by Kim Fox
After, I grab my crushed tin coffee pot and do my best to shape it back out with a rock.
No more fucking with my coffee pot. Each morning, I’m having a cup before you come out. Got that?
I can feel him sulking, but he doesn’t protest. We’ve done things his way for too long and look where it’s gotten us. Lonely and heartbroken. Nora-less.
He knows he fucked up.
It’s time we try to work together a little bit. No more enemies. It’s not helping either of us.
I sense a shift in him as he listens. The hatred is gone. The attitude crushed. A broken heart will do that to you, and he’s as brokenhearted as me.
When I’m finished cleaning the cave, I lie down on the cold rock and stare at the ceiling, unable to sleep.
The loneliness hits hard now. Harder than ever.
Now that I’ve had a taste of family, friends and… love. I don’t want to come back here. I don’t want this to be my life anymore.
A warm tear slides down my temple as my chest aches.
I’ll just have to get used to living like a wild animal again.
Because, what else can I do?
9
Nora
I’m shaken on the walk back to the ranch. From the grizzly bear, from seeing Kneecap in so much pain, but mostly from watching him walk away from my outstretched hand.
My heart broke as I watched him disappear into the forest.
Of all the shitty things that happened tonight, that was the worst one.
Lachlan pulls me to the side. “Are you okay?” he asks, looking worried.
“From what?” I ask with a deep breath. “My dad wanting to kidnap me, seeing a man transform into a bear, or almost getting eaten?”
He gives me a strained smile. “All of the above?”
“What was that?” I ask, remembering the horrific image of Kneecap thrashing around on the ground. He was part bear, part human and neither of them at the same time. “Is he possessed by a demon?”
“No demon,” Lachlan says with a sad look on his face. “Although Kneecap might tell you otherwise.”
I stop and stare at him. “What does that mean? Explain this. Please.”
Maximus, Caleb and the twins stop as well, watching us with an uneasy look on their faces.
“It’s okay,” Lachlan says to them. “She’s my mate’s sister. She’s family and I can trust her.”
They all look to Maximus who takes a deep breath and continues walking. The boys follow him, leaving the two of us alone.
“Trust me for what?” I ask when it’s just me and Lachlan. “Is this some kind of black magic?”
I don’t say a word for the next five or ten minutes as he explains all about shifters to me. Men who have animals living inside them? It would be unbelievable if I didn’t just see it with my own eyes.
“Does Jessie know about this?” I ask when he’s done talking.
“Of course,” he says. “She’s my mate.”
“Your mate?” I repeat. “You’re telling me that my sister’s soul is melded with yours?” Of all the things he just told me, the concept of mates seems the hardest to believe. But when I think about my strong feelings for Kneecap, which all came about in such a short time, it doesn’t really seem so hard to believe.
“We share a special bond that can’t be broken,” he says. I can tell from the look of love and pure happiness in his eyes that he’s not lying.
“Has Kneecap… bonded with anyone else?” I don’t know how I’m going to feel if he says yes.
“No,” Lachlan says. “I don’t know if Kneecap is going to have a mate. I don’t see it, but I hope I’m wrong.”
He is wrong. I know it in my bones. There’s a lot of love inside that big man, he just doesn’t know how to let it out.
“His bear,” I say, shivering when I think about him again. “He looked so angry.”
“He’s always angry,” Lachlan says.
“Was he going to eat me?”
“No!” he says quickly. “Definitely not.”
But he doesn’t look convinced.
“Lachlan,” I say, narrowing my eyes on him.
He looks uncomfortable. “Probably not. Maybe not. Better not go near him again. Just in case.”
I laugh out of disbelief. This is all so crazy.
The bear looked furious as he stood in front of me. Hard, fierce grey eyes. Long sharp teeth. Back ached.
But he didn’t feel aggressive. He seemed more curious than threatening.
He could have killed me easily in the three seconds he was out, but all he did was watch me, sniff me, and tilt his head.
Then his head jerked back and he roared in pain as he started shaking. I was frozen as I watched him fall to the dirt, his fur turning to skin and then back again.
“I want to go see him.”
Lachlan jerks his head back in shock. “The bear?”
“Kneecap.” I can’t get the image of his brokenhearted look out of my head. I want to give him a hug. I want to offer him another chance to come back to the campfire with me.
I’d go off to find him by myself, but I’d get lost in the dark forest and probably end up in quicksand or surrounded by wolves.
“Can you take me to see him?”
Lachlan laughs nervously. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I didn’t ask you if it was a good idea,” I say, giving him an intimidating stare. “I asked if you can take me to see him.”
He runs his hand through his hair and holds his breath. “I can’t, Nora,” he says. “Let him cool off. If you still want to come back tomorrow, I’ll bring you. I promise.”
I don’t want to see him tomorrow. I want to see him now.
“I’m sure Jessie is really shaken up from having your father return,” he says. “I think we should both go back and see if she’s okay.”
I glance over my shoulder in the direction that Kneecap walked off in. I can’t see anything but dark trees.
