Sari Caste

by Catherine Kirby

  "Ridiculous. No Ch'en's wife won't come to live here." In spite of our attentions she was still quick with her contempt.

  "She is very much younger, then? A baby perhaps?" Kajal asked.

  Mona's snigger twisted her face to look harder than ever. "He will go to live with her family. They're wealthy. They can take their turn to shoulder the burden of him."

  With a shaky hand Kajal poured her some water to which I added plenty of spirits.

  "Here." I thrust it at her forgetting, in my irritation, about being carefully polite.

  Mona tossed it to the back of her throat, in the way Pramath had shown me. She watched us warily as it warmed her. I could almost hear the clink of her decision not to worry about what we might think. We were ineffectual.

  "In Saudi when a man grows bored with his wife and mistresses he needs a complete change. Why should women be expected to do all the work anyway? The man's own children will know how to deal with such a one too. Ch'en spends all his time among females here and does nothing useful. He'll have to earn his keep for a change. He'll learn." The spirits had more than achieved what we hoped in getting Mona to talk but this was not what we had expected to hear. I was stunned.

  "But you mustn't do this to Ch'en, Mona. You mustn't." Kajal's eyes were filled with such menacing energy that I trembled wondering what she might do, knowing how fond she had become of Ch'en.

  "How could Ch'en ever find a wife? He's a misfit. It won't be too long before he'll be demanding your services. That will be a bad influence for the young girls. We must keep them virgins to sell them. No on wants used goods do they?" She reached over to help herself to more spirits, downed another glass, and then weighed up our dejection. "What did you stupid women think happened to the children? What did you think they were here for?" Her scornful laugh betrayed the depths of her corruption as more despicable than we had dared to guess. "You've done well out of it too!" Her laughter burned deeply into me as she slunk away.

  How could she include us in her wickedness? We had no idea what she had been doing with the children. We had even praised her thoughtfulness at finding them new and better lives. The tensions between her and the rest of us had now erupted like a deadly volcano hissing and spitting angry molten rock and lava that roasted alive the little feeling we had for her and created an impenetrable abyss between us.

  Kajal continued staring at me unable to speak. My legs felt weak. I sat down. "Kajal, what can we do?" I asked helplessly

  "Kill her! Kill her! That's what I will do." She screamed.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  During that same month the rich European came to the brothel. I had been chosen to spend an hour with him. He stood tall in his creased and sweaty clothes. He looked as though he had not slept for a long time and there was a few days beard growth round the forward jut of his chin. With every move he made I expected his dangling arms or legs to topple awkwardly to the ground. I wanted to laugh until I discovered that he was ill. I was too unsure of this strange new man to be the one to mention it. Instead I brought him lots of lemonade to drink and when he lay down I bathed his head. Eventually, he fell asleep. I left him and went to sit by Lipika.

  When I returned at the end of the hour he was still sleeping. Gently I wakened him and gave him more lemonade. He tried to smile and said something that sounded appreciative but slurred. Then, pulling himself up he reached inside his jacket. I was astonished at the wad of money so thick he had to tug at it to free it from his pocket. He gave me a darting glance as he began counting the bills. I wondered then if it was my look of amazement that sparked his impulse to overpay me so generously. He might have been touched by my honesty. I could easily have helped myself while he slept. Indulgently, he smiled down at me as my mouth gaped open and I stood wide-eyed unable to move. He took my hand and whispered his lips over it. I could feel the cool droplets of the drink I had given him. I had never seen anyone do this before and had no idea how to receive it. I remained fixed to the spot. I hoped this would not offend him. I was relieved when he seemed suddenly to forget all about me while he gathered himself together to leave.

  I tried to control my trembling. From my body he had taken nothing. Instead, he had bestowed a gentle blessing and given me a gift in return for a nap and a little lemonade. Overwhelmed, I bowed my head and touched his feet with my hands. He laughed merrily, like a child. Imitating my actions he made us both repeat it over and over while I giggled at his candour but we were not children. At last the hilarity faded. He ran his hand down my arm. I shivered. I was still at his disposal. I knew it was unreasonable for me to be disappointed by this new interest, but I had begun to think that he had simply liked me. Once this life had seemed better than starvation now tears burned my eyes threatening to betray me.

  I walked over to the bed and began pulling my sari impatiently from my shoulder. "No" He barked at me drawing my fearful eyes to his. He motioned me to pull my sari back into place. As I did he walked out softly closing the door behind him. I sank down. This man had, after all, shown me gratitude and respect. For some time I sat numbly staring at the wall.

  Then the voice in my head found its tongue. "No! No! No! Stupid! The rising heat before the Monsoon is making you mad. He is too ill now but he will be back for you to earn your money. Do you never learn? Men are parasites." I stopped crying and washed my face. I picked up the money to count it. More than double the usual fee! Why was I wasting my tears? This was wonderful. I would stow half in my little cache with the rest. I could feel a huge smile spread across my face like a satisfied cat with its half dead prey.

