisol Keeps Early Risers on Edge

  A research team at the University of Westminster had 42 volunteers take saliva samples eight times throughout the day for two days, starting when they woke up, regardless of what time that happened to be.

  In the case of the earliest early bird, waking time was 5:22 a.m., and it was 10:37 a.m. in the case of the nightiest night owl.

  Lab results from the saliva samples showed that those who were early risers—defined as rising before 7:21 a.m.—had the highest rates of cortisol. What’s more, their cortisol levels remained high all day. The researchers had yet to discover whether the high cortisol levels caused the early birds to wake early, or whether early rising was the cause of the high cortisol levels.

  Either way, it’s bad news for early birds any way you look at it, because cortisol is one nasty, ugly hormone to have hanging around in excess.

  Implications of Heightened Cortisol Levels

  Chronic stress, which is defined as having chronically high cortisol levels—remember, it’s the body’s stress hormone—is associated with depression, increased susceptibility to illness and infections, arterial stiffness, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, diabetes, obesity, anxiety, and so many more bad things.

  For an example, consider someone who has been on prednisone, or another corticosteroid, for an extended period of time. Prednisone and other drugs like it mimic the effects of cortisol in the body. It can be a miracle drug when used appropriately (for example, in patients with rheumatoid arthritis), but it carries a long list of horrible side effects when used long-term.

  These long-term side effects mimic the effects of excess cortisol production in the body. They include glaucoma, cataracts, fluid retention, high blood pressure, psychological problems such as problems with mood, memory, and other issues, weight gain, suppressed immunity, thinning of skin, slower wound healing, and more.

  And that’s what chronic high cortisol does to a person. It’s akin to taking prednisone for a long time without realizing that you’re doing it, or worse, being unknowingly poisoned with it over a long period of time.

  Cortisol and the University of Westminster Study

  Going back to the study just mentioned, the research team did a 10-week follow-up study, and found that early risers reported far more muscle aches, cold and flu symptoms, headaches—and significantly worse moods—than night owls.

  (Important note: When you see the word “significant” in reference to any medical study, or elsewhere in this book, it isn’t just an adjective I’m throwing around. It refers to statistical significance, something marketers like myself live and die by when doing marketing tests. In simple terms it means that the outcomes were different enough and far enough outside the margin of error to reliably predict the same results in the general population.)

  The lead researcher, Dr. Angela Clow, said, “This work is interesting because it may provide a physiological basis for the often-reported difference between early and late risers.

  “Early awakening was associated with greater powers of concentration, being busier and experiencing more hassles throughout the day as well as reporting more anger
and less energy at the end of the day.

  “On the other hand, late wakers were more leisurely and less busy.

  “It is possible that cortisol may contribute toward these differences in temperament, as it is known to be able to influence mood and concentration.”

  According to Neil Douglas of the Scottish National Sleep Centre, peak cortisol levels occur in most people by 8:00 a.m. In other words, our typical workday starting time of eight o’clock is two hours too early.

  Oh, and speaking of sleep, chronically high cortisol levels cause insomnia and poor sleep quality. Early risers may continue to rise early even after the need subsides, just like President Bush does, because perhaps they simply cannot sleep even if they try.

  Morning Madness

  Studies have proven that early rising, whether by choice or by force, causes chronically elevated cortisol levels, the stress hormone that wreaks havoc on the body when it’s hanging around but not actually needed. The hormone is also linked to depression, anxiety, and significantly worse moods when it’s elevated, which is the case all day long with early risers … perhaps that’s why they’re so cranky all the time?

  CHAPTER 12

  Night Owl Discrimination and Sleep-Shaming: The Time Has Come to End Discrimination Against Night Owls

  When I said that early birds get the worm because society has the system rigged in their favor, or rather quoted the same, I wasn’t kidding. Early risers in our society have an artificial advantage by virtue of the fact that they’re most awake and alert at precisely the same times that work and school start in the ancient, Agrarian Age schedule we’re still using in this day and age.

  If I were to get to my office using a horse and buggy, people would look at me like I’m crazy and the police would likely order me off the road. But starting work at the same time as people did hundreds, and even thousands, of years ago? Nah, no problem! Go right ahead, sir!

  This is the very definition of insanity. It’s also largely at the root of why night owls suffer such high levels of discrimination in the workplace and elsewhere, when we should be ridiculing them for following such an ancient practice in modern times.

  To make matters worse, we have to suffer with it quietly. I know I have. Night owls can’t run and call some equal opportunity commission or have a civil rights lawyer take their case on contingency. No, we just have to take it, stuck in a world that’s run to a large degree by early risers who believe that anyone who isn’t one is somehow flawed or inferior.

  Poorna Bell, writing in the Huffington Post, said that a friend once told her, “You can sleep when you’re dead,” then realized that if her friend continues to burn the candle at both ends as she always had, she would be the dead one sooner rather than later.

  Perhaps “sleep when you’re dead” is a self-fulfilling prophecy? The deleterious effects of elevated cortisol seem to indicate so, if nothing else does, but then again few things can be as harmful to your health as high cortisol.

  Bell goes on to wonder why we persist in this ridiculous idea that existing on as little sleep as possible means you’re somehow tougher or more resilient.

  “Well, It’s Nice of You to Join Us”

  Of all the sleep-shaming sayings that the early birds loveto use, few, perhaps none, are as insulting as this one. It’s as if they’re suggesting that we deliberately showed up last, as if we did it on purpose.

