Lovely Lies

by Lashanta Charles

  Chapter 20

  Kalil

  I hear Mak’s alarm go off around four o’clock the next morning. I can imagine her every move. I contemplate going through with what Kaeden and I are about to do. This probably isn’t the best way to find out if she’ll actually fight back if she has to, but it’s already planned. I’m by the kitchen door. Kaeden is at the bottom of the stairs, off to the left. He’s supposed to try to make her leave with him. I’m not supposed to be around. Technically it could be true. She has no idea he came here after she fell asleep last night. She’s exhausted. Normally she’s a light sleeper and hears everything.

  “You sure about this?” Kaeden asks.

  “How else will I know, wait for him to try and grab her again?”

  “Have you ever tried to just take her to the gym and see if she knows how to fight?”

  This is probably a much better idea. It’s too late though. I can hear her calling my name as she comes to the top of the stairs.

  “Baby, where are you?” she asks as she comes downstairs.

  She’s not paranoid like she normally is. Maybe it’s because she knows I’m in the house with her. I take comfort in that, but it also bothers me because she’s almost at the bottom of the stairs and still doesn’t see Kaeden. What if it were someone else? I almost tell him to back off. He’s going to scare the shit out of her when she finally sees him. She sees him when she gets to the bottom step. She screams a little and jumps back causing herself to trip on the step. She’s the clumsiest gymnast I know. She catches herself by grabbing the banister.

  “What are you doing here, where’s Kalil?”

  She nervously looks around the living room. Kaeden doesn’t say anything, just moves towards her. He’s always been quiet. I wonder if this scares her more. He grabs her arm and pulls her towards the front door.

  She tries to get free and says, “Let go! What are you doing?” When she finally snatches her arm away she yells, “Get away from me! How’d you get in here? Where’s Kalil?”

  I can’t make out the look on her face. It falls somewhere between scared and mad. Kaeden still doesn’t say anything. He turns back to her and tries to grab her again. She dodges him and runs back towards the stairs as she screams my name. It takes everything in me to not go to her. Kaeden catches her and picks her up by her waist. She’s going crazy in his arms. She kicks and screams and digs her nails into his arms. He curses, but doesn’t let her go. I glance towards the stairs as I wonder how is KJ sleeping through this? I told Kaeden not to let her get anything in her hands to use as a weapon. I guess that slipped his mind because as he carries her towards the door, he allows her to grab the lamp from the end table. When he realizes she has it he tries to snatch it away from her, but she bites him causing him to let her go. She turns to him and smashes the vase across his face. Something tells me I should probably stop her, but Kaeden grabs her arms again. She kicks him and they fall. I can’t see them, but I can hear them. Kaeden grunts in pain. I wonder what she did to him. By the time I make it to the light switch I hear the click of a gun being cocked. Damn. I didn’t think about the guns. When I flip the light switch she has the gun pointed at Kaeden, but quickly points it at me. I throw my hands up in surrender and say, “Baby, it’s me. Put the gun down.”

  “I think it’s safe to say she’ll fight back,” Kaeden says.

  He probably shouldn’t speak right now. His voice makes her point the gun back at him.

  “Mak, put the gun down.”

  She looks confused as she glances from me to Kaeden and back again then screams, “Why is he here?”

  “I’ll gladly leave,” he says.

  “Shut up, K! Mak, put the damn gun down!”

  She doesn’t look confused anymore. Just like that she’s figured it out. She points the gun at me as she gets up and asks, “Are y’all serious right now?!”

  Seriously?! She’s gonna shoot me for this?! I slowly move towards her and say, “Just hear me out.” I knew she would be pissed, but I didn’t expect this. She slaps me. I mean slaps the shit out of me. It makes my eyes tear up. I try to remember if I’ve ever been slapped this hard. Not too many people get a chance to actually put their hands on me, so I don’t think I have.

  “Did you forget that this happened for real?” she yells.

  Damn. I didn’t forget, I just didn’t think about it. I don’t answer her. She looks over at Kaeden.

  “He comes up with this brilliant idea and you actually go through with it even after seeing what happened yesterday? After you save our lives, you really thought it would be okay to do an instant replay?!”

  Kaeden glances over at me then back at her.

  She points the gun at Kaeden and yells, “I could have killed him!”

  He quickly takes a step to the left and says, “Yeah, Kalil. She could have killed me.”

  “You might not wanna repeat that to anybody else. You’re twice her size and you let her get the drop on you.”

