Fosters: Blackhawk

by L. Ann Marie

  “He needs to feel what he feels until he can push past it. This is his cross Little Ben.” Danny tells him.

  He wipes his hand down his face. “He watched kids burn Uncle Danny. He didn’t watch an accident where people walked away, it was real people burning, screaming as they died until there were no more screams. Christian is eleven. That’s a lot to carry alone. We are together in everything. If it is his, it is ours. What I need is how to make that easier to carry. For all of us, but especially him.”

  Fuck this is such an adult conversation to be having with a fourteen year old. “Time Little Ben. Boy needs time to see the kids alive. Time to stop hearin the screams. When Jeremy is up, might be able to take it away. Lot to ask the six year old. He hurts with it.”

  Little Ben nods. “Jeremy will get it from me. I’ll wait until he says he’s ready. We’ll need you Cloud when he is. You get him away and back easy.”

  “This would be the place to do something like that Little Ben. This is where my guide takes us. This is where the spirits are strongest, where I am strongest.” I watch to see if he understands I want him to talk to Jeremy now, while we’re here. He nods and walks up the stairs.

  “They are bound together and they’re kids. Did they run the Ops for the strike teams?” Danny smiles.

  Pres and Steve’s eyes are shining. “Little Ben and Jessie from the control room, Brantley and Taylor were on their computers. They were a fuckin sight. Darren was keeping everyone up to speed on the screens. It was fuckin professional. Split between all of them but they fuckin did a good job. Rich was with them planning and watching over.” Pres says. I can see the pride in his eyes I wonder if my face matches theirs.

  We get the kids in bed and meet the women on the deck. We sit enjoying the night sky talking about anything but what happened today. I pick CJ up and say goodnight to my Brothers telling them to make themselves at home. Putting the wine glass in the sink I carry her to our room. Opening the door in the back I bring her out to the balcony and sit in my favorite chair with her on my lap. I hold her and thank my guide and spirits for making today a success. We had no injuries and no deaths. My spirits watched over us shielding everyone. I thank them in the old language and stand when I am done.

  "Whatever you said was beautiful and I felt it in my heart Cloud. Thank you for letting me be part of it." Fuckin woman, I love her. Leaving the door open I bring her to the bed. We undress each other feeling the wind brush our skin, a peace settles around us after all the fighting and death we lived through today. I lay her down talking to her in the old language kissing her body from her feet to her head. She's quiet and calm, feeling the peace, she keeps her hands on me, my arms, neck, chest and head, she touches every part of me she can reach while I travel up her body. Switching to English I tell her I love her and take her mouth pulling her up with me. I sit back on my heels sliding her onto me until we meet. She's moaning deep in her throat. I move and move her on me feeling her wrap herself around me we soar through the sky with the stars shining on us and the wind moving around and touching all but where we're joined. We breathe together, move together as one, not thinking, we just are. We move faster, harder deeper, frenzied in our breathing we explode together joining our mouths with the rest of us. I feel her body vibrating and clenching, fighting for air I lift my mouth from hers and kiss her neck. Burying my face in her hair I try to calm my breathing. I hold her to me and breathe. I whisper I love you in Mohegan, she says it back, in Mohegan.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  CJ

  I wake up alone. Jumping from the bed I take a fast shower and throw on clothes from the reservation store. They friggin fit. Go figure. I run down the stairs and smile when I see them. Cloud, Danny and every damn kid is on the deck practicing. I sit on a chair facing them watching. It's kind of boring so I practice with them. I don't know the sequence so I do the best I can. Jacob laughs, I look toward him and he's friggin laughing at me. Damn ninja moving freak of nature can do the moves better than me then laughs at me. Christian, Brenna, Devan, and Jeremy laugh. Punks! They all laugh. I laugh giving up then go in to start breakfast. Friggin kids.

  When they trickle in Jeremy leans against me. "Brother." I look at him then look at Joey she's smiling but not saying anything.

  I look out the door, they're all fine. "Ok." I have no idea what to say so that will have to do. He goes to Joey and helps set the table. The table is beautiful; the whole damn house is beautiful. The furniture looks handmade.

