The room was totally silent. I had caught a glimpse of Semanti sitting on Assad's lap. I knew they were staring at me. I pretended not to notice them just long enough to give him a glimpse of my body as I gracefully negotiated closing the door.
"Oh!" With, what I hoped was a convincing jolt, I did my best to appear startled to see them. "I came to make sure the room was prepared for you, but you are already here." I laid the jug down on the table and, as I turned to bow to him, he ran his eyes over my body letting his gaze fall to my breasts. I lowered my eyes, raised them swiftly to ensure I had engaged him and lowered them again.
"What is your name?"
"Manasa." I replied sweetly.
He turned to Semanti. "You go now."
She smiled uncertainly at us both and ran off.
In a few moments he had ripped the muslin from me. His tone harsh, he demanded, "You were curious about me, weren't you?"
I was shaking with shame and anger at what I had brought on myself, in spite of having rescued Semanti. "I made a mistake. I thought the room was empty. There was no sound."
"Next time, you will wait for my call. Next time, you will knock, won't you?" His hand was pressed hard over my mouth. He grabbed my waist with a strong arm, and bit hard into my breast. I could neither scream nor move. Pain ricocheted round my body but could find no escape. I could barely breathe.
"I will let go now and you will not scream. If you do, I shall hurt you. No one will care or rescue you. I am master here. You must understand that. I am master. You do what I say and when I say."
I was terrified. He was worse even than the uncle. He let go. Frantically, I gulped in air. He laughed delightedly as though I performed some kind of comic act. Hate and humiliation burned deep into my brain. I grabbed his hand, without a thought passing consciously through my head and bit hard and deep. I kicked and kicked, and tore at his hair. He stumbled with the shock but easily recovered. Pulling his arm back forcefully he ground his teeth as he punched me in my chest so ferociously I fell in a heap to the ground. Then he laughed again and continued to laugh as before.
"It would be fun to have a session with you and the little one together. But first I will punish you so that you will learn to respect me. I won't tell you when I will punish you. You must wait until I am ready." He kicked me hard in the small of my back and pushed me away with the toe of his sandal. "Get up and go. Now!" Then he turned his back to me as if I was no longer there and poured himself some of the water I'd brought with me. I wanted to tip it over him, and stamp on him, and kill him but I hurt so much I could barely get to my feet. My body trembled with the physical effort but I was determined not to stagger. As I pulled myself up slowly to leave, I caught sight of him masturbating. My stomach heaved. This man wanted to entertain himself with our children. How could Mona allow this? I dragged myself out through the door.
A little voice called to me, "Aunty, here I am. Shall we talk now? I've got something important to tell you."
"Soon." I had to lie down. I took Semanti's hand and we trailed slowly to my room.
It was late afternoon. Madhu had forgotten to let Lipika lie down, consequently she had not slept. She was irritable and clingy. I hurt so much I wanted to weep.
"Where is Supriya, Madhu?" I could hear the quavering in my voice.
"She's gone to the kitchen, I think."
"Find her and tell her I need her to look after Lipika. I'm not well. My head hurts."
Semanti looked worried. Not far from tears, I squeezed her hand to reassure her. My life, had, after all, become even worse than my mother's. The thought bore down on my bruised body like a huge weight. I carefully drew my aching limbs into a ball and drifted into the oblivion of sleep leaving a confused Semanti to cope.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
I surfaced from my sleep aching and stiff. Rest had not improved the pain. I tried to sit up in the normal way but the effort hurt so much I could barely move.
"You've been a long time, aunty, I've been waiting for you to wake up, so we can have our talk." Semanti chided. In spite of my weariness I smiled. I was glad she was cheerful. It must mean she had not been harmed. "We can have our special talk now, can't we?"
"Bring me some water and come and sit with me." Gingerly, I propped myself up on an elbow to sip the water. "Now, Semanti, because I worked hard yesterday I am aching all over," I lied. "I should have rested more, so now I am going to lie down while we talk. Did you put all the finery away, as I asked?"
"Supriya helped me."
"You went to see the Arab uncle's nephew in all the finery. What did you think of him?"
"He's called Assad. He told me I was very lucky because he would turn me into a beautiful girl, with special duties when we are married. Manasa, I'm going to be married! I'm going to be rich! I'll have lots of jewels, ride on elephants and see wonderful magic." Her face shone with excitement for her news was out, at last. Unable to recognise the danger she was in, she simply believed she had been chosen to be privileged, in a world beyond her most vivid dream.
"What is all this you are saying? You are too young to marry. What did the nephew say to you? What did he ask you to do?" I was too weary to contain my anxiety any longer.
"You must call him Assad. That's his name He told me to call him that. What's wrong, aunty? I've been good!"
I had not meant to scold her. Of course, she didn't understand but I was furious and it was difficult to be patient.
"Assad kissed me here." With a big grin she ringed her lips with her index finger. "He liked it. He said he's teaching me to be married, and he will reward me for all the new things I learn. He's going to take me to his world far across the sea. When he comes back, I'm going to ask him to take Madhu with us."
