She heard the side door open and a whoosh of cold air came through into the kitchen. She jumped up.
“I don’t want tea,” Peter said. “How about hot chocolate?”
Doris looked at him. “Go ahead and make it.”
His brow lifted, and he gaped at her. “I don’t want to make it.”
“Neither do I,” she snapped. Then she swallowed. Ach, she was being awful.
“I’m going to bed then,” Peter said, stomping out of the room.
“I-I’m sorry,” Doris muttered. “Do either of you want hot chocolate?”
Stuart shook his head. “I’m not sure I want anything. Maybe one of Sally’s cookies.”
“I’ll take one, too,” Matthew said. He was looking at her; she could feel it. She turned away and got the cookie jar from the counter, setting it on the kitchen table.
Both of them took a cookie. The tea kettle began to whistle, and she turned off the burner.
“So, who wants tea?” she asked.
“I’ll take a cup,” Matthew told her.
“Not me. I’m gonna turn in, too.” Stuart took a big bite of his cookie and then glanced at Matthew. “Come on up when you’re ready.”
“All right. Thanks.”
Stuart left the room and Doris wanted to run after him and beg him to stay. She didn’t want to be alone with Matthew. Already, the room seemed too small, and Matthew seemed too big. She bit her lip and busied herself with the tea. Matthew didn’t say one word, but she heard him sit down.
When the two cups of tea were ready, she turned and walked to the table to set them down.
“Here you go.”
Matthew looked up at her, and this time, she couldn’t avoid his gaze. He looked ragged and worn out. Troubled. Had something happened? Had he broken up with Annie? Her heart surged with hope, and she sat down across from him.
“Matthew?”
“Doris,” he said softly. He was finished with his cookie and picked up the cup of tea, blowing on it.
She did the same. He took a noisy sip and then set it back down. “It’s too hot. Be careful.”
She set her cup down without even trying it. She sucked in a huge breath. “Why are you here?” She couldn’t stand it any longer. Why was he here? It was long past a decent visiting hour.
He visibly swallowed, and now, he avoided her eyes. Dread filled her. She put her hands in her lap and twisted them together nervously.
“I-I wanted to talk to you…” he started.
“I figured…”
“I…” He reached his arm across the table, his hand open. Reluctantly, she raised one of her hands and placed it in his. He squeezed it. “Something happened tonight,” he went on.
“I figured that, too,” she said, forcing herself to meet his gaze. He looked so sad, so regretful, that she could barely draw breath.
“I planned to ask…” His shoulders hunched just the slightest. “I had planned to…” His voice faded again.
“Just say it, Matthew. You planned to propose to Annie.” Her words came fast and stark. She stared at him as if daring him to disagree.
“Jah.” He dropped his gaze for a moment, then looked back up at her.
Honestly, but he was taking forever to spit anything out. Did he think hesitating changed anything?
“Just tell me, Matthew. You’re driving me crazy.”
“Fine. I’m engaged.”
The words slammed through her, and she blinked over and over. Her throat tightened around a huge rock of tears, and she struggled to draw breath. “You asked her.” This time her words were so muted, she could hardly hear them. Tears burned in her eyes, and she desperately tried to keep them from falling.
It had happened. He was engaged. Her beloved Matthew now belonged to someone else. What would she do without him? Panic curled at the edges of her thoughts. This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t.
Matthew couldn’t be engaged.
Chapter Eleven
“Doris?” Her name was gentle on his lips.
“That’s…” She gulped once. Twice. “That’s wonderful gut news, Matthew,” she managed to choke out.
He put his other hand on top of hers, so that he was cradling her hand in both of his.
“Do you really think so?” he asked in a whisper.
Her eyes stretched wide. Why was he asking her? Why didn’t he just shut up? Did he know she was lying? Did he know she was ready to crumple right before his eyes? She blinked again, willing, no, forcing her tears away.
“Of … of course, I do,” she stammered. “It’s what you want, ain’t so?”
