Out Past the Stars

by K. B. Wagers

  11

  Her words crashed into me and I tightened my grip on her as I struggled to find a response.

  Gita held up her other hand before I could say anything. “I don’t mean that as a condemnation, Hail, but it is the truth. Either you will die bashing yourself upon this prophecy trying to save us all. Or we win and you go home. You grow old and you die, while Mia?” There were tears in her eyes. “She will not. She will stay with the Shen and live forever.”

  I am not human. I am Shen.

  It was hard to breathe. I knew Gita was right. Had known this all along even as I let myself feel something for Mia and fooled myself into the fantasy of a happy ending.

  “I wish it were otherwise. I said she is starstruck with you and in so many ways she is, but she is also a leader who knows her duty to her people.” Gita smiled. “Just like you. I don’t hate her, but I mourn all the same for what this love means. You know I have been there, smeared with the grief of losing it all.”

  “You came back from it.” I knew there was desperation in my voice, and Gita shook her head.

  “I did, but you’ve grieved like that once. I wouldn’t see you go through it again.” She got to her feet. “I am sorry, Majesty. I wish I had better words for you.”

  I caught her hand before she could move away. “It’s all right. I appreciate them.”

  “With all due respect to you, Gita,” Inana said quietly. “She is wrong, Hail.” The admiral shook her dark head. “Not about the fact that this may kill you but about if that means you should grieve now for the inevitable rather than just loving.

  “I have given the years of my life to this empire and nothing else. Despite opportunities that happened, I always put the empire first.” Her smile was brief, ripped away like a leaf caught in a breeze. “I don’t regret that choice, but at times I do wonder why I couldn’t find a way to love someone and love my empire at the same time. Your mother found that balance and there is no reason why you shouldn’t have it either.”

  Fasé leaned in as the other two women moved to the door and the Farian cupped my face in her hands. “You burn so brightly it hurts to look at you sometimes.” She kissed my forehead. “Just apologize, Hail. She will forgive you.”

  “I will. Do me a favor, will you?”

  “Anything.”

  “Tell Gita to message Alice and let her know I’ll be a few minutes late with my com.”

  Fasé nodded and left me alone, the door sliding shut behind her after she slipped through.

  I rested my forehead on the edge of the desk and fought off the tears. Despite Inana’s and Fasé’s words, I knew Gita was right, had known it even before she’d spoken.

  Mia and I were two different worlds. Two separate sets of duties and responsibilities. I’d fought too long and hard to keep my throne and I couldn’t walk away from it. Mia had done the same and now we were on the precipice of a final peace for the Shen and she would go on to rule with Aiz—forever.

  Face it, Hail. Targets of prophecies don’t get happy endings.

  The voice in my head was cold, ruthless, and entirely right.

  I sat up, wiped the tears from my face, straightened my shoulders, and buried everything into the darkest corner of my heart I could find. Then I pasted a smile onto my face and commed Alice.

  “Hail!” Her cheerful expression slid away and she brushed a black curl out of her face. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. How are things at home?”

  “They’re going well.” The frown crossed briefly over her face, but Alice was ever the consummate politician and she let me have my distraction. “Everyone is behaving themselves.”

  I laughed softly. “Good.”

  “Prime Minister Tesla had a few choice things to say about you not returning home, but Caterina and the other matriarchs pulled her into a meeting yesterday and Shiva, did they chew her ass.” Alice whistled, then grinned. “She’s lost a lot of her support this term, mostly because she keeps opening her mouth. I doubt her reelection campaign will go well.”

  “It was a good plan on Caterina’s part.” The head of the Matriarch Council had been certain that letting Shivali Tesla have just enough rope to hang herself with was the best option, and so far it looked as though she was correct.

  “As much as I hate to admit it, it was.” Alice shook her head, her rueful smile making the dimple on her cheek wink into existence for a moment. “Taz says it’s better for my blood pressure anyway.”