He’s right. Jessie probably does need us. If not me, then her hot mate to wrap his big comforting arms around her. And I’m holding him up.
“All right,” I reluctantly say. “Let’s go back.”
“Thank you,” Lachlan says, looking relieved.
“But tomorrow,” I say, sticking a warning finger in his face. “You promised.”
He smiles nervously. “You sure? That doesn’t sound like something I’d promise.”
“Lachlan!”
“Okay, okay,” he says with a gulp. “Tomorrow it is.”
“You kicked that guy right in the balls,” I say, laughing as Jessie takes a sip of her beer. She nearly spits it out laughing.
We’re sitting crosslegged on her bed, having a drink and sharing a sister moment. We should have had a lot more of these growing up.
“Did you see how big his eyes went?” she asks with a giggle. “It hurt! I thought my toe was broken.”
“You’re such a badass!” I say, looking at her with admiration and pride. “I still can’t believe you stood up to Dad.”
“I still can’t believe you offered to take my place,” she says.
She gets choked up as she looks at me with watery eyes. Her lips pinch together as her chin quivers. “Thank you,” she says. “That was a real big sister thing to do.”
Now I’m getting choked up. “Yeah, well,” I say with a sniff. “I haven’t always been the best big sister to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there more.” This has been on my chest for a lifetime and I finally want to apologize for it. “I’m sorry I abandoned you.”
“You didn’t abandon me,” she says, leaning forward. She reaches out and puts a comforting hand on my arm. “I’m glad you got out. I’m glad you had a mother to keep you away from him.”
Tears start wetting my cheeks as I look at her. We look so different. If it weren’t for the same big ears that I have, you’d never know we were sisters.
“I’ve always felt guilty,” I say, letting it all out. �
�I always felt like we should be facing him together. Like it would have been easier on you if I was there to share the burden of his wrath. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help.”
“I’m glad you weren’t there,” she says, squeezing my arm. “I mean, it would have been comforting to have you there, but I would have hated having to watch him put you through all of that too. It would have broken my heart. I was always relieved to know that you were safe. That your mother had your back.”
We hug and then share a cry, and I feel closer to her now than I’ve ever felt. I think she feels the same.
“Do you think he’ll be back?” I ask when we’re done the sappy stuff.
She wipes her eyes and laughs. “Are you kidding? He can’t pay those guys to return.”
I laugh too. “Not with his daughter landing vicious kicks to their balls.”
We laugh and drink our beers, getting comfortable on the soft bed.
“Are you okay?” Jessie asks, looking at me carefully. “Lachlan told me what happened.”
My heart feels like it’s getting crushed as I’m brought back to that moment.
“I’m okay,” I say, staring at the label of my beer as I pick off the corner. “I just wish I could see him. I keep picturing him sleeping alone in the woods and it makes my heart hurt.”
She tells me the story about the first time she met Kneecap. Her and Lachlan were relaxing on a beach when she spotted a naked man stalking a deer through the forest.
“I didn’t know what the hell was going on,” she says, laughing. “I thought I was seeing Bigfoot.”
“I thought the same thing!” I say, laughing.
“When he saw us he came charging,” she says, shaking her head. “That’s when I found out that Lachlan was a bear. I still cringe every time I remember them fighting.”
My shoulders drop and my happy smile fades into a sad one as I picture him all by himself. I can still see the shame on his face and it kills me. He thinks he did something wrong.
I know his bear wasn’t going to hurt me. I was shocked to see it, but looking back there wasn’t anything to be afraid of.
“You like him, don’t you?” Jessie asks.
I nod.
“You really like him.”
I nod again.
“He’s a complicated man,” she says. “You won’t be able to fix him.”
I take a deep breath as I look down at the beer bottle in my hands. I’ve tried to fix every guy that I’ve ever dated. I’ve been the psychologist, therapist, and counselor, but never the girlfriend. But with Kneecap, I don’t want to fix him. I like him just how he is.
For the first time, I want to be the girlfriend and only the girlfriend.
“I know,” I say, nodding. “I realize my mistake. I think having a notorious Chicago mob boss as my father kind of fucked me up.”
Jessie laughs. “I’ll drink to that.”
“It was hard to get intimate, you know?”
She nods. I’m sure she knows all about it.
“So instead of putting myself out there and experiencing true intimacy,” I say, swallowing hard. “I sabotaged it before it could start. I only let myself have relationships through a psychologist’s filter.”
“And with Kneecap?”
I sigh as I take a sip of my warm beer. “Tonight I saw the true Kneecap. All sides of him were revealed in a raw display of vulnerability. What’s more intimate than that? For the first time, I didn’t feel the need to run from it. I was drawn to it. I wanted to explore that intimacy with him and make myself as vulnerable as he made himself.”
She watches me as I sink into the pillows.
“You want to see him tonight, don’t you?”
I nod. “Can you get me to him?”
“I would if I could,” she says with a disappointed look. “There’s only one person who knows where he is.”
I sit up on the bed, back straight. “Who?”
“For fuck’s sake, stop knocking!” Maximus shouts as I slam my knuckles onto his door over and over again.