He didn’t answer her, and she could see the torment on his face. What was wrong? What had happened between him and Annie? Shouldn’t he be grinning with pleasure?
“It’s—” He stopped talking and blew out his breath.
“Matthew?” She tensed, and the air between them grew taut and thick and full of anguish.
And then he dropped her hand and jolted up from the table. He paced around the room like an untethered horse, and she watched him wide-eyed. He rubbed his hands down his legs over and over as he paced. He sighed and mumbled something she couldn’t make out. And then, as if making a sudden decision, he strode over to her and grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet.
He stared down into her eyes, his pupils large and his eyes never so dark and deep. And then he cupped her face in his hands and leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Doris was so stunned that she just stood there, frozen. But then she felt the warmth of his mouth on hers, felt his yearning, felt his passion and his love. And her lips moved against his. She threw her arms around him and pressed herself against him. He lowered his hands until his arms were about her, their strength encircling her. He pulled her close and even closer until there wasn’t a breath between them.
He groaned low in his throat, and his kiss grew harder and more possessive. She met his fervor with her own, feeling something break inside her, setting her free. She kissed him back with abandon, feeling as if she were floating somewhere magical and wonderful and too beautiful to fathom. When he drew away from her, she pressed her face against his chest, panting.
“Doris, ach, Doris,” he murmured over and over again.
She was crying now, her tears coursing down her cheeks and soaking into his shirt.
“Doris. Doris, don’t cry,” he whispered. “Please, don’t cry. Please.”
But she couldn’t stop. All her love for him welled up in waves so overpowering that she had to cry. Had to do something. And then her tears turned to wrenching sobs.
What was she doing? What was he doing? He was engaged. Engaged to Annie. This couldn’t be. It couldn’t…
She staggered out of his arms and looked at him with horror. “Matthew…” she started.
He stepped forward and caught her back to him, pressing her against him, his arms so strong and possessive that she blanched.
“It’s not like…” He took her shoulders and drew her from him until he was looking her in the eye. “I didn’t ask Annie. I was going to… I opened my mouth… I even started to ask her—”
“But you’re engaged!” she cried. “You just told me so!”
“I never asked her. I swear, I didn’t. Annie just assumed. She said yes when I hadn’t even asked.”
Doris gaped at him, trying to make sense of his words. “What do you mean?” she finally said. “I don’t understand.”
“I couldn’t get the words out.” He pulled her to him again and hugged her close, kissing the top of her kapp. “I tried. Ach, dear Lord, how I tried. I couldn’t get the words out. I don’t love her, Doris. Not like I love you.”
Doris gasped and drew back. “What?”
He shook his head and smiled at her. “Not like I love you. Not like I’ve always loved you.”
“But…” Her mind whirled. He loved her? He loved her like she loved him? And then she began to smile. Her lips stretched wide into a beautiful, knowing smile. “Ach, Matthew,” she said
. “I love you, too.”
“But … Jordan?” he asked.
“We’re over.”
“What?”
“We’re over.”
“When? How? I-I didn’t know…”
“I wasn’t going to tell you. I didn’t want to interfere with you and Annie, and I’d already taken more than my share of sympathy from you and—”
She wasn’t able to finish before he picked her up and swung her around the kitchen. “It’s really over? Between you and Jordan?”
“It’s really over,” she said, unable to keep from giggling.
“Ach, Doris.” He set her down, and his expression turned sober.
“But … Annie?” Doris asked.
“I must tell her. I’ll tell her tomorrow.” He closed his eyes and blew out his breath, and then he gazed at Doris again, and the love she saw there made her breath catch. “I was a coward, Doris. When Annie answered me before I even asked her, I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. She was so happy. I didn’t know what to do.”
Doris leaned against him. “I’m sorry.”
“And now I’ve got to hurt her…” He sucked in a long breath. “I don’t want to. I feel terrible, but this is my doing, and I must take care of it.” He gazed down at her. “I’ve always loved you, Doris. But how could I? We’re cousins.”