  He frowns. He hadn’t looked at it that way. Mak finally puts the gun down and as she heads for the stairs she mumbles the word unbelievable.

  I follow her and say, “I needed to make sure you wouldn’t freeze up again like you did yesterday.” She stops walking and turns to face me. I almost run into her. She punches me in my stomach. I try to grab her hand and ask, “What the fuck was that?”

  She moves away and pops me on my forehead. Kaeden laughs.

  “What the hell, Mak?”

  “He had KJ in a freaking choke hold. I didn’t freeze up. I did exactly what he told me to do, so he wouldn’t hurt him, genius.”

  Damn. It makes sense now that she’s said it out loud. I look back at Kaeden. He looks amused. I feel stupid so I try to change the subject. “What time we leaving for the studio?”

  She shakes her head and goes upstairs without answering me. I tell her I like her outfit. She sticks her middle finger up at me without looking back. Kaeden is rubbing scratch marks that are on his arm.

  I laugh and say, “You got your ass whipped.”

  “Hilarious. We cool or what?”

  I stop laughing. I’m grateful for what he did yesterday and he’s spent the last two hours pleading his case, but it’s not that simple. I don’t know about forgiving him just yet. Today’s not the best day to even talk about this. Three of Mak’s dance groups have competitions this morning and KJ’s birthday party is this afternoon. I don’t want him around for either. He picks up on my hesitation.

  “I’m out. Call if you need me.”

  Mak says, “Nobody said you could leave, Kaeden.”

  We both look up at her. She has her backpack on and her headphones around her neck.

  “Since I’m so fragile and the two of you feel you have to think for me, you can take me to the studio,” she says as she points to me then Kaeden, “and you can stay here until KJ wakes up then bring him there.”

  “Yeah, that’s probably not gonna happen,” Kaeden says.

  “This isn’t a democracy and you weren’t given a choice.”

  Kaeden looks at me, but I ignore him.

  “His clothes are on his bed, make sure he brushes his teeth and make sure you feed him.”

  “She joking, right?” he asks me.

  I want to tell him she is, but I know she’s not. She’s upset and way too calm about it. If I object to what she’s saying she’ll blow up. I follow her to the garage and say, “The car seat is still in your car.” Kaeden follows us and is still protesting as we back out of the garage.

  Jaida

  Mak is in the worst mood possible. Every little thing is causing her to go off. I can’t say that I blame her though. My stress level would be out the roof. She’s pissed as she tells me what Kalil and his brother did. Her payback for them is bordering too much and highly unlikely to happen, but I don’t tell her that. She’s wants to make them both go to KJ’s birthday party. I don’t think that would be too much of a problem except the fact that Jasmine will be there. I
t should be interesting to say the least. She’s fussing with the girls as they practice their routine when a few of the parents request to speak to her. She doesn’t try to hide her irritation, so I go with her to talk to them. They’re concerned about seeing the news about what happened to her. They wonder if her issues will affect the safety of their kids. They want to know if her priority is the safety of their kids or herself.

  “Since you saw the news I don’t need to tell you exactly what happened. With that being said I shouldn’t have to point out the fact that regardless of what happened I’m standing right here with you and your kids.”

  She’s trying hard to maintain her composure, but it’s slipping.

  “Someone tried to kidnap me and my son and I’m still here. I got up at four this morning and left my son alone in bed, so I could come here and be with you and your kids,” she yells.

  I stand beside her and wrap my arm around her waist in an attempt to calm her. She closes her eyes and covers her face. “As you can see now is probably not the best time to discuss this,” I say.

  “I’m fine, Jay. My priority is and always has been your children, so with all due respect, if you can’t see that right now, then you’re more than welcome to take your child and leave.”

  She doesn’t wait for them to respond. I force a smile for the parents then follow her back to where the girls are practicing. She sits in a corner at the front of the room and watches them. She doesn’t yell at them anymore. She just corrects them if they mess up and encourages them when they need it. I sit next to her. She speaks before I do.

  “I’m fine Jay. Shouldn’t you be at home picking out baby names or nursery themes?”

  I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant, but I’m too scared to go to the doctor by myself. I have to wait until next week for her to go with me. I think she’s going to make me take a home test before then. “I didn’t even say anything.”

  “You didn’t have to. I can hear your thoughts.”

  “Then what am I thinking?”

  “You want me to rethink the party thing. You don’t have to worry, they wouldn’t entertain it and I wouldn’t do that. I’ll send him on his merry little way once he brings KJ here.”

