The Girl on the Beach: A Heartbreaking Page Turner With a Stunning Twist

by Tracy Buchanan

  ‘I still seem to have my arms and legs,’ he joked back.

  So typical of him, Amber thinks. ‘Whereabouts are you exactly?’

  ‘Just past some village. I’m literally a few minutes away from the loch according to my sat nav, but a snowdrift the size of the Great Wall of China blocked my path.’ His voice sounds slightly slurred.

  ‘Everything okay?’ Rosa asks.

  ‘Let me just chat to Rosa, the person I’m staying with. She knows the area.’ Amber covers the speaker. ‘My—’ She pauses. What is Jasper? A friend? ‘My friend Jasper is trapped nearby. He says there’s a huge snowdrift in front of him.’

  ‘Oh, that must be on the main road leading here,’ Rosa says with alarm. ‘I heard on the local radio it’s blocked by a huge snowdrift.’

  ‘He came all this way for you?’ Lumin says, her eyes shining.

  Amber bites her lip. It really was quite something.

  ‘Oh dear,’ Rosa says. ‘Not the best time for a trip to the Highlands.’

  ‘I know,’ Amber says, shaking her head. ‘Typical Jasper, decides to get all impulsive now. How far is the snowdrift from here?’

  ‘Five or ten minutes’ drive?’ Rosa replies.

  ‘Walkable?’ Amber asks.

  Rosa pulls a face. ‘Yes, but it’ll take ages in this weather.’

  Amber takes her hand off the speaker. ‘Oh, Jasper, why did you come out? I told you not to!’

  ‘If you’d agreed when I asked the first time,’ he says with a hint of smile in his voice, ‘I’d have m-m-m-m-missed the worst of the snow.’

  ‘Do you have a blanket?’ she asks.

  ‘Nope, just my coat and a pile of clothes I pulled from my bag.’

  ‘It sounds like you’re freezing.’

  ‘I’m not g-g-going to lie,’ he stutters, ‘I am. The car stopped working in the night so I haven’t even had the heat of the engine. I t-t-t-ried to walk to see if I could find somewhere warm but the blizzard drove me back.’ He takes in a shaky breath. ‘Look, I’m going to be honest. I-I-I’m not feeling great. I’m getting confused and …’ He pauses, swallowing, ‘I’ve resorted to slapping myself in the face to keep myself awake.’

  Fear darts through Amber. When she was found outside in the snow as a child, she was drowsy and kept talking about going swimming in a puddle, of all things. Confusion and drowsiness, severe shivering too … all symptoms of hypothermia. Of course, Jasper will know that as a doctor but won’t say it outright for fear of scaring Amber. She can hear the worry in his voice though.

  ‘I’m coming to get you,’ Amber says, holding her phone between her chin and shoulder as she grabs her coat from the peg. Lumin’s eyes widen with alarm and Rosa shakes her head.

  ‘N-n-n-no, it’s too dangerous out here,’ Jasper says.

  ‘Jesus, Jasper, it’s just a bit of snow,’ Amber says.

  They’re both silent, knowing how dangerous a bit of snow can be. But this is Jasper, she can’t risk losing him.

  ‘Can you see anything? Some kind of landmark so I know what to head for?’ she asks as she hops about, pulling on her boots.

  ‘You can’t go, Amber, look at it out there,’ Lumin whispers.

  ‘L-l-letterbox,’ Jasper says.

  ‘He says it’s near a letterbox,’ Amber tells Rosa, ignoring Lumin.

  Realisation dawns on Rosa’s face. ‘I know where he is. He’s even closer than I thought.’ She stares out at the snowy lake. ‘Still a good thirty-minute walk around the loch, mind.’

  ‘How long if I walk across the loch?’

  Rosa vehemently shakes her head. ‘No way.’

  ‘But I have to. You’d have crossed that icy lake for your daughter, wouldn’t you?’

  ‘My daughter, yes,’ Rosa agrees. ‘God, yes, if I’d only looked out of the bloody window that day. But who is this man to you? You said he was your ex.’

  ‘She loves him,’ Lumin says simply.

  As Lumin says that, Amber realises just how much she loves Jasper, always has. Katy’s death eclipsed the feelings she had for him; belittled them so she felt she could leave it all behind. But now she realises how much of a fool she was to do so. And now Jasper was in harm’s way, she would not allow him to be taken from her. She was going to fight for him.

