How I would miss her. I wanted to cry with frustration but how could I explain? "Then come now, before Mona thinks of something else for you to do." At least this way, we would say good bye to each other. It occurred to me then that she might want to leave too, if not what difference would it make? For if Mona decided to blame Supriya for our departure, she would not need an excuse to do it and I knew I could trust Supriya to tell her nothing.
"Madhu go and fetch your sister. She must be playing outside." I said.
"No. Mona made her come in. She's getting ready to see the Arab nephew."
Madhu came and held my hand. "Won't Semanti be cross when she finds out we went without her?"
Her words like shackles held me fast.
"She'll probably be bursting with exciting things to tell you after the Arab nephew." Supriya reminded her.
"I don't care I'd rather go to the market." She pulled at my hand. "Come on aunty. Come on."
I could think of nothing to do but leave. If, while we waited someone arrived to tell Mona about Kajal, she would be in great danger and we would not be able to help her. As we walked and chatted I let my mind run wild to find a solution to the problem of Semanti. How could I leave her behind? I had made up my mind that the twins must come. It was the only way to save them from disaster, at the hands of those evil men. It was bad enough to think of all the other children we would never save, but the twins were like an echo of Kajal and me when we were younger.
"Aunty! Lipika is crying. Why don't you pay attention?" Madhu insisted crossly.
My mind swam into focus. "It will be alright, Madhu, Supriya is taking care of her. I want you to do something for me." I drew her aside.
"What is it?" She liked to be given little errands.
"Let me whisper it to you." I bent down to speak into her ear. "Would you like to come with me on a very special journey?"
"Yes! When? Can Semanti ... "
"Of course she must come. Go back to Semanti and tell her to put on her usual clothes very fast. Then go to the kitchen and take a plate of sweetmeats, a bottle of whiskey, and a clean glass to Assad, the Arab nephew. Tell him that a very important message is coming for him from abroad. Very important, remember. Therefore, Pramath has respectfully cancelled Semanti's visit until the nephew has received and replied to his special news. Be careful to remember everything I tell you."
"Yes, yes."
"Neither of you must let Mona find out what you are doing or she will spoil it. Here is some money. Hide it on you. Use it to take a rickshaw for you both and wait for me where no one will see you at Sealdah station. You will let me trust you to do all that?"
"Of course but aunty what will the big news be? Where are we going?"
"What is all this whispering?" Supriya smiled and frowned to show her confusion.
I ignored her and continued to instruct Madhu. "Hurry Madhu. Be very, very careful not to let Mona find out. Tell her anything but not what I have told you for you must not trust her with our secret. I am trusting you very specially." Madhu nodded solemnly and without a word scuttled away. We had not come far, so it would not take her long to return.
"Something's wrong, Manasa. You're not telling me about it. What's happening?" Supriya was carrying Lipika who twisted herself round to come to me. I took her and she snuggled into my neck.
"So much is wrong, Supriya, where shall I begin to explain to you? Let me just say that I am leaving, with the twins. Come with us? Start a new life!" Supriya gazed at me as if she no longer understood the words coming from my mouth. "There is little time, Supriya. You have to decide now. My sister, Kajal, is waiting for me."
"Your sister! Where are you going? How will we live?"
"I have saved money. Look here at my waist. Mona doesn't know. It will be enough to begin with. Kajal ran away because the films they were making were not good. They were making evil films of men and women, and even children lying together. Assad is going to take the twins and hurt them in the same way."
"Manasa, what are you talking about? How do you know all these things are true?"
I undid the front of my blouse beneath my sari. "This is what Assad did to me for trying to protect Semanti."
Her face distorted in fear and shock. "Manasa, no! I'm afraid."
"You will have more to fear if you stay. We must hurry before Mona has any chance to discover what is happening."
"I want to come."
"Then go and see Dinesh and tell him to meet me at Sealdah Station straight away."
"Dinesh? I don't understand. Is Dinesh your brother, then?"
"My husband." I paused to fix her with a stare that challenged her to argue. "Take Lipika. I am trusting you with my most important treasure. Take every care of her. I shall go back and take the rickshaw with the twins. Wait for him but make him hurry with you to Sealdah station."
"Yes, we must all hurry. Give Lipika to me."
"Supriya, if he should have to decide not to accompany you, then you and Lipika must come without him. Do you swear to me?"
"Of course."
I gave her money. She left with Lipika in a rickshaw. What was I doing with my little one? I knew that it would be safer this way but it was so hard to let her go. No one would be looking for Dinesh or Supriya. Together they would look like a married couple and that would be safer for my Lipika. It was hot. I felt weak and I was struggling to make progress back. I went as far as the last corner from which I could sit at the roadside against a broken concrete post and watch and wait. I knew the twins would come this way. To keep myself calm and to judge some kind of time I sang mummy's songs in my head. I sang the same one over and over and still they didn't come. For luck I began singing another song, a long song. Nothing. Could I have missed them?
