The Exhibits in Mrs Salmon's Waxworks

by Tim Ellis

  Sergeant Birdwhistle jumped in the front with Jack.

  The fifteen minute journey from Catherine Wheel Yard to St Augustine's Church in Camberwell took them thirty-five minutes, even though Jack drove like a Tasmanian devil and used the horn as if it was an essential requirement.

  He parked on Church Street, which was a quiet suburban road.

  The rusty metal gate into the overgrown grounds of the church had a thick chain wrapped around it with a heavy-duty lock.

  Private Tumbler grabbed the bolt cutters from the van and cut the lock off.

  Jack led them inside the grounds.

  The stone church was much the same as any other Anglo Saxon church, with a variety of odd-shaped stained-glass windows, a crenelated tower and lead-covered spires. The clock in the tower had stopped at five to twelve.

  He directed Sergeant Birdwhistle to take Jimmy Crisp and enter the church through the back door, while he led the other three through the front entrance.

  It was gradually getting dark and there was very little light inside the cold and damp church.

  Birdwhistle and Crisp came through a door behind the pulpit and the Sergeant said, 'There's nobody back there, Sir.'

  He looked around. Lucy wasn't in the church. There was no evidence of anybody having been in the church recently. 'We've obviously been sent to the wrong place.'

  'I don't know if it's relevant, Sir,' Jimmy said. 'But there's a metal container out back.'

  'What type of metal container?'

  'One of those big ones they keep at the docks.'

  'Show me.'

  They made their way through the back of the church.

  The shipping container was an old rusty brown one with a heavy-duty lock through a hasp and staple. On the side and the doors were yellow warning signs beneath a skull and crossbones that left people in no doubt what to expect if they entered the container:

  DANGEROUS CHEMICALS

  TOXIC GAS

  CHEMICAL STORE

  'Open it,' Jack said to Kincaid, who was still carrying the bolt cutters.

  Kincaid made quick work of the bolt.

  Two of the others opened the doors.

  Inside, they found a half-naked Lucy Neilson suspended from a hook in the roof of the container.

  Jack, and two of the others, took Lucy down and laid her on the floor.

  Relish pulled out the cannula from Lucy's femoral artery and told Jack to press a pad over the wound, while she checked for any signs of life. She pulled a face. 'No heartbeat and no breathing, but she's still warm. What blood group is she, Sir?'

  'No idea.'

  She looked around. 'Who's got blood group of O?'

  Private Jimmy Crisp put his hand up. 'I am.'

  'You've not got any strange diseases such as HIV, Dengue Fever, Hepatitis A, B, C or E, have you?'

  'I hope not.'

  'Sit in the dental chair.'

  'I hate the dentists. You're not going to take any of my teeth out, are you?'

  'Maybe later, Jimmy. Drag Lucy over here next to the chair,' she said to the others.

  While they did that, she ransacked the drawers in the medical trolley until she found what she needed.

  'Is a direct transfusion safe?' Jack asked when he saw her laying out the equipment on Lucy's naked chest.

  'She's dead, Sir.'

  'It was a stupid question. Do what you have to do, Sergeant.'

  Petty Officer Ramona Relish worked quickly and efficiently. After attaching a clear tube between two wide-bore cannula, she inserted one needle into Crisp's brachial artery in the crook of his right arm, and the other one into the median cephalic vein in Lucy's left arm. Then, as the blood began to flow through the force of gravity between Crisp relaxing in the dental chair and Lucy lying on the floor at the side of him, she began mouth-to-mouth and heart compressions.

  'Is there anything you want us to do?' Corporal Kincaid asked her.

  'You could take a look around instead of standing there gawping at her tits.'

  'What do you think, Sergeant?' Jack asked Relish.

  'I think you can stop pressing on that pad and cover up her crotch, Sir.'

  He looked down at his hands as if he'd forgotten what they were doing, took them away and pulled the zip of her motorcycle suit up a couple of inches. 'Will she live?'

