Fosters: Blackhawk

by L. Ann Marie

  I look for Jessie and Little Ben, they're looking nervous I go to them by the other kids. Jessie has tears in his eyes. "I could have hurt him. I was wrong; I could have hurt him bad. You knew it wasn't enough. I'm sorry. I'm so glad you didn't let him go." I hug him and feel he's wet too.

  "He knew Jessie, he warned me. You can't know everything, you're learning just like the rest of us. We're going to get it wrong sometimes but we have a whole fuckin Brotherhood watching our backs. Look around, you didn't beg one person to be here, they showed and had our back and didn't even know what was happening. This is our lesson, we don't forget this one. Jeremy doesn't have all the answers, he's learning too, we need to remember that." He jumps on me hugging me tight crying on my shoulder, I hold him until he's done. Jeremy comes to us and puts his fist out. We all take a turn bumping it. He sits in Jessie's lap and watches everyone.

  I find my beautiful wife sitting in the grass with the adults. Danny is telling them what he knows, he has them laughing with Jeremy laughing and shaking water off him. Then Little Ben and Jessie did the same thing. They look at me. "Payback, my grandmother dunked me." They laugh. Janelle and Rich watch me. I look away searching for Steve. He's with Ben and Tiny. He looks at me, 'thank fuck you didn't let go of him. Never a-fuckin-gain!' He says in my head. I throw him chin and think 'it will happen again but we need to remember this lesson.' He throws me chin.

  I sit on the step to the road. A beer floats in front of me. I look up and see Chase smiling. "Thought you could use one." I nod and down half the bottle. He sits by me and doesn't say a word. We watch the kids and women go back to their houses. The men are behind us, not saying a word. I stand and turn toward them. "I need dry clothes." They nod and go into the patio.

  Chase watches them then puts his hand on my shoulder. We get across the street and CJ takes me to the room getting dry clothes for me. I change; she puts my pocket shit on the bathroom counter to dry. When I'm dressed she pulls me down and kisses me. "Thank you for holding onto him. Christian says Jeremy was wrong and you saved him. Thank you for being that warrior when he needed you."

  I hug her holding on tight. "I was so fuckin scared. I'm so glad everyone showed up. Every fuckin person on the block showed up for him."

  She nods with the biggest smile. "Our connection is growing." I smile and breathe for the first time without feeling like my heart is going to snap in half. Fuckin CJ. I kiss her reminding me we're all alive and here. When my dick bobs I release her, she laughs pushing me out the door. I grab a piece of pizza and go back to the patio. They have pizza too so I eat another piece.

  Once the pizza is moved new beer is put out and Steve tells us what Jeremy gave to him. Fuckin six years old doesn't need this in his head. I stand and pace. He goes on for almost a half hour. I'm not a planner here so I don't need to know all their details but I file them anyway. What concerns me is Jeremy seeing rape, murder, his family members violated. He's fuckin six.

  Steve looks at me. "He is six, Tess couldn't look, Christian couldn't look. Was the six year old called the meet, was the six year old knew to put you there guardin him. He knew what he was doin."

  "He's fuckin SIX! He was wrong. He couldn't take it. He almost died. The water was to cool him off. He was almost too hot to keep a fuckin hold on him. Gathering everyone wasn't to get energy from them it was releasing it from him. He couldn't get rid of all of it. He didn't give you everything did he?" I'm yelling at him, everyone is frozen.

  He looks down then up at me, "No, saw Elizabeth bein raped and let go." Holy fuck! I go to him and hug him. He doesn't let me go, he's screaming sorry in my head.

  "I had him, its ok. I had him." He nods.

  "How old was she?" Danny asks.

  "Maybe a year or two older. It's war, everyone is hurt."

  "The things we need to acknowledge is; 1. Jeremy was wrong. 2. Jessie and Little Ben were wrong. 3. Steve is human and can't take all pain. That one is important because we use him when it's too much for the rest of us. He has always taken it, we need to remember we're all human and suffer pain differently. But we can, do, and will suffer it. Thank Fuck Cloud is so in tune with the kids. He's right, we learned a lesson. We need to remember the mistakes as much as the successes. We're all learning and we're going to fuck it up. We need people watching our backs for that. We need to watch out for each other." Ben is walking around the table avoiding me and Steve as he talks. We all nod.