Then I spotted Mona. She looked straight at me and strode over in my direction. I could not think a single sensible thought. It seemed like years passed before she was level with me. At first I thought I should run away. Then I knew I must not do that for, if she had found out what was happening, it was too late and I must talk my way out of the situation. If she had not, it was too soon. She stood sneering down at me. Caught like a naughty child what was there to say? "I've hurt my ankle." I winced, holding it and rocking myself. "It is very painful. I am resting a moment, Mona. I hope you didn't need me." I smiled innocently humble.
"I don't need lazy people. You should be hard working like me. Then you would be proud of yourself, instead of squatting in the gutter." Her lower lip twisted in a sneer as she turned and walked away. At the same moment I spotted the twins laughing and chattering. Mona was moving slowly away in the direction of a rickshaw, which just prevented them seeing her. I put my hand up to them. They saw me, waved and came running. I held my breath. As they drew level with Mona I pointed wildly at her signalling them to keep out of sight. They stopped to look around them. Mona was only yards from them. Who would see whom first? Then Madhu saw her and stood rigid with fear. I sat helplessly watching "Hide Madhu, hide." I called to her in my head. Madhu seemed to wake up. She grabbed Semanti's hand and pulled her behind a bullock cart. As soon as Mona was gone they rushed over to me panting and excited.
"Where are we going, aunty? Madhu told me Assad has changed his mind and wants you to take me to a very special place to meet him instead." Semanti's eyes reflected dreams of magic carpets, wonderful riches, and torch lit palaces.
"It's very secret, Semanti. I will explain to you both, but not now. We have to hurry to catch a train and I cannot tell you the secret, until we reach our destination. You must both be very quiet and do whatever I tell you." Their little eyes were fixed on me. My every word stored to find all the meaning they could, until I revealed the truth to them.
"Am I to be married now, today?" Semanti asked. Her face dissolving in sudden fear of leaving all that was familiar, especially Madhu whose hand she now gripped tightly between both of hers. It had seemed an adventure in familiar surroundings but now the excitement seemed more menacing. What could
I say to reassure her?
"You mustn't spoil it, Manti. We'll all find out later. We might miss the train if we don't go now." Madhu scolded.
Relieved I took their hands. We walked over to a battered rickshaw. The driver, though undernourished and bent spent a lot of unnecessary energy shouting and flapping his skinny arms about to get us all to huddle together on the flimsy boards. Then with a heave we staggered forward towards the station. I made the girls sit either side of me and bury their faces into my shoulders. They clung heavily. I covered the lower part of my face with the end of my sari. What a slow tedious journey, the traffic fumes, the rotting smell of human and animal waste baked in the heat of the city almost choking us. I dreaded Mona or one of her protectors catching us on our way to the station. I decided if we were stopped, I would say the children were ill, that I had been instructed by Pramath to take them immediately to hospital since they were Assad's favourites. I hoped the girls' anxiety would be mistaken for illness. If the protector then decided to come with us we would never get to the station, which at this moment, seemed placed at the end of the earth. The weight on my shoulders became too much for me. I let the girls sit up. I uncovered my face to cool off a little. We seemed inconspicuous in the usual busy traffic but slowly I became uncomfortable. I could not possibly keep a watch in every direction.
Assad, it was such a shock to see him. He should have been at the brothel. I could feel his penetrating smirk even from the shop doorway, across the crowded street. He began to shout and wave at us. People were staring, pretending not to understand. I leaned forward "If you go very fast, I will give you three times the usual payment." The wiry collection of bones found new energy. He pounded through the thick of the traffic weaving around lazy oxen, which settled wherever they chose.
"Aunty, Assad is here. Why are we running away from him?" Semanti was shouting and shaking me.
"Stop it Semanti! He doesn't understand our traditions. You must do as you're told and sit quietly. He will be able to speak to you soon. No need for you to worry." I tried hard not to sound frantic. Assad had climbed into a taxi, which rattled and spluttered behind us. Even if we reached the station first, he would catch us before we could find the others and leave. I untied the money. Keeping some for myself, I rolled up the rest and gave it to Madhu. "Now get ready, I want you to take this money to Supriya at the station. Tell her this is to buy tickets for you. I will join you later." I called to our driver to stop. He veered to the kerb, where he drooped over one of the long arms of his rickshaw gulping huge mouthfuls of fetid air. I made the girls get down. They looked frightened and puzzled. "Don't let Assad see you. He will be so pleased when I tell him how obedient and helpful you have both been. Then he will understand." I tried to sound confident. The taxi overtook us and pulled up. The girls were already squeezing their way between buses, bullock carts and wobbly cyclists. I could see Assad striding fiercely towards me till I lost sight of him. I stopped for a moment wondering what to do. It had all gone so wrong.
"Ah, I was right. It is you, Manasa. Where are the children?" He demanded. "Why did you rush away when I called you to stop?" Grim faced, Assad grabbed my arm.
My heart jumped. "They, they have a message to collect a package for Bharati, from the station." I faltered.
"They have gone so now you will return with me."
"No!"
"No?" He yelled. "No? You seem to think you are very important. You assume that you can do whatever you like."
"I have a class I must attend. I am learning dance to entertain you."
"Then, why were you sitting here idle?"