  'I'm a lot of things Sir, but I'm not clairvoyant.'

  'No.'

  'You should come and take a look at this, Sir,' Birdwhistle said, indicating a join in the reflective silver aluminium insulating film at the far end of the container.

  Jack walked over to the others. 'What am I looking at?'

  Birdwhistle pulled on the film to reveal a door with a bolt and lock on it.

  Corporal Kincaid stepped up with the bolt cutters and cut the lock off.

  Birdwhistle drew back the bolt and opened the door.

  Inside they discovered police bullet-proof vests, helmets, riot shields and identity documents; dozens of weapons including Glock handguns, AK47s, Uzi sub-machine guns, magazines, silencers and boxes of ammunition; high value watches and jewellery.

  'It's like Aladdin's Cave,' Terry Tumbler said.

  When Jack told them to rip all the insulating film off the walls they found stashes of cocaine, heroin, amphetamines, ecstasy, cannabis and hundreds of packets of used bank notes.

  Kincaid whistled. 'There must be a couple of million pounds in cash here,' he said.

  'Take everything to the van except the drugs,' Jack said to them. 'Pile them up in the corner and we'll burn them when we leave.'

  'We could split the money,' Tumbler suggested.

  Jack stared at him. 'We're not here to profit from other people's misfortune, Private. And what would you do with a million pounds in cash besides get yourself killed? Any more suggestions like that and we'll be having words.'

  'Sorry, Sir.'

  'Once everything's in the van, you stay out there and guard it.'

  'Yes, Sir.'

  While the men were moving everything to the van, he went back and stared at his one and only as Relish tried to bring her back. He knew he'd let her down. Not just today, but her whole life. He hadn't been there for her. And trying to convince himself that he hadn't known he'd had a daughter was a whitewash. If he'd been bothered, he'd have asked, but he didn't. He'd shirked his responsibilities, and trying to make it right now didn't absolve him of blame.

  ***

  He knocked on the Chief's door.

  'Come.'

  He opened it and walked in.

  The Chief wasn't alone. Miss Tinkley was standing next to him, behind his desk, like an adviser.

  'Good afternoon, Sir. How are you?' He glanced at Miss Tinkley. If he didn't know she was in the middle of changing sex and still had a penis, he would have felt a stirring between his legs, but it was as limp as a wet fish. 'Hello, Miss Tinkley. Are you joining us?'

  'Don't bother sitting down, Quigg.'

  'No?'

  'Miss Tinkley brought this to my attention.' He turned his computer monitor round a hundred and eighty degrees, so that Quigg had an uninterrupted view of the action. It was a pornographic movie and it appeared as if he was the male lead in which no orifice was left unfulfilled.

  'No, no. That's not me, Sir.'

  'Of course it is. Don't be preposterous. Everyone with a working eye can see it's you.'

  'I've been assured by an expert in these matters that my penis isn't that long.' He began rummaging around his zip. 'Here, let me show you.'

  Miss Tinkley leaned forward.

  'Put it away, Quigg. I'm sure Professional Standards will need to photograph and measure it, but I certainly don't want to. And neither does Miss Tinkley. Do you, Miss Tinkley?'

  'Once you've seen one, you've seen them all,' she said.

  'My thoughts exactly.'

  'I don't think we need to get Professional Standards involved, Chief. If we ask Doctor Perkins to examine the videos . . .'

  'There's more than this o
ne?'

  'About thirty I believe, Sir.'

  'Astounding!' He turned the monitor round, made a few clicks on the keyboard and turned it back again. 'Any chance we had of keeping it in-house was torpedoed when the Assistant Commissioner called me and brought these to my attention.'

  He began to read the posts that Lucy had shown him. 'No, I didn't write any of them, Chief.'

  'You must think we're all as stupid as you, Quigg. You've been found out. Not only have you got a second job as a second-rate porn star, but you're also a racist, a bigot, a misogynist . . . Need I go on?'

  'No, Sir. But if you look closely, you'll see that I'm innocent of all crimes.'

