The Sacrifices of Life

by Humphreys, K. L.

  “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? The house is a mess and this room stinks, Mum. You need a shower, and I need to tidy before I go for an interview. So please can you move?” I try my best to be as polite as I can, but the truth is, I don’t have the energy to care about her feelings right now.

  She does as I ask and finally gets up. “Interview for what?”

  I walk around her and start stripping the bed. “Mum, we’re in debt, the mortgage needs paying as does everything else. You’re not working, Dad’s not here so that leaves me. I don’t want to be homeless, so I’m looking for a new job, one that can help pay for Mickey’s funeral bills too.” Once I’ve stripped the bed, I walk over to the window, again walking around her because she’s still standing by the bed. “Mum, can you please go and have a shower, I have things I need to do.”

  She sighs heavily, but she finally moves out of the way, giving me the space to clean this room, the food I had left for her this morning is still sitting on the side untouched. I quickly tidy up her room, picking everything up off the floor and throwing it into the washing machine. I quickly do the same in my room and put the machine on. I’m sweating from running around and I’m going to have to have a shower before leaving to go to the strip club. I don’t hear the shower on but as I walk past the bathroom door, I can hear her moving around. It gives me time to hoover both of our bedrooms.

  I don’t think I’ve moved as fast in my life, I’ve dusted, and tidied things away, the washing up’s done, and the washing machine is on, the only thing left for me to do is hoover. I finally hear the shower on and rush back into Mum’s room to hoover. It’s cold in here but at least that foul smell has gone. It doesn’t take me long to have the flat hoovered, I suppose that’s one of the positives to living in a flat, it’s not that big, there’s not that many rooms to clean. I have the whole place hoovered in less than twenty minutes, but I’m sweating like a pig and Mum’s still in the shower. Shit, I have an hour before I have to leave, I may as well make up the beds while I’m waiting for her to come out.

  Thankfully, Mum’s out of the shower by the time I’m finished making the beds, giving me enough time to have a shower and dry my hair. God, my nerves are kicking in now. I have no idea what I’m to expect from this trial. I reckon it’s going to be gruelling; you need serious body strength to hold yourself up on the pole. Why the hell am I going through with this? Quickly throwing a pair of heels into a bag along with some deodorant and a vest top, I put on a pair of leggings, a sports bra, and throw a hoodie over the top. I want to be as comfortable as I can be on the way there.

  “Where are you going for the interview?” Mum calls in a worried tone as I make my way towards the front door. “Katy?”

  “I’ll tell you if I get the job. I’ve got to go, I’ll see you later, Mum.” I don’t look back at her, I don’t want to see the hurt in her eyes. I leave the flat before she can say anything else. Worry, guilt, nerves, and shame hit me in full force as I make my way down the stairs. I don’t really know if I want this job, but I do need a job so if I somehow end up getting it, I’ll take it and I’ll do what needs to be done to get the money we need to pay for everything.

  Chapter Four

  There are nine girls here in total trying out for the job. We’re waiting for Jessica to come and tell us what we need to do, but I don’t think I’ll be getting hired. Six out of the nine girls have a dancing background, they’ve not been strippers, but they have a better chance than I do. The rest of us, we’re looking like a deer caught in headlights. I feel so out of my depth, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I’m shaking like a leaf, my mouth is dry, and I really want to turn around and leave this building.

  But I’m not a quitter, so I’ll be staying put and giving it my all.

  I glance at my surroundings, taking everything in. A bar on the far side of the room takes up most of the wall. Where we’re standing in the middle of the room, there are booths. A few mini stages are set up here. Looking at the poles, it feels real now, I have no idea how the hell I’m going to hold myself up on one of those things, let alone dance on one. Looking at the other side of the room there is what seems to be the main stage; it’s bloody huge.

  “Hello.” A velvety voice call outs, drawing my eyes in its direction. I watch as two of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen walk out of a door and into the main room. “I’m Jess, and this is Saffron.” Jess smiles, lighting up piercing blue eyes and taking her beauty to a whole new level. She gives her head a little shake, and her long blond hair seems to swish like a veil.