  ‘Yes, I do love him,’ she admits. ‘So I’m going to get him. Jasper,’ she says down the phone. ‘I’m coming for you. Just sit tight.’

  She puts the phone down before he has a chance to protest.

  ‘I’m coming with you,’ Lumin says, grabbing her coat.

  ‘No way,’ Amber replies. ‘I didn’t risk everything to bring you here to freeze out there.’

  ‘But what if you freeze?’ Lumin says in a whiny voice. ‘Hypothermia kills, you know.’

  ‘It won’t kill me. It didn’t when I was five years old, it sure as hell won’t now. This,’ she says, holding up her bad hand, ‘this is proof I can survive conditions like this.’

  Amber goes to Rosa and quickly pulls her into a hug. ‘Thank you, thank you for everything.’ Then she gives Lumin a big hug too before opening the door, bracing herself for the blizzard.

  ‘Wait!’ Rosa quickly pours some tea from the teapot into a flask, heaping sugar into it and stirring some milk in. Then she reaches over, grabs a first-aid box and pulls out the foil blanket inside. She clutches Amber’s hands, looking into her eyes. ‘Be careful. The ice will look thick but it’s deceptive. Listen hard. If you hear a crack, run.’

  Amber nods and steps outside, the cold air and snow whipping at her cheeks. She pulls her scarf tight around her, pressing her woolly hat down over her head as she surveys the loch.

  Then she steps onto it.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  As Amber walks towards the lake, she imagines Rosa’s daughter doing the same. She’d made an impulsive decision to run across the lake, like Amber, when she was a child, had made an impulsive decision to go outside in the snow when she’d been told not to. A moment that changed the course of her life. But she had survived. Eleanor hadn’t.

  Amber takes a deep, determined breath then steps onto the lake. She waits, listens for cracking. But it feels pretty solid, the snow very deep above the ice. She takes another step, then another. Growing in confidence, she begins to jog.

  But when she gets to the centre, she hears something. A snapping sound. She looks down, sees the snow parting.

  If you hear a crack, run.

  She begins to run and she feels like she isn’t just running from the fractured lake but also her fractured past. She has experienced so much loss, but now she has a chance to get Jasper back, doesn’t she? That thought drives her on, exhaling icy fog as she struggles to breathe.

  Then suddenly she’s at the opposite side, safe. She sees the road she’s looking for and ploughs her tired legs through the snow to get to it, so out of breath now. Then there, in the distance, a spark of red. The letterbox. And beyond it, a huge snowdrift like a vast white wall looming over Jasper’s car.

  She runs to the car, sweeps the snow from the window and peers in. Jasper is huddled up on the backseat, his eyes closed, face pale. Amber pulls at the door handle, relieved when it opens. She might feel superhuman in her determination to help Jasper, but it doesn’t quite extend to pulling car doors off their hinges.

  His eyes spring open as she slides inside. He sits up, rubbing at his eyes. ‘Are you real?’

  ‘Course I am,’ she says with a laugh. She unfolds the silver blanket Rosa gave her and wraps it around Jasper as she hands him the flask. ‘And a very real me is going to get you out of here. Drink up, get yourself warm.’

  He takes a sip of the tea and closes his eyes in bliss. ‘I’ve been dreaming about tea all night. I dreamt about you too.’ He opens his eyes, looking right into hers. ‘When I woke and saw you walking towards the car, I thought I was dreaming so just went back to sleep. Then I saw you again and …’ He pauses. ‘I thought you were Katy. I thought I’d finally given up fighting and she w
as coming to greet me.’

  ‘Don’t talk like that.’

  ‘I’ve thought about dying,’ he says. ‘I’ve thought how it might be bearable if I knew I’d see Katy again.’

  Amber looks down, her heart pained. She can’t bear the thought of losing Jasper too. And yet she’s spent the past ten years without him.

  ‘But when it came to it,’ Jasper continues, ‘when I thought I was dying and Katy was coming for me, I didn’t want to die. Not before I saw you again.’ He reaches up and tucks a lock of her red hair behind Amber’s ear. ‘I’ve never stopped loving you, you know.’

  ‘You’re delirious.’

  He shakes his head. ‘Jesus, Amber! Stop it.’