The twins had never been apart since they were born. How dare he corrupt these little ones. It all seemed incredibly strange. Why would a rich Arab man marry an impoverished Indian child? She spoke of him as though he were a god, yet he had treated me violently for no reason that I could see, except, that I had interrupted his time with a small innocent one. My mind was rapidly trying to consolidate all these facts. "You must not tell Madhu yet. Let it be a secret for now. Better not tell anyone else either in case she hears about it."
"Won't she have a big surprise? She'll come and live in the marvellous new place too. I'll ask for you and Lipika to come. I don't want to leave you."
"Did Assad teach you anything else?"
"No. Then you came with the water and he said I could go."
He had not continued his disgusting lessons. The pain of his attack on me had been worth it then. "Lipika is calling you. Go and play now. Remember not to tell Madhu our secret."
I closed my eyes. I had saved her this time but I could not stop her being taken to some far place and hurt and perhaps Madhu also. At best, once their periods began, they may be expected to behave as wives. I didn't want to think about the worst that could happen. I could not help the shameful relief that, at least, Lipika was too young to be in danger yet. I was moving around in a living nightmare. One by one, the reasons to stay in the brothel were collapsing. Yet I could not think of leaving without Kajal. Dinesh had not talked to me about our plans to leave yet, either. Maybe he could find a way to stop the children being taken away. I desperately hated all the evil around me.
Dinesh didn't come for a while. I concentrated on the only path open to me, pilfering from Mona to buy a new future somewhere else. I moved my store of money to a more accessible place at the back of the food cupboard. It was an ancient, heavy wooden larder, the size of a poky room. The grimy window near the ceiling, allowed just enough light to penetrate, so that, once my eyes had adjusted I could see dimly. At the back, I had found a number of heavily cobwebbed terracotta jars; some broken, some overturned. I placed them all in the darkest corner and therein hid my precious tokens of freedom. Mona was very strict about not allowing the children to play in the kitchen, ever since she had discovered Ch'en pouring her precious food away.
She never spent one paisa more than she thought necessary. I smiled at how appalled she would look if she knew about my hoard of her cash. She didn't know everything. That she didn't hold all the power, as she believed she did, gave me the courage to carry on.
Assad must have told Mona his own version of what had happened between us. She scolded me severely about what she called my jealousy of Semanti and sneered her contempt at my eagerness for sexual attentions. Now that bruises had appeared, she decided that my just punishment had left my breasts too ugly for me to work. I must go back to looking after the children and to making a recovery so that I would not be thrown out.
I was so tired that night I cannot remember undressing or lying down. I didn't dream. Sometime towards dawn I felt irritated by someone insisting on shaking and hushing me at the same time. My aching body dragged back and forth through sleep and wakefulness. I didn't want to make the effort to get up, but someone else was more determined I would. I struggled with my jumbled mind and someone tugging at me until, at last, I was awake.
"Sh! Manasa, quiet."
"Kajal? You are back. Oh I am so glad. I cannot believe it. I must get up and talk to you."
"No, no. You don't understand. I ran away. ... " She faltered. Her tears dripped onto my cheek. Alarmed, I struggled up onto an elbow.
"Kajal! What have you done? Why did you run away?"
"It was terrible, Manasa. Worse than here. Much, much worse. We were forced to do horrible, terrible things. Even the children." Her voice had begun to rise. She stopped trying to talk and threw herself at me clinging to my neck. I winced with the force of the pain, but held her as warmly as I could manage.
"When I said no to them, they beat me. My legs hurt. It was hot and dusty, and dirty." A moan came from Lipika as she began to stir. We stayed very still, until she settled again.
"Lie down beside me, Kajal and whisper in my ear, so that nobody will hear you speak."
She squeezed in beside me. I had to bite my lips not to cry out with the pain as I made room for her. "The worst thing of all is they ... "for a moment her voice cracked and she could not continue. "They killed Ch'en." Her voice in my ear sounded like a strange report, here in my room, from some foreign place on the radio. "They forced me to stand over his body afterwards balancing a big rock over my head while they filmed me. They said if I was troublesome they would show the film to the police and I would be executed for Ch'en's murder." She buried her face into my shoulder to stifle her sobs.
Poor Kajal. At first, I could not take this in. It was too shocking. Then, I wanted to scream out at those monsters who were destroying our children and us. After what had happened with Semanti, this was unbearable. They were using our children, degrading and ruining, even killing them for whatever seemed profitable. Eventually, I found the strength to ask in a hoarse whisper.
"Why did they kill him? Why?"
"He wouldn't obey. He didn't like what they tried to make him do. Children should not be forced to do sexual acts, Manasa. He fought and screamed but it didn't touch them, at all. They shot him in the heart and in the head. It stunned us all to silence. That night I crept away. I walked till daylight. Then, when I came to a town, I used the money I found hidden in the floor in your room. No one knew Mona hid money there. I found it a little while before we left the brothel. I used it to pay for a train ticket to get back here to you."
