He hurried downstairs and found Verna in the kitchen.
“I’m going out, Mamm,” he told her.
She raised a brow. “Who is it, Matthew? Your dat and I have some guesses. Can’t we talk about it?”
Matthew grinned at her eagerness. “I’ll tell you who I’m courting soon, Mamm. Right soon, as a matter of fact.”
Verna’s expression grew even more animated. “Right soon? Ach, but that’s wonderful! Have a gut time, son.”
Matthew pressed his hat on his head. “I plan to,” he said, giving her a wink. He stepped into the washroom and put on his coat and scarf. Then he went out into the cold to hitch up Blackie.
Fifteen minutes later, Matthew was on his way to the Hershberger place. He’d arranged to pick up Annie at seven-thirty, and he was going to be a few minutes early, which suited him fine. He didn’t want her to have to wait in the cold for him. He’d flipped on his heater and the buggy was feeling quite comfortable. He grinned. This would be a good evening.
As he pulled close, he saw that Annie was already out there, waiting. She was standing quite close to the road and the streetlamp illuminated her so that she looked almost angelic, waiting there in the snow for him.
He pulled up on the reins. “Hello, Annie,” he called through the window. He leaned over and opened her door.
“Hello, Matthew. It’s a fine evening, ain’t so?”
He loved her voice. It was soft and welcoming, and she usually only spoke of happy things, which was a huge relief after all that had been going on between him and Doris.
“It is a fine evening,” he said.
She pulled her door shut, and he snapped the reins, getting underway again.
“I thought we might go to Wiley’s Pond.”
“Are we going to take a walk?” she asked.
“Nee, I think it’s much too cold. I thought we might just sit inside the buggy and enjoy the view.”
“That sounds right nice,” she said.
She laid her hand on his arm, and suddenly, he was nervous. He sucked in a deep breath to steady himself. Would she say yes? When he asked her to marry him? Surely, she would, or had he read her wrong all these weeks? He knew it was a bit fast; after all, they hadn’t courted for very long. But he was eager to get things moving. He saw no reason to dally. He was certainly of age, and so was Annie.
He steered Blackie toward the pond. They didn’t meet any cars on the road, and he was grateful for that. He pulled into the dirt parking spot and pulled up on the reins. They were situated perfectly to watch the pond. The moon was out in full force that night, which pleased him. He wanted to see Annie’s face when he asked her, and even though it was dim in the buggy, he could see her well enough.
He let the reins fall to his lap.
“I wish we’d see an owl,” Annie said. “I’ve only seen one twice, and they’re so big. They swoop through the air with such grace, don’t you think? And so quietly, too.”
Owls? His mind was on anything but owls, but she was waiting for a response. “Uh, jah. They are quiet.”
He’d seen barn owls plenty of times and wondered how it was possible that she’d seen them only twice. When he was about twelve, he and Doris spent a lot of time tromping around outside in the dark. They’d seen owls regularly and had watched them dive down to snatch up mice more than once. Doris always felt sorry for the mice, but he didn’t. Mice wreaked havoc in the barn, especially during winter.
Annie was smiling at him.
“What?” he asked her. “What is it?”
“I’m just so happy to be here with you.” Her voice was breathless, and he started to sweat. Should he wait until later in the evening to ask her? At least until after they’d sat there a while longer? Or should he get it over with right quick-like?
He looked at her and once again admired her luminous eyes. They were large for her face—sometimes she seemed to be all eyes. She was gazing at him now with obvious admiration. He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. She would say yes. Of course, she would say yes.
And then tomorrow, he could go and tell Doris. She’d be happy for him. Or, he thought she would be. Doris liked Annie well enough. Maybe someday, Annie and Doris could become close friends. And then, Doris would come around frequently. He bit his lip and scowled. What would that be like?
No. No. He hoped she and Annie wouldn’t be good friends. He didn’t want Doris coming around all the time.