  The kitchen has everything in it to make my life easy, with six kids there is no small anything, using the stove with eight burners is a dream come true. I have everything cooking and feel like a chef moving from pan to pan. Taylor is making enough toast for an army, as I set the food on plates he puts toast on them Jeremy brings the plates to the table. Joey has fruit on a plate and cuts melon up. For people I don't know I make scrambled and throw a couple of omelets on a plate. I make myself another coffee, by the time I get to the table everyone but Ben, Kate and Jess are seated. There is one seat left and I take it.

  We talk about the land and what happens at a Pow wow and when that is. Steve and Danny are interested in coming back for it. I'm excited. Cloud tells us we can't wear the clothes we have on because we look like tourists. Everyone laughs. We are tourists, but we're learning. We finish and the kids clean up. Danny washes pans. I love having so many people around.

  Christian stands in front of Cloud. "Jeremy said he's ready to take the vision away. He said we have to go to the lake with Nunánuk and our family. It will keep him strong." Cloud lifts him holding him to his shoulder he talks softly to him. Putting him down he looks at Danny.

  "Can you come to the lake with us?"

  Danny looks surprised. "Of course. He gets shoes on the little ones; I grab hats for me and the babies and rub sunscreen on everyone as they hit the door. We take one truck and the bikes. I follow Cloud to the lake. Eagle Feather, Bear, Brody, Eagle Eye, Pamela and two women I don't know are there talking as we pull up. We walk around the lake to the rock where Cloud proposed and greet everyone. Nunánuk kisses Jeremy saying something to him in Mohegan. Jeremy answers her. I can't believe he just answered her and he did it in the old language. I smile at my littlest boy. She calls for Christian and Cloud placing them in the center of a circle. She has us make it wider, we move and sit. She makes us smile saying Indian style. I help Joey move her legs around once she's got it she smiles. Nunánuk comes to her and kisses her head saying something in the old language. She tells us to close our eyes, hold hands and relax.

  Cloud sits with Jeremy on one leg and Christian on the other. While my eyes are closed I hear Cloud talking softly to the boys. Nunánuk says something and people answer her. It's almost hypnotic, a chant of some sort. I listen for the words and answer when everyone else does. The wind picks up and I feel like Cloud always says, it’s caressing me. Joey answers when I do. I smile at the picture we make as if seeing us from above, a family holding onto each other to bring peace to one and healing to another. It's dreamlike.

  Cloud

  We skim the lake drawing the spirits healing over us, around us, into us. I feel Jeremy fighting to feel and dip us in. He sighs. I call for the spirits to guide us, heal us, take the pain from my boys and fill them with the peace of the spirits. Holding them I speak the old language circling the lake and my family. I circle the family and feel their love, their peace. Here with my people, my land, my spirits I feel peace flow through Christian, he holds Jeremy feeding him, helping me hold on to him. Don't let him go Christian; he needs us to come back.” Christian holds him tighter. We stay in our circle where the air feels thick with spirits. Peace envelopes us. I can feel their hands on us holding us together. I chant with them, Christian follows. Jeremy sighs again. Water flows over us in our family circle. Christian laughs, 'feel them Jeremy, they have hands on us, let them have it Jeremy, they can take it and fill you with light, peace, love.’ Nunánuk calls them for us; she uses our love to help. ‘Le
t them take it Jeremy, they know what to do, it won't hurt them.' We chant louder, Jeremy relaxes. 'You can do it my Littlest Ninja, let the spirits in, let them take it away and fill you with peace. The spirits are wise; ancient they know what to do. Trust in them, trust in your family, trust in me Jeremy let them take this. It won't hurt them, see it, see the truth in my heart.' I ask for Jeremy to be filled. He laughs. He laughs. I hold him tight; we thank the spirits, the guides to peace and healing. My boys thank them in Mohegan, they make the spirits smile.

  Opening my eyes I laugh. We have everyone's hands on us and we're all soaked. Jeremy laughs. Christian hugs him. "You let it go. You did it. Nunánuk the spirits don't get hurt do they?"