  He looks at Steve. "Thank fuck you were there and we know what to prepare for. I need everything you got before that." Steve nods. He looks at me, "You're not an officer but I think you’re one of the only ones that gets what the fuck is happening and we need your help." I nod not real sure what to say. "Officers don't talk about these conversations with the old ladies or the Brothers." I nod. He points to a seat and I sit. Danny puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes. He understands.

  I look at Ben. “Before we get into all this Christian, Little Ben and Jeremy talked to me in the tree house. Christian said; ‘Jeremy says there’s more. You need to watch Rob.’ His wording was weird. ‘He says he's not smart, like a kid. Steve will know. He needs Steve; it's too big for me’. I don’t think he meant too much, just older. He used similar wording once before when he saw Mo with CJ. He’s too young to understand.”

  Steve looks at me. "Gullible?"

  "Not street smart. Rob isn't street smart. He's in the MC but has never touched the illegal. Doesn't talk about anything unpleasant or offensive to him. When we were at war he had clean jobs, he stays away from anything that would remind him of the death that's on our hands. When Tess was hurt he was scarce, he couldn't deal with it so he kept busy with other things away from anything that touched her." Danny says looking out the window. He's always looking out the window. "When I shot the guys’ toes at the Plank he was white as a ghost, said he could have done that but I've never seen him carry a gun and he was overly pissed. It was a fuckin toe, he was yelling at me as if I killed the guy." Rich and Steve laugh.

  "Was really just a fuckin toe. Rob was pissed. Wouldn't have said fuck to him, he just shot the fuckin guy. Would have been scared he'd shoot me." Steve says smiling. Fuckin Brothers.

  "Kids aren't street smart, they are gullible, naive. Look how he fucked up with CJ, thought the draw was her interest while he was with Rena. It was all on his side but he couldn't get past the draw to see he was fuckin up. Didn't get it until we mapped it out." Tiny says. "Where is Rob lately anyway?"

  Ben looks around at us. "Has anyone seen him?" No one answers. "Fuck!" He pulls his phone and tells someone to pull his tracking.

  "Was supposed to be goin to therapy. Been for fuckin ever, should have been cleared by now." Steve says.

  "He's at R&R. He's been working the bars; he wasn't at church for two weeks. We need to keep better track of him. I'll work on that tomorrow. We need to watch the feeds where he's at, see if we pick anything up."

  Rich nods, "I'll pull it tomorrow and run through them."

  "Let's get back to what we're dealing with from the vision." Ben looks at Steve.

  "Was over time, feelers we put out draw attention. People get in, see the kids, how they are. We're workin day and night tryin to keep em safe. Everyone’s tired. Stupid mistakes, schedules, and shit get dropped. Kids are hurt one at a time, Jeremy can't fix em all, he's tired, not enough to draw on. Tess is taken. She's in a cell again. She can't reach Rich or Christian. Everythin starts fallin apart. We don't trust each other to keep our families safe." He stops. He's not looking at anyone but I know this is where he sees Elizabeth.

  Ben is running his hands through his hair. He puts a hand on Steve's shoulder. "We'll work on what we have. I was going to contact the other Clubs to see about the kids. We can't do that. We need to forget finding out about other kids. We'll use what we have and focus more on getting protection in place so it never gets dropped." His eyes hit each one of us.

  "We can put another shift on so they all run six hour shifts with an hour of overla
p." He tells Rich.

  "I want to look at Security on the block, the Kids Center, Millie's and the businesses. Set up a six month review for Security checks." He looks at Steve.

  Looking at Danny, "Check with surveillance, clear anything that obstructs the view on every camera."

  He turns to Tiny, "Get the Prospects to spend one day a week riding the town, logging empty houses, trash build up, anything that isn't clean and easy, anywhere there isn't a clear view for the cameras." Tiny nods typing in his phone.