  'Guilt and/or innocence will be determined by Professional Standards, Quigg. But by the time the press get hold of all this, I should imagine that you'll be found guilty as charged before you even get to a disciplinary meeting. I have no choice, but to suspend you with immediate effect.'

  'Suspend me!' He checked his watch. 'I have the press briefing now.'

  'Ha! The press would have a field day with champagne on ice if I let you go down there to face the press. DC Rummage can take the briefing, and I'll accompany her to make sure the press behave themselves, but you don't work here anymore, Quigg.'

  'But what about my investigation?'

  'DI Singh can take over. My advice to you would be to resign. Of course, Professional Standards will still need to investigate, but you might keep your pension. Having said that, from what I've seen on those videos, you must be making a few bob and a police pension would be peanuts anyway.'

  'I'm not getting paid anything, Sir.'

  'Doing it for free. Yes, well I can see there are other perks besides money, but your complicated home situation would suggest you need a substantial amount of income to live off. Talking of which, does your harem know about this second job of yours?'

  'No, you've got it all wrong, Chief.'

  'Well, no matter. All I have to do is pass the buck to Professional Standards, although I'm sure the Commissioner will want to know how much I knew and when I knew it. Are you still here, Quigg? Close the door on your way out and clear your desk before you leave the station. I don't need to have you escorted out, do I?'

  'No, that won't be necessary.'

  'I can't say it was a pleasure working with you, Quigg. And Mrs Belmarsh will be very disappointed when I tell her, because she'd taken a shine to you, as you know. Those videos wouldn't go down well at the Women's Institute though. I think you'll find that she'll drop you like the proverbial sack of bricks.'

  'Professional Standards will find me innocent, Sir. They'll exonerate me of all wrongdoing. I'll be back, Chief.'

  'Goodbye, Quigg.'

  He made his way along the corridor to the squad room.

  Rummage was sitting at her desk staring into space.

  'You're doing the press briefing with the Chief, Rummage.'

  'Me! I don't know anything.'

  'That's not the right answer, Detective Constable.'

  'Why aren't you briefing the press?'

  'I've been suspended. Someone is out to get me, and it looks like they have. There are certain pornographic videos circulating that show me pleasuring many women, and posts on social media that make me out to be a not very nice person. They're all lies, Rummage. It's not me in the videos, and I didn't post any of the comments. I want you to remember that when you see them.'

  'What about the investigation?'

  'DI Singh will take over the investigation.'

  'Is he any good?'

  'I leave you to decide. Anyway, I have to clear my desk and get the hell out of the station before the heavy mob arrive and forcibly remove me. So, good luck with DI Singh and the case, and I'll see you again when Professional Standards discover that I'm innocent of all charges.'

  The Chief strode in then. 'With me, DC Rummage. Forget about DI Quigg, he's persona non grata, yesterday's news and you're not to converse with him again until Professional Standards have taken his life apart and found him guilty. With effect from first thing tomorrow morning, DI Singh will be your new boss.'

  'Yes, Sir,' Rummage said, following the Chief towards the stairs.

  He went into his office and packed up his few personal possessions in an old plastic bag that had once contained clean underwear. Most people stomped out carrying a box, but he couldn't find one. Well, he guessed that was the end of his career. What had happened to Lucy? Why hadn't she sorted it all out for him?

  ***

  In light of what had happened with EncroChat, and all the arrests that had been made, the Met's covert team had become redundant. Of course, they still had no idea who the Chairman and the Shadow Board were, but if they had been using EncroChat, then it was likely they'd been scooped up in the arrests.

  She imagined that most would get bail and continue as if nothing had ever happened, and it was likely that those with powerful friends, connections and the use of expensive barristers would escape any form of justice. As Li had said, and she knew it was true, the only way to stop them was to take their money.

  The members of the team stopped what they were doing and looked at her as she walked into the operations room.

  DI Dominic Carroll appeared to have been nominated as the spokesperson. 'Can we have a word, Boss?'