  I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard this saying over the years, and continue to hear it. Nowadays it’s from well-meaning relatives who say it in a good-natured, humorous way, yet they’re entirely unaware of how much it stings and brings me back to times and situations I’d rather forget about. If you’re wondering why I don’t bring up the fact that it’s a very unpleasant thing to hear, I’ve tried. All it leads to is more sleep-shaming and asking what the big deal is about getting up earlier.

  Most often it was when I was working for a moron of a sales manager who would insist on morning sales meetings. One complete idiot held them Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 8:00 a.m., and an even bigger idiot held them daily at 7:30 a.m.

  As you might imagine, there was nothing much to talk about or discuss at those meetings. They were merely a power play on the unqualified sales managers’ behalf, in order to get satisfaction from watching us comply with their orders.

  If you think I’m joking about those managers being totally unqualified and on a power trip, I used to work with someone who was terrible at sales, or perhaps would have been if he’d actually tried. Instead he spent years job-hopping, always having the next position lined up, complete with start-up pay,1 before being fired from the current one.

  In any case, he finally got a sales manager job because the company wanted to get him out of sales but was a big dumb company that preferred to transfer people internally rather than fire them for nonperformance. And what did he do at that job?

  You guessed it: He was one of those little dictator sales managers who made everyone come in for an early morning meeting and chronically micromanaged everyone until they got fed up and quit.

  He took particular revenge on people who had wronged him in one way or another, or so he perceived, by putting them on warning and making them come to see him daily and show him that they’d met his minimum level of activity for the day.

  Looking back, I can run through the various sales managers I had worked for over the years until striking out on my own, and all but two fit that description.

  These guys were morons—I mean totally clueless—about sales. That’s why they forced everyone to cold call all day, every day; they didn’t know what else to do. They had no idea how to manage a sales team, let alone how to sell!

  And it was this type of manager in particular, the low IQ idiot, who would most frequently sleep-shame and say things like, “It’s nice of you to join us.”

  Remember in the previous chapter, about how chronically high cortisol levels in early risers make them grouchy and cranky? Maybe this is why those guys and gals were such total jerks, let alone clueless about performing their respective jobs?

  Seriously now, I don’t “morning-shame” early risers. Perhaps I do, a little, in this book, but that’s because this is meant to be the night owl’s manifesto, a jumping-off point, if you will, to making the most of your night owl tendencies and hopefully to help promote flexible work schedules and other solutions to accommodate night owls and quit discriminating against them.

  After all, it’s harmful to one’s health to get up too early. Even natural early risers experience the negative health effects of early rising. Night owls who are forced to rise early not only have the health consequences to deal with, but also struggle even to survive on a morning work schedule.

  Eating and breathing are obviously essential to survive, and so is sufficient sleep. But how are night owls supposed to get enough sleep to remain healthy if they cannot fall asleep before a certain time, then are forced back out of bed five or six hours later to get to a job they depend on? And if we do get enough sleep, we get fired (worst case) and sleep-shamed (best case, if you can even call that a best-case scenario).

  The Very Real Effects of Sleep Deprivation on Your Health

  Getting too little sleep has dire health consequences, yet it’s a condition that night owls all too often find themselves living with—perpetually. The thing about night owls isn’t so much that we can’t get up early, more that we can’t fall asleep early. And if one goes to bed late—something over which night owls have no real choice notwithstanding some as yet unknown medical breakthrough—one must get up late in order to get enough sleep.

  But in the real world, if you want to make it through school, or if you want to keep that job, you must comply with their schedule. And for night owls that all too often means living with sleep deprivation.

  Just what does sleep deprivation cause? It causes all kinds of health problems, and here are the primary ones:

  Memory issues: During sleep your brain rests, rec
overs, and processes information. Lack of sleep negatively affects both short- and long-term memory. Think about the last time you were sleep deprived, and couldn’t remember why you walked into a particular room.

  Mood alterations: Moodiness, anxiety, depression, being overly emotional, and having a quick temper are all effects of insufficient sleep.

  Difficulty concentrating: Concentration, cognitive ability, and problem thinking skills all suffer when you don’t get enough sleep.

  Automobile and other accidents: Fatigue resulting from inadequate sleep leads to more automobile and other accidents; this is further complicated by the aggression caused by caffeine and high cortisol levels.

  Lowered immunity: Adequate sleep is a basic requirement for a robust immune system and a lack thereof leads to increased frequency and severity of colds, flu, and other infections.

  Hypertension: Sleeping less than your body actually requires increases the risk of high blood pressure.

  Heightened risk of diabetes: Insufficient sleep adversely affects your body’s insulin response; insulin is the hormone responsible for regulating blood sugar levels and lack of adequate sleep can lead to type 2 diabetes.

  Weight gain: Insufficient sleep throws off the balance of hormones and neurotransmitters that tell you if you are full or if you are hungry; without adequate sleep you’re far more likely to overeat.

  Cardiovascular disease: Sleep deprivation leads to high blood pressure, which in turn leads to other cardiovascular problems and heightened risk of heart disease.

  Low sex drive: If you don’t get enough sleep your sex drive will likely suffer. This leads to problems in marriage and other romantic/sexual relationships. In men specifically, inadequate sleep may reduce testosterone levels.