  “How is he? How’s Ravalina?”

  “They’re both fine. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  I lifted a shoulder in a non-answer. “I’m sure you’ve got a list of things to discuss and I’d like to let you get back to your family.”

  “All right, I won’t pry. So, up first is the newest issue with the budget on the repairs to the Canafey shipyards.”

  I settled back in my chair as Alice dove into the reconstruction work for the Vajrayana ships in the Canafey system. The dockyard had been damaged in the Saxon attack on our system, and then I hadn’t done us any favors taking Darshan Station by force.

  Blowing things up was a lot easier when you didn’t have to figure out a way to rebuild them on the back end.

  Two hours later I rubbed at my face after closing out the com and stood, stretching with a groan.

  The conversation between Emmory and Zin stopped when the door slid open.

  “Zin, I have a project for you, if you’re interested.” The thought had been rolling around in my head since I’d taken Hao and Johar to see Thyra, and it was time to do something about it.

  “What’s that, Majesty?”

  “What do the Farian Hiervet look like to you? Still like our gods?”

  “Not anymore, Majesty. We saw her and the others briefly in the Pedalion chambers when they revealed themselves to the Farians, but most of the time?” Zin shook his head. “She looks like a Farian, only slightly—more?—if that makes sense?”

  “It does. Hao’s the same way. Even though he saw his people’s Old Gods at the beginning, now it’s just Farians. Jo and I seem to be the only ones who can see them for what they really are. I’m curious how they do it. But moreover, I want to figure out what the expressions on their faces mean.” I frowned. “I had an idea that someone could take the images I see and cross-reference them with images from others at the same time.”

  “Like we did with what she showed you and Emmory?” Zin nodded. “It would give you a baseline on the human expressions and it shouldn’t be difficult, ma’am. Assuming we have the material for it.”

  “Oh, I do.” I reached out and shared what I’d pieced together from my visit to Thyra with Hao.

  The split picture appeared in the upper corner of my vision, and Zin hummed at the sight of Thyra in her true form. “I wish I could figure out how they do that. It’s a neat trick.”

  “It makes them dangerous,” Emmory murmured.

  “I should have thought of this sooner,” Zin said. “You want this same split format, Majesty?”

  “Yes, please. It’s a lot of busy work, but I trust you—”

  Zin waved me off with a smile. “It’s good work, Majesty. And it’ll take me less time than if you had anyone else do it. Send me whatever video you have and I’ll pull from the BodyGuard files where one of us is in the room with them at the same time. I can compile them into a primer of sorts for you with shots of the more human expressions and the Hiervet ones side by side for comparison.”

  “Tap Alba if she has time; she’s been busy with Dailun but she’s got a good eye for detail.” I smiled. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime, Majesty.”

  “Emmory, let’s go talk to the Pedalion.” I’d timed the call with Alice close enough that I would catch the negotiations at the edge of the morning break.

  We heard the shouting well before we reached the chambers in the Pedalion compound where the negotiations were being held, and I shared a look with Emmory. “Should have known things were going too
smoothly,” I muttered.

  “Majesty, we should probably go back to the ship.”

  “I know,” I said. “You know I’m not going to, right?”

  He sighed and gave the guard on the door an impassive look when the woman stepped in front of us.

  “Star of Indrana, it is probably for the best if you—”

  “See if I can’t help?” I slipped around her into the room.

  Mia spotted me first, through the frame of her brother and Rotem shouting at each other in Farian, their words flying so fast my smati almost had trouble keeping up.

  Men, she mouthed with a roll of her eyes. The humor was as surprising as the soft smile that followed it, and I felt a burst of hope that maybe I could salvage something out of the wreckage of my foolishness.

  I leaned against the wall, waving Fasé and the others of the Pedalion back into their seats. Interestingly enough, Thyra was also there, but the Farian Hiervet had remained in her seat when I came in and I wished for the hundredth time that I had a match for the expression that crossed her face.