“Have you heard anything about Jordan Lehman?” Annie asked. “Dat said he was lucky and that he wasn’t hurt too badly.”
Matthew blinked. “I did see him. I took Doris into town. And your dat’s right. He wasn’t hurt too badly.”
“That’s gut then,” Annie said. “You took Doris?”
“Jah, I did.” Why in the world were they talking about Jordan Lehman? And Jordan and Doris? Good grief, was there no end to it?
“I bet she’s right happy he’s all right.”
He grunted his agreement, wanting to change the subject. “How’s your family?” he blurted.
Annie gave him a funny look. “Why, they’re fine.”
“Gut.”
Annie bit her lip and looked so adorable and so soft and so… what? Matthew should have been flooded with desire, but he wasn’t. In fact, he found himself irritated, and he had no earthly idea why. He shifted again in his seat.
“Matthew, are you all right?” Annie asked. “You seem awful restless.”
Nerves. Just nerves. He was nervous about asking her to marry him. Maybe he should just do it. He’d feel much better afterward…
“Annie?” he said.
“Jah?”
“I know we haven’t been courting long…”
She sucked in her breath and leaned toward him. He couldn’t help but smile at the earnest expression on her face.
“And I know,” he continued, “that sometimes, these things take a long, long time…”
He was rambling. What was wrong with him? Spit it out, man. Annie hadn’t moved. Her huge eyes were focused on him.
“I-I was wondering—” He cut himself off. He swallowed. He licked his lips. Annie watched his every move, her eyes dancing now with anticipation. Did she know? Did she know what he was about to ask? He drew in a breath.
“You were wondering….?” she prompted him.
He gave her a nervous smile. “Jah. I was wondering…” He tried to get the rest of the words out. He’d practiced them at least a hundred times that afternoon. I was wondering if you’d agree to be my wife. Only a few more words to go. Was that so hard? He swallowed again and opened his mouth. “I was wondering…”
He panicked. His mouth wasn’t working properly. He couldn’t get them out. How Doris would snicker if she knew. Doris. Doris. Doris.
Annie grabbed his hands. “Jah, Matthew. Jah. I will marry you.”
He gasped.
“That was what you were trying to say, wasn’t it?” She smiled at him, her eyes soft and full of love. “Wasn’t it?” She tensed and suddenly appeared horrified.
He nodded dumbly, and she sighed with relief.
“Ach, Matthew! I’m so happy. I love you so much.” She drew his hands to her lips and kissed them. “My folks will be so glad. I can’t wait to tell them. They know I’m being courted, and I think they’ve guessed that it’s you…” She giggled. “I’m so happy.”
Matthew couldn’t speak. How had this happened? But she was right—he had been going to ask her, but he couldn’t do it. He didn’t do it. And now, it was done. How had this happened? Annie wasn’t forward like this. Why, she hadn’t even waited for him to get the words out. But she was so happy, so excited. And she loved him. He needed to say it back. He needed to tell her he loved her. He opened his mouth, but again, the words wouldn’t come. Doubt grabbed hold of him. Doubt and regret and dread.
Dear Lord in heaven.
How had this happened?
“Shall we wait for the normal wedding season?” Annie asked. “But th
at’s a right long time to wait. Why, it’d be almost an entire year, Matthew.” She giggled again. “Ach, we’re engaged for Christmas. Isn’t it wonderful?”
She leaned against him then, and he heard her sigh. It almost sounded like a purr, and he stiffened. She sensed it and immediately drew back.
“I’m sorry, Matthew. I’m being too bold, ain’t so? It’s just that I’m so excited. I’ve been praying for this. Ever since the first time you took me riding.”
She gazed up at him with such adoration that his throat closed. He couldn’t grab a breath. Ach, it was too close in there. There was no air. He leaned down and switched off the heater.
“Are you too hot?” she asked.
“Uh, jah.”
“It is warm in here.” She pressed her hands against her chest. “Thank you, Matthew. For asking me.”
But I didn’t. I didn’t ask you!
