Obsessive

by Lee Heaven

  “Oh thank fuck,” I muttered.

  “I’ll be back in a little while to check how he’s doing. Make sure to call someone if something happens,” the doctor said as he wrote something on a clipboard and left the room.

  “Holy fuck that has to be one scariest thing I’ve ever seen,” Tobias said. “I didn’t think he was going to breathe on his own for a minute there.”

  I smiled at him and laid my head on his shoulder, “Common mistake people make. The body doesn’t automatically breath, a signal from the brain is needed. Think about holding your breath, sooner or later your brain forces you to take a breath because it needs the oxygen. So when you come off a ventilator where the machine has been doing everything, the brain needs a few seconds to kick in and tell the body to breath.”

  I continued to watch Tristan’s chest move up and down with each breath. I didn’t want him to struggle with even one breath. I wanted him well and healthy. I wanted nothing but good things for the rest of his life.

  How was I ever going to repay him? How was I ever gonna say thank you?

  Tobias and I sat there for an hour just watching him breathe. We didn’t talk at all. We just sat there in silence, listening to the music from the iPod. The doctor finally came back in and started fiddling with a machine and took the breathing tube out of his throat.

  “We’re going to stop the pentobarbital now,” he said as he pressed a few buttons. “It could take minutes or hours for him to wake up.”

  Now it’s just a waiting game. The music continued to play and play, shifting from one song to another. About a half hour after the drugs were stopped my stomach began to rumble loudly. I hadn’t eaten all day. Hell I’ve barely at in the past few days, just whatever was thrown down the stairs ever now and then. But, I couldn’t think about food once I woke up and needed to find Tristan.

  Tobias looked at me and just shook his head. Without saying a word he got up, kissed me on the forehead and disappeared through the door. I looked back over to Tristan and grabbed his hand.

  “You need to open your eyes. I need to know that you’re going to be alright. You’re here because my screwed up life sucked you in, I couldn’t live with myself if you’re seriously hurt. Please just open your eyes,” I whispered as I held his hand to my face.

  Shaggy’s It Wasn’t Me came blaring through the iPod. I had to chuckle, this song was one of the funniest things I had ever heard, all about some guy cheating, getting caught red-handed by his girlfriend and then denying it.

  Picture this, we were both butt naked, banging on the bathroom floor…

  “Really doll face, the bathroom floor,” he said in a hoarsely chuckle.

  Oh God!! He’s awake! I stared at his face and tears fell from my eyes. I sat there just staring at him and squeezing his hand.

  “Doll face, you’re gonna break my hand if you squeeze any tighter,” he chuckled. “You need to say something doll face, otherwise I’m gonna think I’m dead or dreaming.”

  I loosened my grip on his hand and started to mumble, “Uh…I…uh…” I dropped my head into my open hand and shook my head. I needed to clear my head and speak like a human. “Oh fuck, thank fucking god. I was so afraid.”

  He chuckled, “How long has it been?”

  “Five days.”

  “When did you get out?” He said in his raspy voice.

  “Just about thirty-two hours ago,” I sighed as more tears rolled down my face.

  He reached out and touched my neck. Neither of us said anything he knew why my neck was black; he didn’t have to see what happened, he saw what had happened before he left. He saw the horror of what Jon put us through. I’m just glad he was able to escape when he did.

  “Is he?” Tristan asked.

  “Dead. I shot him.” I sucked in a deep shuddering breath, “I shot him, eight times. I killed him. How am I supposed to live knowing I killed a man? I killed him!”

  “Doll face, look at me.” He said reaching with his hand to lift my face to his. “I know that feeling like you wouldn’t believe…”

  “You’re in witness protection. I met the Marshal watching you. He’s outside the door,” I interrupted him.

  “So I know how you feel. You did what you had to do to protect you and the rest of us down there.”

  “Jacob and Liam,” I let him know the boys name. “Jacob lives up the street and Liam is my bodyguard, ha lot of good that did me.”