  ‘Stop what?’

  ‘Acting like you’re numb. I know you’re not, I know you must be pretending. And bloody hell, that must be hard. Ten years of pretending like you don’t care.’

  She juts her chin out at him. ‘Walking through a bloody blizzard to get to you isn’t caring?’

  ‘It’s only a bit of snow, for God’s sake,’ he said, mimicking what she said earlier. ‘Don’t make out you’ve just climbed Mount Everest.’

  He smiles and Amber can’t help but laugh. ‘Oh Jasper, I’m sorry. I know I’m a fool.’

  ‘Yeah, you are. But somehow I still love you.’

  Amber blinks, not sure what to say. But she knows what to do. She leans over and presses her lips against his. He stills to begin with, like he’s in shock. But then his familiar arms are wrapping around her too and he’s kissing her back, his lips tasting of sweet tea. She imagines how they must look, two people locked together in a blizzard, kissing in a snowy car. She smiles against his lips.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ he murmurs, looking down at her.

  ‘I was just thinking how we would look to someone passing by.’ Her eyes fill with tears. ‘I wonder what Katy would think?’

  ‘She’d love it. She’d love you smiling like this,’ he says, tracing her lips with his cold fingers. They continue kissing, time running away. Then, there’s a knocking on the window. They both look up to see Lumin and Rosa looking in at them. Amber winds down the window.

  ‘Well, this is awkward,’ Lumin says with a raised eyebrow.

  Amber’s face flushes. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘We couldn’t risk you going on your own,’ Rosa replies, breath coming out in a fog. ‘Thought I’d test the roads with my car,’ she added, gesturing towards it. ‘Bit dicey!’

  ‘You risked your butt for me,’ Lumin adds. ‘So I’ll risk my butt for you.’

  They both smile at each other. Then Lumin’s smile disappears from her face as she stares across the loch at the half-burnt remains of her family home.

  ‘We’ll find your mother,’ Amber says, squeezing her hand.

  ‘So we’re driving to Iceland now, are we?’ Lumin asks sarcastically.

  ‘I don’t think I’ll get away with taking you on another road trip,’ Amber replies. ‘I think we need to return to Winterton Chine and take it from there.’

  Lumin nods. ‘Back to where I lost my memory.’

  Chapter Thirty

  Amber looks out towards the sea. It feels strange to be back here in her flat, like she’s been away for weeks, not days. They’d driven back the day before, once the snow had dispersed, this time with Jasper at the wheel. He’d recovered fine and they’d holed up in Rosa’s room as they waited out the snow, catching up on lost time as Lumin helped Rosa with a painting she was working on.

  When they got back, Lumin had begged Amber to hold off calling the police or hospital yet to tell them she’d returned. It was late and all she wanted to do was sleep. So Amber had set up the pull-out bed and let Lumin sleep in her room. But as soon as they woke, Amber called Detective King and told him everything she’d learnt. He was angry, threatened her with arrest. But she could tell his threats were empty, just for show.

  Now it is the next morning and she is waiting for him to arrive. Lumin watches out of the window and chews her lip. The doorbell rings and Amber opens it to see Detective King and Detective Matthews looking at her sternly from the hallway.

  ‘Tea, coffee?’ she asks them, trying to keep her voice bright.

  ‘Coffee, please,’ Detective King says. ‘I think we’ll need it.’

  Amber busies herself making them hot drinks as they ask Lumin how she is.

  ‘Right,’ Detective King says after Amber brings them their drinks. ‘Tell me everything.’

  As Amber and Lumin explain all they’ve learnt, he scribbles down notes, his closed expression not giving much away.

  ‘Looks like you’ve been busy,’ he remarks when they finish, giving Amber a look through narrowed eyes.

  ‘We found her mother,’ Amber reminds him.

  He sighs. ‘Looks like it. But then we could have told you who she was yesterday if you’d been here.’

  Amber and Lumin exchange a look.

  Detective King turns to Lumin. ‘We found your belongings in a flat yesterday, Lumin. It belongs to a man who’s turned out to be responsible for a spate of violent robberies in the area. After we arrested him, he confessed he robbed you the evening before you appeared on the beach with no memory.’

  Lumin puts her hand to her mouth.

  ‘How awful,’ Amber says, comforting her.