“I should tell my folks right away. Mamm will be over the moon.”
“Maybe, we should wait…” he eked out.
“What? But why?”
“I don’t know.” His mind whirled. “Maybe, we could keep this to ourselves for a while. It could be our secret.”
“Our precious secret,” she said, her brows raising and a look of pleasure covering her face. “Jah. For a little while at least. I’ve never had such a wonderful secret.”
She was looking at him expectantly, and he mumbled, “Nor have I.”
Chapter Nine
The next hour was excruciating. Matthew sat and mainly listened to Annie’s excited jabber. He smiled at the right times, he commented when necessary, but he was in a daze. Was this how everyone felt when they first became engaged? He needed time to think. Silence to think. And he wasn’t going to get it there with Annie. She wasn’t normally a big talker, but she certainly was breaking all records that evening.
He couldn’t really blame her. She’d just gotten engaged.
Was he all right with it? Ach, but he needed to think. Yet he must be all right with it—it had been his idea in the first place. He had planned to ask her. She did jump the gun a bit, but still … it had been his idea.
By the time he announced it was time to take her home, he’d slightly warmed up to the idea. It was impossible to be with this thrilled version of Annie and not have it rub off on him. She really was a lovely girl, and he was lucky to have her. Every few minutes, she reached over and touched him, and he liked that. She even had him laughing when they pulled to a stop at the top of her drive.
“When shall we see each other again?” she asked, her voice eager.
“Soon. Maybe tomorrow tonight.”
“Christmas is almost here.” She looked at him. “Maybe telling Mamm can be my present to her.”
He gripped the reins tighter. When he’d suggested they keep it a secret for a while, he’d meant for more than a couple days.
“Maybe,” he said, “but I think I want it private between you and me a bit longer.”
She paused, and her smile widened. “You’re so romantic, Matthew.”
She had her hand on the door, but she paused. And then he realized she was waiting for him to kiss her. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. It was a gentle kiss, tender and affectionate.
But there was no real passion. Annie didn’t seem to notice—she flounced out of the buggy, waved happily, and ran up her driveway.
But Matthew noticed. And the knowledge sat in his stomach like a bucket of cement.
He drove home in a stupor. He wanted to turn toward the Glick household in the worst way. He wanted to see Doris. To tell her. To watch her reaction. It he could sit with her a while and have her be happy and excited for him, things would right themselves in his mind. Yes. That was what he needed.
But it was late. He could hardly go over there at this hour. Or could he?
He tugged on the reins and Blackie slowed. It wouldn’t be that far out of the way. He could just stop by, say hello, see Doris a while, and then go back home. His folks wouldn’t be surprised at his late arrival. His mother would likely be glad—knowing he’d been out courting.
He found a wide spot in the road and turned around. His heart was in his throat. Why should he feel dread? This was a momentous time in his life. A joyous time. God had blessed him with a wonderful fiancée.
A car whizzed past at a ridiculous speed, considering it was dark and there could be ice on the road. Blackie balked, and Matthew’s grip turned to iron on the reins.
“Whoa, boy, it’s all right. You’re all right. It’s gone now.”
He held his breath until Blackie settled. What was he doing, staying out so late—extending the evening by going to the Glicks? He needed to get home and tend to Blackie. He knew he should, but he didn’t turn back. He couldn’t. Seeing Doris had become a driving force now, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe normally until he saw her.
When he turned into their farm, he was relieved to see light coming from the front room windows. Someone was still up. He hoped Doris was not in bed. He drove up to the front porch and pulled on the reins. He climbed out, feeling a bit foolish now. What excuse could he give for being out so late?
But he was there now, and likely, someone had heard his buggy. Which they had, for Henrietta opened the door.
“Matthew? Is that you?”
“Hello, Aenti. It’s me.”
“Ach, but what’s happened? Is it Verna? Nathaniel? Is someone ill?”
Now, Matthew really felt ridiculous. “Nee, Aenti. Everything’s fine.”