“But not really.”
“In the eyes of everyone who counts, we are.”
“I know.”
“Will they accept us?” he asked. “Will they accept us as a couple, do you think?”
“I don’t know.”
He shook his head and gave a low whistle. “And you’re really over Jordan?”
She nodded. “Jah, Matthew. I’m really over Jordan.”
“I can’t believe it. You drove me wild, you know.”
“Did I?”
He grinned at her. “You did, and you know it.”
She shrugged. “Maybe, I knew it. But I couldn’t trust my thoughts. And Matthew, I am sorry about Annie. She’s a nice girl.”
“She’s a wonderful girl,” he said. “But she’s just not you.”
Doris pressed her hands to her chest, hardly believing this was happening. That Matthew loved her.
“You will marry me, won’t you?” he asked, nuzzling her neck.
She sucked in a breath. “You’re asking me?”
“Jah. And the words came right out.” He smiled at her. “Did you notice? With no effort at all.”
“I noticed.” She gave him a tender look. “And of course, I’ll marry you.”
His smile widened. “Gut. Gut. It can’t be official until I take care of things with Annie. I’m sorry, Doris. About all of this. And I’m truly sorry for not speaking up.”
“I know,” she said. “And I know you’ll work it out.”
“I will.”
“Maybe, we should turn in now.”
“We should. And I will think about the best way to tell Annie.”
“You’ll tell her first thing?”
“Probably tomorrow afternoon. Or evening. She expects me to come by tomorrow evening.”
“And she won’t be telling her folks about the two of you?”
“Nee. We agreed to keep it secret.”
“All right.”
“And then, we’ll figure out how to tell our families about us, all right?”
She smiled at him warmly. “All right, Matthew.”
They climbed the stairs together, parting in the middle of the hallway. Doris watched Matthew walk to Stuart’s room, his shadow stretching down the hallway in the light of the lantern. He paused at the door and waved at her before disappearing inside. She bit her lip, letting tears of relief and joy fill her eyes. And then she slipped into her own room, placing the lantern on her bedside table.
She would sleep well that night. She wouldn’t allow herself to fret over Annie or how to tell Verna and Nathaniel or how to break it to her folks. She wouldn’t allow herself to fret over anything. She would simply bask in the knowledge that Matthew loved her.
He wanted her.
And she was going to marry him.
Chapter Twelve
The next morning, things didn’t go the way Matthew had planned. He scurried off home even before having breakfast as he was concerned that Verna and Nathaniel would be worried—no matter how many times Henrietta assured him otherwise. The snow had stopped—although, there was a good extra three inches on the ground. As he drove Blackie and the buggy home, he was glad once again for the way the Englisch kept the roads plowed.
As soon as he opened the side door, after seeing to Blackie, Verna came rushing toward you.
“Ach, there you are,” she said. “I was worried.”
“I spent the night with John and Henrietta.”
Verna clucked her tongue. “Nathaniel kept telling me that was where you were. I figured he was right, but I must confess I fretted nonetheless.”
“I’m sorry, Mamm,” he said, putting his arm around her. “The snow was coming down pretty hard, and Henrietta insisted. You know how she is.”
Verna chuckled. “I do know my sister. Truth be told, I would have insisted the same. But I’m glad you’re back. Your dat has it in his head to go see Jeremy Ebersole this morning.”
“Jeremy Ebersole? Whatever for?”
“Your dat has taken it in his head to start raising bees.” Verna shook her head. “I told him the last days before Christmas is hardly the time to be investigating the possibility.”
Matthew laughed. “You’re right. But once Dat gets something in his mind…”
Verna smoothed down her apron. “I know. I know. You talk to him, would you?”
“I can try, but I expect I’ll be going to visit Jeremy with him right soon.”
Verna chuckled. “I expect so.”