  ‘We found your passport, and some flight and train tickets, in your belongings.’ King gestures to a large holdall bag with blue stars all over it. ‘Recognise this?’

  Lumin shakes her head.

  ‘I reckon you arrived in Winterton Chine the afternoon you were robbed,’ King continues. ‘He told us he came across you walking down the road by the forest, he robbed you, you fought back, there was a struggle and you fell into the forest.’

  ‘That’s how I got my injury,’ Lumin says, putting her hand to her head. ‘I fell and banged my head so hard it knocked me out?’

  Detective King nods.

  ‘At least you now know what happened,’ Amber says.

  Detective Matthews smiles sympathetically ‘From the contents of your bag, we managed to find out you’re a resident of Iceland. We’re in the process of trying to contact your mother now.’

  ‘Any luck?’ Amber asks.

  ‘Not yet,’ Detective King replies. ‘We have a number but she’s not answering.’

  He hands the bag to her and Lumin peers into it. Among the clothes are books, and some notes with scribbles in the same writing as the notepad.

  ‘What do I do now?’ Lumin asks.

  ‘We’re doing all we can to track your family down,’ Detective Matthews says. ‘It’s just a case of waiting. Good news is it turns out you’re over eighteen after all and you’re a British citizen, so you’re free to do as you please. Obviously, it would help if you continued with your sessions at the hospital to help regain your memory. In fact, they want you to go in this afternoon. But I suspect you’ll be reunited with your mother very soon.’

  Lumin looks tentatively at Amber. ‘About that offer to stay in your flat. Is it still on the table?’

  ‘Hell yeah!’ Amber replies.

  Detective King’s phone rings. He looks at it then excuses himself, walks into the kitchen and talks in a low voice.

  Detective Matthews leans towards Amber. ‘You’re lucky,’ she says. ‘Just taking Lumin like that could’ve really backfired on you if she was under eighteen.’

  ‘She isn’t though, is she?’ Amber says. ‘And I had to try to help her.’

  ‘Right, just had an interesting update about your mother,’ Detective King says, walking back into the living room. He looks down at Lumin. ‘A colleague managed to track down her boss in Iceland just now, a lady called Hekla Jonsdottir. She had an email from your mother last night about some client or another. And in it,’ he says with a smile, ‘she said she was on her way here, to Winterton Chine.’

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Gwyneth

  Winterton Chine

  24 Decem
ber 2009

  Fieldfares are large, colourful thrushes which are known for their distinctive walk, moving forward with purposeful hops. They flock to Winterton Chine in the cold months, making it their home for the season. These wintering birds will happily form into large flocks, and if one strays, it will eventually find its way back into the fold.

  I stepped off the train, taking a moment to breathe in the seaweed-scented air. The last time I was in Winterton Chine was when my parents drove me out of the town thirty years ago.

  Thirty years. Had it really been that long?

  After I’d told Lumin everything that day before she left for university, she was quiet at first. It was a lot to take in. But then she’d pulled me into a hug. ‘I can’t believe you’ve lived with this for so long.’

  ‘Now you understand why I can’t go back to Winterton Chine,’ I’d said, wiping tears from my eyes.

  ‘That’s ridiculous! Thirty years have passed, Mum. You have to go back.’

  ‘No. I’m pleased I told you. But I’m not going back.’

  ‘We can go together! I’m off in December, we can—’

  ‘I said no, Lumin!’ I’d shouted back.

  Lumin’s mouth had dropped open.

  ‘Look,’ I’d said, voice softer now as I picked her bag up for her. ‘It’s already been ten minutes. If you miss your train, you won’t be able to go until tomorrow.’

  ‘Maybe that’s a good thing,’ she’d said, concern registering on her face. ‘I can stay, we can talk.’

  ‘Absolutely not. You need to settle in, meet new friends, have a few drinks. Go,’ I said, steering her down the path.

  She’d reluctantly taken her bag from me and started to walk off. Then she’d paused, turning back to me. ‘You’ll always regret it, not trying. Dad lived his life with regret over what happened to the girl who drowned. I think you need closure, Mum, I really do.’

  But I’d just laughed, and given her a hug, telling her I loved her. ‘You should be a psychiatrist.’ Then I’d watched her walk off, her ponytail swinging across her back, the notepad of my scribblings and her dad’s drawings in the front pocket of her bag, a small link to us.