She clasped a hand to her chest and held the lantern up higher. “Gut. You scared me. Well, get yourself in. Come on.”
He followed her into the house and into the front room. His heart skittered when he saw Doris look up from her book. She frowned, giving him a puzzled look.
Stuart and Peter were working on a puzzle at the coffee table, sitting on the floor.
“What are you doing here so late?” Peter asked.
“I-I was just passing by and thought I’d stop in,” Matthew said, knowing how lame he sounded.
“A cousin don’t need an excuse to stop in,” Henrietta scolded, although she looked puzzled, too.
Doris stood. “I’ll put on a kettle.”
“Is it snowing out there?” Stuart asked.
“Nee, but it’s awful cold,” Matthew answered.
Peter got up and stretched. Then he went to the front window. “It’s snowing now.”
Matthew quickly joined him. “Ach, it is. Maybe, I should just go on home.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Henrietta said. “You’ve just arrived. If necessary, you can spend the night.”
She joined them at the window. “Ach, it’s really coming down. Why don’t you boys help Matthew unhitch and see to Blackie.”
“But—” Matthew protested.
“But nothing. You’re spending the night. It won’t be the first time. Your mamm will know you’re here.”
“She didn’t know I was coming.”
Henrietta shrugged. “Like I said, this isn’t your first time. You’ve stayed over plenty through the years. She’ll know you’re here.”
Henrietta was probably right, but still, this hadn’t been what he’d had in mind. He didn’t want to spend the night. He didn’t want to lay upstairs in Stuart’s room, knowing Doris was just down the hall. Knowing she was lying there with her hair loose, fanning over the pillow. He’d often wanted to run his fingers through her hair, feel its softness, play with its curls.
Peter was staring at him. “What’s wrong with you?” he asked. “Come on.”
Matthew gave a start and laughed nervously. “Not a thing’s wrong. Jah, let’s go see to Blackie.”
The three of them left the house.
Chapter Ten
Doris put the kettle on. What in the world was Matthew doing, coming over at that late hour? Why, her sisters and her father had already turned in for the night. She heard commotion out front and looked out the kitchen window. H
er eyes widened. In the shadows, it looked like her brothers were outside with Matthew, and they were taking the buggy to the barn. Was he going to spend the night?
Her pulse quickened. What was he doing there? And hadn’t he been going to ask Annie to marry him that night? That was the thought that had been banging around in her head all evening. In truth, she hadn’t read more than a page or two of her book; even though, she’d been sitting with it the better part of two hours.
Was Matthew engaged that very moment? She grabbed the counter and held on. Was he? Is that why he’d come? To share the news with her family? A wave of dizziness lunged through her, and she held on.
Nee, nee, nee, she prayed silently. Don’t let that be it…
“Doris? Isn’t the kettle on yet?” her mother’s voice filled the room.
Doris gulped in air and quickly moved to turn on the tap. “Just filling the kettle, Mamm.”
“I’m ready to turn in. You young folks can stay up if you like, but don’t be too late about it. We’ve got things to take care of tomorrow for Christmas, and I don’t want any sleepy-heads.”
“All right, Mamm,” Doris said quickly. “We won’t stay up late.”
Her mother left, and Doris leaned against the counter. She had half a notion to follow her mother straight upstairs. She didn’t want to hear Matthew’s news. She didn’t want to pretend excitement. She didn’t want to see his anticipation.
The whole thing made her sick to her stomach. She set the full kettle on the burner and turned it on. Mechanically, she got out four cups and saucers. Maybe, she should go upstairs and awaken Kara. She could face this better if Kara was by her side.
No. Doris could do this. She could. She’d been bracing herself all evening for this. In truth, she’d been bracing herself for days. She sank down onto a kitchen chair and waited for the kettle to boil. The boys would be in any minute. She practiced smiling, but her face was stiff and all she wanted to do was lay her head on the table and cry.
The Revelation (Doris's Christmas Story Book 3) Page 5