  Dark red hair frames Saffron’s face, and she casts wavering glances at the gathered crowd with deep brown eyes. Her smile is small and nervous.

  The nerves are in full force right now; I can’t stop my hands from shaking.

  “Ladies show of hands. How many of you have ever been on a pole?” None of us raise our hands, at least we’re on level pegging on that. I don’t feel like a complete loser standing here. “I’m sorry to tell you ladies, but it’s going to hurt. You’re going to hurt in places you didn’t even know you had muscles.” The smile on Jess’s face tells me that she’s not sorry at all.

  “Pole dancing is an art form, you’re going to have train your mind and body for this. You’re all here for a reason, as is every single person who gets up onto that stage. Remember that. There is no shame in doing what you need to do, whatever the reason you need to be here, own it, okay?”

  I think I’m going to like Jess; she seems genuine and caring, almost like a mother figure.

  “You’re all wearing your heels. If you’re not used to wearing them, get used to it. You need to be able to dance in them. So that means you need to be comfortable in them. Wear them all day, every day until you’re confident you can run a marathon wearing them.” Jess comes to stand in front of us. She too is in heels, hers though, are Christian Louboutins, I can tell by the red soles when she walked towards us. Louboutins are famous for their red soles.

  “Okay, so I’m going to teach you the basics. Pay attention and if you need me to repeat something, please just ask. I don’t bite. First, I don’t want any of you to pull a muscle or anything like that, so please take a few minutes to stretch.”

  She begins some stretches in front of us, showing us what to do. I quickly follow her lead, pulling my right leg behind me and holding it against my arse. The pain I can feel already is so bad, my eyes sting with tears. I’m so unfit; I really do need to start exercising. I place my left hand out, hoping that it’ll help balance me out. I’m standing on one leg in heels, and I can see myself falling over and landing on my arse.

  We stretch for about ten minutes, each one of us copying Jess as she goes through the different moves. Jess walks up to one of the mini stages and begins to explain what is about to happen. “So, to start off with, we’re going to do it in twos. Start by standing slightly behind the pole on the side of your dominant hand. Position your inside foot close to the base of the pole.” She shows us exactly what we have to do, moving slowly so that we can grasp just what she’s doing.

  “Next, take your dominant hand and grab hold of the pole. Grab it roughly about head height. Let your arm straighten, so that your weight will hang away from the pole while keeping your other arm down while doing this. Now you swing all the way around the pole, make sure that your outside leg is straight and away from the other.” She swings around the pole gracefully.

  “Swing it out to the side and step all the way around the pole, turning your inside foot at the same time. Like this.” She does a funny thing with her foot where it twists weirdly. “Let your knee bend slightly as you turn to make the movement more graceful looking.” As she talks, she performs the moves, making it look effortless.

  “Okay, so now you transfer your weight to the back foot and hook your inside leg around the front of the pole. Make sure to get a good grip right behind the knee as you arch your body backwards.”

  This looks so complicated, I don�
��t know if I will be able to get this at all.

  “To finish off, arch your body backwards, lowering your hand on the pole to allow for a deeper arch. This is where your flexibility will come in. Arch your back only as far as you feel comfortable and make sure that you have a good grip with your leg and your hand, then straighten your body and take your leg down from the pole.” Jess demonstrates it slowly, before doing the full routine quickly. I’m mesmerised by how amazing it looks when she does it at full speed.

  “Easy peasy, right?” she finishes, her bright smile lighting up her face. “Okay, you two first.” She points at one of the girls who is a dancer and one who isn’t. She walks them through the steps as many times as they need until they get it down. “Okay, now let’s see you do it with no direction.”

  I gasp, she can’t be serious, they’ve just started learning it. How on earth can they be able to do it already without any pointers?

  They actually do it, not as good as Jess but a hell of a lot better than I thought they would have. They looked like they were comfortable up there. I really hope that I can grasp it as quickly and execute it as well as they did.

  “Next two,” Jess calls, and of course I’m up.