It’s got to be at least three in the morning and I’m definitely waking him up. Not that I care. I’m getting what I want even if his REM sleep has to be a casualty.
“What?” he snaps as he whips the door open wearing nothing but boxer briefs.
He sighs when he sees me and Jessie standing arms crossed on the porch.
“I want to go see Kneecap.”
He rubs his eyes, looking like he’s trying to wake himself up from an annoying dream. Too bad for him we’re still here and not going anywhere until we get what we want.
“It’s two in the morning,” he says, looking unmoved.
“Three in the morning!” Jessie corrects. “And we’re not leaving from this porch until you agree to take Nora to see Kneecap. We’re stubborn, we’re impatient, and we’re a little drunk. So. What do you say?”
He closes the door in our faces. “No.”
“Hey!” Jessie says, pushing past me. She starts slamming her fist onto the door. “Open up! We’re not going anywhere!”
She opens the door and barges into his cabin when he doesn’t answer.
Maximus drops his head when he sees us charging into his living room. “This is what happens when you let girls onto the ranch,” he mutters to himself.
“You know what else happens?” Jessie says, sticking her finger into his face. “Baked goods.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“Muffins. Cupcakes. Brownies. You name it. We’ll make it.”
“And if you don’t take us,” I warn, “Jessie will kick you in the balls!”
He laughs and shakes his head. “I have the feeling that you two won’t leave me alone until I agree.”
We both hook our arms together and nod. “The Marchesi sisters always get what they want,” Jessie says.
He laughs. “I can see that.”
We wait with held breaths as he thinks it over.
“You,” he says, pointing at me with a hard stare. “Get your hiking boots on.”
The excitement builds in me until it feels like I’m going to burst. I’m going to see Kneecap tonight.
“And you,” he says, pointing at Jessie. “Get started on those cupcakes.”
10
Kneecap
I spend the night dreaming of Nora. Her scent is swirling around my nose, making my insides stir.
Upon waking, the crushing realization that I’m never going to see her again is like descending from a dream into a nightmare. That is, until I open my eyes.
Big curly strands of blonde hair tickle my chest as Nora sleeps up against me. Her cheek is resting on my bicep, her warm drool leaking onto my skin.
My other arm is tucked protectively around her, holding her close against my body.
She was sleeping right beside me and I didn’t even know it.
I squeeze my eyes shut and then slowly open them, expecting to see her drift away as I wake up from my dream for real, but she’s still there. Laying beside me peacefully with the soft gentle sound of her breathing in and out, in and out.
I don’t understand. Why is she here? How is she here?
Shouldn’t she be terrified of me? Shouldn’t she be driving back home right now, speeding down the highway to get away from the monster she saw yesterday?
My mind scrambles to understand, but the only one who can explain it is sleeping. And I’m not about to wake her up.
This could be a mistake. She might leave as soon as she wakes, and I’m not about to throw away any time I could be spending with her. This may be the last time I have her in my arms.
So, I just hold her tight and breathe in the sweet smell of her skin as I look down at her curvy body, admiring every inch of it.
She’s still wearing the summer dress from yesterday. Still looking absolutely gorgeous.
Eventually, she stirs, and my heart starts pounding, terrified that she’ll leave.
Instead, she wakes up with a satisfied moan and turns arou
nd, facing me with the most gorgeous smile I’ve ever seen.
“Good morning,” she whispers.
“What are you doing here?” It comes out rough. Accusing. Not at all how I meant it.
Nora jerks her head back, looking upset. “I thought…” She goes to get up, but I hold her back down.
“That’s not what I meant,” I say, wanting to kick myself. God, I’m so bad at this. “It’s just… what are you doing here?”
Her face softens and she smiles when she sees the intent on my face. “I missed you.”
“You did?” No words have ever surprised me more. “For real?”
“Yeah,” she says, laughing. “Did you miss me too?”
I nod, unable to talk. She’s so fucking perfect. How could I not miss her?
“Kneecap,” she says as she sits up. She sees the drool she left on my forearm and laughs. “Oops,” she says, looking embarrassed as she wipes it away. “Sorry about that.”
The sound of her soft laughter makes me lightheaded. It’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard.
She takes a deep breath as she sits down and looks at me. “I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted last night,” she says.
I nearly laugh. “You want to apologize for the way you acted? I’m the one who wants to apologize.”
She tilts her head as she looks at me. “You did nothing wrong.”
“I nearly attacked you with a two-ton grizzly bear.”
“No, you didn’t,” she says. “Lachlan and Jessie told me about your bear. Maximus too. They said he has a bit of an anger issue.”
“A bit?” I laugh. That’s an understatement.
“He wasn’t angry,” she says. “At first I thought he was. But he wasn’t. He looked more curious than anything.”
My heart pounds as I listen to her. She’s confirming my suspicions. He wasn’t trying to eat her, he was just trying to get a closer look. I can’t blame him there.
He lets out a grumble inside me as if to say, ‘see? I told you so!’
“Maybe,” I say, sitting up in front of her. “But I still have to have better control.”