  "Patches get your Associates to pick up time working with the Prospects, they're firemen and police for the most part. They see shit every day. It will keep a check on the Prospects but also be another set of eyes trained on the town." Patches is writing in his book.

  "What I'm looking to do is keep every Brother focused on the town, the neighbors and the other Brothers. Giving them a job, pride in their town, making it better, cleaner, safer; they'll notice new people, question out of the ordinary, a threat that we aren't seeing." They all nod. Fuck he's fuckin smart.

  "I think we need to pull the kids away from some of the activities. They stand out now and we don't know what the fuck we're dealing with. We need to shine a light on some of the other Little Brothers and Sisters so our kids aren't always up in front of everything we do. They're going to fight that so we need to do it in a way that promotes lifting others up, giving confidence so they continue to do things to help others. Our kids can work behind the scenes being the support for the other kids. That may work right in to what they're supposed to be doing. I hope to fuck it is. If you think of anything to get us to safe with them, bring it to church, send me an email, write me a fuckin post it but bring it to me." We all nod.

  I look at him. "Pres if we can't tell the old ladies about the vision how are we going to tell them we aren't getting any information about any other kids?"

  "Fuck. Tell them, maybe not about Elizabeth but tell them the rest. They're too fuckin smart to push if they have the information. They may have some ideas for us. At the very least they'll watch us making sure we're not getting burnt out." His hand is in his hair again. Another fuckin smart move.

  I look around. "Is there anything else that includes me?" I ask looking at Pres.

  "I need to talk to the Officers but I don't have anything for you tonight." He looks at Steve, Steve looks at Danny.

  "We need you to keep track of the kids, abilities, who they align with, that kind of stuff. Through all this, we can't drop the kids and their growing needs. I know you’re at Baxter's tomorrow, any day you're on MC or any night, we meet here, we can talk about that, help, whatever the fuck you need to keep that going. Yeah?"

  "Yeah." I tell him. I stand to leave. Before I go out I look at Steve. "I'm home until six in the morning. You need me; I can be on my patio or yours." He throws chin. I give it back and walk home.

  The house is quiet. I see the glow from the living room. Taylor and Brantley are watching a movie. I sit with them for a few minutes. They had good days. I hunt down the rest. Joey and Christian are laughing on her bed; Hawk is on the floor beside Christian’s foot. She's losing at checkers and having a good time at it. I laugh with them then kiss their heads leaving them to find the J's and CJ. Climbing the stairs I hear her in their room. I walk in and she's in their bed telling them a story about flying over the Grand Canyon with all the beautiful rock formations and mountains that were cut by water. She makes me laugh with how small the little dribble of water is from so high up. They all look at me. The J's hug me. I can't fit in their bed so I sit on the outside holding them while she finishes the story. I tell them I love them and kiss their heads. Jacob whispers a thank you in my ear. I squeeze him extra. I love my J's.

  As we make it downstairs Brantley and Taylor go up for showers. I tell them we'll be up soon. Christian comes out of Joey's room, heading up to the shower too.

  I tell him me and CJ's will take Hawk for a walk. I key in Security and get a guard at the house. Bull runs over and starts walking the perimeter when we step out. I throw him chin and walk across the street to the beach.

  I tell CJ about Jeremy's vision. She has tears but doesn't question anything. I tell her Pres doesn't want to ask about any other kids or draw attention to the kids at all. She understands and agrees. She offers to help chart the kids, I take it. I give her everything from tonight and she takes it without questioning one single thing. Perfect. She likes Pres' ideas and thinks they'll work, especially the kids being supportive and not out front. I think she's right, they won't fight that. Once it's all out we head back, my step is lighter, she notices. I kiss her under a million stars. "You see everything and I love you for it." She smiles holding my hand back to the house. Bull waves and jogs back to Danny's. We finish our nightly ritual and sit in our chair comfortable in the quiet. I find my guide and soar over the reservation.

  Chapter Sixteen

  CJ

  I'm at the house we picked for the group home. Danny's guys have it almost finished. I can't wait until our new houseparent moves in. She is from right here in town. A couple of years ago she was in one of the shelters, Kate recommended her. She's older and can't have kids, she volunteers at the Kids Center with Patches and Tess. Tess is so funny she said Rachel would do great here, the kids love her but the very first kid is a handful. She's so matter of fact I laugh. She's given me that warning before.