  My legs feel like lead. I’m so scared right now. I’ve never done anything like this before. I stand up beside the pole, my whole body shaking as I do so, and I pray that no one can see how scared I am.

  “It’s okay, we’ll take it slow and let you get used to it.” Jess whispers as she walks up to me. “Hand here and foot here.” She moves my hands and feet into the positions they’re meant to be in.

  I don’t think I can do this, I’m way too nervous.

  “Straighten your arms so that your body is away from the pole and swing,” she instructs, and as soon as I begin to swing, my foot buckles beneath me. Shit, I fall to the floor with a thud, great, just what I need, to look like a clumsy klutz.

  “Are you okay?” Jess asks, her eyes on my feet, more importantly my shoes.

  “Yeah I’m okay, thank you.” I pull myself back up into the position that I need to be in.

  Jess smiles and nods as I get back to my feet. “Again,” she calls out, and this time I manage to do it without landing on my arse. “Now hook your leg.” She directs, and I don’t know how I’m managing to do this, but I somehow am. “Finish it off.”

  I arch back as I do the final swing, making sure my arm is as low down the pole as I can get it.

  We go through it a few more times, and each time we do it, I feel better, more confident. “Okay ladies, you’re on your own,” she tells us.

  My stomach drops. Shit.

  “Go!” she shouts, I can hear the smile in her voice, and instantly my body begins to move.

  I straighten my arm and swing, keeping one leg out straight, my body away from the pole. After that initial spin, I hook my leg around the pole, spinning, and as I do so my hand starts to lower down the pole. My hand is burning as I do, but I lower it as far as I can and arch my back. I’m doing it unaided. I’m so proud of myself. Once I come to a stop, I look over at Jess.

  Her face is blank. “Thank you, girls. Now, the next two ladies please come on up.”

  I’m so shocked that I managed to do it that I don’t even watch what the other girls are doing. My heart is pounding, it feels as though it’s about to burst out of my chest. It was such a thrill to do it. Not only that, I felt sexy while doing it, something that I haven’t felt in a while. I never thought doing one move on the pole could be so exhilarating. I haven’t felt any shame since Jess told us that we’re all here for a reason, because she’s right, we’re all here for something, whether you just want to be a stripper or it’s the only job you can find to pay off your family’s bills; to make sure that your brother’s funeral is paid off.

  I hear coughing, and my eyes immediately find the source. Oops, Jess is standing there staring at me, I must have been in a world of my own. “Okay, ladies, today was good. Some of you have already grasped the dances and have potential to work here, others need a bit more work. I’ll be asking six of you to come back and train with me again. You’ll be put through your paces, and it will be intense. If you’re not up to it, leave now. There’s nothing worse than wasting both my and your time.”

  I look at the other girls. They’re all looking around to see if anyone is going to pull out. They all look resolved, they want this as much as I do.

  “Okay, so the ladies who will be coming back tomorrow are; Latoya, Sharon, Tonya, Marie, Shanice, Tyra, and Katy.”

  My heart soars, I’m coming back.

  “Be here at the same time tomorrow.”

  I’m going to be dead on my feet tomorrow, I’m working in Delight from seven in the morning until one in the afternoon. I’ll have just enough time to leave and come directly here. I won’t have time for a shower, but if I manage to secure this job, it’ll be worth it.

  The girls begin to leave; three of them are devastated, their shoulders slumped and one with tears in her eyes. I end up being the last one to leave. I quickly change out of the heels and into my trainers. I had better get a move on; I’m worried about Mum. When I left, she was up and about, I’m worried that she’s gone back to into her room and is now in hiding.

  “Um, Akers?” Jess calls out just as I lay my hand on the doorknob.

  I quickly turn around, it’s weird hearing my surname being called, and I’m praying that she hasn’t changed her mind. “Tomorrow, make sure you wear heels that have a back strap, it will stop your ankle from rolling. I’ll see you then.”