That was where my money had gone! "It was money I had stolen, from Mona, to help us escape one day, Kajal. I am glad it helped you, but what shall we do now? They will tell Mona you have run away. They are evil. Surely, they will punish you severely if they find you?"
Kajal lay inert. Tears were rolling away down the sides of her face. I kissed her cheek. Then whispered very close to her ear. "We have to leave here, today. You must find your way to Sealdah Station. Wait there for me. I will go to the market to get Dinesh, who will help take the twins and us away from here. Then I shall come to meet you. We will buy some tickets and leave this terrible place."
"No. We must go now."
"It is complicated Kajal. You must trust me, your big sister! Dinesh will help us. He ... he. I'll explain to you later. I have more money hidden away. I shall go and get it now. Take it and go to Sealdah Station. As soon as I can I shall make a trip to the market, so that I can come and meet you. Do you have any money left?"
"Yes. I kept all I could. It isn't much but I knew we would find it useful. I'm afraid, Manasa. Afraid you won't be able to come with me."
"I want to come and I will come. I hate this life. We need a safe place for Lipika too. Stay here. I will go to the kitchen and fetch more money for you. Then you must leave before anyone sees you."
I crept away barefoot. The kitchen was still dark. In the gloom, I picked my way to the cupboard to retrieve the money. My heart leapt around inside me like a kite in a storm. I had to use my hands to feel my way around the bottles and jars to the back of the larder. I forced myself to slow down, so that I would not make a sound. At last I found the terracotta pot with the money inside. I tipped its contents into my lap and wrapped my underskirt around it all. I tied it into a small bundle at my waist so that I would not drop it on my way back. I was about to get up when I thought I heard someone. Yes, someone was moving around in the kitchen. I put my hand over my heart to try to calm myself. Feet padded towards the pantry. I flattened myself against the wall and froze. The door slowly, slowly opened.
"Aunty why are you hiding in there?"
It was Semanti. Somehow my voice answered. "I was hungry, so I came to get some food. Now be very good and go back to bed."
"Are we going with you to the market today?"
"Of course. Off you go and do not wake Mona. She will be cross."
A harsher voice jumped out at us from the gloom. "What are you whispering in here?" It was Mona. She held a candle level with her face. How ugly and eerie she looked. I wondered if she could hear my heart thudding against my ribs. I tried to relax but instead I seemed to crumple. I could not speak.
"I was hungry. Aunty came and got me some rice." With Semanti standing between us I was able to keep my hand under the money to take the weight so that it would not jingle. I somehow managed to arrange my clothes over the small bundle hoping it was still too dark for her to see well.
I forced myself to take charge. "Sorry we woke you Mona. I hope you can get to sleep again. Come Semanti back to bed right away and make sure you eat a proper supper next time. No more of this nonsense." I squeezed her hand to let her know this reproach was part of a game of pretend we were playing. Semanti squeezed my hand in return. I felt very fond of my small accomplice. We wound our way past an unmoving Mona. Her silent scowl was even more ferocious than her scolding. Her disapproval pierced its way through me. I concentrated on shooing Semanti back to bed. Then casually checking to make sure Mona was not behind me, I returned to my own bed.
Kajal was not there. Where was I to search? The room was small. After looking under the beds there was no where else to look. If she had run off in fear I might never find her. She was grief stricken for Ch'en, as well as very frightened. Perhaps she would be discovered and taken by the police, and executed. EXECUTED! I was paralysing myself with my own fears. There was still a little time before I had to get up. I hoped she would come back in a moment or two before Mona had the chance to find her. There was nothing to do but lie in frantic suspense listening and waiting.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
A glow of light edged the gaps in the curtains as, thankfully, the morning arrived. Lipika was first to stir. I was grateful for her usual early morning cheeriness. I tried to make up my mind what would be the best thing to do about Kajal. She still had not returned. If Mona had found her, the very dead would have been woken by now. Where was she? I could only hope that she would be waiting for me at the station. I tried to make myself behave as carelessly as if it were another day of routine and I was casually preparing for a trip to the market with the children. I had also decided, that I
must be careful to encourage only the twins to accompany me. Then they could also escape. Dinesh must understand our terrible circumstances. We were soon ready to leave. I could see that Supriya was hovering about looking hurt. She so loved to come with me, especially since Kajal and Lavali had gone, and, today I had not included her. How could I ask her to come to the market and risk her being blamed by Mona for not stopping me, when she returned alone to the brothel? It was a torture, not being able to say goodbye to her, nor to explain what was happening. As I was leaving I turned to smile. She caught my eye.
"I'm lonely Manasa." Her eyes warmed with her smile. "Let me come. I'll help you with the children."
"I thought you might be too tired today." My blood raced.
"No. It's dull and dark here. When I'm with you and the children at the market, it makes me feel brighter. You know I like being with you, Manasa."
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