Into the Night We Shine

by Heidi Hutchinson

  Sebastian lifted up his shirt and showed off the ridges of his hard stomach. “I mean, it goes somewhere, right?”

  Harrison let out a burst of laughter. “You think your fat is being called to hang out with nerds?”

  “I'm just saying that the longer I'm away from my own kind, the leaner I get.”

  Harrison shrugged. “You might have a point. Since I met Zelda, it's gotten harder for me to maintain my physique.” He lifted up his own shirt and showed off his little sandwich pooch. He patted it lovingly. “She feeds me treats.”

  Sebastian nodded. “My theory is proven.” He lifted a chin at Zelda. “Is she a good cook?”

  Harrison snorted. “Between her Tolkien references and sandwiches, I don't know what I fell in love with first.”

  Sebastian's eyes lit with new interest on his wife. “I love Tolkien.”

  Harrison felt himself fall into a dreamy appreciation. “Of course you do. You're like the perfect human being.”

  Sebastian barked out his throaty laugh, which was also attractive... for a man. Harrison would normally be embarrassed by his remark, but he realized this was probably a once in a lifetime conversation.

  “Tell me what you were thinking about when you caught that last pass on Sunday,” Harrison plunged on.

  Sebastian nodded and bit his bottom lip. “You'll just laugh.”

  “Would it help if I told you what I was thinking?”

  The athlete chuckled. “It might.”

  “When you were reaching towards it, it seemed so incredibly far away. I didn't think there was any way you were going to catch it. So I may have quoted Obi Wan and encouraged you to use the Force.”

  Sebastian doubled over in laughter. He swiped a finger under one watery eye as he looked up at Harrison. “I swear, I think I heard you. There was no way I was gonna make that catch.” He clapped a hand on Harrison's shoulder. “Thanks for looking out, Obi Wan.”

  Bam.

  Bromance.

  ***

  “I came to a harsh realization today,” Harrison murmured into Zelda's hair as he drew lazy circles on the skin of her naked back.

  She shifted her head on his chest so she could look up at him. His dark eyes slid down to hers, his face pensive.

  “What do you mean?”

  He took a deep breath, the rise of his chest pressing his warmth into her body. His eyes drifted to the ceiling, where the lights from the city below played a scene out in abstract colors and shapes.

  “You could have anyone you wanted. Star athlete? Yep. Rock star? Check. Why stop there? How about royalty? Double Check.”

  She snickered, his eyes flicked down to hers.

  “I'm serious. You are the most incredible woman in the entire universe. Anyone, Zelda. You could have anyone.” His voice was quiet, like he was afraid he might be telling her something that would change things. “Are you really happy with me?”

  “Harrison? Do you know the story of the Velveteen rabbit?” she asked, the emotion of what she was about tell him catching in her throat.

  “Yeah.”

  Her lips curved up on the corners and she kept her voice soft. “You see things from a limited perspective so I'm gonna help you out. What you're seeing when you see other men notice me is a reflection of your love. I was just a girl with a dream when I met you. But your love made me real.”

  He knifed up and pulled her up his body where he kissed her hard.

  His kisses quickly turned hot, possessive. As Zelda lost herself to his touch and taste, she knew she was right.

  She was only real because of his love.

  She could have anyone?

  Why would she ever want someone who would never love her like this?

  Like absolution. Like conviction.

  Like her life depended on it.

  “New Day Rising”

  Sway and Ryan

  Note from Author: Dear Reader, this scene takes place over Ryan and Sway's first Christmas. A few hints about Ryan's past and upcoming novel Stubborn Hearts have been included. I hope you enjoy seeing Sway and Ryan figuring out marriage together.

  “Did I ask for Christmas lights all over my roof? No. Did I say, 'Please, honey, go up there and make my holiday better by breaking your leg'? No.” Ryan huffed as she slid the chocolate cake into the oven.

  A scrape and a scuffle on the roof above her had her straightening quickly, the door to the oven slamming. She stuck her hands on her hips and looked to the ceiling.

  If he killed himself before Christmas, she was going to kill him.

  Clive whined at her feet and she nodded at him. “Right?”

  As their first Christmas together, she was feeling a lot of pressure to, you know, survive it. Sway's concerns were non-existent.

  That wasn't true.

  He was just concerned about things that didn't really matter to her.

  And it was beginning to stress her out.

  She cringed at the sound of a man's body sliding down the side of the roof, a holler, and then a crash in the bushes out front. Ryan was already running to the door and pulling it open, Clive on her heels.

  “Sway?” she asked, stepping onto the porch.

  Sway jumped up, smile on his face, breathing heavily. “Hey, honey!” The evergreen sticking out of his hat and the snow balled in the ends of his hair did little to reassure her.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Are you okay?”

  He frowned up at the house and nodded too many times. “Oh yeah. Just a little fall. It's all part of the experience.”

  A bittersweet memory flashed through Ryan's mind. Another time. Another place. A different face. One she hadn't seen in years.

  Emotion clogged her throat and she swallowed it away while forcing a smile. “I had no idea I had married Clark Griswold.”

  Sway grinned at her. “We should watch that movie tonight!”