  “Thank you, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I’m so giddy, I can’t believe that I’m excited to come back and learn more. As soon as I step foot out of the doors onto the street, I’m shocked to see Molly standing there waiting for me. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  Her smile is huge. “Well, I wanted to see how you got on.”

  A smile tugs at my lips. She’s dying to see how it went? That right there is true friendship.

  “So?”

  “I’m to come back tomorrow at three.” I can’t keep the excitement out of my voice.

  “Really? Was it amazing? I bet it was. What’s it like grinding on a pole?” She’s like a child, so excited to hear the details.

  “Mol, I didn’t grind on a pole. I spun around on it. I’ve never felt so sexy in my life, it was so much fun. Are you working today?”

  “Nope, I’m not working until Monday. I just wanted to be here to support you. I know how nervous you were. If I could, I would have been in there cheering you on, and I’m here to get you some food.” She gives me a stare, one that tells me not to even think about arguing with her. When she looks like that, she looks so much like her mother, I’d never tell her that of course, because she’d go crazy. “Mind you, it’ll only be Burger King. I can’t afford the Ritz.”

  “Mol, we’ll never go to the Ritz. We’re not that glamourous.” Molly and I are a little less elegant than that. I’d rather go to Burger King than some fancy restaurant. We’d rather wear tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie than a pair of jeans and heels; hence the reason I almost broke my arse on the pole.

  She links her arm through mine and we start walking towards Burger King, “How’s your mum?”

  “She had a shower today. I was a little harsh, but I had to be, I think I upset her though.” I can still hear her voice when I was leaving the flat.

  “Oh Katy, you wouldn’t have upset her. She’ll realise that you’re only trying to help. You know what, we’re going to forget all our troubles and just have some fun. We both need it.”

  I feel like a selfish cow. I keep forgetting that she too has been through a tough time, I should be helping her, but instead I’m wallowing in self-pity.

  “We’re long overdue a night out…” She pauses for a moment. “Or in. Let’s face it, we’re skint.”

  I laugh. She’s right. “You know what? You’re not starting work until Monday, so tomorrow night, you come over to my place and we’ll
watch films. I’ll get us a takeaway. What do you say?” It will help both of us take our minds off of everything. Although, whenever I’m at home, nothing I do takes my mind off Mickey not being there. There’s still a part of me that expects him to walk through the door even though deep down I know that will never happen.

  Molly sighs heavily. “That sounds really good, but we’ll go halves on the takeaway.” She gives me a smile, one that I know is fake, but I don’t say anything.

  Now isn’t the time to talk about it. Right now we’re going to put whatever is on our minds to one side. While we grab something to eat, we’re going to just talk about anything and everything. I feel a sense of relief knowing that doing this will keep my mind off of Mickey and me. We walk towards Burger King in silence, both of us lost in deep thought. It doesn’t take us long to get there, not even ten minutes.

  Sitting down to eat, I wait until there’s no one around before I begin. “I don’t know how I managed to get a call back,” I tell her just as she starts to drink. “I literally began to spin, and my ankle buckled. I landed on my arse, fuck it hurt.”

  She snorts, and my eyes widen as she starts to splutter and choke. “Katy, oh God. Of course, you fell arse overhead, you’re so clumsy.” Her face bright red from her trying not to laugh so much. “What happened next? How did you recover?” She’s still trying to regain her composure, but she can’t; she bursts out laughing. Everyone around us is staring.

  “Ssh,” I tell her, my hand waving for her to quiet down.

  She holds a finger up, signalling that she wants me to wait for her to finish laughing. “Katy, that is the best thing I’ve heard.”

  I smile. “I’m glad I can amuse you. Anyway, I managed to get up and do what they wanted us to do. I must have done it alright though.” I’m still giddy, who would have thought that I would be on my way to becoming a stripper?

  “I’m proud of you. You’re going to smash it. I know you will. Besides, when you’re rich you can rent a flat for the two of us. I really need to get out of Mum’s house. From having the freedom I had in Manchester to going to live with Mum… God, it’s horrific. I love my mum, but she’s still her strict old self. You’d think being nineteen would mean you can live life as you want.” She shakes her head.