  Rachel is in training this week at DSS, she's had all the background checks because of volunteering so it was just a matter of getting them current. I've gotten the final revisions on the contract done and I'm supposed to have it back today. This house will have five kids. Danny suggested opening another in the first house he showed us but I don't have a parent and I'm not sure how much time the two houses will take out of my day. I'm not willing to sacrifice my kids’ time for another house. He smiled and nodded but said that gives him time to get it ready. Friggin batshit crazy.

  Sally comes in and I show her the rooms. "The age group is four through twelve." I say answering her question while walking through the hallway while she looks in all the rooms.

  "Doesn't that limit you? How many kids are going fit that criteria?" She's so sweet, wanting this to work well for me.

  "There are so many houses that only take younger but not many good homes. DSS is trying to weed out the homes and parents that are only in it for the money. They're allowing more faith based and single parent homes; they find with good homes they're caseworkers are spending less time running doctor appointments and dealing with high maintenance kids. The group homes have appointments worked into the contract; I guess bottom line is we fit well within their budget cuts. I would see the kids caseworkers every three months or so and they didn't need an appointment, they would just show up. They like that too, when their running from one place to another they could pop in and get their check in done." I tell her as we stop in the kitchen. I get us coffee, the only thing to drink in the house right now.

  She nods. "You would think this would be the last thing to be cut on anyone's budget. Our country is crazy cutting education and child welfare over tax breaks."

  She's right, I nod in agreement. "So what brings you here with all your questions?"

  Her head snaps back, I watch her eyes. "I would just say I'm curious but you'd know it's a lie. I can't have kids; I've seen the need here and think fostering may be something I'm interested in."

  "What about when the kids leave, you have one that you love and they've been with you for two years. Mom and dad finally get their shit together and it's the day they leave. You have thirty minutes to get their things together so they can go home to a parent that had neglected them or worse beat them but they took classes so now they get them back. How do you think you'll feel watching them walk out the door knowing a new kid will be in their place by the end of the day?" I ask gently. Watching her eyes, I know, she couldn't do it.

  With tears in her eyes she shakes her head no. "You want a forever kid. Look at the adoption webs
ite. The reason the kids stayed with us is because they were being railroaded to the adoption website due to budget cuts. I only took special needs which are high maintenance to DSS. They're taking the parents that aren't working toward getting the kids back to court, terminating rights and slating kids for adoption. My kids weren't the only ones on that list. Take a look at the site. I know some of the homes, if you find a kid or siblings that you're interested in, let me know, I can probably tell you how they really are at home."

  "I think I might do that, thanks for talking to me." She has a sad smile.

  Smiling I tell her, "You could wait and see what we get here. I'm sure we'll have kids that are waiting to be adopted out. I had six of them."

  She visibly relaxes. When she smiles, I smile she's like Tess but more reserved. I want her to be happy. "I like that idea much better. I have time." She nods her head like that's settled and we're moving on. "What do you need here?" She's the fixer of things needing to be done. I remember from our first meeting.

  "The Club already has everything taken care of; until the kids get here I'm twiddling my thumbs. This week Rachel will finish class, hopefully it's the same time the construction workers finish so she can move right in. I don't expect we'll be waiting long once she's in. We'll have forty eight hours to get the kids to the doctor and enrolled in school. I'll need help with that especially with five at once."

  She nods with a smile. "I can do that. Let me know when you need me. Doc can see the kids; I'll fit them in at the clinic. I want to be involved here so keep me in mind when something needs to be done." She lifts her purse and hugs me then walks out. I'm smiling looking at the closed door. I want to ask Tess if she finds her kid but I think I'd like to watch it play out more.

  I go back to the room I was in and finish making the beds. Danny has the beds in the walls, they look like beds on a train with curtains for privacy; the drawers are under them. The walls are painted with a beach scene. The only furniture is a table and bench seats like a round picnic table. The toy bins are in the wall, I love it.