I was on edge. What could I do? His cold eyes hovered over me with disdain. "Where is your lesson to be held?"
I lowered my gaze but spoke boldly in the hope I would sound convincing. "It is not far away."
A snigger contorted his arrogant features. "I am expecting to receive an important message from abroad but which hasn't arrived. I will accompany you to your dance class first. I can watch you for a while."
I replied icily. "In Calcutta everyone ignores prostitutes. If you are seen with me it will not be good for your reputation." At this point the driver became impatient to move on.
"My reputation is my concern." His grip was so tight I thought he would break my arm but I refused to let him see my pain. "Learn how to respect me properly. No matter what the urgency you stop to bow to me and wait whenever you see me. Never, do you rush away. Not until I say, shall you leave. That is good manners." Assad towered over me like a huge effigy of the demon king Ravana. "Now go."
Trembling, I urged the driver to continue the journey, hardly thinking of where we were going, just glad to have got away. Assad seemed to have disappeared in the throng, once more. The rickshaw driver laboured on for some way. Then, as soon as I thought it was safe, I ordered the poor, tired man back to the station. On receiving my generous payment he immediately straightened up and gave a wide discoloured smile that filled me with unexpected relief.
I must be alert to each step I took and each decision I made. I had never been in a station before and was unsure what to do, or what to expect. The anxiety that I would not be able to find the others lodged in my throat, like a wedge. There were hundreds of people all milling about by the ticket kiosks and hundreds more huddled in random groups. I could not see Supriya. I began watching any women with young children, desperate to see my Lipika. My courage began to sink. How could I have allowed Lipika out of my sight? The girls had either gone or had been discovered. Then perhaps someone would be waiting here somewhere, to find me too. Where was Kajal? Had she come here at all? She may have forgotten which station I had said. Where was Dinesh? Where were they all? I must find them.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
In spite of continual jostling from the crowd, a light touch on my shoulder caused me to squeal. It was Dinesh. I was so relieved I found myself near to tears but instead I spoke sharply. "Dinesh! Why did you take so long to find me? Where is everyone?"
"Hurry we must buy some tickets. We'll take the next train wherever it's going. The others are on their way to Darjeeling. Don't worry they will wait for us there." He was dragging me over to the kiosk queues as he spoke. "We must leave here now but we can't get a train to Darjeeling soon enough. We'll find our way there tomorrow instead."
I had no idea where Darjeeling was, how far away, nor what it would be like. Neither did I care, everything had happened so fast. There had been no time to discuss any kind of plans or agreements about what to do, or where to go. At least the others had the bulk of the money. They would be able to eat and drink and find some simple shelter. Thank God Supriya went with them too. Kajal must be in a state of shock and exhaustion. Dinesh assured me Lipika was safe. We managed to get some second class, unreserved tickets for Lalgola. The train would be leaving in twenty minutes. We decided it would be best to go to the platform and wait there. I had not drunk anything for so long my mouth felt like the inside of a clay oven. Dinesh told me not to look round to see who might be watching us for it could attract unwanted attention. If we were seen we would have to run. Hopefully, if that should be necessary, it would be too difficult for them to give chase for long in the crush that surrounded us. Slowly we pushed our way through the crowd to the quiet of the platform. We were astonished to find it almost deserted. I wondered if this was indeed a good idea.
"Dinesh, I am very thirsty."
"Wait here I'll buy some fruit and water."
"I shall come with you."
"No. You will be safer here. I'll be quick."
I spread the end of my sari across my mouth and nose. I felt hot and a little faint. As I sank into a crouch on the ground, people came pouring onto the platform in a sudden rush. My instinct was to stand up but I knew it would be safer to make myself as small as possible. The crowd swirled round me closing in like dense fog. I waited a long time, lost in anonymity. Where was Dinesh? I stood up and began searching through the crowd for him. How dare he keep me worryin
g so long. It had been a simple request and I had even asked to stay with him. And what if he had walked away? Perhaps he had resented being pressed into leaving so suddenly but what else could I have done? By his own choice, Dinesh had sworn to be equal and to be my husband. I could not quite let myself believe he was not coming back. What would I do all alone? Anger dug its spurs in sharply. I was not alone. Somewhere I had Kajal and Supriya. I would cope. All I had to do was stand firm and remain determined about my decision. First, I would go to wherever this ticket took me. But no, Dinesh had the tickets! Then I must board the train without one. Nobody seemed to be checking.
I could hear the clunk and clatter of the train approaching. Everyone surged forward. Swiftly, I looked all around me again but he was not there. The realisation that he must have deceived me cut deep. I surged forward with the crowd. I had never been on a train. My head was pounding and my throat so dry I doubted I could speak. For Lipika I must be strong. Where was Lipika now, this moment? Just thinking of her made me feel helpless and weaker than ever. I struggled with fear and doubt as I hauled myself onto the train. Already the seats were filling. I clung to the window searching frantically through the crowds for Dinesh. I shrank down, forcing myself onto the edge of the nearest seat to peer out of the corner of the window. People were pushing and shouting with purpose on the platform, just a little way ahead of my carriage. In spite of the jostling all around me I managed to hold firm.
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