  'Of course. What is it, Dominic?'

  'Well, a couple of us have been talking about the EncroChat operation and we're wondering if what's happened has made us surplus to requirements.'

  She nodded. 'I would say that was extremely likely. I am going up to speak to the Commissioner in a little while, and then we will know what is happening. I think you are right though. If the criminals are all in custody, then we have no one left to investigate. As they say, I would start looking for another job.'

  They started talking among themselves.

  She walked over to talk to Li. 'Have you found their money yet?'

  'Yes. I wrote a domino program that located every bank account and emptied them one after another by initiating a conversion of everything in the account into Bitcoin, transferring the amounts into a blockchain wallet, and then converting the proceeds back into real money and depositing the amounts into a thousand accounts across the world. The enterprise is broke, and it would take them years to recover their money. Not only that, I went after all the companies where the Board of Directors and European Investors work or own and cleared them out as well. We're talking billions of pounds. I think this is probably the largest theft in the world. Lucy would be proud of me. Have you heard anything from Jack yet?'

  'No. As soon as I do, I will let you know.'

  'Yes, please.'

  'I do not want to be a harbinger of doom, but if anything happened to you, how would we recover the money you have stolen?'

  'I'll encrypt everything and send the details to Lucy right now. She will know how to gain access to the money.'

  'All right.' She hoped Lucy was all right, because no one else would be able to get into her computer system.

  Her work phone vibrated.

  'Hello.'

  'It's Charles, Ruth. Can you come to my office, please?'

  'Of course, Sir.'

  She ended the call.

  'That was the Commissioner. I expect the team will be disbanded following the EncroChat arrests. Make sure you tie up all the loose ends and sweep up the breadcrumbs.'

  'I will.'

  'Oh! You have not transferred any of the money to your own account, have you?'

  'No. I would never do that.'

  'Good. Lucy will send you the money you need for your mother.'

  'I understand.'

  She made her way upstairs to the Commissioner's office and knocked on his door.

  'Enter.'

  Opening the door, she was surprised to find two other people in the room – the Assistant Commissioner – Julia Noseworthy and the Director of Human Resources – Tiffany Mokoena.'

  'Ah, Ruth,' Sir Charles said. 'Please, come in
and take a seat. Can I offer you a coffee?'

  She sat down in the only free easy chair between the two other women. 'No thank you, Sir.'

  'We have a problem . . .'

  'The EncroChat arrests?'

  'Those as well. Of course, the team is no longer needed. The NCA have done our job for us.'

  'Did you know about the operation?'

  'Yes, but I was sworn to secrecy. Not even Julia knew. Anyway, that's not why I called you in here.'

  'Oh?'

  He nodded at Tiffany. 'Show her.'

  The Head of Human Resources pulled a tablet from underneath a file on her lap.

  Ruth noticed that the file was her own.

  Mokoena switched the tablet on and held it out to Ruth.

  She took it and watched Quigg having sex with three women, but it wasn't Quigg. 'That is not Quigg, his . . . thing is not that long.'

  Sir Charles sighed. 'Only you would know that, Ruth.'

  'I'm sure there are others.'

  'I did say there was to be no hint of corruption.' He nodded at Mokoena again as if they'd spent hours rehearsing it. 'There are also these.'

  Mokoena took the tablet, tapped the screen a few times and then passed it back to her.

  Ruth read the posts that she'd brought up:

  Quigg: Men are created different; and a government that ignores this fact becomes an unjust government for it sacrifices nobility to mediocrity.

  Quigg: Women have the right to work wherever they want to – as long as they have dinner ready when you get home.

  Quigg: Society must concern itself not chiefly with the isolation, temporary or permanent, of the individual murderer, thief or forger, but with the extermination, or repair of the genetic, educational, or industrial defects which cause the production of criminals.

  Quigg: I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.

  Quigg: I support the death penalty because I believe, if administered swiftly and justly, capital punishment is a deterrent against future violence and will save other innocent lives.