  “You were blindsided. You guys didn’t see it coming that’s how he was able to get you. Otherwise it seems your bodyguard had done everything correct over the past year.”

  “I wish I knew how off the rocker he had become. If I knew it was this bad I never would have let you stay at my house. I would have made sure he was locked away.”

  He rubbed his hand across my face and then down my neck again. He held his fingers there touching me ever so slightly, his eyes clouded with so many emotions that flashed so fast I couldn’t keep up, “He wouldn’t have stopped till he got you. You did nothing wrong.” His fingers moved from one side of my neck to the other, it was comforting. “I just wish I could have protected you.”

  We didn’t say much after that. He just continued to run his fingers around my neck. We seemed to have some kind of understanding that nothing needed to be said, that we both knew what the other was feeling.

  A shuffle by the door had me turning my head and panicking. Upon seeing Tobias I relaxed. Oh god, how was I ever going to live without panicking at every noise? I’m gonna need help. I’m gonna need therapy.

  Tobias walked over and placed a bag of food down in front of me and gave me a look that just said “eat don’t argue” then he extended his hand toward Tristan and shook his hand. “I know you did what you could to try and protect her, I’ll be forever in your debt.”

  Tristan smiled “I owe my life to her, she fought to get me out of there after he shot me, if it wasn’t for Maggie I would have died.”

  I sat back and ate the bag of greasy cheeseburger and French fries that Tobias had got from Wendy’s as the boys talked. Fast food had never tasted so good. Especially as I watched a friendship form between Tobias and Tristan, and just like in my dream I sat back and watched as Tristan became part of our little messed up family.

  Throughout the next few hours the nurses came in and check on Tristan and me. My IV was finally removed after I begged the nurse for over an hour to remove it. Looking at Tristan interacting with our ever growing group you never would have guessed he was in a medically induced coma just six hours ago.

  Jimmy and Chelsea showed up about an hour after Tobias got back, with Chrissy and Tyler behind them twenty minutes later. Roman and Laura showed up about thirty minutes after them.

  I was beginning to think the hospital staff wasn’t too excited on all these people showing up, but they had kept their mouths shut, I think the social status of Tobias, Tyler and Roman, was brining enough publicity to the hotel that they were happy enough.

  All of my friends, no wait family, were so excepting of Tristan. They all walked in the room and shook his hand like they had known him for years. There were no harsh feelings and conversation flowed freely and easily. It was like Tristan was part of our family for the past year and not someone we all just met.

  I was just about to ask if Sarah and Decker were planning on coming when I heard her out in the hallway.

  “I’m fucking pregnant not broken, I can walk, I don’t need to be in this stupid fucking chair,” she bitched at who I presumed was Decker.

  His chuckling voice came next, “Be glad you’re here. I told you this was the only way you were coming. You are supposed to be at home in bed. So stop arguing.”

  “Again I’m fucking pregnant not broken. I swear if my belly wasn’t so big with your babies I would get up and beat your ass.”

  I was practically rolling on the floor laughing by the time she rolled her way into the room. Her belly was bulging in front of her as her twins grew bigger and bigger every week, I was
actually wondering how she planned on walking her belly was so big. You could tell she was miserable and having a rough pregnancy just looking at her, but to me she was beautiful.

  Tears were forming in my eyes and then she opened her mouth and all I could do was laugh. “You stupid bitch, how the fuck did you get yourself kidnapped after everything I taught you. Wait, I know what it is, you just couldn’t let me have the limelight, you had to go and get yourself in there to. You at least could choose something different than me.”

  I was laughing so hard it took me a minute, “Hey you’re my idol, I needed to be just like you. Although, I think I need a new idol because look at your fat ass, you can’t even walk. You think you’re special and get to be pushed around for the rest of your life just because you married “Decker Jensen”?”

  I used air quotes and all, just to have a little fun.