  I can accept that. “What made you think he was cool to stay with KJ?” She may not have realized it, but she just called him her son. She hardly knows Kaeden, so I’m surprised she let KJ stay with him. She has a fit when he has to go stay with his mom.

  “He shot Nyeem, didn’t think twice about it. Wasn’t worried about nothing else, just getting KJ from him. Regardless of what he did in the past, he’ll always be cool with me.”

  I can’t argue with that.

  Kalil

  I keep my distance from Mak. She has a short fuse. We’re at KJ’s birthday party now. She’s trying to hang back and let Jasmine do her thing as a mom, but KJ is making it hard. He gets lost in what’s going on for a few minutes, but once he realizes Mak’s not around he stops what he’s doing and refuses to do anything until she comes back. Jasmine is heated. She started making sly comments out loud to her friends. I checked her on it, but all that did was stop her from doing it within my earshot. Jaida and Mak are trying to ignore her, but in Mak’s current state it’s a losing battle. After two hours she tells me they’re leaving. If she leaves KJ is going to want to go with her. Hell, I’m going to want to go with her. “If you leave we’re all leaving,” I say.

  “You can’t do that, you gotta stay for KJ.”

  Jasmine calls my name, but I ignore her. “Another hour. If any of them come at you sideways, just let me know.”

  “I’m not worried about them coming at me sideways, Kalil. I’m worried about ruining KJ’s party by judo kicking his mom in her neck.”

  I smile and hug her. “All we gotta do is cut the cake and open presents. Can you make it through that?”

  “Yeah. Please go, her voice is annoying the hell out of me.”

  I kiss her and let it linger until Jasmine stops calling me.

  Mak smiles and says, “You’re not helping the situation.”

  “I’m paving the way for a different one.”

  She laughs and we hear KJ yelling for us.

  “Mommy, Daddy, come on my mommy said I could open my presents now!”

  That probably didn’t help the situation, not to mention it made no sense. I look back at him just as I hear Jasmine’s mouth again. She’s yelling at him for calling Mak mommy.

  He looks down and says, “I meant Mommy Makynzee.”

  Jasmine is squatting in front of him and grabs him by his arms. “She’s not your mommy, don’t you ever call her that again! Do you hear me?”

  I can’t tell if she’s actually squeezing his arms, but I know this is Mak’s breaking point. I catch hell for spanking him around her. In her mind Jasmine touching him is probably too much, let alone what she’s doing now. I barely get a chance to grab her as she starts to make her way over to Jasmine.

  She tries to move around me as she yells to Jasmine, “You’re standing right in front of him, you don’t need to yell and you don’t need to put your hands on him like that!”

  “He’s my child, you don’t tell me how to fucking raise him!”

  “So I guess cursing in front of a three year old helps get you mother of the year award?”

  Before they go any further I say, “I’ll get him, just chill for a minute.”

  Jasmine is saying something, but I ignore her. Mak stops trying to get away from me, but keeps her eyes trained on Jasmine. I go to KJ and pick him up.

  “Come on man, time to open presents.”

  He buries his face between my neck and shoulder as he cries. Jasmine is mumbling something, but I focus on KJ to keep from saying anything to her.

  Mak is quiet as we drive home. Probably tired. My phone rings and KAeden’s number pops up. I connect to the Bluetooth and ask, “What up boy?”

  “I know I’m probably not supposed to say shit about her, but you came up with Makynzee.”

  She smiles as I say, “Shut up Kaeden. What you want?”

  “I’m serious though. She shitting on them chicks you used to mess with. A fucking gymnast, that’s one hell of an upgrade. You think she make more money than you?”

  “She can hear you,” I say.

  He’s quiet for a few seconds then finally says, “Hey, Makynzee.”

  She laughs and says, “Hey, Kaeden.”

  “So, uh, keeping it moving. I was calling about something I saw this morning.”

  He’s always been the more observant one. If I miss something which rarely happens, he points it out. “What?”

  “The young chick that followed Makynzee all day, how y’all know her?”

  “You mean Amber?”

  “Come on, bruh, don’t be stupid. If I knew her name I would have said it.”

  “What’d she look like?”

  “She left with the old guy and the lady that had the limp, the one that look like Makynzee.”

  “Stanley, Amber, and Mak’s mom. What about them?”

  “Well Stanley and Amber kind of look like old boy from the gas station yesterday.”

  Mak is reclined in the seat, but bolts upright. I’ve never seen Nyeem, but her reaction lets me know that what Kaeden just said is true. “You still got the tapes?” I ask.

  “Yeah.”