  Her eyes burned slightly as she nodded. “I think I have it.”

  Sway cocked his head, picking up on her tone. “What's wrong?”

  She shook her head, deciding that it wasn't worth it to be irritated with him about the silly lights. If he wanted lights, he could have the lights. “Nothing. Just don't die, okay?”

  He nodded in agreement, but it was apparent he wasn't satisfied with her answer. Ryan turned and went back into the house. Her new house. Their new house.

  After everything that had happened back east, it hadn't taken long before they'd decided to move away. And Wyoming was definitely away.

  It was hard, though. The whole reason that Sway and Ryan had even met was because he had planned on moving to Hartford to be closer to Miles. And suddenly they were talking about being crazy far away from him. Ryan didn't like it, neither did Sway. But the media and the paparazzi had become relentless. They thought they'd found a gold mine in the rock star/romance author pairing.

  Ryan had very quickly tired of not being able to go to the store and either having a camera in her face, or a photo of her on three magazines at the checkout. It was like no one understood her entire purpose for becoming a writer — the glorious alone time.

  It didn't help that Sway and Ryan had gotten married with very little notice. The rumors about a baby on the way headlined first, then came the follow-up story that Ryan forced the marriage because she was jealous of all the time Sway was spending with Miles' mom, Alexa. None of it was true, but that didn't matter.

  It was really the heavy focus on Ryan in the stories that had Sway more than ready to move away. They fought about it. Ryan didn't think it was a good enough reason for him to leave Miles behind. Sway argued that he could fly back every day if he wanted. It was circular and put a lot of strain on their fledgling marriage.

  Unexpectedly, Miles' step-dad was given a promotion and they ended up transferring to Chicago.

  That changed a lot of things.

  Namely, where they could live.

  Then Lenny and Luke invited them out to see where they were building their new house in the Tetons and
something happened.

  Ryan fell in love with the mountains.

  She didn't tell this to Sway. Wyoming was still incredibly far away from Chicago and she was adamant they stay near Miles.

  But she wanted to live there someday.

  Apparently, so did Sway. Because he bought her a house.

  Long story short: big fight, long talk, talk with Alexa and James, more talking, all the talking with everyone ever, moved to Wyoming.

  Everything always happened so fast with them. Here it was, not even a year since they had first met, and they were married and had bought a house together. And Sway was on the roof with more Christmas lights than one house could possibly need.

  Griswold indeed.

  On that thought, Ryan went upstairs to a room that was being used for storage. She navigated the stacked boxes until she found what she was looking for — a blue plastic tub with a black lid.

  She paused, trying to decide if she was ready to open the lid and get what she needed.

  The movie was in there. She knew it. It was where it belonged.

  Still, she hesitated. The emotional repercussions of opening that box were not to be taken lightly.

  “This is silly. I'm being silly,” she scolded herself and picked the box up.

  It was lighter than she'd expected. The solid realization that the heaviness had come from her own memories that she'd packed inside made her eyes burn. The objects were small, the significance attached? Not so much.

  She went back downstairs to the large living room and sat down cross-legged on the plush carpet. Her eyes drifted from the lid of the box in front of her to the fireplace.

  If Jesse could see her now.

  She'd like to think he'd be proud of where she'd ended up. After all of... everything. Sometimes she thought about trying to find him, at least call him.

  But that hadn't been part of the deal.

  Maybe she shouldn't have agreed to the terms. Maybe she should have fought it. Maybe then she'd know if he was okay.

  Because that was really the heaviest thing in that box — the not knowing. The guilt of doing exactly as she was told when her gut told her not to. The weight of having someone important to her become a no one again.

  “Who's Jesse?”

  Ryan slid her eyes over and up to see Sway, standing in the living room with her in his socks, holding a cup of hot chocolate. He looked exactly perfect in their living room. He always looked like he belonged, no matter where he was in her world.

  “Ryan?” he asked gently when she hadn't answered. He nodded at the black ink name scrawled on the side of the box. “Who's Jesse?”

  She shrugged one shoulder and attempted a casual smile. “Just an old friend.” She flipped the lid open and ignored the rush of memories that hit her eyes. The movie was near the top and she pulled it out. “See?” She held it up. “I do have it.”

  Sway licked his lips and studied her. His eyes always seeing more in her than she was ready for. Finally, he crossed the room and took a seat by her side, setting his mug down on the nearby end table.

  His strong arm curved around her back and he kissed the side of her neck gently. “Can I know what's in the box?” he asked, his breath warm on her cheek.

  “It's just old stuff. It's not important,” she deflected.

  “Hey,” he said, tugging on her with his arm. “How many times do I have to tell you that everything about you is important to me?”

  The burn hit her eyes and she dropped her chin to her chest. “I really don't deserve to be loved by you.”

  “Sassy pants,” Sway said, gathering her closer to his side. “I know that you've spent a good portion of your life believing you deserved less than you actually do. You have this nearly impenetrable wall all around your heart. It didn't take me long to figure that it wasn't so much you were trying to keep people out... you keep trying to keep yourself in.”

