Ted Saves the World

by Bryan Cohen

  Chapter 16

  Dhiraj watched Jennifer from across the hall. He knew that one of the keys to life was having clear, achievable objectives. From the moment he first saw her in middle school, one of his goals was to take Jennifer out on a date. She wasn't like everyone else. She didn't seem to care about popularity or fashion. She didn't pay attention to "likes" and online "friends," and she was loyal, intelligent and a good person. And she had great hair.

  Even though Ted told him it was creepy, he'd drawn out a seven-point action plan to get in her good graces. Impressing her with his entrepreneurial know-how by taking the field hockey team to England was all part of the plan. The other six steps required at least three casual hangouts, one study session, the exchange of multiple personal stories and several other forms of connection. When Dhiraj had completed all seven steps by the eighth grade, he was shocked to find out that Jennifer had just started dating somebody else. Every time Jennifer and her boyfriend held hands or kissed in public, it felt like a dagger to his heart. But now, after another two and a half years, Jennifer was newly single and Dhiraj was prepared to go through the seven steps all over again.

  Dhiraj approached her and waited until she locked eyes.

  "Hey," he said.

  "Hey, Dhiraj."

  Though others thought it was too high and fast, Dhiraj loved the sound of her voice. Particularly when she said his name.

  "There's something different about you today," he said.

  "Oh yeah? What is it?"

  Jennifer never seemed to tire of their encounters, which gave Dhiraj hope. Even Ted didn't want to talk to him all the time. Dhiraj appreciated that Jennifer always seemed to have time for a conversation.

  "You look like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders," Dhiraj said. "Not that you were heavy before or anything."

  Jennifer laughed. She held her backpack in one hand and used the other to put her hair behind her ear. Dhiraj caught himself staring at the shimmering, dark chocolate strands as they flowed down her neck.

  "You know, with Erica back, I do feel a little less on edge. Thanks for noticing."

  Dhiraj grinned. When he realized the smile was too big, he toned it down.

  "I'm always watching you. I mean, not in a creepy way."

  Jennifer closed her locker and motioned for Dhiraj to walk with her. She didn't have to tell him twice.

  "It must be hard for guys to hit on girls," she said. "They have to do a lot of talking."

  Dhiraj couldn't believe it. Jennifer saw right through him. Then again, given how perceptive as she was, maybe he should have planned more subtlety.

  "I'm not hitting on you. Perish the thought. It's just casual conversation."

  "Uh huh. I'm onto you, money man."

  Dhiraj laughed as he tapped a hand against the metal lockers. As they turned the corner, he saw the direction Jennifer was headed. She was walking right into gossip central. Flanked on both sides by guys and girls alike, Erica, Winny and another comrade, Beth, appeared to be saying something devious. The others around them hung on every word, trying to be a part of the conversation. Dhiraj saw Jennifer looking at her three friends. Winny, Jennifer's cousin, looked like an evil version of her much purer relative. Dhiraj loved Jennifer's natural beauty, but Winny used too much makeup in a misguided and unsuccessful effort to enhance her own looks – she ended up looking slightly twisted instead. Beth's long red hair was her most prominent trait until puberty. These days, another feature was getting most of the attention.

  As Jennifer watched Erica, Dhiraj noticed the weight go right back onto her shoulders.

  "What's it like having her back?" he asked.

  She sighed.

  "Just like old times. Frightening."

  Erica didn't look very intimidating. She looked like your average popular girl. Perfect hair, clothing and teeth. Before Ted started dating Natalie, Dhiraj told him crushing on Erica was too ordinary. Everybody did it. But Ted said he knew the real her. Maybe Erica used to be kind and compassionate; Dhiraj had never experienced it himself.

  "Why is it frightening?" he asked.

  "It's impossible to know what she's thinking and if she'll just go and run off again."

  Dhiraj tried to put his hand on Jennifer's shoulders. He ended up just patting her backpack.

  "I'm sure she'll stay put now."

  "I appreciate your confidence."

  Erica spied the two of them and stopped the whisperfest. She walked over and her harpies followed. Each step was as long as possible, as if she was trying to get guys to look at her legs when she walked. Dhiraj chalked that up as another turnoff. When she reached them, Erica looked Dhiraj up and down.

  "Look at the two of you. When's the engagement party?"

  Beth and Winny laughed.

  "I was just going," Dhiraj said. "Great to see you as always, Jen."

  He was about to turn away when Erica grabbed his arm. Dhiraj could smell her light perfume waft over. He had to admit, she smelled pretty good.

  "I actually need to talk to you, moneybags."

  He'd obtained the nickname "moneybags" during an Intro to Finance Project two years ago. The class invested fake money into several different funds over a mock 20-year period. The goal was to grow your funds to a million dollars, but he'd surpassed $10 million. Dhiraj turned around.

  "Business or pleasure?" he asked.

  Jennifer laughed, though she reduced her smile when Erica didn't look quite as amused.

  "Pleasure, actually. But not with you."

  She put her arm around him. He knew that if he was going to make it in this world as a hotshot businessman, he'd need to be comfortable in all situations. Having the arm of the supposed hottest girl in school draped all over him made him more nervous than any prior business deal.

  "You're best friends with Super Ted, am I right?"

  "Actually Ted hasn't come up with a superhero name, but yes, best friend and business manager."

  Erica made a sound like she was thinking out loud. Dhiraj hated that he kind of thought it was attractive.

  "I need to get him alone, if you know what I mean. Is that something you can arrange?"

  "I'm happy to–I'll talk to–I can make that happen."

  Erica made the same sound of contemplation. She turned Dhiraj toward her so they would be face to face.

  "You are literally a life saver."

  Erica slowly moved toward his mouth and Dhiraj closed his eyes. She turned at the last moment to kiss him on the cheek and held there for several seconds too long. When she pulled away, Dhiraj felt the moisture from her lips remain on his face. He took a deep breath and thought of spreadsheets.

  "I'll get back to you by lunchtime," he said.

  "You do that," she said, as she and her besties began to turn away.

  She looked at Jennifer.

  "Hey Jen, your fiancé has some lipstick on his cheek."

  Erica, Beth and Winny chuckled and walked away. Dhiraj looked at Jennifer and tried to read her face. She was as confused as he was. He tried to rub at the lipstick with his sleeve.

  "Did it come off?" he asked.

  Jennifer didn't hear him, as she was somewhere else entirely.

  "I'll talk to you later, Dhiraj."

  She walked away without looking at him. Dhiraj waited until she was gone to kick at the base of a locker.

  "What was I supposed to do, push her away?" he asked himself.

  He wondered if Jennifer was angry with him. It's not like he was trying to be turned on. Besides, Erica didn't have any interest in him. She wanted to talk to Ted for some reason. Given this encounter, he wasn't so sure Ted could handle Hurricane Erica.

  "You were right about one thing, Jennifer," he said to himself. "Erica is frightening."