  “How did I not notice that before?” Mak mumbles.

  I tell Kaeden to bring the tapes by the house as Mak grabs her phone.

  Makynzee

  This is crazy. Insane! This whole time I’ve never even compared Stanley and Amber to Nyeem. As I wait for my mom to answer her phone I try to remember how Amber’s mom looks. I can’t remember. I hear my mom say hello, but she quickly puts me on hold. Stanley is saying something to her. I suddenly hate his voice. My mom laughs before saying hello again.

  “Ma, I actually wanted to ask you something about Stanley.”

  “Okay, is it something you need to ask him? I could put you on
speaker.”

  I tell her okay and a few seconds later she tells me to go ahead. How do you ask somebody if their son is a crazy stalker who’s after their stepdaughter? “Stanley do you have a son?” They’re both quiet. My mom responds first.

  “How did you know that? Stanley hasn’t seen or heard from his son in years.”

  “Is his name Nyeem?” My voice cracks. Why am I so damn emotional?

  “Did Amber tell you this?” Stanley asks.

  “Amber has nothing to do with this.”

  Kalil pulls into the garage. I don’t move.

  “Then what’s going on, how do you know Nyeem?” Stanley asks.

  “I’m hoping I don’t. Can you describe him?”

  He hesitates as if trying to recall a memory. When he tells me how he looks I give my phone to Kalil. I can’t deal with this right now. I’m no longer mad KJ is at Jasmine’s because I think I’m about to lose it. When Kalil comes into the bedroom where I am I’m stuffing clothes into a suitcase. I’m pretty sure that if I look at him he’ll be frowning. I don’t look at him.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” he asks.

  Definitely frowning.

  “I need to leave, Kalil.”

  “And go where?”

  I haven’t figured that part out yet, so I don’t answer him. Ignoring him makes him more upset. He comes to where I’m standing and begins unpacking the clothes that I’ve packed. I take that back, he’s snatching clothes from the suitcase and tossing them everywhere.

  “Kalil, stop!”

  “You stop! You not making no sense right now. We finally know who he is and you decide to leave the one place you know he won’t come.”

  He’s right, but there’s so much more to this than Nyeem. Besides, he should be out of commission for a while since Kaeden shot him. Everything I’ve put in the suitcase is back out and thrown across the room. I can buy new clothes. I try to move around him and leave the room, but he stands in front of me and blocks the door. “Can you please move?”

  “No.”

  I still don’t look at him. Those eyes are still pretty deadly at times like this. “Then can I have my phone?”

  He doesn’t respond.

  “I’m not in the mood for this. Where’s my phone?” Before he can answer I hear Jay’s ringtone and see it on the bed. When I answer I ask, “Can you come get me?”

  “Hang the fucking phone up. You not going nowhere.”

  “What’s going on?” Jay asks.

  “Ugh, who are you and where is the old Jay. You know, the one who never asked any questions, the one who would just get her ass over here and pick me up!”

  “So now you’re taking your anger out on Jaida?”

  I hang up and put my phone in my back pocket. I’m going to hit him. I take a deep breath and run my fingers through my hair. I need a haircut. I’m glad I’m not wearing heels today. I look up at Kalil and ask, “What do you do, Kalil?” He wasn’t expecting this. His expression goes blank. “You don’t trust me enough to tell me or do you really think I’m stupid?”

  “If you were stupid I wouldn’t be with you.”

  I laugh a little. “So you don’t trust me?”

  “Well, that would be another reason for me to not be with you.”

  Fine, I guess I’ll test that trust. “Do you have a safe?” His hesitation to answer gets to me. I grab the clock from the nightstand and throw it at him. “I’m not speaking another language! Do you have a safe in here?”

  He catches it and says, “Yeah. Doesn’t everybody?”

  Of course he catches it. Bastard. “Everybody can open theirs at any given time without having to explain anything in it. Can you?” No answer. “Are you going to tell me what you do now?” Still, no answer. “What’s the combination?” He’s thinking. I wish he would think out loud. It sucks not knowing if he’s worried about me taking something out of it or just seeing what’s inside it. “Forget it.” I move towards the door again. He actually lets me pass him this time.

  When I get to the stairs he says, “34-25-39.”

  I let out an angry laugh and look back at him. “Seriously, Kalil?” No response. I have no idea when he memorized it, but the combination to his safe is the measurements of my breast, waist, and hips. If I weren’t mad I’d be flattered. The doorbell rings as I ask, “Why’d you hesitate to tell me?”