  “Yeah well when you have sex with a giant and then get pregnant by said giant, you tend to have giant babies. I’m like a beached whale. And fuck I’m only half way there.” Decker was over a foot taller than Sarah, hell most people were taller than Sarah once they reach the age of twelve, but she was tougher then you every could imagine and had the battle scars to prove it. “Plus being married to “Decker Jensen” is not all it’s cracked up to be, he’s pushy and expects to get his way all the fucking time, he’s a very sore loser,” she may have looked mad but she was joking and the love that shown in her eyes as she looked up at him was all the proof that any one would ever need.

  Laughing from the bed caught my attention, “Are these two always like this?” Tristan asked.

  Now the whole room was laughing. Jimmy spoke up first “This is nothing. Neither one of them have a filter on their mouth. The one in the wheelchair curses like you wouldn’t believe and she could scare a sailor with her mouth, and Maggie isn’t far behind her.”

  As if to prove a point, Sarah who had been staring at Tristan for the past minute after finally noticing him said “Fuck! Jensen you should be so fucking glad we are married and I’m carrying your giant babies, because fuck that man,” pointing at Tristan, “is fucking hot and so fuckable.”

  Decker rolled his eyes and extended his hand toward a blushing Tristan, “Like Jimmy over there said, no filter. She’s actually quite harmless once you get to know her.”

  As if on cue the night nurse brought in two trays of food, as technically still a patient I was getting a meal, she handed me a tray and placed the other on the table by Tristan’s bed. Tobias pulled the lid off of the tray and looked at it.

  From across the room Roman said “Dude, what the fuck is that shit?”

  Jimmy poked at whatever it was on my plate and the thing giggled like jell-o, “Oh fuck no, you guys aren’t eating this shit,” he said taking the tray from my lap and placing it on top of Tristan’s and pushing the table against the wall.

  With perfect timing Jacob and Daniel walked in carrying a bunch of bags. Sarah squealed with delight as she practically ripped the bags from their hands and started to toss sandwiches to everyone. “Oh Daniel, how’d you know? This is perfect I haven’t had one of these in like a month.”

  Jimmy started laughing, “It’s been a week. You snapped at me last week and made me drive all the way out there to get you one.” He looked over at Tristan to explain, “Sarah is from Jersey, like an hour from here. Her favorite deli is back home and she get’s bitchy if she doesn’t get a sandwich from there at least once a month. However, with her big old belly growing there, it’s more like once a week now. I’m sure soon she’s going to be asking Decker for enough money to have one of the deli guy’s just move into the house so she could have one whenever she wanted.”

  “Oh my god, I love that fucking idea. Can I Decker?!” She asked excitedly.

  Decker turned a steely look on Jimmy, “Don’t give her any ideas,” then looked at Sarah, “Absolutely a big fat NO.” He kissed her cheek when she started pouting.

  I looked around and couldn’t have been happier. My family was complete. This is what I always wanted a big happy family. And while yes we are very dysfunctional on our own, together we balance each other out. Together we fulfill each other’s life.

  We sat for hours, way past visiting hours, just talking and hanging out. Roman and Laura were the first to head out, with kids they had to get up early for school. Chrissy and Tyler left soon after them. With Sarah protesting around 1am when Decker and Jimmy forcing her to leave, they finally made their way out the door.

  Tristan had been fighting to keep his eyes open for a few hours at this point so Tobias and I left and headed to my room so he could get some sleep. On the way out, I noticed the US Marshal still standing at the door. I wondered if he had been standing this whole time, we were in that room for probably at least twelve hours, that couldn’t have been fun at all. Did he eat?

  As if he knew what I was thinking, Tobias said “Daniel brought him a sandwich and Decker had a cot brought up for him,” pointing at the cot on the other side of the doorway.

  I crossed over the doorstep to my room and sighed, “I just want to go home.”

  Tobias helped me into bed, making sure I was tucked in tight and then climbed into the cot he had set up for himself. “Soon sweetheart,” he said right before I fell asleep.

  Chapter 19

  “How are the nightmares?” Sarah asked from her spot on the floor.