  “We will not yield on this, Aiz!”

  “If you will not, then what is the point of all this?” Aiz snapped his fingers. “My people deserve to live here on Faria as much as yours do.”

  “Our people won’t just accept Shen in their midst because you say so.”

  “No, it will be because you say so,” I said, and both men snapped their mouths shut. “I stopped by to see how things were going. I see that the answer is ‘not great.’ What’s the issue here?”

  “The usual Farian bullshit.”

  “Aiz.” The quiet warning came from Mia and I wondered how much I’d missed out on by not attending the negotiations. I’d thought things were going well, but the atmosphere in the room was like a live wire.

  “Rotem objects to allowing us a place to live on Faria.”

  “It is not me objecting, Your Majesty,” Rotem said. “The people will not stand for it.”

  “What would you know of the people’s desires?” Fasé’s reply was sharp. “When was the last time you left this tower, Rotem, and actually talked to them?”

  “How dare you?” he snarled, turning his fury on Fasé. “You have so little room to speak on this, Fasé Terass, and yet you’d dare chastise me? Where have you been these last few years? Not here.”

  “I was here for a time, or have you forgotten you all locked me up?” Fasé’s laugh was sharp but filled with humor. “I have been doing your work out there, Itegas Rotem, caring for my people. I have been laying the foundations of a better world for them while you bowed down to these false gods.”

  Rotem swung his arm back to strike, but Talos surged to his feet, taking the blow intended for Fasé. I pulled my gun as Talos grabbed Rotem by the wrist.

  “Enough,” I said. No one moved. “Talos, let him go.”

  “Would that I could, Star of Indrana,” he gritted out, and I realized they were locked in a battle of wills. Worse, it was a fight Talos appeared to be losing.

  “Rotem, you have to the count of three to let him go before I paint the wall behind you with your brains.” I saw the hatred flash in his platinum eyes but he didn’t move. I hit the charge on my Glock. “One.”

  Talos was going gray. Emmory and the others hadn’t moved, but I knew their hands were on their guns and this was about to get bloody.

  “Two.” I took a step closer, my eyes locked on the pair.

  “Rotem, that is quite enough.” Thyra’s voice broke through the standoff, and Rotem released Talos as if he’d suddenly been burned. Fasé caught him when he sagged forward and only then did Aiz move, slipping his arm around Talos’s waist and helping the Shen away from Rotem as he whispered in his ear.

  “Would you like to try that with me?” Fasé’s voice was a frozen knife cutting through the air.

  “Don’t think about it,” I warned when Rotem opened his mouth. “I’m still hot and I really will put the Pedalion down by another member if you so much as touch anyone else in this room.”

  “Star of Indrana.” Thyra raised a limb, an obvious placating gesture.

  I shoved my Glock back into the holster with a snarl. “Damn it, Rotem, your people are tired! Can’t you see it? Fasé is right. Do you not speak with them? They want to live their lives without worrying about dying in a fight with the Shen.

  “And some are tired of living this lie of eternity you were all tricked into. They want freedom.”

  “And that we can give,” Rotem said with a glance toward Fasé. “To those who seek it. But the land is not within our power, Your Majesty. If we uproot people to settle Shen in their place it will not end well.”

  “You all realize there is something much worse coming, right?” I saw Thyra flinch at my words. “And if you aren’t able to put down your grievances and fight with us, then none of us will survive!”

  “Rotem,” Fasé said, folding her hands on the table in front of him. “What if some Farians agree to move?”

  “Where would they go?” Delphine asked with a frown.

  Fasé looked my way. “I believe her Majesty has a suggestion.”

  “Caterina is going to kill me,” I subvocalized at her over the com link without breaking my expression. “The Empire of Indrana would gladly welcome any Farians who wanted to settle permanently with us. Or temporarily,” I added when Sou glared at me. “We are allies, after all, aren’t we?”