  A tear slid down her cheek. Sway's thumb was there to catch it. His hand cupped the side of her face and turned it towards him. He smiled when he finally had her eyes.

  “Your love is one of the most powerful and beautiful things I have ever experienced in this world. It's okay to let it out now, I've got you.” He placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth and she felt her lips soften into a smile.

  “You're too good to me.”

  He waggled his eyebrows. “Pretty sure you're the one who's good to me. At least, that's how it felt last night... and again this morning.”

  She laughed, pushing on his chest. “You're ridiculous.”

  His stormy eyes lit up and he beamed at her. “You like me that way.”

  She did like him that way. And, like usual, he had reached her heart like only he could, and had even made her laugh. She pushed his hair back, letting her fingers linger in the soft tangles. “I like you a lot.”

  Before he could respond and make her cry again, she drew on the strength he had given her and faced the box again. He released her as she pulled out a few items and set them on the floor. A notebook filled with race pamphlets, an Eric Church CD, half of a horse blanket, and a small bundle of photos.

  “Jesse was my friend,” she explained, unwinding the rubber band around the pictures and handing one to Sway. It was one Doc had taken of them together by Red's trailer the day they left for his first race.

  “Jesse is a good-looking dude,” Sway murmured.

  Ryan smiled and nodded. “He was.” She handed him another photo, Jesse in the winner's circle at Churchill Downs. “Talented, too.”

  She stopped when she got to the picture that Jesse had taken of her and Red when they were having one of their quiet moments. Tears hit her eyes hard then and she couldn't stop them. Damn, but she missed that horse. She handed the photo over to Sway.

  “Look at how young you are,” he whispered.

  “Twenty-one,” she confirmed. She couldn't look at any more pictures. It was too hard. She touched the blanket with shaky hands before putting it back in the box.

  “Were you and Jesse...?” Sway asked.

  “No.” She shook her head, leafing through the pamphlets. Her life was vastly different than what she had thought it would be.

  There were no horses or rolling green pastures. No stables filled with the warm smell of happy animals. No race day jitters, no sleeping in the straw. She had mountains and love and happiness. She had Sway.

  “Jesse was my friend.” She didn't know how else to explain it.

  “You don't use that word very often,” Sway pointed out.

  She rolled her lips inward. “It's an important word. I try not to waste it.”

  ***

  Sway watched his wife's expressive eyes. Whether she was aware of it or not, he could identify each and every emotion that showed up there. She wasn't as guarded with him as she used to be.

  What had caught his attention today, was the presence of something he hadn't seen in her in a long time. The first time they had met, he had seen a shadow of a hurt. He'd spent all of this time assuming it was connected to her family and their many failures.

  But this wound was different.

  “Tell me about him,” he pressed. Her eyes darted to his, still unsure, still scared to show too much. He knew he was pushing her again. But she had to know by now that she was safe with him.

  Besides, he loved discovering new things about her. She was a never-ending adventure. Her mind and heart were deep with both secrets and mystery. He loved diving into her and being surrounded by whatever she was ready to reveal.

  More than once a day he was positive that she was the perfect woman. Not just in general. But the perfect woman for him.

  She smiled the smile of a melancholy memory. “I will. But not today.” She took the pictures, CD, and notebook, and placed them back in the box.

  Sway grabbed the photo of her with the big horse. “I want this one.”

  She hesitated but didn't try to take it back.

  “I like every part of you, Ryan. The past, present, and
future.”

  She held his eyes for a beat, then she closed the box. “But I have the movie. So if you promise not to kill yourself today, we can watch it tonight.”

  Sway rolled his eyes. “You really don't need to worry. I've already fallen off — that's to say, I'm perfectly safe up there.”

  Her glare made him grin because he knew it drove her crazy.

  “If you die,” she warned tightly. “I will be mad at you forever.”

  “Forever is a really long time,” he said with a grimace. “Why are you so worried I'm gonna die up there?”

  She shrugged. “I don't know. Just irrationally scared, I guess.”

  Sway narrowed his eyes at her as he had an idea. “Come help me.”

  Her eyes widened. “What? On the roof?”

  He smiled, jumped to his feet, and held his hand out to her. “Yeah! We can die together. It'll be romantic.”

  She shook her head slowly. “Nu-uh. No way.”

  ***

  Ryan was too afraid to close her eyes. But she really wanted to close her eyes. If she closed her eyes, though, she would never be able to see her death rushing at her. And she had to keep an eye on that.

  How she had let Sway convince her to get on the roof with him was still sort of confusing. She was positive that he had tricked her. He'd used his words and his lips and his general razzle-dazzle... and where had it gotten her?

  It had gotten her on the roof and one step closer to meeting God, that's where.

  “Go ahead, sweetheart.”

  Her eyes darted to Sway who nodded at her to do her job. Which was to use the staple gun. He'd lined up the lights and all she had to do was staple them down. Seemed straightforward enough.

  Swallowing the tightness in her throat, she stepped up to her task, keeping her feet parallel to the roof like Sway had shown her. The staple gun thudded loudly in the cold air and she felt it in her chest. She stepped over once more and her foot slipped slightly. Her eyes bugged out as she looked at Sway.