  “You seeing what’s inside is only gonna lead to more questions.”

  I go downstairs. He takes his time following me. I guess he’s figured out that if I’m going to leave it won’t be in one of his cars.

  “I’m gonna look inside it.”

  “I know, Mak.”

  He sounds frustrated, exhausted. As though everything he’s worked for is crumbling. I go to the door and check the peephole. It’s Kaeden. Seeing him brings out a whole new round of questions. I have no problem grilling them both. I open the door and ask Kaeden, “Why did you know to take the tapes?” I guess the expression he has is his confused look.

  “Can you at least let him in?” Kalil asks.

  “Oh sure, now it’s okay to let him in.” He smiles as I back away from the door. This isn’t funny. I ask him, “Would you have known to take the tapes too, Kalil?”

  He looks at Kaeden then back at me.

  “What the hell did I just walk into?” Kaeden asks.

  “He took the clerk’s driver’s license, too. Is that what you would have done?” I ask as I jab my finger into Kaeden’s chest.

  He moves away from my finger and asks, “Wow, this is really what y’all are talking about right now?”

  I keep my focus on Kalil. “When I got on the phone with you, you didn’t ask if I was okay, you didn’t ask how KJ was doing, you just told me I had to get off the phone and get his keys. Why does that make sense to anyone, but a fucking criminal?” No answer again. “Did you suddenly turn into a fucking mute? Talk!” I vaguely remember that I don’t curse.

  “Baby, can you just calm down first?”

  “No, I can’t calm down, so how about you tell me what you really do?”

  “Maybe I should leave,” Kaeden says.

  I turn to face him and ask, “Do you know?”

  He looks at Kalil. I grab his chin and make him look down at me. “Don’t look at him, I’m the one who’s talking to you!”

  “Bruh, get your old lady, this ain’t what I came here for.”

  Kalil grabs my hand and turns me to face him. When did he get up?

  “I know you’re upset, but I really need you to chill.”

  “Where’s your safe?” I’m tired of not getting answers, so I punch him in his chest.

  “When did you become so damn violent? It’s in the basement!”

  I’ve been all over that basement. I’ve never seen a safe. “Show me.”

  He takes a deep breath and looks up at Kaeden. I go in the basement and wait for him. When he comes down to where I am he pushes a button on his keypad. A square on the far right wall pops out.

  “Have at it.”

  I don’t move. Whatever’s in that safe will probably be the end of us. I’ve known him eight months. I don’t want it to end.

  “You wanted to know, so go look.”

  “Tell me.”

  “You can look.”

  Yeah, we’re probably done. “Will you answer my questions if I have any?”

  “Probably.”

  He’s leaning against the wall next to the safe. His arms are folded across his chest. It reminds me of the night I followed him into the bathroom at the club. I smile at the thought as a tear falls from my eye. I quickly wipe it away. He frowns. I go to the safe and punch in the numbers on the digital keypad. After a few seconds it pops open. There’s a light inside it. The back of it is lined with stacks of money, a whole lot of money. All I see are hundred dollar bills. That could definitely lead to more questions. I pick up a few of the papers that are there. The deed to this house; I didn’t even know it was paid for. He bought it when he was with
Jasmine. That was only a few years ago. I flip through more of them. Insurance policies for him with Jasmine and KJ listed as the beneficiaries. I flip through a few more and just as I’m about to put them down I see my name. It’s another insurance policy for him. I’m the beneficiary. My name is listed on two more. How much insurance does he need? I glance up at him. He’s still frowning. Not mad though. He looks like he’s trying to figure out what I’m thinking. I’m purposely keeping my face blank, very hard to do when dealing with him. I put the papers back and see two huge guns. “What kind of guns are these?” That’s not a question he was expecting.

  “Desert eagles.”

  I push them aside and pick up the four passports beneath them. Two of them have pictures of him. None of them have his real name. I flip one open and see trips to places all over Central America. I may be a little naïve, but I’m pretty sure he’s not going that far for weed. Those places are known for cocaine smuggling. I doubt he’ll confirm that for me. The third has KJ’s info. Wow. I look at the last one and frown. It has a picture of me with Riley’s information. I put them back and pick up a stack of driver’s licenses. Just like the passports they have his pictures, but not his name. One of them has my picture. I don’t bother looking at the other things in there. I take a deep breath and close the safe before backing away from it. He pushes the button on the keypad in his hands and the wall goes back in place. I touch it to make sure my eyes aren’t playing tricks on me. There are no grooves in the plaster to indicate anything being there. I think back to the night those guys broke in. They would have never found this. I fold my arms across my chest and look up at him. “Why do you need all of that?”