  It’s been five months. Five months since I was held captive. Five months since I killed a man. Five months of nightmares and waking up screaming. Five months of panic attacks. Five months of counseling.

  Sarah knew exactly what I was going through. She had been attacked as a teenager, that attacked started a downward spiral that led to a miserable life for years until she found Decker. And then still afterwards when her crazy ex-boyfriend kidnapped her and held her hostage for seven days.

  I looked down at the four month old baby squirming is my lap. A few weeks after I was released from the hospital, Sarah had a heart attack from complications with her pregnancy and was rushed into an emergency C-section, at twenty-nine weeks. The twins only weighed two pound each.

  However looking at them now you would never have known. While they were still slightly under weight, they were growing right on schedule. They were surprising even their doctors; they were even saying that there was probably going to be no long term complication.

  I shrugged my shoulders, “They’re worse when he’s not around,” which was true. Tobias wrapped around me at night made the dreams a little worse. I hated waking up and not being able to cry into his shoulder when he was gone.

  Jimmy walked in the room and gave us a thirty minute warning before we had to leave. I still wasn’t sure where we were going. All I knew is that since the team didn’t make it to the World Series this year we were headed somewhere earlier than normal. Last year we had to wait till November, but since they weren’t there this year we were off at the end of October. Decker’s parents were staying with Sarah and Chrissy’s kids and they boys had left yesterday for whatever was in store.

  “I wish you would tell me where we’re going,” I whined at Sarah.

  She was laughing at me now. “Now where would the fun be in that? I was sworn to secrecy and I’m not spilling. Just know that when we finally get there you will love it.”

  “Is Tristan coming?” Since that first day in the hospital Tristan became a part of our family. Tobias gave him his old apartment and he was with us every day.

  Chelsea and I went out to Nevada with him when he testified in the case that had originally put him in witness protection. Apparently the owner of the company he worked for was smuggling drugs from some drug lord in Mexico. One night staying at work late to work on some business proposal he heard arguing coming from the bosses office. When he went to check on what was going on he watched the drug lord pull out a gun and shoot his boss right between his eyes.

  Apparently someone on the cleaning crew heard the fighting and had alerted the police so whe
n the drug lord and his bodyguard turned to leave at the sounds of sirens they ran smack into Tristan. Tristan and the bodyguard fought for sometime while the drug lord ran out of the building and eluded capture for twelve hours. However as Tristan and the bodyguard fought the gun went off hitting Tristan in the thigh, he was then able to somehow get the gun from the guy and kill him.

  With Tristan’s testimony the drug lord was put in prison and Tristan came out of witness protection. Of course we are talking about a drug lord so Decker and Tobias were not happy with the government walking away, despite Tristan’s protest he now had a bodyguard.

  “He left with the boys yesterday,” Sarah said has she reached down and tickled a giggling Ely’s belly.

  I placed Olivia on the floor next to her brother. I stared at them wondering when it was going to be my turn. Tobias and I have been together for a year and a half now and not once has he brought up the topic of marriage or starting a family together.

  I had thought for a moment that after what had happened five months ago that he would ask me to marry him, but it never happened. I wanted to cry, I was afraid I would never get it with Tobias. Just about everyone in our group was either married or planning a wedding.

  Sarah had married Decker a year ago. Chrissy and Tyler were engaged, we think they may have even eloped to Vegas one night, we were still trying to figure it out. We’re not sure if her Ex signed the divorce papers yet, she never brings it up. Chelsea and Jimmy were set to be married in four weeks. Daniel married his girlfriend. Roman and Laura were married. Liam finally met a girl a few months ago and she was starting to come around more. Tristan was still single, well as single as a hot bachelor in a million dollar apartment could be, he was never short on the female company.

  So it was just me and Tobias. I know I could live the rest of my life just loving him and being with him, but I wanted more. I wanted that connection, that commitment. I wanted to know that this man loved me so much that he would do anything and everything possible to keep me around forever.