  "No my grandson, they are ancient, they take pain for the living and leave you with the sun and the wind, peace and love to share. The spirits are happy to be of service to us, they guide us, still teaching us in the old customs, strengthening our bond to the past and to them. We use them, learn from them and are grateful for their knowledge. You did good today Christian, you helped teach Jeremy of the elders before us. You helped him learn how to trust in his family and the spirits. Jeremy has a long story; today you made it an easier one." She kisses his head.

  Christian smiles and pulls Jeremy's head to his mouth he kisses him loud. I laugh. Jeremy smiles, "Christian." He hugs him. Everyone laughs. Touching them.

  Danny helps us up. "That was the fuckin craziest thing I've ever felt. Ask me for the next one. I may learn the language yet." CJ laughs hysterically with Joey.

  Nunánuk yells over everyone, "my warrior, Wôpiqôwan wuci nikôni wunicônah." My head whips around. Bear lets out a yell. Eagle Feather and Brody come over slapping my back. I'm too fuckin stunned to know what to say. I look over at CJ.

  Jeremy pulls my shirt. "Brother." He smiles. Christian laughs.

  I look at CJ then Nunánuk. Holy fuck! I'm going to be a dad again. I will see her stomach swollen with my child. Looking at Christian and Jeremy, "Don't you dare tell her. Let her find out when it's time. It will be more special for her. I want her life to be perfect. It is our job to make it that way." They nod smiling.

  Danny slaps my back. "Congratulation Brother. Pretty soon you'll catch up to me." Fuck!

  "We're not telling her. I don't want to take that away from her." I tell him so only he hears.

  He laughs. "You may want to get the crowd away from her then."

  I turn around looking for her. Bear is hugging her. Fuck! She looks at me with tears in her eyes. I go to her lifting her away from everyone; I carry her to the rock and sit. "I was trying to keep them quiet until you found out for yourself. I'm sorry baby." She laughs holding on to me. I thank the spirits and laugh with her. I hear the bikes and trucks leave but don't take my eyes off her. "You are giving me a son CJ. Our son, number six. Another warrior."

  She smiles. "A baby. I can't get my head around it. I'm excited and scared to death. I never did this before Cloud."

  I laugh, "Me either but we'll do it together. I can't wait to see my boy growing in you." She smiles laying her head on my chest. "Let's get back; we need to get our family home. I need to spoil my wife." I stand and set her down.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Four months

  CJ

  I am having a boy. The Dr just handed me the pictures, not that I needed it. My kids should work for the national weather bureau at least we'd get accurate reports. What was supposed to be a nice fall day is cold and raining. Friggin weatherman.

  Cloud is in Chicago, he's not happy about missing this appointment but work is work. It's not like he doesn't know I'm carrying his boy, I promised I'd call him as soon as I left so I sit in the truck and take a picture of the picture and send it to him. Danny laughs, "He'll like that." I nod smiling. I get a thank you text when we pull into the Bakery lot.

  Peg smiles when we walk in. "Little mamma, you're absolutely glowing." I love when they call me little mamma. I smile and ask for a muffin and tea. Danny has to see Jess about something with a donut shop. Tess comes from the back with Max. She sits with me, her coffee is teasing me with its strong vanilla smell, I don't even drink it with vanilla. She laughs. Friggin readers.

  "Look at you, you're beautiful CJ." Rob says from the side of me. I look up smiling thanking him. "When are you due?" He sits making me feel weird, I don't know if I want him this close or not. Tess watches us.

  "April."

  He smiles, "The kids must be excited."

  "They are looking forward to meeting their brother." I don't say anymore.

  He nods a couple of times. "I saw them in the yard, looks like they're all growing their hair like Cloud."

  I look at him wondering where this is going. "Yes, they are."

  "Joey is out of her wheelchair, I saw her with crutch things. She looks happy." He smiles but I feel like it's fake.

  "She is." I want him to move on now.

  He looks around, I think I should have been blocking and work at putting my block together in my head. Tess tells me I need to see her new desk in the office so I stand thankful for the escape. We say goodbye to Rob and follow Max to the back. "Thank you Tess, he makes me nervous or something."