  “Sometimes you may need to drop everything and take an extended vacation somewhere far away.”

  “Illegal?” No answer. I take a deep breath before asking my next question. If I don’t ask it right he obviously won’t answer me. “What level of management are you?”

  He stops frowning and says, “President…CEO.”

  It takes me a little while to absorb that. Jay told me I was tripping. I wasn’t. Jay. “Donte?”

  He hesitates; thinks for a few seconds. “VP.”

  I cover my face and rub my eyes. “Your uncle…” I struggle to formulate what I want to say. He offers no help. “Did you inherit this?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You wanted to?”

  He shrugs his shoulders. “I’m pretty good at it.”

  Obviously. “You like it?”

  “Love what you do or don’t do it at all.”

  I think his logic is stupid, but that’s probably only because of what he does. If I said that it would make perfect sense. “If you wanted to, could you stop?”

  He doesn’t answer at first. I don’t think he’s going to, so I’m about to ask my next question when he finally responds.

  “Yeah.”

  “Why’d you hesitate?”

  “That question could only lead to one more.”

  I stare at him for a few seconds before speaking again. “Are you willing to give up what you love for who you love?” I think he recognizes the lyrics from the Big Sean song. He’s never said out loud that he loves me. He doesn’t have to. If he didn’t he wouldn’t be standing here answering my questions.

  “Success is my idol, being broke is my rival.”

  Touché; lyrics from the same song. If I wasn’t so upset I’d be impressed. I hear Jay calling my name and fussing with Kaeden. He won’t let her into the basement.

  “It’s not that simple, Mak.”

  He wouldn’t quit for me. Why should I expect him to? This has been his life for years. I’ve only been his life for a few months. Stupid ass tears. He reaches to wipe my face, but I back away from him. “There’s no future in what you do, Kalil…at least not for us.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’ll only end up in one of two places, a cemetery or jail. Where would that leave me? Scratch that, where would that leave KJ? How would he turn out if he had to grow up without you? Who would provide for him? He’d be stuck with his crazy ass mom. He’d be stuck talking to you through a glass or worse yet talking to a damn headstone!” Saying that makes me think of when I did it. I could keep going, but I’m bordering hysterical, so I stop myself. He looks like he wants to argue with me or just say something to counter everything I’ve just said, but my logic is too sound. He can’t argue with facts. I wipe my tears away and head for the stairs to leave the basement.

  He pulls me back to him and says, “Baby, don’t leave.”

  Damn him. Why can’t he let me have a clean break? His touch makes me weak. I avoid his eyes. “Did you know your name is Arabic for best friend?”

  He uses his thumb to wipe tears from my cheek. “Am I your best friend?”

  A guy best friend is different from a girl best friend, right? I shake my head up and down.

  “So you could just walk out on your best friend like this?”

  Low blow. I put my head against his chest. I can’t stop the tears that fall.

  “You don’t gotta do this, you shouldn’t be crying.”

  I’ve never heard him sound this sad. I look up at him and he kisses me. Fuck my life.

  “I can’t lose you, Mak. I love you.”

  I smile a little. If he had said this under different circumstances it’d be different. The circumstances remain the same though. I don’t think I can be with him now that I know what he really does. That would be setting myself up for failure and I refuse to do it. How can I not be with him though? He’s all I know, all I want. I try to back away from him, but he doesn’t let me go. Jay is calling my name again. I kiss him and say, “I love you, too.” When I back away this time, he lets go…a little. “I can’t stay with you, Kalil. I don’t think I can do this.”

  His eyes don’t hide his pain. That hurt him more than I expected. He actually looks like he could cry. He says, “You won’t know what you can do until you actually try.”

  I look away from him. When I try to pull his arms from around me, he doesn’t fight it. I back away and say, “I’ll stay with Jay and Donte. You trust him to keep me safe, right?”

  He comes closer and says, “I trust myself.”

  I place my hand on his chest to stop him. That was stupid. Touching him only makes this harder. I pull my hand back. “I need time, Kalil.”

  He stops. I feel more tears coming. I turn away before they fall. When I get to the living room Jay is standing by the front door. Kaeden is by the basement door.

  “What happened? Why are you crying?” she asks.

  She’s crying with me by the time she reaches me. She’s definitely pregnant. I grab my backpack and my purse and head for the front door. “Let’s just go, Jay.”

  She calls Kaeden an asshole and follows me outside.