Matthew shed his coat and hung it on its peg. “Where is he?”
“In the front room. Waiting for you, I s’pose.”
Matthew smiled. “All right.”
“Matthew?”
“Jah?”
“I’m right glad you’re home.”
He returned her smile and headed through the kitchen toward the front room. Raising bees…? But his mind couldn’t settle on that with any focus, as all he could think of right then was how he was going to tell Annie. He cringed at the thought. He hated the idea of hurting her, but there seemed no other option. He couldn’t marry her when he loved Doris as he did.
And he didn’t really want to wait till that night to tell her.
“Dat?”
Nathaniel looked up from the book he was reading. “Ach, you’re back. Did you spend the night at John’s?”
“I did.”
Nathaniel nodded as if mighty pleased with himself. “That’s what I told your mamm.”
“I’m sorry I worried her.”
“Ach, she frets over a fly buzzing at a closed window.” He set his book down on his lap. “I’m thinking of raising bees. Did you know that some folks rent out their bees and make money from it?”
“I did know that.”
“I want to do the same. Not be so dependent on the corn.”
Matthew sat down in a rocker. “Sounds reasonable.”
“Jeremy Ebersole raises bees. I’m thinking to go on over there today. Will you join me?”
Matthew blew out his breath. “But I was thinking of doing some visiting today myself,” he said.
“Who?”
Matthew didn’t want to tell him. What possible reason could he give for going over to the Hershbergers’ that morning?
“More like an errand,” Matthew hedged. “When were you thinking of leaving?”
If Nathaniel waited till mid-morning, he could slip over to speak with Annie first. He’d think of some sort of excuse for arriving at that hour.
Nathaniel rubbed his dry hands together, filling the room with a scratching sound. “I thought to leave right away after breakfast. I’d sure be pleased if you’d join me.”
>
“So early?”
“Jah. I know folks are busy these days before Christmas. But I reckon Jeremy won’t be busy in the kitchen baking.” He laughed at his joke.
“I don’t reckon he will. We could leave a bit later, maybe?”
Nathaniel shook his head. “Nee. What if it takes a notion to snow again? I think we’d best head out right away.”
Matthew sighed. Nathaniel was looking at him with such enthusiasm and interest. Matthew could hardly remember the last time he’d seen the man so animated about something.
“All right, Dat,” Matthew agreed, and Nathaniel got right up and came over, slapping him on the knee.
“There’s the spirit. Let’s go eat.”
“Can I use the buggy in the afternoon, then?”
“Don’t see why not. As long as it’s not snowing. Don’t want to fret Verna again.”
“Nee, we don’t want that. Thanks, Dat.”
Matthew followed him to the kitchen.
Chapter Thirteen
Had he told her yet? Doris rolled out the cookie dough, but her mind was completely fixed on Annie Hershberger. Did she know? Did she know that she wasn’t going to marry Matthew after all?
Doris picked up the Christmas tree cookie cutter and pressed it into the dough over and over until she’d covered the entire piece she’d rolled out. She carefully pried the tree cookies from the counter and placed them on baking sheets.
“Those ready?” Sally asked her.
“Jah. Can you put them in, and I’ll roll out another batch.”
“Sure can,” Sally said. “You should have put almond flavoring in these like I do. They’re better, I think.”
“But then my cookies would taste like yours. This way, yours get to be the special ones.”
Sally flushed. “I s’pose so.”
“You girls finished yet?” Henrietta asked, entering the kitchen. “I could use some help in pulling out the table and bringing down an extra bench from Stuart’s room.”
“Ach, I’m so excited,” Sally said. “I love Christmas!”
Henrietta gave her a stern look. “Let’s not be forgetting the reason we celebrate it, daughter.”
“I’m not forgetting, Mamm. It’s just so wonderful gut to have family over and eat together.” She laughed. “And it ain’t no regular meal, either.”
The Revelation (Doris's Christmas Story Book 3) Page 6