  She smiles back at me, "It's or something and I feel it too. He's not out to hurt us but I feel he will." Wow, shit, this isn't good. I decide to make it a point to avoid him.

  Danny takes me home, he's quiet most of the time but this feels like a tense quiet. Something is going on. I thank him and walk in going straight to the office to finish the paperwork for the new boy we got yesterday. The new house has a great older husband and wife team that love the kids; this fills our last open bed, until tonight. With six kids the house runs surprisingly well. We waited to fill the last bed so we could see how they handle a large family. Their only son was killed in Kuwait; the kids seem to bring them happiness as only kids can. The MC has Brothers who served stopping by for some activities and visits with the kids. I think they are thoughtful and considerate. I shake my head clearing it of my daydreaming and get to work.

  I need to get this done so I can make it to the party after school today; it’s for one of the girls aging out of the City house. I wish the kids could go but Ben doesn’t want them leaving the yard while Cloud is in Chicago with the Baxter’s and Rich is training a Club in New Mexico. I don’t understand the training but I guess I don’t need to. I send the checklist and supporting documents over to the boy’s caseworker and my handler at DSS.

  Rob

  I’m like a fuckin leper. I don’t even get civil conversation. You would think they would be over it already. Christina was right. They’ll never trust me again. They’ll just keep ignoring me until I walk. I stand up and nod to Peg. I’ll start now. Christina is off. I’m not hiding with her anymore. They treated her like shit too. Throwing her out of the bar and treating her like a criminal because of some guys she doesn’t even know. Her only crime was talking to me apparently. She’s the only one I can count on nowadays. Fuck them. I don’t need Brotherhood enough to beg for it. Their star child is on their street, an Officer and they bought a fuckin helicopter for him. They can have it and him. CJ isn’t worth the trouble I got into over a fuckin kiss.

  CJ

  I change into a warmer outfit and grab an apple as I walk through the kitchen. I wait on the porch for my ride, Chet. His timing is perfect. He gets out and brings an umbrella over to walk me to the suv, they’re always prepared. He’s wearing a water repellant coat. I need to look for something like that in a big belly size. It may get a lot of use; Cloud wants a big family, like seven isn’t going to be enough. I smile thinking I don’t mind.

  A guy from Baxter Security opens my door when we pull up. I can’t believe they still have a guard here but it’s another thing I don’t need to know the why for. I smile and thank him. The kids from the other two houses are here and happy. The new boy, Ryan is quiet and watchful. This is normal for the new kids. They want to see how everyone interacts so they get a feel for their new ho
me. Thinking back I remember doing the same thing, people act different in front of company. As soon as the caseworkers would leave the real people emerged and most were not nice. I go to him and introduce myself telling him I hope he’s enjoying his first party, if not another is coming up soon. He’s surprised and smiles. He’s a good looking kid when he smiles.

  The kids are asking about my kids. I tell them about Cloud being gone and Security thought they were safest at the Kid’s Center. They’re happy when I tell them they will be at the next party. Ricky calls them over; friggin Little Ben has the kids on video chat. They wish Marissa luck and tell her to keep in touch with them. She’s so happy she tells them; Kate has a place for her with a roommate, she has her license and a job. The MC has her working at a friend's restaurant in the city. She'll be able to finish school and go to the community college in September. He tells her if she doesn't keep in touch they know where to find her. I love that kid.

  Chet runs through the door telling everyone to get in the safe room. Cindy and Rachel round the kids up, Cindy opens the wall downstairs and runs up with the girls. Cal takes me into the room downstairs and stands at the wall with his gun out. No one makes a sound. It feels like where in here for an hour when we hear shots and people moving around in the house. The kids don't move, I level my breathing and try to relax. There's yelling then we hear the bikes, I hope they're ours. Holy crap the gunshots sound like they're in the friggin house. What the hell is going on now the kids aren't even here? Someone's phone rings and I hold my breath. Fuck! Rachel is rummaging in her purse when the shots are fired. I see the hole in the wall before I go black.