  “It will not work.” Aiz shook his head. “There are too many of us. It’s not that we don’t appreciate the generosity of Fasé’s offer, Hail. It is a simple matter of population.”

  “What are the requirements for the Shen to have the same chance at rebirth as the Farians?” I held my hand up before Aiz could answer me. “Thyra?”

  The Farian Hiervet blinked at me, eyelids snapping shut and then open again in what I assumed was surprise. “Your Majesty?”

  I repeated the question and Thyra shook her head. “It is not about the land, Your Majesty. The dirt of this planet is no more special than your own.”

  “What?” It wasn’t only Aiz and Mia who shouted the challenge; Rotem and the others of the Pedalion reacted with shock. I kept my own shock at bay as the realization that the one thing we’d been trying to achieve had ended up useless.

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I waited for the stunned outrage to settle. I knew the Farian Hiervet wouldn’t give us the information unless I kept pushing. “You didn’t answer my question, Thyra. I won’t ask a third time.”

  “The unique abilities of the Farians were not something we created, they were merely something we encouraged. Our assistance—”

  “Your interference,” Fasé declared.

  I was now sure an annoyed look flashed across Thyra’s face.

  “Yes, our interference allowed for the random nature of their reincarnations to be more consistent and orderly.”

  “The genetic markers in your blood.”

  “Yes.” Thyra inclined her head.

  “Are those markers what the Shen require?”

  Thyra dipped her head again with only the slightest hesitation.

  “I’m going to assume you have the ability to access those in a manner less violent than how Aiz got his hands on the rest of it?”

  “There is a lab in Etrelia.”

  “Good. I expect a plan for how to make this happen from you before the next meeting.” I turned back to the list of items scrolling across the table in front of me.

  “Your Majesty, what do you intend to give us?”

  “Give you?” I raised an eyebrow at her.

  “In exchange.”

  I snorted a little laugh as I glanced back at the table for a moment and then sobered. “Thyra, you get the two things I have already decided to give you—your lives and my help with the Hiervet when they arrive.”

  “But—”

  “I realize you are used to being treated as gods. I do not see you as such. Do not test my generosity or my patience.” I pushed to my feet
with a sigh. “I think that is enough for today; we’ll revisit the question of where people are going to live once I have more information from Thyra.”

  “Your Majesty, if we might?” Aiz put a hand out. “There is one more pressing issue. My father. The others whose souls are being held. Will they be released?”

  “I don’t see why not,” Yadira replied. “Aiz, are you willing to consider a prisoner exchange?”

  “Yes,” he said.

  I watched Rotem, who was frowning. The Farian Hiervet were doing that embarrassed limb-tapping thing and I raised an eyebrow as a horrific idea settled itself into the pit of my chest.

  “Emmory, this is about to go badly again,” I subvocalized over our private com.

  “There can be no exchange.” Rotem refused to meet my eyes. “All those judged as traitors faced the gods and their souls were consumed.”

  Fuck. I only just managed not to utter the word out loud.

  “No.” Mia exhaled, a painful gasp of air.

  Thyra touched her limbs together. “There was no reason to keep them.”

  “Bugger me,” I muttered, stepping into Aiz’s path and putting my hands on his chest. “No.” He tried to move around me and I pushed back. “Aiz, look at me.”

  A surge of energy ripping through me was his only response.

  12

  I could feel the press of Aiz’s will against mine. Not even pressing, but sinking in until it was hard to tell us apart. There weren’t any words for it, this strange feeling of the very heart of someone being tangled with my own.

  I did what could best be described as the energetic equivalent of digging my heels into the dirt. “Aiz, look at me.”

  He complied, but slowly, and I could feel him fighting my command. We were locked just like Rotem and Talos had been, much like the first time Aiz had done it to me on Rai’s ship, only now I was the one who’d frozen him. I almost lost my grip in my shock.

  “I get it, believe me, but now is not the time.” I hated myself for the words. There were too many ways this could go wrong if a fight broke out.