  I heard Mona calling. A horrible picture of myself with her stony features presented itself to me. Would I become brittle and cynical like her? I didn't sell children and I had people who cared about me. I would never be like her. With that clear vow to myself I sped out to find my next customer.

  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

  A few days later the tall white foreigner returned. With him was a young Indian with a twisted leg. The Indian seemed familiar. He had the kind of face I liked, warm and expressive. The tall foreigner kissed my hand again. I could see Mona's sharp little button eyes register suspicion. He handed her a bottle of alcohol and a roll of rupees, pointed to the Indian and then to me. The foreigner left. Although I did not understand his reasons, somehow I was glad he was asking me to favour his friend, not himself. Mona's face had briefly mirrored my own puzzlement but not for long would a man throw her off balance. A crafty mask slid over her face like heavy old cobwebs.

  Mona cradled her bottle as though she cherished an offering for the gods. "Well, do you want a woman or a drink? If you want a drink go away. Don't waste my time." She had no respect for a cripple. He had to be weak if he was deformed.

  "You are in charge of this beautiful young woman? But, yes I am most eager to begin." His charm had neutralised her acid.

  She looked on him with glassy disdain as though he was as useless as a broken promise and sauntered away without deigning to waste more words on him.

  "Come" I said in a firm business manner. "My room is down here." He followed me into my workroom. I immediately washed my hands. I could sense his change of mood. He stood rigid watching me. I glanced up. He seemed unable to break the silence. Softly, I asked, "Do you want me to undress you?" He did not reply. I hesitated a moment. "You want to undress me?" Still nothing.

  He opened his mouth unable to utter a word and blinked his eyes rapidly. The bulge in his groin said everything. I sat down and began slowly to loosen my hair and shake it out over my shoulders. That always worked. He began to relax. He came over to me. Gently he entwined his fingers in the thick folds of my hair.

  "What's your name?"

  "Manasa."

  "So beautiful." He said wrapping my hair around his face and breathing in the smell of the mimosa flowers I wore. He did this for a long time. I sat patiently. It was restful and easy for me. Then unexpectedly he pulled away. He str
uggled desperately to get out of his clothes and gestured to me to do the same watching me all the time.

  The more he hurried the more clumsy and tangled he became. I felt mischievous. He looked so comical and his face was finding its home in my head. Yes, he was the young man who sat at the last stall in the market selling flowers and ornaments for women's hair. He almost always blushed when I passed. Well, I would not make this too easy for him. Slowly I began to unwind my sari.

  "Hurry! Hurry!" He snapped.

  "You could easily manage without me removing my clothes. They are not so prohibitive. Look." I pulled my garment out to reveal how flimsy it was.

  He stumbled forward clumsily pushing me down onto the bed. Once there he was as agile as any other man. It astonished me how suddenly he found his way inside me. He thrust with such enthusiasm I feared he would damage us both. Then as suddenly as he had begun he groaned loudly and flopped down beside me. I got up to wash.

  "No!" He commanded sharply. Then, smiling "You have not yet earned your money. I still have some time with you. Stay here." I lay back down. What did it matter? One man or the other? As soon as my time was up I would wash his memory away from me and find my next customer.

  After a long rest he sat up. "Now I want you to bring me water to wash and while I do, you must remove that moth-eaten veil you are wearing." He was taking up the challenge I had laid down.

  He washed himself careful as I obeyed. Eagerness shone in his eyes, this time, as well as in his groin. I grinned. He grinned back at me. "Come, We will go slowly. My friend tells me it's better like that." His friend was right. However, Dinesh had used up more than his allotted time but there was no knock on the door from Mona to hurry us. The friend must have paid her well.

  "Your friend is generous to you." I remarked.

  "Yes, I look after him. I found this place for him. He's on holiday from abroad."

  I turned away to smile. Anyone could have found a brothel in Calcutta for his friend. "You have a stall in the market?"

  "Yes. Next time you pass, you must stay and talk to me a little and I shall give you a flower for your hair."

  "You want a prostitute to talk to you in public?" I gaped at him. Did sex make cripples mad, I wondered?

  "Who cares what a cripple does? I shall never be rich or influential so I'm free! I'll go now." He hauled himself up smiling. "You were more delicious than curds more sweet than nectar. I hope I shall soon taste again." We giggled like silly children but after he had left, his words echoed round my room.

  "I'm free. Nobody cares. I'm free." His words rang in my head like bells pealing a message of hope. Then, I reasoned, I too am free and I will care for myself. I don't need anyone. I felt tall. I felt large and for the first time in my life I felt truly in command of my soul. I would find a way to make my life and Lipika's and Kajal's, and Ch'en's liveable. If an outcast crippled man could do it so could we. We must.

  I took my time refilling the water jug so that I could wash. While I rinsed away the sweat and person of Dinesh from me, I sifted and stored the odours and pictures in my head, like a cat, to re-experience later. My fantasies at least, were mine to play with, if and when I chose. His voice with its shawls of warmth played themselves over in my mind. "I shall give you a flower for your hair." Had he meant to offer me a gift or was he simply possessive and demanding? I decided he must allow me to pay for anything he gave me.

  I would never again let a man treat me like Patap had. All his gifts had made me feel specially loved but they had also set me apart, and in the end I was lost completely. I drank the remains of the water in the jug. I must have sat a long time staring blankly at the wall. The cassette music, which was played loudly each evening, droned into consciousness. I should be looking for my next customer. I felt hungry. Perhaps a snack would give me back my strength and balance. The memory of Dinesh's laughter and chatter followed me down to the kitchen. I turned my back on them but my body expanded to that remembered touch of his.

  I stepped out of my reverie and into the gloominess of the kitchen, which rested intimately between the chatter and bustle of the children, and the dreary night visits of our customers. As I began putting a small meal together an untidy shuffling ruffled the silence. I had guessed it to be Ch'en and there he was clinging to my legs. His full moon face looked up at me so full of trust. I smiled and bent down to haul him up for a hug. I remember the strange thought that all men, to begin with, are innocent children.

  "Huh! You're doing him no favours." I had not noticed Mona crouched in a dim corner. She eyed me sharply. As she jabbed her food into her mouth I felt the reproving stabs in my chest. I was cornered. I had been determined she would not spoil my enjoyment of the children, and in particular my fondness for Ch'en. Anxious not to bring her retribution upon him later, when I was not around to defend him, I put him down. For myself I was more confident I was important to her now that the customers were getting to know me. She was unaware I had overheard direct requests for me from a number of men. It seemed, though, to harden her towards me rather than please her.

  "Don't waste money keeping that valuable customer waiting while you spoil the child."

  I popped a sweetmeat into Ch'en's mouth and he rewarded me with a dribbly grin. I turned to her, "Someone is waiting for me?" Mona glared as she waited for the answer to dawn on me. "What, he has come back? But he has only just left. I don't understand."

  "Yes the weedy little cripple is back but money is money. No wonder I have to persuade clients to take you. Take the yellow veil. I don't want him falling asleep with boredom and take him food." Her insults stung.

  "What a good idea." I replied with a rebellious smile. I had given him more than his full time already. Surely, he could not be dissatisfied with me for he could easily have chosen someone else this time. Perhaps all he wanted was to try me again now that he had bravely initiated his manhood. I nervously gathered some bowls of prepared food and a jug of water. Ch'en was clinging to me again. "Find Kajal and give her some of these." I told him as I slipped him some raisins. He cheerfully wandered off munching.

  "Anyone else for me later?" The best way to avoid work, I had found was to ask for it and irritate her with my eagerness.

  "When I decide! No one else has asked for you but when we get busy you'll take your turn." She said. "Give him another hour. It's more than he's paid for but it will encourage him to return often. Spend plenty of time feeding and massaging him. Perhaps you will bring something back to those useless limbs. Huh! You've got a lot to learn if I'm going to keep you here."

  "Are you married, Mona?"

  As if stepping into a cold spring on a hot day, my question seemed to shock her into response. "When I was fourteen. He was thirty." I stood completely still in anticipation. She seemed to have slipped back in her memory to her youth. "He was lazy and useless." I nodded. She recovered her composure and encouraged she continued in her gritty way, "One day I told him, "our son, Protik, is ill. Send him to the hospital or he will die." But mother-in-law decided the Brahmin's puja would cure him: hospital was too expensive. Protik didn't have the spine to object. Our son died."

  "How very, very sad for you both, Mona."

  "Huh! Not for Protik." She reproved. "He would have been a useless worm just like his father and the rest of that pathetic family. I left them and came here." I could not see her cold expression clearly, but I thought her voice faltered just a little. She got up and turned her back mumbling. "Hurry, your customer's waiting."

  I felt chilled and depressed. As I passed her I turned to her and floundering helplessly for words of sympathy said simply, "It is very hard to lose a family, Mona." She grunted and flapped me away with her hand.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Dinesh was indeed waiting. I found him sitting on my bed calmly smiling. Somehow he managed to look as if he had just arrived but the room steamed from his dhoti. The monsoon had broken. The rain pelted as hard as stones onto the roof drowning out the cassette music. Why had he bot
hered to wade through it all to return so soon? I longed to rush outside and splash about with the children in its freshness. Nevertheless, I hid my frustration to greet him.

  "You look sad, Manasa. You're far away from me. Are you upset that I should return so soon? I'm unable to think about anything but you and that it was auspicious for us to meet. I want to marry you. Something's wrong. What's wrong?"

  I didn't understand his impulsive joking. Marry me indeed! I decided to ignore his taunting. I said, "I am excited that the monsoon has broken but nothing is wrong with me."

  "That's all? But you don't look excited."

  " ... And I am puzzled by your return so soon."

  "I've decided I don't want you to be in this place. It's a bad place for you. You should leave. What are you doing here?"

  "What does it matter to you? I have nowhere else to live and I have to provide for my baby."

  "You have a baby?" His eyes had doubled in size. "Where's your husband?" He growled.